


Save Your Secrets

by Safe_Without



Series: Songs of Desperation [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Cunnilingus, Eventual Smut, Eventual canon-typical violence, Eventual fall to the dark side, F/M, First Order, Force Sensitivity, Force-Sensitive Reader, Jedi Training, Lots of fluff at the start, Might also add archive warnings as the story progresses, Multiple Orgasms, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Rating May Change, Reader-Insert, Romance, Sith Training, Smut, The Last Jedi Spoilers, The story begins with Ben Solo, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Volatile Kylo Ren, Will add more smutty tags as they have more sex lmao, Will try to update every two days to once a week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-02-22 18:06:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 148,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13172358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Safe_Without/pseuds/Safe_Without
Summary: As children you played together, as young teens you trained under Luke Skywalker, but what happens when young Ben Solo starts getting haunted in his dreams by the same deep, taunting voice you hear in your head?





	1. We are liars like the summertime

 

 

_The warmth of the summer sun hit your face as the grass tickled the back of your knees. Your eyes were closed, but still your vision was red from having the sun on your eyes. A bit of concentration was all you needed to feel everything around you... how the wind moved the chimes near the backyard door, how the sun's rays nurtured the grass beneath you, how Han and Leia's voices rang through the kitchen as they fought... You could feel worry radiating from somewhere within the house, you felt grief, anger and a small twinge of compassion. If you focused enough, you could listen to Leia and Han arguing about sending Ben away to train with Luke. You knew Han disagreed with Leia's decision, though you couldn't understand why if your parents had already agreed to Luke training you._

_—"I don't appreciate you eavesdropping on my parents." Ben Solo's voice made you jump. He sat with his legs crossed next to you._

_Your eyes opened and you sat up. —"Sorry, Ben." You didn't even need to look at his face to know he wore a frown. Even if you knew meddling in family business was wrong, you felt the need to share your opinion on it. —"Still, I think your dad is wrong about not trusting Luke."_

_—"Oh, yeah? Well I think it's none of your business." The boy sighed and looked over at you. —"It's not that he doesn't trust Luke... He just..." Another sigh. —"I don't know, he just loves arguing with my mom about everything and anything."_

_You hummed in agreement. —"Well, for what it's worth, I want you to come along, too."_

_Ben smiled. —"I hope so, too. At least I won't be left alone for 'more pressing matters' every single day."_

_—"Ben!" Han said from inside. —"Ben!"_

 

 

—"Ben! How many times do we have to go over this?" Luke said. "Correct your grip and keep your footing in order, you're making a mess."

Skywalker was particularly hard on his nephew. Not that you could blame him, really. Nineteen year old Ben was quite a handful if anyone asked you. His sudden mood swings, his aggressiveness when wielding a lightsaber, the way his violent technique made him unpredictable and dangerous. Still, to you, this was your every day routine, what with him being your fighting partner every single time, it was either you or Luke geeting into lightsaber duel with him. Of course, Luke was not only training you and Ben, but also about twenty other students. From that bunch there were only four you and Ben could actually stand. The ages ranged from 7 to 19 with Ben being the oldest student and you being only a year younger than him.

A hiss came from the dueling pit. You felt pain travel through the Force. You looked over to see Ben's leg smoking.

—"Get up and try again." Luke said mercilessly.

—"I can't, I'm hurt." He panted out.

—"Get up. Try again." Luke repeated.

—"I already told you I can't! Look at what you did you my leg!" Anger travelled through the Force now, and you knew it was time for you to step in.

—"With all due respect, Master Skywalker, I think Ben needs to get that bandaged up before doing anything else." You spoke up shyly from your spot. —"I can help if you need me to."

Luke sighed and deactivated his lightsaber before giving his nephew one last disapproving look. —"Go." He said with a nod of his head. —"And next time... try to control that wild temper of yours."

Ben took a deep breath through his nose and looked over to you. As you walked over to him, you tried sending a feeling of reassurance to him, as if to tell him everything was going to be okay, but he simply huffed and extended his right arm to you while his left arm firmly clutched his leg. He set his right arm around both your shoulders as he limped over to the infirmary. You half held his weight with your strenghth, half with the Force. You knew he was trying to pretend like it didn't hurt too much as he tried to hide his limp and keep his hissing to a minimum.

Both of you arrived to the infirmary and were greeted by the nurse droid there, but before it could even look at Ben's injury, he retorted, —"Turn that thing off, I don't like it." 

You gave him a questioning look before turning the droid off. —"Will you let me help you?"

He hesitated a bit before looking at you. He not only looked in physical pain, but he looked like he was about to actually cry. —"Get out of my head, you know I hate it when you do that." You stood there quietly until he sighed once more and said, —"There should be a couple of bacta packets beneath that counter on your left." He sat down on the stretcher.

You moved to get the bacta packets from the counter, and after shuffling around a bit you were able to find two of them. You walked over to where Ben was sitting and quietly opened one of the packets while he opened the other one. —"You're particularly quiet today, everything okay?" He asked.

—"I guess I just don't like it when Luke treats you like this." You could feel his eyes on you, but you were far too focused on applying the bacta correctly to his wound. —"This was far from necessary, I know that he is perfectly aware you know how to wield a damn lightsaber. It makes me really pissed off."

Ben and you kept silent for a moment, but you could still feel him looking at you. —"Hey..." You finally willed yourself to look at him. There's a weird look in his eyes, something that looked close to gratitude. —"The old man is like that just because my mother is his sister. Don't worry about me." He smirked.

—"I felt it, Ben." He gave you a puzzled look now. —"I felt your anger earlier in the pit. Remember that anger is-"

—"A path to the dark side, I know. I don't need you to tell me that." He huffed again and took the hand with which you were applying bacta to his wound. —"I don't know how many times I need to tell you to stop looking into my head before you learn how to take a damn hint." Ben tossed your hand to the side and took the second bacta packet and started applying it himself.

You stood there for a moment, feeling a mix of anger and rejection, but when your voice came out, you just sounded really sad. —"I simply want to help you."

He didn't even spare you a look when he chuckled and said, —"Help me with what?"

—"I..." You sighed and looked away. —"I don't know."

—"Look, I don't want you worrying about me. I have enough with Luke radiating worry every time I'm near him." You looked at him, but he seemed intent on not looking your way. —"I can feel myself being a burden to him, you know?" Ben finally looked at you. —"Don't make me become a burden to you, too."

—"I'm sorry I keep looking into your feelings. I just want to understand you better." 

He smiled at you. —"Would you help me? I do seem to be useless at this." He handed you the bacta over again.

—"Does it still hurt too much?" 

—"Look into my head and you'll find out." He said teasingly.

You laughed and hit the upper half of his left arm. —"Fuck you, Solo."

He took both your wrists, making you drop the bacta. Ben brought you close to him until you were standing at the edge of the stretcher between his legs. The two of you hesitated before you started leaning in. 

—"Hey, have you guys seen the med droid?" Lesath, one of the only students you could bare, asked.

You and Ben swiftly get away from each other, and Lesath didn't seem to notice. —"Uh... yeah. I turned it off, but it's right there on the back."

—"Thanks!" He walked over to the droid and turned it on.

Looking over to the floor, you made a move to pick up the bacta and put what was left of it on Ben's wound. You were much too embarrassed to even look at him. When you were done, Ben cleared his throat. —"I should probably get going." You simply nodded. —"Thanks for the help. I'll, uh, see you later?"

—"Yeah, yeah, of course." You managed an awkward smile as Ben walked past you, no limping now.

He looked back at you and smiled before walking out the infirmary. You could feel yourself blushing a bit as you leaned on the edge of the stretcher. 

—"Well, what was that all about, huh?" Lesath asked jokingly.

You looked over at him and rolled your eyes. —"Man, what do I know?"


	2. Like the spring we are such fools

_A dark hallway stood before you. No matter how much you walked, there was never a door, window, or any sign that the hall had an exit. Suddenly, the walls started becoming more and more narrow, until you felt them crushing you. It was then that you closed your eyes and hoped to awake, yet, you opened your eyes to find yourself in the same hallway, except this time, there was a door waiting at the end. You sprinted towards it, feeling the walls start to close in on you again. As you opened it, the scenario changed completely. You did recognize this place as the backyard of the house you grew up in. A thunderstorm seemed to be approaching, so you walked inside the house. You saw your mother and your father quietly sitting in the living room._

_—"Mom?" There was no reply. —"Dad? It's me." Still no reply, no reaction._

_You walked over to them and stood in front of them. Their eyes were completely white. You screamed and ran out of the house only to be met by a tall figure dressed in gold tunics. He was bald, pale and had a long gash going from the back of his skull to what you presumed was the front of his face. You couldn't really tell because the man was standing with his back to you. As you tried to circle around him to try and get a glimpse of his face, you found your efforts to be futile. The more you ran around him in circles, the more frustrated you became by being met by his back from every position._

_He laughed, his voice sounded deep and raw. The laugh is nothing short of macabre and creepy, yet you refused to feel afraid._

_—"In time you will be afraid, child."_

_A cold shiver went down your spine. —"What are you?" No reply. —"What happened to my parents?"_

_He chuckled. —"Oh, that." You circled around him once more and were still met with his back. —"They are perfectly fine. It's just a vision."_

_—"Vision of what?"_

_—"The future."_

_You felt a mix of anger and worry sit at the pit of your stomach. —"You touch my parents and I swear I will find you and end you."_

_Once more the man laguhed, but this time he had the courtesy of turning around. The scar on his skull went down to the middle of his forehead, the left side of his jaw was completely missing, small rugged lips stood beneath his nose, pale blue eyes in which an expression of pure malice rested. —"A bit touchy for a Jedi, don't you think?" He paced in front of you, and you found that you were frozen in place. —"I will do nothing to you parents, child, you need not worry about that. I am simply showing you what I know will happen to them while you sit in that Jedi academy Skywalker plays at training you in."_

_—"How do you know that?" You asked. —"How do you know about my parents?"_

_—"Because just like you..." He circled around you once more. "I am Force sensitive."_

_You started feeling a weird kind of cold, you could feel it all the way down to your bones. —"You feel like a dark being."_

_—"Ah, yes." He chuckled. —"So, Skywalker has taught you right about some things."_

_—"Get out of my head."_

_—"Push me out."_

_You tried and tried to focus, but the cold was distracting. It was making you feel vulnerable. In turn, you got into his head, but no feelings came to you. Instead, you felt the raw, intense power this man possessed. It scared you for a moment, so you pulled yourself out of his head. When you opened your eyes he was standing right in front of you. You felt like running, but you were still frozen in place. He extended his hand, and pressed his palm to your forehead. A wave of extreme pain coursed through your skull, then your spine, arms, legs, fingers and toes. A scream ripped out of your throat until it felt raw._

 

 

 

You sat up in your bed, panting and feeling cold still. That dream felt sourly vivid, and for a moment you wondered if you should go to Master Skywalker and tell him about it, but something told you that him showing you that image of your parents was more of a warning than anything. You got up and opened the door to your room to find it was still well into the night, yet you felt impatient, you needed to hear of your parents right that second. Opening the door to your room, you made your way to the room where Luke kept all of his holo comunicators. At first you walked, but the image of your parents' blank eyes kept haunting you, that was when you broke into a sprint. Tears fell down your face as you walked in the room and frantically dialed your parents' code. Much to your dismay, there was no reply on their end. You dialed once, twice, thrice, and on the fourth time, your mother picked up. She looked dishevelled and tired, you realized it was early in the morning, but you feel so relieved you didn't care.

—"Are you aware of the time, dear?" She asked groggily. —"What is it, baby? Have you been crying?"

You sighed and wiped away your tears. —"I've had a terrible dream, mom." You took a deep breath. —"Are both of you okay?"

—"Oh, baby." She smiled warmly. —"Your dad and I are okay, don't worry too much, okay?"

—"I'll try, mom." You managed a half-hearted smile. —"Sorry I woke you up."

—"Don't worry, honey. Try to go to bed again, okay? We'll speak soon."

—"Please tell dad I love him and I miss him."

—"Of course. Bye!"

Her image disappeared and you were left in the complete darkness of the room. You sat there for a moment, the realization that you were not going to be able to go back to sleep hit you suddenly. You calmly walked back to your room, where you grabbed your lightsaber and made your way to the training arena. Your lightsaber was made of a solid gold hilt, and a Force charged crystal your mother gave to you before you left to train with Luke. There was no button, your lightsaber was Force activated. You willed it to turn on and out came the silver blade you carried so gracefully. Even if you weren't the strongest or the biggest Jedi, you did certainly possess the quickness and agility to hit a target more than five times per second. Trying to rid yourself of that horrid dream and that ugly man you had just met, you hit the training dummies over and over again. You jumped over them, impulsing yourself with the Force, turning and twisting while you hit the dummy right and left, up and down. Suddenly, you felt a presence at the door. It was Ben.

—"What are you doing up so late?" He asked looking far too awake. —"Mind if I join you?"

You shook your head. —"Can't sleep either?"

—"No." He sat cross-legged and leaned his head on the far right wall of the room. —"Why can't you?"

—"I had a bad dream, is all." You turned your lightsaber off and walked over to him. —"You?"

He shrugged as you sat next to him with your legs stretched out in front of you. —"The bacta made my entire leg unbearably hot." Ben ran both his hands up and down his face as if he were frustrated, you noticed how tired his face looked. —"Anyway, what was this bad dream about?"

A deep sigh left your mouth. —"I think I would..." You breathed in. —"Rather not talk about it right now, I don't want to cry in front of you."

Ben chuckled. —"Not like you haven't done that before. Come on, tell me, what's wrong?"

—"I dreamt my parents were dead, and somehow it..." You wondered for a second if you should tell him about the man in your dream, but you decided against it. —"Felt so real, like it was more of a vision than a dream." He hummed as if telling you to carry on with your story. —"I woke up and went down to Luke's holo room and called them. They were fine."

—"That's good to know." He looked over to you. —"You know you can tell me anything right? If you felt scared that's fine, too."

You smiled at him sadly. —"I..." Your voice broke a bit, but you were determined to finish speaking. —"I just want them to be okay." A sob tore out of your chest and you covered your face with your hands.

—"Hey, hey." Ben said as he took both your hands off your face. You couldn't properly contain your emotions and so you hugged him. He stayed silent and wrapped you in his arms. He rubbed your back up and down as you hid your face on his left collarbone. —"It's okay. I'm sure your parents are okay. Last I heard of them they were still helping my mom investigate Brendol Hux and his family."

The two of you stayed there until you finally calmed yourself down a bit. Even when you stopped crying, you and Ben still held each other. An idea went through your head to kiss him, but you quickly let it go away. Ben suddenly laughed, and you just knew you had been caught. —"Hey! That's rude!" You hit him in the chest and tried breaking away from his embrace, only for him to hold you tighter. 

—"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, come on!" He laughed again and you could feel your face turning red. Still, that didn't stop you of delivering another set of blows to his chest.

—"I hate you, Ben Solo." And for a second you really meant it.

He limited himself to simply smirking at you, but then his expression went from smug to vulnerable. Ben cupped your face and slowly leaned in. You met his lips, immediately revelling in the feeling of his full lips being pressed against yours. The hand on your back travelled down to your waist, and your own hands went from his chest to the back of his neck. He deepened the kiss and moved you over to sit on his lap, but you found that position to be a little uncomfortable on your neck. Without thinking you straddled him, and Ben took a deep breath in when he felt you so close to him. Both his hands moved to your thighs, you pressed the entirety of your torso to his. After a while, you felt Ben harden beneath you. He broke the kiss and looked into your eyes.

—"I don't want to do  _that_ here." 

—"Yeah, me neither." You climbed off him and sat next to him again.

Ben put his arm around your shoulders and sighed. He kissed your cheek, then your mouth, before standing up and walking out of the room. You sat there for a little while more, feeling confused but pleased. Taking one last look at your lightsaber, you extended your arm and called it back to your hand. You gripped it tightly as you made your way back to your room, suddenly feeling very tired. You thought of Ben Solo, wondering if perhaps your childhood friend was to become your teen love. A vile thought broke into your mind, you knew Ben was volatile, he changed his mind completely from one moment to the other. What if he was just using you? What if he didn't really like you? What if you fell in love with him only for him to change his mind about you one day? And so, you found yourself feeling restless again, knowing that tomorrow was going to be particularly active when Luke found out about you using the holo communicators without his permission. You tossed and turned around in your bed for a couple more hours until you were finally able to fall into a dreamless slumber.

 

 

 

You woke up to the sound of someone knocking on your door. Quickly, you got up and opened up, being greeted by the face of your friend Zania.

—"Well, you look like shit." Zania chuckled. —"You're late. Master Skywalker is looking for you."

You groaned loudly as you went back inside the room followed by Zania. She closed the door behind her as you opened your closet and set your Jedi robes out. 

—"Had a hard night?" She asked.

A sigh escaped your mouth, something that seemed to be happening a lot more those days. —"I had a nightmare yesterday night and couldn't fall asleep after it."

—"Are you sure that's what kept you up last night?" She said in a suggestive tone, and for a moment you wondered how she knew. You wipped around to look at her and that smug smile on her face. —"Lesath told me about the infirmary incident with Solo. So, are you guys finally a thing?"

You laughed. —"What do you mean finally?" You asked while pulling on your undergarments then your tunic. 

—"I mean that you guys have always been glued to the hip and giving each other those weird looks when you think the other isn't looking."

—"Huh." Was all you managed. —"We did kiss last night."

Zania made a weird sound that you placed between a yelp and a whine. —"You're finally a thing then!"

—"No!" You quickly exclaimed. "I mean, no. I don't know." 

She sat on the edge of your bed and crossed both her legs and arms, as if not believing for a second what you just said. 

—"Things got weird last night, we kissed and then he got up and left." You explained.

—"Ohhhhh, I see." She looked puzzled for a second. By that moment you had pulled your hair up in a ponytail and were ready to walk out with your lightsaber attached to your hip. —"Okay I get why you're confused. That is an odd thing to do. Specially when he seems to be so smug around, well, everyone."

You laughed wholeheartedly as the two of you walked side by side. —"That he is." You paused for a moment. —"I couldn't really tell what was going on inside his head, but he did read my thoughts at one point."

—"Can he do that?" Zania asked. —"Did you allow him to?"

—"My guard was down, to be honest."

Zania groaned. —"Ugh, you're just as smug as him."

You laughed once more until you noticed you were upon Master Skywalker's door. —"I guess this is where I leave." She said. —"Good luck."

And with that, she was gone. You knocked on the door, there was no reply, the door opened itself and you are met by Luke's brooding form sitting by the desk he kept in his room. 

—"Close the door, will you?"

The door closed without the smallest hint of hesitation from you. As you turned back to face him, he seemed puzzled and somewhat uneasy. You limited yourself to standing by the door with your hands crossed in front of your body, wearing the most neutral face expression you could muster. Luke had his eyes fixed straight to the floor right at the front of his feet, he sat in a stool with his elbows resting a bit above his knees, fingers entwined and a frown etched upon his eyebrows.

—"Tell me what you think makes Ben such a formidable oponent in lightsaber duel." He asked without averting his gaze from the spot it seemed to be glued to.

You mulled the question over in your head for a bit before you came up with the answer you thought Master Skywalker had in mind. —"His aggressive technique combined with his height and strength..." A small pause, —"that and his ever-shifting moods, even when fighting."

Luke managed a firm nod without changing his position in the slightest. —"You know what makes you the ideal adversary?"

—"My agility and the light weight of my weapon." You responded without hesitation.

Skywalker's eyebrows changed from a frown to an expression of astonishment. —"What else?"

It was your turn to frown now, as his question took you by surprise. —"Pardon, Master, I don't know what else you mean."

The man's deep blue eyes laid upon you now as he said, —"It is your ability to sense people's intentions and feelings through the Force." His entire body shifted in your direction now. —"But, I sense something has changed now. Why?"

—"Am I in trouble, Master Skywalker?"

He looked at you with that frown he wore ever-so-often. —"No." You could feel your shoulders immediately relax and go limp as you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. —"Still, I'd like to know why you broke into the communications room last night without permission and well into the night while we're at that."

Suddenly, you felt a shiver go down your spine as the image of the pale man in your dreams came to mind, almost as if warning you to learn how to keep a secret from your very own teacher. —"I missed my mother, forgive me, Master Skywalker. I shall see to it that this does not happen again."

—" **I** shall be the one to see to that, young one." The man suddenly looked stern, and you just knew you had fucked up. —"At least for now you will be set on curfew, we cannot risk you disobeying and I have other students to attend to."

You nodded obediently and took, what you thought was an unjust punishment, quietly. —"I understand." Was all you replied, still glued to your spot by the door.

Luke scanned you over once more with eyes ajar. —"Now, go. I must go over some things by myself." You moved to open the door. —"I'm setting your curfew at nine o'clock and escort you myself if necessary. I ask you not to make me lose my time."

A sour taste climbed onto your mouth as you felt anger boil within you, however, you pushed it down as best you could, lest you wanted Luke to feel it to and get into more trouble than you already were in. You simply closed the door as you tried to get as far as you possible could from Luke Skywalker. How unfair! Even with a lie you had been set on curfew, something that you reckoned had happened before, but the nature of the punishment had never been conductual. You strode through the academy's halls with a knot in your throat, yet willing no tears to come out. You felt embarrassed, angry and sad. Still, you did your best not to project any of it on the Force, just to avoid calling other people's attention. Even as you tried your hardest, there was a person who could see right through you, it didn't matter if he looked into your head or not. A pair of footsteps approached you at an increasingly faster pace, that was when you noticed you had broken into a slight sprint. Immediately, you stopped in your tracks, and that is when someone bumped into you from behind, nearly making you stumble down.

—"Sorry." Ben's voice came from behind you as he took your upper arm in his hand, trying to steady you. —"What's wrong?"

When you looked back at him, you could see geniune concern dancing in his brown eyes. —"Your uncle set me on curfew for contacting my parents." You were aiming to sound a bit more stoic, but your voice came out angry.

—"What?!" Ben took your arm and pulled you aside, as there were a couple of students passing by. —"At what time?"

—"Nine." He huffed and rolled his eyes. His hand travelled to your wrist as Ben propped himself against the wall. —"Listen, I feel like I'll be in a terrible mood until I get something for breakfast."

Ben gestured for you to lead the way to the dining hall. The two of you walked side by side in silence, with Ben trying to give you some space for your mood to get back to normal. You went past the training room, the damn holo communications room and passed through the small hut-like rooms that stood in the beautiful, fresh outdoors rooms of the academy. Finally, you two arrived to the dining hall, you weren't surprised to find few people in this part of the place, seeing as how you'd woken up late and had to go to Master Skywalker's chambers. It could be said you were having early lunch instead of late breakfast. Though your stomach still felt like a proper mess from having being so angry a few moments before, you managed to force two pieces of toast and a fruit down your throat. Putting some food into your system did make you feel at least a bit better.

After a small while, Zania joined you and Ben at the table. You made a mental note to thank her later for being so discreet and not being imprudent in front of Ben, which would have led him to know that you had gossiped with her about what had happened in the training pit last night. She and Ben spoke about different things, from lightsaber techniques to what they'd had for breakfast that morning. You enjoyed the fact that Ben could at least have a couple of friends apart from you, not that you found him annoying or anything, but simply because of the fact that, before coming along with Luke to train, neither of you had been able to establish friendships like proper children did. If anything, you just felt at ease to be able of liking more people, apart from Ben, enough to speak to them and even become friends. Zania wasn't the only one of course, Lesath was a good friend, too. Also, there was a pair of twins to whom Kylo and you had taken quite a liking to. Vex and Nux were their names, Vex was a boy and Nux was a girl. Though you knew that twins of different sexes could only be considered fraternal, you did have to admit that this pair seemed to be nearly identical. Luke did have a small preference over the twins, what with Leia and him being twins too, he couldn't help but see the resemblance.

Vex and Nux were a bit younger than the lot of you, both being 16, Kylo was 19, Lesath and you were both 18, and Zania was 17. The six of you were amongst the oldest pupils to train under Luke, which of course meant that you were the ones he was harshest on, and also meaning that all of you had a bigger charge of responsibility than the younger generations. You were given tasks such as watching over the training of the kids in lower ranks and correcting the wrongs they may have, sort of like what Jedi knights did with padawans in the days of the Old Jedi Order. Also, it was expected of you to help with the hard part of the maintenance of the Temple, as the smaller children weren't able to carry on such difficult tasks. None of this personally bothered you, if you were honest. What did bother you most was how Luke seemed to treat you and Ben like shit the most, simply because he'd known the two of you the longest. You knew he was being unfair to you, it did piss you off, however, you committed yourself to not getting angry about it. Perhaps, this was also a way to better yourself in your training to become a Jedi, but, did you really want to become an emotionless warrior for the sake of peacekeeping in the galaxy? You supposed this was the responsibility linked to having been born as a Force sensitive.

—"Are you done? We're getting bored of sitting around." Zania snapped you out of your reverie.

—"Sorry. I am, let's go." You said as you swiftly stood up and put every utensil you'd used in its proper place. —"Today is a Wednesday, right?"

Zania and Ben hummed in confirmation at the same time. You tried to remember what your schedule looked like on Wednesdays, one of the most boring and uneventful days in your week. It consisted mainly of meditating sessions and cleaning around the training rooms used by the younger children. The three of you parted ways to go complete your chores around the temple, and you were smart enough to walk yourself to your own room when the clock hit 30 minutes to nine o'clock. Surely enough, Luke came by your room as soon as the clock hit nine on the dot, just to let you know that you weren't allowed to leave the room anymore. You figured all you could do, being couped up in your room, was either meditate or sleep. After last night's whole ordeal, you felt tired, even after oversleeping that morning. It didn't really take you long to decide you'd rather go to sleep than meditate, so you did just that.

 

 

 

_Cold. You felt cold again, you felt alone and scared. A small cloud of smoke left your mouth every time you exhaled. —'Oh, so I'm actually cold, huh?' You thought to yourself._

_The room you found yourself in was poorly lit, yet lavishly decored. Even if the nice room was very welcoming in ambiance, you knew you had been dragged into a weird dream world that felt oddly familiar... and cold. It suddenly hit you, the creepy man from yesterday's dream was back to toy with your feelings and thoughts._

_—"Creepy? Really, child, you ought to be taught some manners." The deep rumbling voice called you out on your lack of delicacy._

_You kept silent as a small act of defiance. The man paced in front of you, and something smart to ask came to your mind. —"Who are you?"_

_—"Those are things you need not know yet." He stated calmly. —"Not until you give me more knowledge."_

_You huffed in disbelief. —"What could I possibly teach you when you seem to be powerful enough to etch yourself into my dreams?"_

_He chuckled. —"You're smart, too. I see, that is good to know, girl." The man smiled, and just then did you realize that his lack of jaw is what made his face so hard to look at._

_The scenario changed from one moment to the other, and you were taken to one of Ben's many childhood homes. You recognized the vision in front of you to be a memory, and one of your fondest ones at that._

_—"I do appreciate you showing me something nice, but I'd like it better if you didn't meddle through my memories." You spoke out to no one in particular, still knowing that he could listen to you._

_You walked around in Ben Solo's garden, that house in which you used to lay in the grass while Ben moved the wind at his will with the Force. A small version of the two of you ran around past you, both using the Force to play around. You remembered feeling happy, realizing how naïvely you used to wield your power, how little responsibility you carried upon your shoulders compared to now. The garden faded and you found yourself in the same house's living room. Han and Leia fought in a fiercely way, the two of them looked angry, and you were sad to realize, the argument had nothing to do with their son. They argued about Han putting Leia's authority down in front of a group of senators for the New Republic. It was so sad that, while Ben felt lonely and stuck in his parents' world, the two of them seemed to care more about their jobs than their own blood._

_Deciding that the scene unfolding in front of you had proven to sad, you walked upstairs to the room where Ben and you played. You walked in and see Ben Solo crouched over moving his toys around. Everything started getting cold once again, you saw your breath come out, but no sign of breath coming out of small Ben's mouth. You crouched next to him, even if you knew he couldn't see you. The moment you touched him, the kid's body fell limp and his eyes were blank, just like your parents'. You stumbled and scrambled to get away from the small corpse in front of you. Your breathing was ragged as you struggled to run away from the kid._

_—"Please, please." You pleaded. —"Make it stop! Let me wake up!"_

_But it was useless, the man had long since disappeared, and you were left alone in his cold dream realm. You cried desperately, sobs and whimpers leaving your mouth every now and then._

_—"Not Ben, please not him."_

_You covered your eyes with both your hands until you felt a small pressure at your temples. The pressure kept getting stronger and stronger, and you felt as though the force pressing there had finally ripped the skin of your temples._

 

 

 

 

Bolting up straight, you woke up in a cold sweat, panting, and feeling an intense headache. Yet, all you seemed to think about is Ben. Completely disregarding Luke's curfew, you sprinted out of your room and ran past the training rooms, the fighting pits, the holo room and finally found yourself outdoors. You ran towards Ben's door and started knocking frantically, fearing that in your desperation you might just knock the door down with the Force. Luckily, before that happened, Ben opened the door and quickly pulled you into his room and shut the door behind him.

—"What is happening? What's wrong?" Ben was worried. 

All you could do was keep hyperventillating as you sat on his bed. He crouched in front of you and held both your hands with his.

—"Was it another dream?" You nodded. —"Can I ask you a weird question?"

You simply nodded until your neck hurt. 

—"In that dream, are you being followed by a pale man with no jaw?"

Your ears started ringing right the moment Ben finished that sentence. Your breathing got worse, and now, you were honestly finding it hard to breath when your lungs hurt every ragged breath you took in. 

—"Why you?" He asked sadly. —"Why also you?"

As a first instinct, you took Ben's hands in yours. —"He takes me places..." You paused, finding it hard to keep talking. —"He shows me people I care for, but they are all dead."

—"Was it me this time? Is that why you're here?" You nodded once more. 

He stood up without letting go off your hands and sat next to you on the bed. He hugged you tightly, firmly, affectionately. For a moment, you simply revelled in the feeling of closeness, willing yourself to calm down slowly. Eventually, you felt normal again. Ben laid down on his bed, pulling you along with him, but still keeping you in his embrace. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and rubbed circles on your back. Not only were you feeling calm, you were feeling completely relaxed now. Just as you were about to fall asleep, the door sprang open. Both you and Ben bolted up from the bed to find Luke's disapproving form at the door.

He pointed straight at you. —"Follow me." You opened your mouth to protest. —"I don't want to hear it. Get out and follow me. You better think before even opening your mouth right now."

That was, perhaps, the first time Luke was livid enough to not care about concealing his anger through the Force. You stood up quickly and stiffly walked out of Ben's room.

—"As for you," Luke turned around to Ben, pointing at him with his index finger sternly. —"Don't even move because a long, serious talk is due."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I might be able to post one chapter per day while I'm on winter break from university. I will let all of you know when I'm close to the beginning of the next semester. I hope you enjoy this second chapter. Thanks for reading!


	3. Like fall we are false prophets

—"Do you know why Anakin Skywalker fell to the dark side and became Darth Vader?" Luke said as he looked straight ahead.

He had been walking side by side with you in complete silence for a couple minutes, you didn't know where he was leading you. —"I do not, sir."

—"He loved a woman so much that he went mad at the idea of her not being with him." He explained sadly. —"A formidable woman, my mother, Padmé Amidala, was the one to win a Jedi's heart." You couldn't help but look over at him, Luke seemed downright heartbroken. —"His fear of losing her became anger at the thought of her betraying him, that later became hate, it was much too late when he realized his rage had destroyed everything he held dear, including her."

—"I'm sorry to hear that, Master Skywalker." You said, though you were really trying to decipher what he meant by telling that story. —"Forgive me but, where are you going with all this?"

Luke sighed, he seemed disappointed in you for not understanding. —"I see too much of my father in my nephew. All I'm saying is I don't want him to become the next Darth Vader."

You huffed indignantly. —"Pardon me, Master Luke but..." You took a deep breath before continuing. —"Let me put it this way, do you believe your mother was to blame for your father's actions that ultimately led to his fall to the dark side?"

—"No!" He stopped in his tracks and gave you the dirtiest look he could muster.

—"Then don't blame me if Ben falls to the dark side!" You turned to face Luke with a sneer etched upon your face. —"Don't blame me for caring about him, and don't you dare make Ben feel guilty about his feelings. Don't you think it was precisely that stupid Jedi principle that dictated we should be unfeeling beings what caused your father to become a mess?"

—"ENOUGH!" Your eyes widened and you swallowed thickly as you felt the Force around him become angry. —"I have no remedy for the two of you! You will be placed in solitary confinement, and I will take whatever measures I see fit with Ben. Understand, **I** am your Master, you must follow the rules of **my** Temple."

Upon hearing that, the realization that you were in the part of the Temple where solitary confinement was downed on you. —"No! Please! You're making it easier for him!" You felt your terror become bigger as Luke froze you with the Force and opened the door to one of the small rooms.

—"Ben won't have it easy either, don't make this harder than it has to be!" He said angrily before shutting the door, effectively locking you inside.

As he got further away from you, his hold on you was lost, and you began banging on the door. —"Please! Don't leave me here alone! Not with him!"

You kept on punching the metal door until your fists felt raw. You found yourself getting tired after that, and utterly petrified at the thought of falling asleep. Now, you understood why Ben Solo looked so tired, why the bags under his eyes were getting a few shades darker than the rest of his face. Only he knew how long he'd been preyed on by this pale man. Two days had left you feeling disturbed to your core, specially with the indirect warnings, you chose to see as threats, that he was sending your way. Every time you felt your eye lids getting heavy, they'd bolt right open and you'd repeat the process, until eventually, you fell soundly asleep.

When you woke up the next morning, you felt completely refreshed and rested. You initially found it weird that the pale man had not come to bother you in your sleep, but then, you got this rather twisted sense of gratitude towards the man. You still felt upset and somewhat betrayed by your Jedi Master. You found you also felt remorse and guilt from getting Ben dragged along into your mess. Somehow, you know he wouldn't really mind, but still you felt bad for him. After wondering what he could be doing or how Ben could be feeling, you decided the only way for you to concentrate that much was to meditate.

And so, you closed your eyes, tried to will away any and all thoughts that were in your mind. You began by feeling your own body in the Force, part by part, feeling how it binded you together, how fiercely it travelled through your very being. As you were done with that, you dared delve into the depths of your mind, feeling your connection to this energy deepen. The deeper you went, the less your mind seemed to be focused on futile thoughts, and then it happened. First you saw the room you were in from above, then a bigger portion of the Temple. You kept straying further and further until all the Temple could be seen from above. From there, you focused on Ben and the distinct signature energy he possessed. It wasn't really hard to find him, there were only four Force pressences that felt like untamed power: Luke's, Ben's, your own, and someone you couldn't quite pinpoint. You let your mind travel to where you could feel Ben, but you soon decided against it, as he seemed to be couped up in his uncle's chambers. You knew that meddling into their business would most likely result in Luke knowing that your mind had wandered off to where they were, possibly resulting in more trouble for you.

You decided to check on Zania, who was walking alongside Lesath. —"I heard from Vex and Nux that the two of them are in serious trouble with Master Skywalker. One of them is in solitary confinement, but neither of them could tell which of the two was it." Lesath explained.

So your friends did take both your abscences into account. —"Do you think we'd get into too much trouble for breaking out whichever of the two is in solitary confinement?" 

Lesath quickly shushed Zania, to which she gave him an indignant look. —"I just felt like we were being followed."

Both of them directed their gazes to the spot behind them where you'd decided to let your mind wander off to. One of Zania's eyebrows quirked up in wonder, she began walking towards you, and when she was close enough, she extended her arm forward. —"It's her." She informed Lesath.

At that moment, you were rudely pulled back into your body, back in solitary confinement. There was a knock at your door. —"Hey, kid, it's me." Luke's voice said from the other side of the door.

You stayed sat on the floor in meditation position as he opened the door. There was an odd look in his eyes, you could feel it through the Force that he felt... ashamed? 

He closed the door behind him and sat in front of you in the same exact position you were in. —"I see you were meditating." You nodded. He trailed off for a bit, looking around the room you found yourself in. —"I spoke to Ben this morning." He seemed to hesitate a bit before continuing, as if not knowing if it was right to say what he was about to say. —"He told me that you had a dream about your parents dying, then him the following night."

You were taken aback for a moment before a feeling of betrayal fully kicked in. —"He told you?!"

Luke averted his gaze to the floor, as if he had already known you'd react like that. —"I honestly think you should have been the one to tell me, not him." You simply huffed and crossed your arms. —"But, thanks to that, I'm ending your current situation now."

Without looking at him, you stood up and made your way to the door, patiently waiting for Luke to get up and use his key to open it for you. Before putting the key in, he gave you one last apologizing look. The door opened and you just walked out without looking back at him. All you wanted was to go to your room and let your foul mood ease down a bit before you had to put up with anyone. Most of all, you hoped not to run into Ben right now.

—"Hey there!" Zania said happily. —"I heard about what happened, are you okay?"

You looked at her and, wordlessly, took her by the wrist and pulled her along with you to your room. Thankfully, she was wise enough to follow you quietly, and wait until you were in your room to start asking questions. When you got there, you slammed the door behind you, then let go off Zania's wrist and started pacing around the room.

—"I'm incredibly pissed off." You simply said as you kept pacing.

Zania sat at the edge of your bed, just watching as you tried to calm yourself down. —"What happened?" You didn't reply. —"I heard from the twins that you and Ben got in trouble because you ignored the curfew Luke set for you."

—"Yes, and I went to Ben's room." She made that annoying 'ooh' sound that implied the two of you had done more than you let on. —"Not like that, Zania!"

—"Then what happened?"

You sighed. —"I had a nightmare in which Ben died, so I felt the urge to go check on him, but then the asshole went and told Luke about the nightmares I've been having. I confided in him because I thought he could keep a damn secret!" You kept pacing back and forth, Zania's curious eyes moved along with you.

—"Oh, well, that explains some things..." She stood up and walked over to you. —"Why don't you sit for a bit?"

You simply shook your head and kept on pacing. —"I don't even know if I'm made to be a Jedi anymore, Zania."

She chuckled. —"Damn, are any of us?" 

Your head snapped in Zania's direction and, for a moment, you stopped pacing. —"What do you mean?"

—"I mean that you've heard what Skywalker always tells us about his father." You gave her a puzzled look. —"How he thinks that the main reason he turned was because the Jedi trained him even if he was too old?"

—"He still became one of the greatest Jedi."

—"Or the most powerful Sith, depends how you look at it." Zania said. —"My point is, you don't need to feel like a Jedi in order to know right from wrong." She walked over to the door. —"Listen, I have to get going. Think this over, I personally think you should speak to Ben."

She closed the door behind her and left you alone with your thoughts. Did Zania really think like that? Did she not expect to become a warrior by the Jedi code? For a second, you wondered if that was really what Luke Skywalker expected of all of his students. You wondered if maybe Zania was right and you had been too old when you came here to train as Jedi. Yet, Luke was Ben's age when he started training as a Jedi under Obi-wan Kenobi and he had turned out to be the best Jedi the galaxy ever saw. Maybe you were looking at things the wrong way? Maybe you needed to go to Master Skywalker with these doubts.

There's a knock on your door, and just by the knocking you could tell who it is. —"Hey, it's Ben." Still not sure whether you are ready to see him, you stayed silent. —"I just saw Zania walk out of here, I know you're in there."

You sighed and opened the door a bit ajar, not letting him in. Ben wore an expression of sadness and worry. —"Hey." You said emotionlessly.

—"What's wrong?" He asked.

You huffed. —"What's wrong you ask? Maybe try you being a snitch, that has me fucked up."

He frowned and placed a hand on the door, trying to push it open. —"What do you mean?"

—"You told him everything! I told you about the nightmares because I thought I could trust you!" You made an effort to keep the door ajar, but Ben was bigger and stronger than you.

—"Let me in." He said pushing a bit harder. 

You used the Force to keep the door in place. —"No."

He pushed harder against it, managing to open it a bit. —"Just let me in."

The situation was starting to piss you off. —"I said no!" And with that, you used too much of the Force and nearly slammed the door on him.

Right when you thought he would take a hint he pushed the door with the Force, snapping it open and nearly breaking it off its hinge. —"LET. ME. IN."

Now, feeling scared, you stepped aside and let him walk in the room. Right after walking in, Ben slammed the door shut using the Force.

—"What do you want?" You asked, still managing to stay defiant despite feeling afraid.

He looked at you, and what you saw in his eyes was what seemed to be an offended and hurt look. —"I want to help you. I know I can." You stayed silent, now deciding to let him explain exactly how he was helping you. He took the cue and furthered his point. —"I told Luke simply to get you out of there, so we could speak, alone."

—"Then speak, Solo." You crossed your arms as he sat on your bed.

—"The man you've seen in your dreams, that jawless monster." You nodded. —"His name is Snoke. I don't know where he came from or what he wants, but he's been in my head for quite some time, too."

You unfolded your arms and intently listened to what Ben was saying. —"He gets in your head and plants visions there, now I don't want you to get worried, but..." He swallowed thickly. —"Every single thing he's shown me... it has come true."

In that moment, you feel your knees get weak, and the image of your dead parents comes to mind. —"But... that would mean you..."

—"I will die at some point, but look at it this way, all of us will at some point." Ben stood up and walked up to you. —"Listen, I think the man is trying to get to us for some reason. I know you could feel the darkness in him the same way I felt it, but he has taught me some things, and they have helped me in my training."

—"What?!" You looked at him incredously and took a couple steps back from him. —"You're accepting teachings of someone or something that comes from the dark side?"

He sighed. —"It's not like that." He licked his lips before continuing. —"He's taught me who to know when someone is in my head, how to find people through the Force."

You nodded, these were things you, too, were getting increasingly better at since he appeared the first time. —"He's trying to teach us." Ben nodded. —"But, why?"

—"He's told me things about Luke." Your eyes widened. —"He said Luke knows that he is in my head, so he most likely knows he's in yours, too." 

—"And?" You inquired anxiously. 

—"Snoke has told me he's tried seeing into Luke's mind, his mental shields were strong, but even the old man lets his guard down in his sleep." You limited yourself to looking at him. —"He didn't tell me much. All he said was my uncle had a lust for power, to become the best teacher, even if he had to weaken those around him."

Was that what he had been doing to you? He'd at least been polite to you before you broke into the holo communications room, which was, incidently, the first time this Snoke had crawled into your mind. —"Do you trust Snoke?"

He shook his head. —"No, but I don't trust Luke either."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Ao3 seems to have this bug that fails to show the correct date of last update for the story, making it stay frozen in the 27th though I've uploaded new chapters on the 28th and the 29th. This story will be updated daily for the remainder of my vacations, so be sure to check back in for new chapters every day!  
> Thanks again to everyone reading :)


	4. And like winter we are cruel

Ben had expressed his feelings of doubt towards Luke and the reasoning behind every single one of them. He told you how Snoke had shown him Luke's innermost desires, how he doubted his nephew's every action, how his mother and father were slowly drifting away from each other as he trained. Everything that wicked man had shown him turned out to be true at one point or the other. When he told you about how much his uncle was purposefully hindering his growth by doing such and such things, you slowly came to realize that Skywalker was doing the same things to you. How he stored you away when teaching new lessons to people he deemed more worthy, how he set both you and Ben or the most time-wasting tasks around the Temple, how he refused to let you supervise the older generations, even if you knew deep down that you far surpassed any of the other students he had, with the exception of Ben, of course.

All of these sudden realizations left you feeling somewhat emotionally drained and with no motivation to do anything but sulk in your room for the remainder of the day. You skipped practice, you skipped lunch, you skipped your Temple chores. To your surprise, you weren't troubled by anyone, not even Master Skywalker. It was almost as if he seemed to understand how badly he had failed you by not even asking for a reason behind your lastest sprout of rebellion. Still, you felt as though he was unwilling to admit his misstep and instead took to completely disregarding what you did or didn't. The left you with the question, was it out of embarrassment or pride?

You mulled this over while on your bed, laying on your side and trying to find an actually good reason to keep training under a man who didn't even want you to succeed in your quest to becoming a Jedi. Ben came to your mind, but you knew that he, too, was having serious doubts about Luke's way of going around things lately. Zania had expressed discomfort in the way Luke had chosen to treat his older pupils. You reckoned that Lesath and the twins would agree, specially after the stunt the twins pulled in digging around to know what had happened to you and Ben after the curfew violation.

Boredom washed over you, and you decided to go to sleep, even if it was barely early into the night. You fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. When you awoke, you felt fully rested, ready to begin your day. You pulled your earth colored robes on, strapped your lightsaber to your belt, and walked out your room to get some breakfast. It seemed as though learning that you weren't the only one having doubts about Master Skywalker had lifted a huge weight off your back. 

As you walked into the dining room, you noticed how empty it was. Only a couple of younger students, whose names you honestly didn't know, sat at one of the tables. You moved to gather all the food you wanted, finding out right that moment just how hungry you were. It honestly did not surprise you, not having eaten since lunch from two days prior. And yet, you have to moderate your eating, seeing as how the first thing on your schedule today was lightsaber duel training. Lest you want your fast technique be hindered by overeating, you opted to hold back a bit.

—"Where have you been?" Nux's voice came from behind you. 

You turned to look at the girl, finding her twin brother nowhere to be found. —"Long story short, solitary confinement."

—"Looks like Vex owes me money." She smiled up at you with her perfect teeth, and you chuckled. —"And how are you feeling?"

You looked up, trying to properly place where your emotions were at. —"I feel fine." She nodded. —"How did you find out about me and Ben breaking the rules?"

—"Vex and I heard the commotion when Luke was taking you away from Ben's room." She finished putting food in her plate and the two of you walk towards the tables. —"I figured it was about that stupid curfew he set you on." You couldn't help but roll your eyes at the memory. —"Yeah, Vex and I actually got in trouble for trying to open the lock in your door with the Force as you slept."

You smiled at the girl. —"Thanks, but you guys really shouldn't have." 

—"Tell me about it." Nux said as she chewed down a mouthful of food. —"Luke's been acting crazy these days, I don't know what's gotten into him."

You sighed. —"I know, everyone seems to have been noticing, too."

A plate of food suddenly slammed on the spot right next to you, making you jump. —"Hi." Is all Lesath said as he sat down and started gorging down his breakfast. You looked over at Nux, who had the same puzzled look you did on her face. —"Stop looking at me, please?"

—"Are you okay?" Nux asked, brow still furrowed.

Lesath looked up from his food, already half his plate gone. —"Couldn't sleep well at all, is all." 

You hummed and wondered if perhaps Snoke had gotten into his mind already. —"Mind me asking why?"

He paused his eating and looked over to you. —"I had a nasty dream, but it's okay, really." The curly haired boy seemed to relax a bit after that. —"What about you? I heard you got into trouble with Luke."

—"It was a minor misunderstanding."

—"Getting caught sneaking around at night when set on curfew was a misunderstanding?" He looked at you. —"That came out meaner than I intended, sorry."

You gave a small smile as if to tell him it was okay. —"Him setting the curfew was a misunderstanding."

—"How so?" Nux asked.

You sighed. Lesath took big gulps from his cup. —"Well, I had this awful dream where my parents died." The boy next to you nearly choked at that, causing you to pause for a bit as Nux and you looked at him. He held up a hand as if to confirm he was fine, so you carried on speaking. —"And I broke into the holo room without Luke's permission, just to speak to them."

—"Wow, well, that's very... tactless of him." Nux said.

Lesath hummed in agreement as he kept on eating. —"I think he should apologize."

—"I know he won't." You said. —"I nearly don't even expect him to."

Nux sighed, her plate was finished. —"Can we talk about something else? The mood got so gloom all of a sudden."

—"Not much time to talk." Both you and Nux gave Lesath a questioning look. —"We're all running a bit late for lightsaber practice, remember?"

The three of you scour to clean after yourselves quickly before nearly sprinting out the dining hall to the pit where the lightsaber duels took place. Admittedly, you were the one in the least of a hurry, seeing as how Luke always had you and Ben duel last. Only the older pupils would be present during this practice, though, making Lesath throughly late because he always went first against Zania. When you got there, Zania was warming up in the pit as Ben and Vex watched on from the box seats that sat a little ways above the pit. Luke was there, too, but he was watching from the other side of the box. Lesath apologized for being late and jumped into the pit, immediately extending his green lightsaber and taking his fight stance. Zania did the same, her lightsaber of an orange hue nicely reflecting on the floor beneath her. 

As soon as Luke called for them to begin, Lesath lunged forward towards Zania, but she evaded his attack by jumping over him. Having known Luke the longest, you had learned about the existing fighting forms to near perfection. It was easy for you to recognize an opponent's form, additionally you had mastered five out of the seven existing forms. Zania, for instance, carried herself with Form Four, which consisted of multiple acrobatic jumps, flips and lunges designed to tire out the opponent. Contrarily, Lesath preferred Form Five, and with him being very strong, you thought this was ideal for him as that technique relied on that mostly. Vex and Nux had identical techniques, though with them being twins it didn't surprise you all that much. This last thing made their duels all the more entertaining because the one who came out victor was the one to notice the other slipping up on their form. Vex wielded a double sided blue lightsaber, while Nux had two twin green lightsabers. The two of them opted for using Form Six, which was particularly good for multiple or double sided lightsabers. Ben used Form Seven, making him erratic and unpredictable. You had completely mastered Form Two, having a perfect footing and using strong but elegant strikes, waiting to see a weakness in your opponent and exploiting it to your advantage.

Lesath came out as the winner of the first encounter, delivering the winning blow when he kicked Zania under her feet and pointed his lightsaber to her face. Next up were the twins.

—"Hey, are you okay? You seem... distracted." Ben asked quietly. 

You looked at him, and suddenly your breakfast conversation with Lesath popped up again. —"I think Snoke has gotten into Lesath's mind, too." His eyes widened and he looked taken aback. —"I know. He said something about not sleeping well, and then when I said I had dreamt my parents died he nearly choked on his food."

Ben sighed and looked over to the pit. —"I don't know what he wants from us. Why specifically us?"

—"Beats me." You shook your head and looked over at Ben, who was intent on looking at the duel between the twins. —"He hasn't come to me in a couple days."

He nodded. —"I'm aware."

—"How?" He looked at you then looked back to the pit. —"How do you know?"

—"I asked." Ben sighed. —"Let's talk about this some other time, okay?"

It is then that you turned to look at Luke and noticed him looking at you and Ben. A particularly loud clash of lightsabers came from the pit. Nux had blocked Vex's vertical blow from above by making an "x" with her two lightsabers. She then twisted her two lightsabers, effectively knocking her twin's lightsaber out of his hands, but she was too slow to notice and ends up hitting Vex's upper arm with one of her weapons as she twists around. 

—"Fuck!" Vex shouted as he fell to his knees clutching his wounded arm. —"Are you stupid or homicidal, Nux?!"

—"Language!" Luke belowed from above. —"Take him to get that checked." He instructed Nux. —"And be more careful next time."

Nux nodded nervously as she helped her twin up. —"We're up." Ben said as he took his lightsaber in his hand and made his way into the pit.

You jumped down to the pit, using the Force to prevent hitting the floor full force. You ignited your silver lightsaber and looked over to Ben. He smirked and mouthed "show off" at you. Luke clapped his hands, that was your signal to begin the duel. Ben circled around the pit, deciding where he was going to strike from first. You twisted in your spot to keep eyes on him at all times. He lunged forward and you were quick to block his first blow, then the second and the third. The two of you traded blows for some time, then you nearly managed to disarm him, but this only caused him to become more aware of your movements.

A headache started looming on you, a small one at that. You and Ben parried for a while more, both very equal opponents. Suddenly, your vision blurred, your knees buckled and you fell limp on the ground. All that happened while you were still counscious. How had you fainted when you were completely aware of doing so? How was your mind still awake when your body didn't respond?

 

 

 

_—"You're strong, girl." That man's voice creeped up into your mind, but this time you didn't feel cold or afraid. —"Strong willed, strong minded and strong with the Force."_

_You opened your eyes to find yourself surrounded by nothingness. The man stood far, but in front of you. —"Snoke."_

_He chuckled. —"I see Ben has spoken to you already." He smiled crookedly, his missing left jaw making it look horrid._

_—"How were you able to do that?" You asked._

_—"To give away one's extraordinary trade away so easily makes the trade ordinary." He began walking over to you. —"I mean to show you something. That's why I dragged you out here."_

_You huffed. —"Your timing is a bit inconvenient. What is it that can't wait? Came here to show me more dead people?"_

_He openly laughed, even tilting his head back. He had gotten closer to you, now within arms reach from you. —"Do you have foresight abilities, child?" You suddenly felt your limbs freeze, just as they had when Luke pushed you into that room days ago. —"This will only hurt one bit." Snoke said as he pressed the palm of his hand to your forehead._

_It stung and burned at the same time, making you yelp. It is only momentary though, for seconds later you found yourself in a holo communications center. It was lavish, and decorated with the two distinct colors of the New Republic. Leia Organa came in urgently, she looked worried and sad. You could tell she had cried, for her make up had two long streaks going from her eyes to her chin, indicating she had been crying. She nervously dialed in one of the transmitters, and almost instantly, Luke's form popped out._

_—"Leia, what's wrong?" He asked urgently, worry etched on his voice._

_Leia sobbed, but took a deep breath and began talking. —"They're dead, Luke." She tried to keep her composure. —"Brendol Hux found out they were spying on them and sent a death squad to their place."_

_Your jaw dropped and your eyes widened. —"The two of them?!" Luke asked._

_—"Both of them, she is left an orphan, Luke." Leia cried sour tears, and you could feel yourself crying, too. —"Tell her, Luke. She needs to know."_

_—"But her training isn't complete ye-"_

_—"TO HELL WITH HER TRAINING!" She looked angry, heartbroken. —"You tell that poor child her parents are gone. Let her make her own choice."_

_Luke stayed silent for a while, then he ended the transmission on his side. Leia threw the holo against a wall using the Force, effectively crushing it in several pieces. The place suddenly faded away, opening room for a new scenery to form. It was Luke's chambers. He sat dejected, looking down at the holo communicator. You could hear his thoughts, there was a turmoil in his mind._

_—'Should I tell her?' He wondered. —'No, she will definitely leave, possibly Ben will follow.' He stood up and paced. —'I need to keep the two of them here.' Suddenly, his pacing abruptly stopped. —'What if she breaks into the holo communications room again?'_

_He busted out of his room and all but ran to the holo communications room. He broke every single one of the transmitters there, taking it in his own hands to make sure you would never be able to contact them. But then, something else occured to him, so he made his way to your room. His heart skipped a small beat when he found the room completely empty, but he knew you hadn't been in the holo communications room. There was only one place you could be, so he sprinted to Ben's room._

_Your surroundings faded once more and you found yourself in the nothingness you had woken up in once more. The Force hold Snoke kept on you dissipated and you fell to your knees and hands, half panting half sobbing. Snoke shushed you, trying to comfort you. He crouched next to you and held you in his arms as he rocked you back and forth. You felt so broken that you couldn't even protest against this weird display of affection the man was showing._

_—"Skywalker is a vile human being." The man said in his raspy voice. —"I thought you deserved to know, forgive me for showing you that, child."_

_—"No..." You said weakly. —"Thank you." Your breathing went from ragged to slightly more normal. —"Will you take me back to the Temple now? I believe I have some pressing matters to attend to."_

_He let go off you and stood up before you. —"As you wish, child." Snoke put his hand on your forehead again, but before pressing down he said. —"Look at me, girl."_ _You obeyed without hesitation. —"Don't forget who was it that showed you this, don't forget who kept it from you. Grow stronger than you are, and come to me."_

_You felt numb and confused, but there was one thing clear in your mind, you would grow strong and never forget. You nodded, and so the man pressed down on your forehead, you felt pain course through you and then..._

 


	5. Ocean of Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes very graphic depictions of violence, just trigger warning to all of you! It's still canon-typical violence, but be warned.

You bolted straight up when you woke up in the infirmary, panting, disoriented and extremely thirsty. You looked down at yourself, finding that there was a needle in your arm, you were wearing a blue robe. The sounds of the medical droid snapping to attention made you crane your head to the left. —"How long have I been out?" You asked it before it had any chance to do anything else. 

The droid stayed silent but seemed to be calculating the time before giving out a reply. —"Twelve days, sixteen hours, three seconds." A small gasp escaped your lips. —"Please sit still as I--" 

You cut the droid off by putting it out with the Force. You were panicking, how could you have been out for that long when it felt like mere hours? Why did Snoke keep you there for so long? Your breaths were ragged as you plucked the syringe out of your arm, a thick red drop of blood coming out of the little hole it left behind. You felt an anger so deep that it hurt all the way to your bones, a sadness that was nearly weakening. The loss of your parents and the betrayal of Luke Skywalker made you feel devastated, but somehow more powerful. You looked around trying to find water, successfully spotting a vase filled with it a little ways to your right. You stood up, finding your knees to be weak, therefore making your legs a bit shaky. You walked over to the vase and lifted it to your lips, drinking directly from it. But yet, it seemed that your thrist could not be placated. 

_—"Find Skywalker and make him pay..." Snoke's voice ripped through your mind as a weak whisper._

You couldn't fully understand what had gotten into you, but your rage was nearly consuming you and you needed to smother that sour feeling out somehow. You put the vase down and made your way towards the infirmary door. You found it to be locked, however, you felt unstoppable. You looked straight at the door, focusing your Force powers on it, and without much effort, the door sprung out of its hinges and was propelled forward.

Before doing anything else, you made it a point to change into something more comfortable. You made your way to your chambers, it was deep into the night, so no one was around to see you sneaking around from the infirmary to your chambers. When you entered your room, you made a quick move for your robes, your lightsaber was kept in the nightstand next to your bed. You changed quickly and placed your lightsaber in your belt. As soon as you did that, you tried to pinpoint Luke's location, finding him in a state of doubt and distress and... in Ben's room?

You broke into a full sprint all the way to Ben's room, never breaking your connection to Luke's location, something that you found you were never able to do unless you were meditating. Snoke was making you powerful, somehow grooming you from afar and in a quicker, more effective way than Luke ever had. You felt grateful, realizing you now trusted the man. You finally saw Ben's room, a glowing green light shone out of the windows, then a blue one with it. The hut suddenly collapsed on itself and fear enveloped you.

—"BEN!" You shouted, your lungs burned.

You ran towards the wreckage, but by the time you were near, debris shot up. Ben Solo came out, lightsaber in hand, looking like a rabid dog. He looked at you, but his eyes only held rage. For a second, you felt too scared to walk towards him, but the thought of Luke came to your mind. However, before you had the chance to take a single step forward, Ben spoke. —"Snoke gave me instructions for when this happened." He stepped down from the collapsed hut. —"We are to burn this place to the ground, take a few students he selected..." He paused, looking down, as if unsure of saying the last part to you. —"And kill the rest."

Your heart jumped to your throat at that, but somehow, you felt it was your duty to do just that. —"Lesath, Zania, Vex and Nux."

Ben nodded. He stood before you know, dishelved, his eyes disoriented and with a derranged look in them. —"Skywalker tried to kill me in my sleep, run me through with his lightsaber." He clenched his jaw so tight you could almost hear his teeth grinding. —"I've killed him! For what he did to me, for what he did to you!"

Something within you stirred, a sick feeling of pride in Ben's actions. One of the hut's door creaked open, a student came out. —"What's going on?" A second wave of rage enveloped you, nearly blinding you, and almost unvoluntarily, you lifted your hand in the kid's direction. His feet lifted off the ground and he choked. Deciding to end his missery, with a flick of your wrist, something in him snapped and his body fell limp on the floor. 

Your thirst finally began to feel a bit more calm after that, and you could feel power cursing through every part of you. It was as if, all of a sudden, the entirety of your potential had been unlocked, ready to allow you to twist the Force at your will. The sound of lightsabers clashing brought you out of your reverie. Just as you turned, Ben killed another two students. Another lightsaber ignites behind you, when you turned, Lesath was behind you, his pupils fully blown and an expression of malice set on them.

—"Long live the Supreme Leader." He said as he ran along the huts, setting each and every one of them on fire.

_—"What are you waiting for? KILL THEM!" Snoke bellowed at you inside your mind._

You struck down everyone in your way, soon joined by Ben and Lesath. —"You." Ben said pointing at Lesath. —"Go find Zania. She is to come along with us, Supreme Leader has instructed her to come along. If she resists, use the ability I taught you." You wondered how much had happened since you were out. —"And you." He spoke to you now. —"Come with me."

Ben walked with his lightsaber ignited, as did you. You walked in complete silence, only broken when you asked. —"What happened while I was out?"

He sighed, looked at you, and you noticed the softness in his eyes is completely gone. —"I will explain everything when we have time." 

—"Where are we going?" 

—"Vex and Nux." Ben said. —"I suspect they will come along more willingly than Zania. Supreme Leader has driven them into the dark side, but only barely."

—"What about Zania?" 

The two of you stood before the solitary confinement rooms. —"She is resisting, but she, too, will turn."

You could feel both of the twins on the other side of the door you and Ben were in front of. He knocked. —"It's done, we must leave now."

There was no reply. Ben looked at you, as if urging you to do something. —"Guys, come on we have to leave this place."

—"When did you wake up?" Vex asked incredulously. —"Nux is ready to go but I'm not."

Ben looked angry, he clenched his jaw and his nostrils flared. —"Snoke had clear instructions. You are coming along whether you want to or not, don't make this any harder."

Silence. Your patience was wearing thin, so you said. —"Step back from the door if you don't want to die."

Solo gave you a puzzled look, as if wondering if you were able to work the locks set by Luke. You focused the same way you had earlier back in the infirmary, effectively removing the door from its hinges completely. You stepped in the room to find a terrified Vex and a surprised Nux. Ben was quick to put Vex to sleep with the Force. Nux stood up and all but ran over to you and clinged to you, hugging you in a very forceful manner. 

—"Get me out of here, please." She said between sobs. —"I don't want to see the dead bodies, please no."

You looked over to Ben, he walked over to the two of you and took your hand. He placed it on top of Nux's head. —"Focus on her mind, then shut it off."

—"What?! No!" Nux said. 

—"No, Nux, listen." You thought you knew what Ben was trying to teach you. —"This will not hurt and will put you in deep sleep, so you don't have to see anything. I promise I'll be the one to carry you to the ship, okay?" The girl looked at you, scared and with tears spilling from her eyes. —"It's okay, trust me."

She nodded, you pressed down on her forehead, effectively pushing yourself into her mind, willing it to shut. Nux's body relaxed and she fell soundly asleep in your arms. —"It took me three days to get Lesath to do that." You smirked. —"We have to go."

You held Nux's form up and threw her over your shoulder. She was short and thin, making her very light. Ben did the same with Vex, and the two of you walked in silence to the hangar, where you found Lesath and Zania. She had to be put out, too. Lesath carried her onboard, Ben and you followed to do the same with the twins. Nux was placed in one of the seats in the cockpit, while Vex and Zania were placed in a room that was later locked, just to avoid any situation that could arise when they woke up. 

Ben sat in the pilot's seat, Lesath sat behind Ben, Nux was placed behind the co-pilot's seat, leaving you to be Ben's co-pilot. You quickly took your spot and started the flight sequence the way your father had taught you. The thought of him brought a pang of pain to your chest, remembering how he was no longer alive. —"Where are we flying?" You asked Ben.

—"To Snoke."

 

 

 

The flight went on for what felt like forever. You had entered hyperspace about six hours ago, Nux had woken up at least an hour before. Vex and Zania were still completely out. Nux and Lesath spoke about lightsaber maintenance in the room next to the cockpit. Ben sat quietly inside the cockpit, as if mulling over what had just transpired in the Temple. You couldn't say you felt guilty about killing any of the students, it made you feel a raw power travel through your body. You wondered if Ben and Lesath felt the same way. 

—"Are you okay?" You asked Ben as you sat next to him. —"You seem... distracted."

He looked at you, that crazy look he had in his eyes earlier was gone, replaced by the tender look they held whenever he looked at you. Now you understood was Zania was talking about. —"While you were unconscious," He began. —"I don't think I ever felt so lonely." He placed his hand on top of your knee. —"Snoke came to me in a dream. He explained what Luke had done to you, how he hid what happened to your parents. I felt so angry I went and confronted him. He put me in solitary confinement after that." He shook his head and looked down. —"In there, Snoke told me his plan. He was to select the students most prone to the dark side and I was to bring them with me to him. Of course, Lesath and you were the first to be selected, then came the twins and lastly Zania. He told me that as soon as I left solitary confinement, Luke was going to be wary of me all the time. I slipped up confronting him before you woke up. He wanted it to be you to kill Luke."

—"Why me?"

He shrugged. —"He didn't say. All he said was that he needed at least six students, when he was able to get only five, he got angry, told me to bring the five and kill the rest." Ben sighed. —"I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it, but then... Luke came in my room earlier today. He tried to kill me in my sleep." His hands balled into fists. —"So I killed him."

You smiled heinously. —"Though I wish it had been me that killed him..." Your eyes softened. —"Thank you."

You took his hand in yours. He held your hand and then yanked you towards him. He kissed you feverishly, pulling you into his lap and holding you tight. He was so dominant of you, but you couldn't help yourself but bask in the toxicity of this all. Your kiss was interrupted by the banging on one of the doors along the hall.

—"Let us out!" Vex exclaimed down the hall.

You and Ben broke apart. —"I'll handle that." You told him as you swiftly climbed off him.

Walking down the hall, you could feel Vex's desperation to get out of that room. Yet, something about him felt different as you stood in front of the door. Zania was awake, too, you could feel her active mind, but she seemed to be at peace with being brought along. You opened the door, quickly walking into the room and shutting it behind you. Vex stood firmly in front of you, Zania sat at the edge of the bed she had slept on.

—"Where are we?" Vex asked.

—"We're going to Snoke." 

Vex nodded. —"Okay." He crossed his arms. —"Are you okay with all this?" A small pause. —"I mean, I am okay with this, trust me. It's just, I don't know if I'm ready to go against everything I've been taught."

—"Think of it this way." You began. —"Luke Skywalker was hindering our training, simply because he couldn't bare to have any of his students ultimately become more powerful than him. Snoke, on the contrary, has given us, who have decided to side with him, incredible knowledge and a quick path to unlocking our true potential."

—"Explain." Zania said in a weak voice.

—"I can pinpoint a person's location even without entering a meditation state, I can move heavy objects with the Force, feel people's feelings and read their minds simply by looking at them. All Luke ever taught me was Jedi code and theory, that's rubbish, that didn't help us in any way." You felt Vex's realization of all this as he stood next to you.

Zania looked down at her feet. —"Do you trust Snoke?"

You nodded. —"I trust him more than I ever trusted Skywalker." 

She relaxed and looked over at Vex. —"Well, everything she said is true. I have felt my powers being easier to handle since I started seeing him in dreams."

—"All I want..." Vex said. —"Is for my sister to be okay."

—"She will be." You nodded at him reasuringly. —"All of us will be, you need not worry about that."

The ship rumbled and went through a bit of turbulence as it came out of hyperspace. Vex and Zania shared one last look before looking over at you and nodding. You felt excited to meet your new master. You opened the door and were followed out by Vex and Zania. You met up with the other three in the room adjoined to the cockpit, Vex and Nux immediately embraced each other. Ben walked into the cockpit and you followed behind him, looking at the massive ship in front of you. The two of you initiated the landing sequence as a tractor beam pulled your ship towards the hangar. When you landed, Ben and you shared a look before joining the others. The six of you made your way to the ramp, Ben being the first one to exit. You were met by a couple of Praetorian guards, one of which informed you that the lot of you were to be scorted to Supreme Leader Snoke's throne room. You walked behind the entire group, while Ben walked at the front. After a series of turns to the left and right, you arrived to an elevator. The six of you along with the two Praetorian guards climbed on it. It went up without stopping, and its door opened to reveal a grand room with colors red and black all over it, a throne at the center of the room.

—"Welcome, children!" He said as he stood from his throne. —"Stand next to each other in a horizontal line, I wish to see all of you."

The Praetorian guards stopped you a little ways off Snoke's throne, and all of you automatically started forming the line Snoke wished to see. The two men walked over to Snoke and stood at each side of him. Vex stood in the far left, then Nux, you, Ben, Lesath and finally Zania.

—"You first." Snoke said pointing at Ben. He stepped forward and got closer to Snoke. —"Your weapon." Ben offered it to him, the man called it to his hand with the Force and set it aside. —"You are to build a new weapon with this Kyber crystal. It is an unstable and dangerous gem, I suggest a hilt be added to your new weapon." Ben brought the crystal to his hand with the Force, something that seemed to please Snoke. —"You shall be known as Kylo Ren from now on. Ben Solo is dead, you killed him in that Temple. Shall I hear that name drop from someone else's lips, they will know what suffering is."

You could hear Nux swallow thickly next to you. This gained Snoke's attention. —"You, the twin." Nux walked forward and extended her two lightsabers. Snoke seemed pleased at her immediate obidience. He held up the Kyber crystal. —"This is a synthetic Kyber crystal. It is easily maleable. You shall have two of these, recreate your twin sabers." The girl nodded, calling her crystals with the Force. —"Kana Ren." She accepted her new name as she walked back to her spot.

—"The other twin." Vex walked forward, head held high, hands behind his back. —"A single synthetic Kyber crystal. This one is silver, but shall still show a red blade. A double sided lightsaber is to be made, nothing else." Vex extended his lightsaber and took the crystal in return. —"Kieran Ren."

—"The other boy." Lesath walked towards Snoke with a blank expression. —"Another unstable synth crystal. No hilt for you, but a longer grip in its place." Lesath used the Force to guide his weapon over to Snoke, then took his crystal using the same technique. —"Claec Ren."

—"You, the girl with doubts." Zania gasped. —"Come forth, child." She cautiously walked over to the man. —"A synthetic Kyber crystal, this one will give off a blade with an orange-reddish hue." She seemed to appreaciate him chosing a crystal that would allow her to somewhat keep her lightsaber color. —"Daeva Ren."

—"And you, child." You stepped forward. —"Forgive Kylo Ren for stealing your kill. Hand me your weapon." Just as you were about to guide it over to him with the Force, Snoke whipped it away. —"Who gave you this crystal?" He asked inspecting your saber.

—"My mother used to run a mine in Dantooine, it projects a silver blade. It is particularly light and maleable, making it compatible with any and all kinds of hilt material."

He hummed in appreaciation. —"You shall keep this elegant weapon." You nodded and projected a feeling of gratitude on the Force. —"You need not thank me, child. Myra Ren."

Your saber stayed at his side, you made a move to call it with your hand, only to find he was keeping it in place. Was he testing you? He said you could keep it, so you pulled again, harder this time. The lightsaber all but dashed across the room to your hand. What was he playing at? Making you look smug in front of your new peers? Or trying to pose you as his pet just to further feed Ben's... Kylo's insecurities? You looked at him to find a taunting look, somehow feeling set up as you walked back silently. As you stood next to Kylo and looked back at him, his gaze now moving to Kylo.

—"Kylo Ren..." He drawled out. —"Master of the Knights of Ren." He looked along all of you. —"Claec Ren, second in command to Master Ren."

But you thought... Lesath as second in command? He chose him over you? 

Your throat runs dry and you start feeling a deep thirst once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year to everyone! As you can see, Snoke has been starting to feed the rivalry inside the group, but how will it all turn out?


	6. The Curse of the Ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small guide for the names of the new Knights of Ren to avoid confusion:
> 
> Ben Solo - Kylo Ren (obviously)  
> Lesath - Claec Ren  
> Vex - Kieran Ren  
> Nux - Kana Ren  
> Zania - Daeva Ren  
> Reader - Myra Ren

—"Show them to their new quarters." Snoke instructed the two Praetorian guards that stood at each side of him. —"Kylo Ren, Claec Ren, you two stay." You glanced at Kylo, who stood next to you, but he stared straight ahead, paying you no attention whatsoever. —"We have matters to discuss. The rest of you..." Snoke made a shooing motion with his hand and said no further.

The twins,  ~~Zania~~ Daeva, and you stepped out of the chamber and back into the elevator, still guided by the two men dressed in an all-red armor. None of you spoke as the elevator went down, none of you even looked at each other as the doors opened. You walked behind the two guards, your surroundings completely monochromatic. Everything was black, yet some lighter shades of black could be seen here and there. Everything seemed perfectly polished. You took the opportunity to actually look around, not paying much attention to where the guards were guiding you, yet never leaving the group. You saw a couple of stormtroopers walk around the halls, dressed in their white armors, helmet always on, blaster in hand at all times. 

Though it still felt weird and new to you, you knew you had to get used to your new name. Myra Ren. You wondered what that meant, or why Snoke had chosen that name for you. Was it something meaning related or simply phonetics? You pondered how your friends and fellow knights felt about their new names, their new situation. Knowing that none of them was able to feel you looking into their thoughts, you decided to peer into their minds, simply to check in on them. Daeva was first, you felt pure confusion inside her, she seemed to have accepted that this was her new life the moment you stepped out of your ship earlier today. Kieran felt unsure, what of you didn't know, perhaps you'd have to ask later. Kana came last, but she seemed thoroughly distracted checking out her new home to be set on feeling something in particular.

Finally, the guards stopped in front of a wide door that stood at the end of a long, solitary hallway. One of the two quickly explained that the door could only be opened with the Force, assuring you that the six Knights of Ren along with Supreme Leader Snoke were the only people to be Force sensitive on the ship. You wondered if perhaps Snoke had had all of his personnel tested, just to be sure. Kieran was the one to open the door.

The four of you were welcomed by a nice common room. It was a big, spacious room in the shape of a rectangle. To the immediate left of the entrance, there was a small living room, set up with an L-shaped couch, two individual couches and a long couch that could fit around four people, a small coffee table stood in the middle of all the couches and you immediately thought of Kylo propping his feet up there. At the far right side of the room there was a kitchen, equipped with counters, cupboards, a stove, a refrigerator and a nice kitchen bar with three stools. Next to that, there was a dining table with seven dining chairs, three at each side of it and one at the headboard. A huge window overlooking the vastness of space took up the entirety of the wall in the far right of the room. Along the wall opposite to the entrance, there were two doors, each one of them had a plate next to it. You walked towards it to read what was in them. The door at the left read:  _"Kana, Kieran, Daeva."_ The right one said:  _"Kylo, Claec, Myra."_

—"What do they say?" Kieran asked from the living room. Kana sat opposite of him, Daeva scavenged through the kitchen's cupboards.

You pointed the door at the left. —"That one has your three names on it." Then you pointed to the door you stood in front of. —"That one has mine along with Kylo and Claec."

Daeva huffed. —"What, so we'll be sharing rooms?"

Curiously, you opened the door with your name on it, just peering in. You were met by a hall with two doors at each side of it and one at the end. —"No, there are three doors inside." Kana gave you a puzzled look. —"There's a hall behind the door, three doors in it."

She mouthed an "oh" at you. —"Well, I'm hungry. Is anyone else hungry?" Daeva said still looking through the cupboards. The twins and you agreed that you needed food, and so you fixed something to eat and sat at the table together, like a small new family.

 

 

 

You were in your room, inspecting the contents of it. Upon entering the room, you could see a big bed with black warm-looking quilt, behind the headboard there was a window that displayed the stars outside the ship, much like the one in the living room. At each side of the bed stood two nightstands, one had a lamp on it, the other one had a drawer that contained a golden lightsaber holder. There was a closet in the far right of the room, inside were robes, capes, belts, boots and gloves, all colored black. To the far left of the room, there was a doorless arc that led to an adjoined bathroom, in it was a shower, a toilet, a sink and a mirror above it.

The sound of the wide door at the entrance of the quarters made you whip your head around to look at your room's door. You could feel Kylo and Claec walk in the common room. You hear Kana say hi to the two of them, only getting a reply from Claec. That is when the door to your hall opened, you could hear Kylo's distinctively heavy footsteps walk down the hall. Much to your disappointment, he walked all the way to his door, opened it and loudly shut it closed. You stepped out of your room and walked into the common room, finding Claec, Kana and Daeva sitting on the kitchen stools.

—"Where is Kieran?" You asked, noting his abscence.

Kana spun in her stool to look at you. —"He's gone to sleep." She replied, pointing towards the door on the left.

—"How did it go?" You asked Claec, crossing your arms over your chest as you walked over to the kitchen to join them.

—"Good." He replied in a light mood which told you he had in fact done well, but why did Kylo retire to his room immediately, did he not do good?

You nodded and smiled at Claec. —"And where's Kylo?"

Daeva pointed at the door on the right this time. You nodded again and opened the fridge, you took one of the water bottles inside and opened it. Kana and Daeva spoke excitedly about the beautiful landscape the big window in the common room offered, while Claec limited himself to staring at you. Politely, you offered him your water bottle, but he declined, still intent on not taking his eyes off you. Proving to make you thoroughly uncomfortable, you retired to your quarters without saying a word. Not long after you've gone into your room, there was a knock on the door, and you couldn't help but feel disappointed when you opened the door and Claec was there instead of Kylo.

—"Can I come in?" 

You stepped aside to let him in. He walked in and sat at the edge of your bed, you closed the door, crossed your arms and looked over to him. He stared at his feet looking puzzled as if trying to figure out where to start. —"What is it?"

—"I need someone to confide in and I think you're the one I trust the most with this." He looked straight at you. You nodded, urging him to go on. —"Between you and me, I don't think Luke Skywalker is dead."

You frowned, uncrossing your arms. —"Why not?"

—"I don't know how to explain it..." He looked at his hands. —"There was..." He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it, thought about it some more and spoke again. —"There was this weird foreboding feeling I had when Snoke spoke about Skywalker's death, about losing track of his signature presence in the Force."

—"But I saw the hut collapse." You licked your lips and swallowed thickly before continuing. —"And Ben Solo came out alive..." You shook your head. —"No, look, Kylo wouldn't lie about killing Skywalker."

Claec nodded repeatedly. —"I know, I know. I don't think he did but still, there is something strange about all this... I feel oddly about it, like I just know that he's alive but I don't know how I know..."

You sat next to him. —"Listen, I was once able of pinpointing Luke's location, and I could be able to do it again, but believe me when I tell you: if he isn't dead, Snoke would be the first to know." He had a concerned look. —"Let's not think about this unless it happens, okay?"

He looked down and nodded. —"Please try to find him, just to be sure." He stood up and walked over to the door. Claec opened it, looking back at you one last time. —"Good night."

You smiled and nodded as he closed the door behind him. Could it be? You couldn't say you had seen his dead body so there could be a chance of him being-- Nonesense. You would not think about that. Yet, you couldn't help but wonder, why was Claec so afraid of Skywalker being alive? Ultimately, you decided to quit thinking about that, and went to sleep.

 

 

 

_You could hear a woman weeping inconsolably, but you saw no one around. You walked around a command room, everything shut off except for a console projecting a map of the Adega planetary system, where Ossus was, the planet Luke's Jedi Academy was in. A door to your left opened, Han Solo came in and turned the light on._

_—"I want them off!" You heard Leia's voice coming from one of the shut off consoles._

_Han Solo turned the light off and made his way over to his wife, you followed. —"Leia, you're getting nowhere by crying."_

_—"If you're here to be an asshole about it, you might as well leave, Han."_

_He sighed and placed his hands at his hips. —"They said it was Ben who did it, is that true?"_

_Leia looked at him, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. She simply nodded, unable to verbally admit it was her son who was responsible for the massacre._

_Han Solo hit one of the consoles near him, knocking it off its place. It fell to the floor and broke in several different pieces. —"I told you! Didn't I tell you?!" He bellowed. —"Sending him away with Luke was a mistake. Seems your piece of shit brother can't even get that right!" Leia stayed silent, but you could feel her trying to push her anger down. —"This is all your fault! You and your fuck up family had to mess up MY son, too!"_

_Suddenly, Han Solo began to choke, his feet slowly lifting off the ground. Leia stood up, but stayed glued to her spot. —"Get out of my damn sight." She said calmly as her hold on Solo broke._

_He fell to his hands and knees, rubbing his neck and gasping for air. He looked up at Leia, pure disdain on his eyes. —"Get out of your damn life is what I'm doing." He stumbled to his feet and walked out of the command room, neither him or his wife sparing each other a look._

_After a small while, Leia began crying again, but this time you're unsure whether it is at the loss of her son, her brother or her husband. You sat in the shadows, wondering how you had ended up here, seeing what was left of the Skywalker clan falling apart. You couldn't say you disliked Leia, she had been the one to urge Luke to tell you about your parents' fate, but you understood she was your enemy now. You wondered how Kylo felt about her, was she his enemy, too?_

_The command room door flew open again, but this time Leia tried to keep her composure. A short man with tan skin and dark hair that looked a bit older than you walked in._

_—"Leia! I have good news!" He said as he ran over to her._

_—"What is it, Poe?"_

_—"It's Luke! A scout team on Ossus saw him climb onto his ship and flee! They were unable to stop him or track his ship but..." He paused. —"Your brother is alive, Leia!"_

 

 

 

You sat up in your bed panting, getting even more startled by Kylo's silhouette standing at your door. —"I saw it, too. Come with me."

 


	7. Whatever you do, don't look him in the eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yup, two chapters in a day because I forgot to post on the 31st! Enjoy :)

It was hard to keep up with Kylo's long strides without having to break into a light jog. He was in such a hurry, not even stopping to speak about the dream the two of you had just shared. You assumed that the two of you were walking to meet up with Snoke, your suspicions being confirmed when you were met by the elevator that led to his throne room. Kylo and you climed in, still intent on not looking or speaking to each other. You held your hands in front of yourself, trying to keep calm. It wasn't like you had done anything wrong, which made you wonder why he had summoned you as well. Had he even summoned you? You reckoned Kylo wouldn't have brought you along if he hadn't. 

The doors opened to reveal Snoke sitting leisurely on his throne. He propped his head up with his left hand, his elbow resting upon the arm of the throne. Kylo walked in all the way to the end of the bridge, still leaving a big space between him and Snoke. As soon as he stopped, he kneeled, one knee on the ground, his arm resting on the opposite knee, his head was bent as a sign of submission. You were quick to mirror his actions, simply trying to please your new master in order to avoid his wrath.

—"Rise, Myra, you are not in need of such things." You spared a glance at Kylo, who kept his head bent, eyes glued to the floor. You slowly get up as if wary of what was to come, that earned you a chuckle from Snoke. —"I could feel you questioning why I summoned you as well." He stood from his throne, slowly walking towards the two of you. —"I am in need of your powers, child. It seems I find myself unable to track Skywalker, perhaps your teacher-student bond may be of great help." You nodded deeply, as he kept walking in yours and Kylo's direction. —"You may rise now Kylo Ren." 

Kylo rose to his feet, keeping his hands folded behind his back. —"Luke Skywalker was, or rather IS, one of the strongest Force users in the Galaxy." Snoke began, he finally stood before the two of you, pacing from side to side. —"However, his father was even mightier than him. Did he ever speak to you about Anakin Skywalker?" The two of you nodded. —"I expected him to. Did he speak to you about Darth Vader?" Now you shook your heads. Snoke mirrored your actions. —"No." He said. 

—"Well, let me tell you a small story. After Emperor Palpatine, a powerful Sith, took him on as his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader. The man controlled all the Imperial troops as their general. People feared him and respected him, an interesting combination. When he knew he had a child, and this child was a rebel, he grew weak enough for his own son to defeat him in battle with little to no training whatsoever. It was ultimately Emperor Palpatine who killed Darth Vader, however, this was accidental. The Emperor was toturing Skywalker when Darth Vader grew weak and stopped Palpatine, killing both the Emperor and himself in the process. Now, children, weakness does not stem from love per se. It is mercy and compassion that can ruin a great warrior. It was the downfall of the Jedi Order, it was Darth Vader's downfall. DO NOT let it be yours, and I'm particularly speaking to you, Kylo Ren."

Kylo swallowed thickly as Snoke paced in front of the two of you, keeping his eyes on Kylo, a disdainful expression dancing on them. —"It will not be so, Supreme Leader."

Snoke hummed in what you thought to be disbelief. —"See to it that it doesn't happen again, boy." Again? —"Yes, Myra, again. You see, I'm sure that Ren felt Skywalker again as he got into that ship that brought you here, and instead of waiting and going back to kill him, he flew off the planet."

You glanced at Kylo, suddenly seeing shame in his eyes. You couldn't help but feel angry at him. If he chose to be merciful then so be it, but how dare he take your revenge away from you? Your mouth ran dry, and once more you feel that tedious, unsatiable thirst. 

—"Good." Snoke said, a devious smile on his face. —"Use that anger to harness your true power, Myra. Find me Skywalker."

 

 

 

_You closed your eyes, travelling through the stars, going through entire star systems, back to Ossus. The Temple collapsed under the flames, a robotic hand comes out of the rubble. Skywalker came out, blood dripping down his face from a gash in his forehead. His flesh arm had been broken, you saw him painfully stick it back into its place with the Force, a scream raw with pain ripping out of him. Blood caked around his left leg as he limped out of the wreckage. A ship lifted off at the distance, breaking into flight and leaving the planet's orbit. Luke screamed in pain, fell to his knees, and your image of him is lost._

 

 

 

You gasped for air as you opened your eyes, Kylo Ren and Snoke both looked at you intently. You simply shook your head, the two of them looked away instantly. Snoke gave his back to both of you and started walking towards his throne. —"I think..." You took a deep breath, suddenly feeling light headed. —"He did something to his Force presence. He altered it or something of the sort."

Snoke stopped in his tracks and looked back at you. —"That's it. He's broken his connection to the Force. That is why we can't find him!" He nodded, more to himself than anything else. —"The two of you are dismissed. I must think." You and Kylo turned on your backs and made your way to the elevator again. —"One more thing." You stopped. —"Report to me tomorrow, the six of you. We must begin your training at once."

—"Yes, Supreme Leader." Kylo said, bowing his head one last time, you once again mirrored his actions. 

The two of you got in the elevator silently, but once the doors shut and it goes down, you looked over at Kylo. —"Why?"

He looked at you questioningly. —"What?"

—"Why did you not let me kill Luke?" You replied irritatedly, knowing fully well that he was playing dumb. Kylo stayed silent. You huffed.

—"I will not talk about that here, out of all places." He said smugly, only managing to irritate you further. 

You followed him quietly back to the Knights' quarters, but once you cross the main door, Kylo grabbed you by the arm forcefully and dragged you to his chambers. There, he resumed that vulnerabe pose he held only around you. Taking you by both your upper arms with his big hands, Kylo looked into your eyes.

—"Let go off me and tell me why." You said menacingly, nearly baring your teeth at him.

In frustration, Kylo let go off you and paced around, running both his hands up his face and through his hair. —"I was trying to protect you. Luke is too powerful, he could have killed you."

You outwardly laughed at that. —"Liar! You simply don't want Snoke to have a preference for me over you!"

—"Don't say that." Kylo said sadly.

You knew you had hurt him, but you were so angry that you hardly even cared. —"But it's the truth, Kylo. What? Does it hurt you to know that I could be Snoke's pet instead of you?"

—"Don't. Say. That. To. Me." His chest rose and dropped as his breathing became ragged.

—"Why not? Do you really need Snoke's praise that much? Trying to make up for all the time mummy and daddy spent ignoring you?" But suddenly, you felt something far more rotten that hatred emanate from Kylo.

He turned around to look at you, took to long strides towards you, and slapped you with the back of his hand, sending you back tumbling. It stung, you looked back at him, your eyes boring into him with a rage that could have split anyone else in half. —"I'm sorry. I didn't- I never meant to-" 

But it was too late, you called your lightsaber to your hand, igniting it and taking advantage of the fact that Kylo's weapon had been taken by Snoke, and he was yet to build a new one. You swung at him, he stepped back to evade your lightsaber every time you tried to hit him. He walked out of his room, down the hall and into the common room. In there, he took advantage of a split second of distraction from your part, calling your lightsaber to his hand. To your surprise, instead of attacking you, Kylo turned it off and kept it firmly stuck with the Force to his belt. You made a move to retrieve it, but found that his hold on it was too firm for you to take it back. Instead, you threw multiple kicks and punches at him, he simply blocked but never attacked. You successfully punched him on the ribs, but he is quick to grab your arm before you threw another punch.

—"Stop!" He shouted, a sad look in his eyes. You reached for your lightsaber again, but Kylo moved his hips to the side. He grabbed you by the waist and lifted you off the ground, freezing your limbs with the Force. —"Please, stop." He said breathlessly, losing his Force grip on you. You squirmed against his hold once more, he tightened his grip. —"Myra, just stop."

Your mind wandered back to that vision of Luke destroying all the holo communicators. The vision of your dead parents popped up, too. Yet, you found that you weren't angry about it, just sad, devastated, broken. Your soul felt... maimed. You stopped struggling to get out of Kylo's hold, and suddenly broke down crying. Without letting you go, Kylo carried you all the way to his room. You proved too tired to even protest. He sat you down on his bed and crouched in front of you, looking up at you as you kept on crying.

—"I'm sorry." Kylo said as he looked down in defeat. —"I'm so so sorry. Understand why I did it, you can't beat me in duel and I was never able to beat Luke." He sighed and took your hand. —"You're all I have left, I don't want to lose you, too." His voice broke. —"Please, don't hate me." He cupped your face, tears brimming in his eyes. 

You knew he wasn't lying. In truth, you would have been to scared to even think of meeting Luke in lightsaber duel. —"I didn't mean those things I said, about Snoke and you." You placed your hand on top of the one cupping your face. —"I'm sorry, too."

Kylo took your face in both his hand and kissed you sweetly, putting all of himself into that kiss. You felt unadultered affection radiating off him, and for a second you felt nothing but the same for him. You cupped his face with one of your hands, moving it down to rest on his chest. Kylo took you by the waist as he climbed on the bed on top of you, you entwine your hands on the back of his neck, trying to make it easier for him to move onto the bed. He rested your head on the pillows, his arms at each side of your head as he propped himself up to not crush you. 

—"We're crazy." He said into your lips.

You smiled up at him and kissed him once more. He laid next to you, hugging you close to him and kissing you once more. —"Maybe I should go to my room."

He hugged you tighter and whispered a small "no". He rested his head at the top of yours, leaving you to cuddle into the crook of his neck. You felt extremely spent from the busy day you'd just had, as if suddenly your body needed to shut off. And so you did, falling asleep in Kylo's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for teasing you guys like this! We have smut coming up soon, I promise!


	8. Time Moves Slowly

You woke up a few hours later feeling on edge, as if you'd had a bad dream but couldn't remember any of it. Kylo had turned on his back at some point in the night. You sat up and got off the bed as carefully as you could so as not to wake him up. You knew, fully well, that out of the six, Kylo was the most spent by the previous events. You successfully made it to your room without waking anyone up. You stepped into the shower, feeling the need to wash off all of yesterday's happenings. You felt pleased to find that the temperature and pressure of the water in the shower were completely perfect. After that, you stepped out, covered yourself in a black towel and looked for a hairbrush, finding a small cabinet behind the mirror. Next, you dressed with the black robes in your closet. You had to admit you looked way more intimidating in black robes than the tan ones you used to wear at the Temple. Your new belt was nicer, too, being completely black except for the buckle, which was golden. You tried reaching for your lightsaber, quickly remembering Kylo had taken it, and it was probably still in his room.

You left your room and walked to the common room, finding it empty. What time was it? You decided to explore around the living room, finding two holopads in a drawer at the base of the coffee table. You turned it on, finding mainly First Order propaganda and blueprints to certain parts of the ship. You looked at the time, fifteen minutes to five in the morning. The door on the left opened, Daeva coming out of it. She was already dressed, her robes identical to yours, but the buckle of her belt was silver.

—"Hey." She said. —"You okay?"

You frowned, her question taking you by surprise. —"Yeah, why?"

She gave you a grave look before turning to open the fridge. —"Come on, I think everyone heard your fight with Kylo yesterday but all of us were to afraid to even leave our rooms."

You chuckled, but when Daeva gave you a glowering look, you suddenly became serious again. —"I'm sorry you had to hear that."

She sat by you in the living room, a bottle of water in her hand. —"What was that all about?"

You rolled your eyes and sighed at the memory. —"Snoke summoned us, just me and Kylo." Daeva nodded as she took a sip of water. —"He told us Luke was very much alive."

Daeva choked on her water, coughed for some time and held a hand up, urging you to wait for her to stop choking before you kept talking. —"How does he know?" 

—"Snoke, Kylo and I shared a vision of him. He later confirmed it to be true."

She frowned. —"But what did you two fight about then?"

—"Snoke said Kylo..." You sighed in disappointment, starting to feel a bit angry again. —"Kylo felt Skywalker alive before we left Ossus."

Her eyebrows shot up as you said that. —"Wow, well, that must have been disappointing to you."

You shook your head. —"I was livid, you have no idea. So yeah, I asked why he'd done that, why he stole my kill, and I said some stupid stuff about him and his family and he went crazy and slapped me and--"

—"He did WHAT?" You simply nodded. —"What an asshole!"

—"Well, I did try to run him through with my lightsaber after that."

—"And what happened?"

You shrugged. —"He took my lightsaber away and tried to get me to calm down."

Daeva shook her head. —"Still, he should have never hit you, no matter what it was you said."

—"He apologized like crazy."

Daeva groaned in frustration. —"Don't be stupid! You have absolutely no reason to put up with his bratty tantrums."

—"She's right." Kieran said as he walked out the door to his hall. Both Daeva and you give him a glowering look, he held up his hands.

You rolled your eyes, smiling, and looked back at Daeva. —"Anyway, the two of you should know that Snoke said he'd summon the six of us today."

—"All together, one by one, or in pairs?" Kieran asked.

You simply shrugged, not really remembering if Snoke had specified. —"So, why were you up so early?" Daeva asked. 

—"I actually don't know. I went to sleep feeling extremely tired and woke up after a few hours anyway."

Kieran was fixing up something to eat for himself in the kitchen, not bothering to look back as he asked, —"Bad dream?"

You hummed. —"I really can't remember."

Claec and Kylo came out the door on the right at the same time. They were busy talking about the whole Luke situation, to what Kieran paid full attention, seeing as how he hadn't heard that part of your conversation with Daeva. After a while, Kana came out of her room and joined the boys in the conversation about Luke. The four of them sat by the window as Daeva and you moved over to the kitchen to eat something. You could feel Kylo's eyes on you, but you had decided Daeva was right, you had no reason to put up with Kylo's ever-shifting moods. You'd said some shitty and uncalled for things to him, that's for sure, but he would have to learn to hold his rage around you.

When you finally looked at him, he looked away from you, and opted for looking out the window broodingly. And that was when you felt a weird presence at the back of your head. You looked around puzzled, trying to figure out what was happening, when you noticed that all of you are just as confused. Kylo was the first to walk out the door, only then did you understand that Snoke was summoning all of you. Kana and Kieran follow close by you, noticing how you more or less knew the way to Snoke's chambers. The six of you got into the elevator silently. When the doors opened, all of you instinctly waited for Kylo to walk out first. As he did so, you made a move to follow him out, only for Claec to nearly step on you as he hurriedly followed Kylo. You felt a pang of irritation run through you, finally walking out. 

The six of you formed a line, all facing Snoke, as you had done the day before. He sat at his throne, quiet, simply looking at every single one of you with a bored look in his eyes. Kylo kneeled, as did you and Claec, and after a brief moment of confusion, the rest did, too.

—"You may rise." He said. —"Have any of you began working on your new lightsabers?" He seemed to sense everyone's negative answer without any of them speaking. He shook his head. —"I want them ready by tomorrow, materials to build them will be sent to your quarters today." He stood up and walked down the small steps leading to his throne. —"How did Skywalker pair you up for parring?"

—"He paired me up with Myra, then Claec and Daeva, and finally the twins." 

Snoke hummed. —"I want Kieran with Daeva, and Claec with Kana. Your lightsaber techniques are too similar." He said looking at the twins. He turned to you and Kylo. —"You two remain the same." You nodded. —"Who mastered the most duel forms?"

—"Kylo Ren has mastered all forms but Form Six." Claec said.

Completely disregarding Claec, Snoke turned to you. —"How many have you mastered, girl?"

—"Five, Supreme Leader." He waved his hand, urging you to go on. —"Forms one, two, three, four and seven. I am most adept in Form Two."

Snoke nodded and walked back up the steps and sat on his throne. —"Kylo Ren, you are to supervise everyone's combat training. I suggest teaching forms seven and four until they are perfected." He tilted his head to the right a little bit, glancing between you and Kylo. —"You're dismissed." He began. —"Except for you two." He didn't even need to say your names for both of you to know.

Everyone walked out of the throne room and into the elevator silently. You and Kylo stood at attention. 

—"Come closer, Myra Ren." You kept your face emotionless as best you could when you stepped closer to him. —"Where is your lightsaber?" You tried looking back at Kylo, but Snoke clicked his tongue. —"No, no, no. I didn't ask him. Now, where is that lightsaber?"

—"I don't know, Supreme Leader." You said, your eyes glued to your feet.

—"Where is the lightsaber, Ren?" He asked Kylo.

He cleared his throat. —"In my room, Supreme Leader."

—"Why is that?" You knew the question was directed at you.

You finally looked up at him, a sneer etched across his face. —"We had a fight."

—"I expected that." He stood again, walking over to you until he was a few feet awar from you. —"What I didn't expect was for you to be such a coward and attack a weaponless foe."

Before you could even notice, you were stuck by lightning coming from Snoke's hands. You could feel the electricity burning from your toes and fingers, to the inside of your skull. His assault must have lasted about ten seconds, but time seemed to freeze for you. When he stopped, you fell to your hands and knees, gasping for air, your heart drummed against your chest, its beating furiously stimulated by the electrocution you had just suffered. Just after a few deep breaths, Snoke launches a second attack on you, this time only sending you flying back. You landed on your side, knocking all the air out of your lungs. Feeling too weak, you stayed curled up in your side, taking in ragged breaths but still suffocating.

—"Anger is fuel to power, child. Keeping it untamed makes you stupid, learn to use it to further your power and you shall be unstoppable." He laughed, you were unable to see why or if he was laughing at you. —"What is it, Kylo Ren? I can feel frustration and anger radiating off you." Snoke electrocuted you again, this time keeping you in place. —"What are you going to do about it, boy?" All you heard was Kylo choking as Snoke laughed. —"LEARN YOUR PLACE, BOTH OF YOU!" He bellowed, his voice dropping nearly an octave. 

You couldn't move, too spent from the attack, you could barely breathe. You could hear Snoke's footsteps approaching you. A feeling of fear envelopped you, that cold creeping back up into you. —"Never disrespect your Master again, girl." He turned on his feet. —"And you, Kylo Ren, learn this: by showing me what you cherish the most, I will know what to take from you." You heard as his steps led him back to his throne. —"Take her and get out of here."

Kylo's heavy footsteps got progressively closer to you. He crouched next to you, slipping his hand around your shoulders and the back of your legs. He lifted you up and carried you bridal style, but your entire body was limp. Kylo tried to keep your head from hanging down, but your left arm dangled as he walked towards the elevator. The doors closed and opened on your floor, he walked urgently to get you to the Knights' quarters. You felt so out of it, but yet unable to faint or sleep. You could hear the door to the quarters open.

—"What the hell happened?!" Kana asked anxiously, you could hear Daeva gasp. Did you look that bad?

Without replying, Kylo opened the door to the hall and then his room using the Force. He carefully set you down on the bed and went in the bathroom. You could only look up at the ceiling and try to keep breathing. Kylo came back and placed a damp, cold towel on your forehead. He sat at the edge of the bed, touching other parts of your face. His hands were cold as ice, were you boiling with a fever?

—"Can you breathe properly?" He asked, you couldn't even manage a nod. —"I'm sorry." He ran his hand down his face. —"I'm so sorry. This is my fault."

You grunted, trying to tell him through the Force that it wasn't his fault. He stood up and paced, you felt his regret travelling through the Force. What did he regret? Fighting with you or coming here in the first place?

There was a knock on the door, Kylo stopped his pacing but stood in the same spot. —"It's me." Daeva said from the other side. —"Can I come in?" No reply. —"Is she okay?" Silence. —"Please, I just want to help."

—"How?" He asked, standing near the door. Daeva stayed silent. —"I know how to treat Force lightning injuries, trust me on this, please." Kylo said, walking back to you.

You could hear her walking away, then the door to the hall opened and closed. You noticed you weren't really in pain, you just felt frozen. As Kylo sat back on the bed, you felt him a bit more calm, putting you a bit less on edge. He took your hand in his delicately.

—"Once, Luke accidentally struck my mom with Force lightning." He said as he looked at your hand. —"Han got so scared that she'd gone stiff." A small side smile began to form, but quickly disappeared. —"You're so strong that even after that relentless attack you're still breathing."

You managed a small smile at him. He smiled back, but there was something sad about it. Kylo looked away, his eyes glazing over a bit. You gave his hand a small squeeze. —"How do you treat this?" Your voice is barely a whisper, but it is slowly coming back.

—"You don't." He still didn't look at you. —"We have to keep you in bed and let you rest until you're better."

You gently patted the bed next to you. He got up and slowly laid down next to you. Kylo laid on his side, propping his head up with his right arm, while the left one rested on your stomach. You made a move to place your hand on top of his, but it felt too heavy. His hand went to yours, trying to stop you from exerting yourself too much. 

—"Sleep, you need to rest. I'll stay here with you until you're better." You looked at him once more. He simply nodded and smiled at you.

And so, you drifted into sleep, feeling pain in your skull and the side you landed on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a link so you guys better understand what I'm talking about with the lightsaber forms. https://www.thoughtco.com/lightsaber-combat-seven-traditional-forms-2958067


	9. Metallic Taste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead ;)

_You're taken to another part of the ship in your dreams. This room looked a lot like the command room you'd seen Leia cry in, except it was grand-looking, a lot more spacious and black, like most the rest of the ship. You saw the young officers in training sit behind the consoles, others behind radars, others walking around with graduated officers who were in charge of their training. Most of them wore black or grey uniforms, with the exception of a few teal colored uniforms here and there. They all seemed extremely busy, intent on making the ship work in its most optimal state._

_There was a young man who particularly caught your eye, just because he stood out from all the grey and black. You'd describe him as rather... colorful, perhaps? He wore a teal uniform, black boots, black belt, and a teal colored hat covered the top of his fiery orange hair. There was a mix of concentration and disdain on his face. He looked at a holo map for something huge and round that seemed to be under construction. It oddly reminded you of... the Death Star? What was Snoke planing? Were you even supposed to know of this? Or were you rudely intruding into something that was none of your business?_

_Your attention was brought back to the young man with the orange hair. He walked with his hands behind his back, followed by a man in grey colored uniform. His posture was stiff, yet elegant. He held his hands behind his back, chin up and shoulders back. You thought he was imposing and somehow worthy of respect already._

_—"Colonel Hux, Supreme Leader Snoke wishes to have a word." A man in black uniform said as he approached him urgently._

_He gave the man a side look, nodded and made his way through the ship. The man in grey uniform who was walking side by side with him automatically understood that he had to stay behind. What would Supreme Leader want to do with a colonel? What was his name again? There was something oddly familiar about him, a foreboding feeling enveloped you. As you tried to hard to remember where you'd heard that name before, you were dragged back through the ship._

 

 

 

And then you woke up in Kylo's bed, alone. Your entire body felt sore still, from the back of your knees to the mid section of your arms, your neck, your ankles and wrists, hell, if it were possible even your hair would feel sore. You slowly sat up in the bed, struggling a bit to pull your feet onto the floor and out of the bed. You stood up, you felt pain but you didn't feel weak. Perhaps a nice, warm shower could lessen the pain a little bit. As you walked back to your room from Kylo's, you could hear small chatter coming from the common room. You opened the door to your room, spotting your lightsaber and the holo pad you'd been using yesterday, on top of your bed. You clicked the holo pad, the hour on it revealing that you'd slept through the day, but woken up early into the night.

There was a slimy substance on your robes, you smelled it, bacta. As you undressed yourself, you noticed your skin had turned pink in some places along your left arm and collarbone, no doubt they were small burns from Snoke's attack on you. You walked into the shower, and much to your relief, the warm water did give your sore muscles a nice rest. You turned the shower off, brushed your hair, put the loosest robes you could find on, and made your way to the common room.

You opened the door slowly, sensing lots of concentration coming from the other side of the door. The five other Knights of Ren were dispersed throughout the common room, all of them completely focused on interlocking the pieces of their new lightsabers correctly. Kana and Kieran sat in the living room together, both of them were less than halfway through the process, not that they were lagging behind, it was simply because the two of them wielded complicated lightsabers to ensemble. Kana was doing both her lightsabers at the same time, while Kieran had nearly twice the pieces to put together. Daeva sat on the floor near the kitchen by herself, so focused that she, too, hadn't noticed your arrival. Claec sat on the dining room alone, he was nearly finished, you reckoned he'd made his really fast, seeing as how his hilt was much longer that everyone else's. Kylo sat on the edge of the window, fitting in the last few pieces on the hilt. 

Kylo glanced in your direction, then back to his lightsaber. —"Hey." He kept moving the small pieces floating in the air. —"Feeling better?"

Kana looked at you and smiled. —"Yeah, how are you feeling?"

You shrugged. —"A bit better. At least I can move now."

A small side smile came across Kylo's features as he stayed focused on his lightsaber. —"Come over here, I want to check in on your injuries."

—"I don't want to distract you." You said shyly. 

Kylo kept the pieces in the air with one hand as he extended his other arm in your direction. —"You won't, don't worry."

You nearly tip toed around the room, trying to make the least noise possible to not distract the others. As soon as you stood next to him, Kylo put the last piece in place, the only thing remaining was to place the Kyber crystal in its chamber and the last piece covering the chamber. He put it down and turned his attention to you. —"Why don't you finish that first?" You asked.

—"It can wait." He said as he took your wrist and pulled your left sleeve up to see the burn marks there. He turned your arm over to see the inside of it, he hummed and let the sleeve fall back on its place. —"May I?" He asked pointing to your collarbone.

You nodded. —"Sure." You pulled the collar of your robes down a bit to reveal your collarbone.

Kylo ran his fingers on top of the mark there, making you hiss in pain. —"I'm sorry." He pulled the collar to the side to inspect your shoulder. —"Well, I'll put more bacta on that before going to sleep. It should be fine by tomorrow."

You had no memory of him putting bacta on you, it must have happened while you were asleep. —"Thank you, really."

—"It's no problem." He said nonchalantly as he turned back to his hilt, taking the crystal out of his pocket. He put it in place, then the cover on top of it.

Kylo stood up, so you took a few steps back as he put his lightsaber in front of him. He willed it to turn on with the Force and out came a scintillating blade, two additional shorter blades came out of the sides of the hilt. It made a cracking sound, little sparks flew out of the blade. If you were honest it looked a bit... unstable.

He turned it off. —"Is anyone else really hungry?"

—"Me!" Daeva exclaimed from the kitchen. —"I'm starving, could someone bring something over?"

—"Uh..." Kylo looked unsure. —"I actually don't know. Let me go outside and ask around." He turned to you. —"Wanna come?"

You simply nodded and walked out walking side by side with him. —"Who do we ask?" 

—"How about that guy?" He said pointing to a stormtrooper that walked down the hall. —"Hey! You!"

The guy stopped, walking back to you and Kylo. —"Yes, sir?"

—"Where can we get food?"

The trooper cleared his throat, suddenly seeming scared of the two of you. —"There's a dining hall a few minutes down that way, or you could have it ordered to your quarters through a holo pad, sir."

—"Good." Kylo walked back to the room, you quickly followed. As soon as you were far enough for the trooper not to hear you, Kylo said, —"Sir? Did he really just call me sir?" He chuckled.

It made you laugh, but a new wave of pain cursed through you, cutting your laugh short. —"We do have a holo pad in my room."

When you were back in the hall that led to the Knights' quarters, Kylo cleared his throat. —"Hey, listen, about yesterday." He stopped in his tracks, you did the same. —"I'm really sorry I hit you. It was a stupid thing to do, I have no excuse for it."

—"Thank you for apologizing." You smiled sincerely. —"I'm sorry about all the dumb things I said, too. Very unnecessary and uncalled for." He hugged you and kissed your forehead. —"Kylo?"

He hummed in response. 

—"I had a vision of someone on this ship. I don't know why the Force showed him to me." He broke the hug and looked at you, urging you to go on. —"His name was oddly familiar. Hux. Does that ring a bell to you?"

His eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up. —"Hux? Commandant Hux? Old fat man with grey hair, blue eyes?"

You shook your head. —"No, I do remember someone called him Colonel and he was certainly not old or fat. He had orange hair."

Kylo frowned. —"What is Brendol Hux's son doing on this ship?"

Brendol Hux. Brendol Hux. That name did ring a bell to you. Your parents were spying on him before that son of a bitch caught them and killed them. So his piece of shit son was onboard, too. You'd have to find him, but what would you do when you found him? Supreme Leader had summoned him, perhaps you could ask Snoke about him? No, he'd know you were wandering about the ship and possibly get angry at you. Or maybe not?

—"What do you know about him?" You asked Kylo as you walked to the door to the common room. 

He shrugged. —"Not much. From what I remember he went to his father's academy in Arkanis. They trained people to become Imperial officers." He opened the door, letting you in first. —"That's all I know."

Claec and Kieran had finished their lightsabers as well when you got back. Claec's looked much like Kylo's, you expected that, with them having the same Kyber crystal. Kieran's was blood red, the two sides were exactly the same lenghth, you recalled his last one wasn't so. You ordered the food, and by the time it arrived, Kana and Daeva had finished theirs. The six of you ate in peace, some went to sleep, others stayed in the living room. 

Kylo approached you. —"It's time for the bacta." You nodded and followed him down the hall to his room. You sat on his bed as he retrieved the pack of bacta from his bathroom. —"Take the top robe off so I can put this on without getting bacta all over it like the last time."

You obeyed, staying in your top undergarments, which were your bra and a straw straps black shirt. Kylo dabbed some of the bacta on his fingers and started applying it to your burned skin. It was cold, but as soon as it was applied, it became a bit warmer. There was a particularly raw piece of skin on your collarbones, and when Kylo pressed down too hard on it, you hissed. He whispered a small "sorry" as he kept applying it.

Once he was done, he looked into your eyes. You did the same, suddenly finding it inevitable to plant a small peck to his lips. He looked taken aback for a second, but then he dropped the bacta container on the floor and took your face in both his hands and kissed you fiercely. He stopped, smiling and rubbing your cheekbone with his thumb. He sat down next to you, and you rested your head on his shoulder. He ran his hand from he top of your hair to the end of it softly. Kylo then peeked out to look at your face, cupping your cheek and kissing you again. This time, his hand traveled down your good shoulder, dragging both the shirt and your bra straps down with his hand.

You straddled him the same way you had back at Luke's Temple, except this time, Kylo decided to take control of things and took you by the waist and hips. He carried you and gently put you down on the pillows, then climbed on top of you. He kissed you urgently, his hands gently caressing the curve at your waist with one hand and propping himself up with the other. You pulled his top robes up, suddenly finding that his clothes were getting in your way. He made a move to remove them, revealing his firm chest and upper part of his torso. He kissed down your jaw and into the crook of your neck as he fumbled to untuck your undershirt, then carefully removed it to not hurt your arm or collarbone. 

As both of you were rid of the top portion of your clothes, your make out becomes feverish. You spread your legs so that Kylo laid more comfortably. That earned you a sigh from him. He reached down and caressed the inner part of your upper thigh and down to your knee. You sighed into his mouth as you pushed your hips up to grind yourself into him, feeling him already hard. You reached between your bodies and start to unbuckle his pants, but he stopped you and did so himself in a much quicker way. You moved to do the same, lifting your hips and shuffling out the lower portion of your robes.

Kylo stuck his arm behind your back, and you arc it to help him reach for your bra's hook. He quickly unhooked it and you take it off. He kissed you more aggressively this time, occassionaly nibbing and biting your bottom lip. This only led you on more, so in a daring act, you reached between your bodies and cupped him through his boxers. He lightly shivered, hooking a finger in the side of your panties and slowly pulling them down. You mirrored his actions, and he was quick to kick himself out of his underwear and pull yours completely down, tossing them to some part of the room. 

He lined himself at your entrance, slowly pushing in. It hurt at first, but when he's fully sheathed in, the pain is gone. He reached down to kiss you once more, still not moving inside you. His breaths were a bit more ragged as he kissed you. He cupped your right breast with his big hand, massaging it lightly. Finally, he kissed your neck as he began moving his hips against you. A sigh escaped your mouth shakily, and you wrapped your arms around his back. His thrusts are slow but deep. He kept both his hands gripping your hips. 

He changed his position so that he's on his knees, while you laid down, fucking you faster in this new position. One of the hands on your hips traveled up your stomach to rest at your sternum. Kylo's panting dragged out some low whimpers of your own, both of you trying to keep quiet so as not to let the others know what you were doing. His hands moved to your waist as he increased his pace, which made your head feel dizzy. Just as his hips became a bit more erratic, he reached between the two of you and rubbed your clit. Pleasure washed over you as your mouth contorted into a silent scream, you walls clenching around him. He found this new pressure too overwhelming, his panting growing in volume as he came inside you.

The warmth of his cum inside you made you feel even better somehow. He took you and pulled you on top of him without slipping out of you. You laid your head on his sweat covered chest as both of you gasped for air, feeling spent from your orgasms. 

—"You know..." He began between breaths. —"That day we kissed back on the Temple, I went back to my room and jacked off thinking of you." He chuckled breathlessly.

You giggled, too, looking up at him and planting a small kiss on his chest. —"I really, really, like you."

Kylo placed his left hand on your waist, the right one on top of your head. —"I like you more."

—"Wanna bet?" You asked.

Kylo laughed, the vibrations of his chest making your head bounce lightly. —"No need to bet, I know I like you more than you like me. Always have." He made a move to stand and you groaned to protest. —"You don't really want to go to sleep all sticky, do you?"

You recognized he had a point. He sensed this and rolled over to lay you on the bed, pulled out of you and walked over to the bathroom. He came back with a towel and you cleaned yourself, then he did the same. Kylo pulled the blankets down the bed, then pulled you beneath them with him. You kissed him one last time before drifting off to sleep, feeling tired and spent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additionally, here's a link to explain the relation between the colors of the uniforms and ranks inside the First Order.  
> http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Rank_insignia_of_the_First_Order


	10. Cold Stares

You awoke with that distinct foreign feeling in the back of your head, that which you only felt when Snoke called for you. Getting out of bed quickly, you noticed Kylo had brought some clean clothes from your room and left them at the edge of the bed along with your lightsaber. There was a strange pull you felt at the muscles of your pelvis, blood tinted a small spot in Kylo's bed. You were quick to call for a cleaning droid. You rushed to get into your clothes and fix your hair as the pressure in your neck got more persistent. Before leaving, you noticed that the quarters were completely empty, everyone was gone, but where to?

It must have taken you less than ten minutes to wake up, get dressed and run towards the elevator leading to the throne room. You hoped to see your fellow Knights of Ren in there, but instead you were met by the back of someone in a teal uniform. The man turned around, revealing the young face of who you now knew to be Brendol Hux's son. You tried to keep your sneering to a minimum, noticing how you'd failed when the man frowned. He looked back at Supreme Leader, and so did you, finding a small smile on his lips.

—"How are your injuries, Myra?" He asked as you came to stand next to Brendol Hux's son.

You lifted the sleeve of your robe to show your now pink, but significantly less irritated, scars. —"A lot better, Supreme Leader."

He hummed in agreement. —"You're strong, Myra Ren. A normal person would have died when exposed to that much Force lightning." He gestured towards the man next to you with a nod of his head. —"Allow me to introduce you, this is Armitage Hux, Colonel in charge of this vessel." You looked over at him, nodded, then looked back at Snoke. —"Armitage, this is Myra Ren, part of the new addition to our cause."

—"The Knights of Ren." Armitage said next to you. —"Interesting, what will be their purpose?"

You couldn't help the look of digust in your face and the hatred you felt from projecting into the Force. —"Is something the matter, Myra Ren?" Snoke asked, his face tilted lightly to the right. You shook your head and looked down. —"Tell me, child."

—"I thought this man's name sounded familiar to me." Snoke lifted his eyebrows, urging you to go on. —"My parents were investigating Brendol Hux before they were killed."

Armitage huffed. —"Do not speak that man's name in my presence."

_—"This is what I called you here for, Myra Ren." Snoke's voice rang in your mind, you tried to keep your face neutral. —"I know this man's weakness lies in his relationship with his father, break into his mind, find it, and you shall be forgiven for your mistake."_

Without thinking, you pushed into the Hux's mind, he fell to his knees and clutched his head. You knew that breaking into non-Force sensitive's minds caused them pain, but you'd never seen the extent of it. You felt his pain, his desperation to push you out of his head. And then, you finally broke into his head.

 

 

 

_Armitage Hux stood along with other kids, they were lined up in vertical lines, all of them with their chins up, shoulders back, hands behind their backs. Flashes of different ocassions in which he was hit, thrown on the floor, and forced to make push ups flashed through your mind. Suddenly, the image shifted and you found yourself in a beautiful office. A woman with curly black hair and a small grey streak going from the front of his hair to the tips of her ponytail stood in front of a desk. She wore a white uniform with yellow straps at the shoulders, a black belt at her waist. A man with a white beard sat at the desk, his blue eyes held a shameful look in them. A small child with orange hair and big blue eyes stood at the door, hidden behind it, only peeking through._

_—"Brendol, I understand you have a son. Not of your wife—an illegitimate child? Will he _be the best the Empire has to offer?_ " She said, a mocking tone laced her toxic words._

_The bearded man looked down at his hands, suddenly ashamed. —"I… Armitage is a weak-willed boy. Thin as a slip of paper and just as useless. But I'll teach him. You'll… you'll see. He has potential."_

_The small ginger boy looked down sadly, a single tear running down his cheek as he silently walked away from his father's office._

 

 

 

You slipped out of his mind, feeling Snoke's satisfaction at the horrible memory you'd found. He openly laughed. You looked down at the Colonel, he was on his knees, his face red with embarrassment. Somehow, you couldn't help but feel bad for him, you felt sorry for meddling in his dirty business like that. 

—"So, Armitage, you're not only a shame to your father but also a bastard." Snoke said disdainfully.

The orange-haired man looked up to you, rage in his eyes. All you could do to show sympathy was extend your hand to him, offering to help him to his feet. Armitage quickly stood and made a move to hit you, but you were fast to grab him by the arm, twisting in behind his back, and putting your ignited lightsaber at his throat. He was much taller than you, still, a bit shorter than Kylo. 

Supreme Leader Snoke slowly clapped as he stood from his throne and walked down the steps. —"Once again, you've proved yourself worthy of being MY apprentice, Myra." He walked closer to the two of you, Hux's breathing ragged. —"It's okay, let him go."

You turned your lightsaber off and broke your hold on his arm. Hux quickly resumed his military posture. You took a few steps back from the Colonel as Snoke stood in front of him.

—"You know, Colonel, unlike your father, I completely disregard the fact that you're a bastard. I see you for who you are, an ambitious man with an unwavering loyalty to the First Order's cause. I ask of you to control your impulses, unless you wish to be taught control by one of my Knights." He nodded in your direction.

You felt a wave of pride come from Armitage. —"Yes, Supreme Leader."

Snoke looked at the man, studying him up and down. —"Now, leave. I wish to have a word with my apprentice." The redhead turned on his heels, giving you one last dirty look before leaving.  As soon as the elevator door shut, Snoke directed his attention to you. —"Have you heard of Darth Nihilus?"

—"Can't say I have, Supreme Leader." You held your hands behind your back.

—"He was a powerful Sith in the times of the Old Republic, about 1000 years back. Those were the times of the Ancient Sith Empire. He was also known as 'The Lord of Hunger'. He got that name from the unsatiable hunger he felt, which was only satisfied by his ability to absorb people's life through the Force, effectively making him more powerful. Now girl, I felt the thirst that ran though you when I named Claec Ren second in command." He nodded. —"I wish to take you on as my apprentice, as I have Kylo Ren, simply because I believe that you, too, possess the ability to kill in the same manner as Darth Nihilus."

—"How?"

He smiled wickedly. —"In time you will see, child." Snoke walked back to his throne. —"As of now I wish you to continue to train with your fellow Knights of Ren. When the time comes, I will be sure to summon you." With a wave of his hand, the doors to the elevator opened. —"Now go."

You walked into the empty elevator, looking for Kylo with the Force. You found him a couple of floors beneath the one where your quarters were. Upon further inspection, you discovered the rest of the Knights were there, too. What were they doing? And why had Kylo not woken you up to go along with them?

The elevator doors opened to reveal a floor swarming with stormtroopers. You guessed you must have been close to the floors were the barracks for stormtroopers. Kylo's presence in the Force called to you, you supposed he knew you were looking for him now. As you peeked into some of the doors in the halls you were walking through, you saw stormtroopers and officers training in blaster target simulations, physique training that included everything ranging from a push up to burpees, some were even practising hand-to-hand combat. You remembered you'd had some blaster training as a kid, only after your father had insisted you needed to know how to defend yourself in situations where your Force abilities wouldn't be able to help you.

Finally, you made a turn to the left that led to an empty corridor with a tall door at the end of it. You questioned why Snoke insisted in keeping his Knights away from the rest of the ship's personnel. Upon standing in front of the door, you realized it had no handle. It took you a few moments to realize it was supposed to be opened with the Force. You slid the door open, and inside were the other five Knights of Ren. Daeva and Kieran parred in slow motion, you reckoned that was meant to make them keep their footwork more in order. Claec parred with Kana, she looked wary of his crackling lightsaber. 

—"Hey." Kylo said as he leaned on the wall next to you. 

—"Hi." You smiled at him. —"Why was I not invited here along with all of you?"

Kylo frowned. —"Snoke didn't summon you?"

—"He did."

—"What was it about?"

You sighed. —"It was weird." You began. —"Brendol Hux's son was there, too." Kylo quirked up an eyebrow at that. —"I guess it was Snoke who showed him to me in that dream."

—"So, what did he want him there for?" He crossed his arms as he looked over to Kana. —"Channel that fear into your fighting or don't feel it at all, Kana." The girl nodded.

—"Well, he made me break into Hux's mind. I had to get one of his most horrible memories out of him."

—"And?"

—"And it was awful. I feel bad for the guy."

Kylo huffed. —"Don't." You gave him a questioning look. —"I looked around the minds of several officers earlier today, anyone who's come into contact with him has sour memories of him." A puff left his mouth. —"Guy seems like a proper asshole, if you ask me."

You smiled. —"Well, why wasn't I invited here then? I didn't like waking up alone." Kylo blushed at that, and you openly laughed.

He shushed you in jest. —"You already know the two forms I'm having to teach the rest of them. I just thought you had little to learn of me."

The two of you stared in silence at the rest of the Knights as they parred. A while after doing that, Kylo stepped out of the room and motioned for you to follow him. You two walked a little ways away from the door.

—"We need to speak about some things." He said as he came to a stop at the middle of the hallway.

—"Like what?"

—"Well..." He scratched at the back of his head awkwardly. —"Like birth control, and some things Snoke told me this morning."

The thought of protection hadn't even crossed your mind yesterday. You did recognize that was something you should have thought before getting into anything with Kylo Ren. After a small sigh, you look up to Kylo. —"Uh, we should drop by the infirmary later today about that."

—"Would be wise." Kylo said with a nod. —"And about Snoke..." He began. —"He said he'd be sending Claec, you and I on a mission to this Sith planet in the Outer Rim. He said he'd give us more details tomorrow."

You threw your hands up, suddenly noticing how much you missed stepping on soil, looking at trees and the open sky. —"But, what about the twins and Daeva?"

—"Supreme Leader said something about sending them on a mission to this star system that supports the First Order. They seem to be having some issues with a Republic ambassador who has been snooping around." You nodded in understanding.

—"Did he say the planet we were going to?" 

Kylo shook his head. —"I suppose he'll say when the debriefing about the mission comes."


	11. Antares, Mira, Sun

Two weeks had gone by. You and Kylo had been going at it like bunnies ever since you went to the infirmary inquiring about birth control. The two of you had had a pair of twin chips inserted through an IV, those were supposed to last for at least six years. After that, you'd discovered Kylo had a high sex drive, not that you minded, truth be told, you'd been having a lot of fun with him. Any time the two of you had the quarters to yourselves, you would lock the door to Kylo's room and not leave until the door to the common room opened. So far, neither of you had been caught sneaking in and out each other's room. If any of the others had ever heard you, they'd kept it to themselves.

Kana, Kieran and Daeva had been gone for three days now, their mission had taken them to planet Calus in the Inner Rim. You'd heard from Daeva that they had to go undercover as civilians in order to avoid arousing suspicion from the ambassador they were tailing after. Claec spent most his day in the lower floors, practising his saber technique and apparently learning how to use a blaster from Colonel Hux himself, of course, this was instructed by Supreme Leader Snoke.

And so, you found yourself straddling Kylo's lap as he sucked and nibbled your collarbones. He guided your hips as you ground down on him, the friction deliciously worked you and Kylo up. You knew it would feel a lot better if the two of you had no clothes on. Kylo seemed to sense this as he took your shirt off, you wore no bra underneath. He fondled your breasts before pushing you off his lap and laying you flat on the bed.

He kneeled in front of you, giving you one last sultry look as he stuck a finger into the waisband of your pants and your underwear and tugged them off you at the same time. Gently, he spread your legs apart, leaving a trail of wet kisses on the inside of your right thigh. He kissed your pelvis, sending a shiver up your spine. Finally, he licked from your entrance to your clit, that in itself, was enough to elicit a small moan from you. Kylo sucked your clit into his mouth, spining it in circles with his tongue. He kept your hips firmly grounded to the bed with both his hands. You panted and squirmed against him. 

One of his hands left the right side of your hip. Instead, he held you down with the Force. Kylo inserted one of his fingers in and out of you as he continued his assault on your bulb. You stuck your left hand in his hair and bit down on the index finger of your right hand to keep from crying out in pleasure. He put a second finger in you, starting to move both of them in a scissoring motion, determined to push you over the edge. As your moans and pants become more frequent and desperate, Kylo increased the pace of his fingers. You arched your back off the bed as your orgasm hit you.

Just as soon as you came down from the initial high, Kylo pulled your hips closer to him and turned you on your back, still laying flat. He quickly rid himself of his clothes, and without any warning whatsoever, he simply rammed into you. His pace was erratic and aggressive, but you couldn't blame him, really. You'd felt him holding back through the Force as he ate you out. In this position, laying flat on your back, and with Kylo savagely fucking you, you found your already sensitive clit was being furiously massaged by the friction against the bed covers. It doesn't take you long to come again, this time with your face pressed against the bed covers, stifling the loud moans that left your mouth as you gripped the bed sheets until your knuckles went white.

Still, Kylo was yet to come. He turned you over, without slipping out of you, so that you were now facing him. Small beads of sweat collected at his forehead. He bent over to kiss you fervently, then slowly worked his way down your jaw and to the crook between your neck and your collarbone. Kylo continued to pound into you, your clit feeling raw from overstimulation. And yet, he took you over the edge a third time, but now, your pleasure mixed with a stinging pain that felt like electricity bolting through your core. As you pulsed around him, Kylo's hips began to lose their rhythm. He pressed the fingers at your waist deeper into your skin, sure to leave marks there. His breathing became ragged, a series of pants and small moans leaving his mouth as he spilled inside you.

He pulled out of you and quickly made his way to the bathroom to bring you something to clean yourself with. You found that your legs had gone numb from mere exertion. You could still feel your core pulsing. 

Kylo climbed back into the bed, wearing underwear now, and straddled you without sitting on you. He looked down at you with a smirk on his face. —"I love seeing you like this."

You slapped the side of his thigh and snatched away the towel in his hand. —"You dirty bastard." He chuckled. —"I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to stand for a couple hours at least."

He openly laughed at you now. —"That's okay, we can stay here for as long as you like." He laid down on his side facing you as you cleaned yourself.

After you finished, you guided the towel back to the bathroom with the Force. Kylo put both his elbows at either side of your face as he kissed you, sweetly this time. There were times where he made sure you could feel all the affection he harbored for you, not only through the Force, but as a sentient human being. He broke the kiss and instead opted to rest his head on your shoulder. You ran your fingers through those raven locks of his until his breathing pattern changed and he fell asleep. 

Several minutes after Kylo had fallen asleep, and just as you were about to, that uncomfortable pressure at the back of your neck made itself present. Kylo jolted awake and both of you quickly dressed yourselves again. You two power walked from your quarters to the elevator, finding Claec waiting for you inside.

—"Where were you two?" He asked curiously. 

Kylo and you shared a look before answering in unison —"Parring."

He nodded and willed the doors to shut with the Force. Silence clung between the three of you as the elevator went up. It opened to reveal Snoke standing in the middle of the room along with Colonel Hux, both looking at a map of a great round sphere in construction. You recognized it as the map you'd seen some time ago when you'd had a vision of Hux. The two of them directed their attention to the three of you. Snoke beckoned you in with a few waves from his hand.

—"Perfect timing, children." He said as he directed his attention to the holo map in front of him. —"I present to you your future home, Starkiller Base."

Kylo looked at it with wonder. —"Is that like the Death Star?"

—"Yes! Yes, child! Only bigger, and much, much more powerful." Snoke said excitedly. Hux limited himself to smirking at the lot of you, disdain still dancing in his eyes whenever he directed his gaze at you or Kylo. —"It dwarfs the Death Star in size by nearly ten times!"

—"It will also have the capacity of destroying entire star systems when functional." Hux added looking smug.

Snoke turned the holo map off. —"Thank you, Colonel Hux. Now, I need to have a word with my Knights. Please, if you would." He said motoning him to the elevator. Hux nodded once and walked past the three of you, hands behind his back, and into the elevator. As soon as the doors to it shut, Snoke directed his attention to you. —"Children, you are set to leave for Bosthirda tomorrow. This planet is in the Outer Rim Territories, a Sith planet. There is a Sith temple on the planet, it took me decades to find it, but finally I've achieved it. You are to go and explore the temple, bring whatever scrolls and relics you find." He sat back on his throne. 

—"At what time are we set to leave?" Kylo Ren asked.

—"I will be the one to summon you. You are to come here and depart from my personal hangar." The three of you nodded. —"One more thing before I let you go." He began. —"You must be careful, specially you, Myra Ren. The planet holds strong dark side power, particularly strong inside the temple. It was home to a Supreme Prophet of the dark side. Now, Myra, you have developed strongly in Force visions, know that this place will attack your mind with the cruelest of visions, you must remain strong and sane through them." He looked over to Kylo. —"I entrust her care to you, Kylo Ren."

A feeling of anxiety washed over you. The visions Snoke had put you through back in Luke's temple were more than enough to drive you from the light to the dark. Was he aiming to drive you further into the dark side?


	12. Descent into the Rift

Cold traveled through you along with a feeling of doom that clung into the air of your room. It was almost as if you'd woken up from a vicious nightmare with no memory of it. Something that could be compared to the way you felt when you awoke from Snoke's Force fueled visions back at Ossus, when you were still under Skywalker's care. Yet, there was a feeling that clung into the back of your mind, you placed it somewhere between dread and anxiety. It made you feel heavy, like you were being pressed down into the mattress by some invisible, dark force.

You tried to shake the feeling off as you climbed out of bed and walked into the shower. At least the warmth of the water rid you of the cold that had penetrated deep under your skin. What had gotten into you? Upon exiting the shower and inspecting your reflection in the fogged mirror, you found dark circles under your eyes that you could have sworn were not there the night before. You tried to shrug it off as you went about your morning routine. 

Still trying to escape that odd feeling, you walked into the common room and went directly to the kitchen, suddenly finding that you were not hungry. You couldn't really say you felt anything at all apart from that dark, looming thing that had stuck itself to your mind. You felt uncomfortable, to say the least. The door to the right hall opened, Kylo Ren stood at the frame, nearly covering all of it in size. The feeling shied away at his presence, much like a deer did at the sight of a hunter. Relief washed over you, and that was when you realized just how desperate to get rid of it you were becoming.

—"Is something wrong?" You tilted your head a bit to the left, wondering if he could feel it, too. —"You seem... on edge?" He frowned, looking at you questioningly.

You shook your head no. —"Everything is fine. Just the anxiousness of going on our first mission." You managed a small smile.

Kylo smiled back, making his way over to the kitchen, opening the fridge and peeking inside. —"Have you had breakfast?"

Your stomach already felt like a mess, so you simply nodded at Kylo, deciding to skip breakfast. 

Claec walked into the common room. —"Have you guys packed?" Both you and Kylo hummed in confirmation. —"What did you pack?"

—"Warm clothes." Kylo said. —"Sith worlds are known to be cold."

You nodded in agreement, it had been Kylo who had helped you pack. —"Good, I packed more or less the same."

Snoke's presence pushed itself into the back of your head. You glanced at Claec and Kylo, knowing that they, too, felt it. The three of you retrieved the things you'd packed and made your way to Snoke's throne room. The space leading to the elevator was eerily empty that morning, which led you to believe that your mission was to be kept secret at all costs. The elevator doors opened to reveal your Master pacing around in front of his throne. His head snapped in your direction, a puzzled look was sent towards specifically you.

—"Myra Ren, you've felt it too, haven't you?" You'd never seen Supreme Leader look so on edge, and frankly, it made the hairs at the back of your neck stand. —"It is of extreme importance that you find some way of anchoring yourself to reality."

—"I believe I have found a way, Supreme Leader." 

He narrowed his eyes as he glanced between you and Kylo, smiling nefariously as he nodded slowly. —"Excellent choice, Myra. Let me praise your resourcefulness." Snoke stopped his pacing and instead gestured to the far left side of the room with his arm. —"Now, you must leave. Follow me."

The three of you followed Snoke through a grand, red door that led to his personal hangar. There were three vessels, all of them jet black and shiny, similiar in appearance to black onix. You were to take the biggest of all the ships stationed. You boarded the ship along with Supreme Leader, as he went through the qualities the ship possessed with Kylo. You admired the lavish way in which the ship's interior had been designed. Much like its exterior, the interior was black and shiny with specks of gold here and there. Snoke walked with the other two men into the cockpit, you overheard him giving Kylo coordinates for Bosthirda. In the meantime, you explored the hall that led to two small cabins, each of them with one big bed.

Snoke was quick to say his goodbyes and remind you to bring whatever Sith artifacts and scrolls you found inside the Temple. Finally, Supreme Leader climbed down the ship. Claec was the one to press the button that pulled the ship's ramp up, effectively closing the ship. The two of you walked back to the cockpit, where Kylo was busy initiating the flight sequence. You sat next to him, pressing and pulling in the right places of the console to help him accelerate the process.

The hangar's door opened to reveal the vastness of space in front of you. Kylo took off and flought out of the hangar, staying suspended in space as he typed in all the necessary calculations to make the jump to hyperspace. It took him a small amount of time before he pushed the lever in the middle of the console up, blurring the stars that looked as dots into long lines. The blue and white swirl of hyperspace danced in front of the three of you, finally safe to leave your seats, but content in not doing so.

Your journey was supposed to last about three hours, you were tremendously close to the planet. This made sense to you, seeing as how you knew that the collective of planetary systems that belonged, or once belonged to the Sith were close by in the same sector. It was smart of Snoke to keep his ship stationed somewhere deep into the Outer Rim, where the only planets around were deserted, unable to harbor life and plagued with nightmares that rose from the Dark Side.

Those three hours were spent in silence, at least on your part. Kylo and Claec spoke about whatever little information they had on Sith lore. You limited yourself to listening as Kylo talked excitedly about his grandfather, someone for whom Kylo had been harboring great admiration as of late. Of course, it was Darth Vader he admired, not Anakin Skywalker. The only lore about the Sith that you knew of was what Snoke had told you about Darth Nihilus. You wondered when the time would come for Snoke to begin training you and making your powers grow in strenghth.

Your stomach growled softly, but you found you weren't hungry, just very, very thirsty. You stood and walked out the cockpit, making your way around the ship, trying to find water. However, as soon as you found yourself at a distance from Kylo, the dread you'd felt that morning began to creep back into your head. Scared, you walked back into the cockpit still thirsty. Kylo and Claec both gave you odd looks as you sat back down.

—"Are you okay?" Kylo asked, placing a hand on your forearm. You flinched at the contact, then relaxed into it. 

You nodded as a frown crossed your features. —"We both felt it, your fear." Claec said. You snapped your head to look at him. —"Are you sure you're okay?"

Just as you were about to answer, the ship rocked in turbulence and you were pushed out of hyperspace. The three of you turned your attention to the planet that stood in front of you. It was mostly blue, you could see the purple clouds that plagued its sky from the outside. A small star, purple in hue, lit up the world. Kylo began the flight sequence again, and you suddenly found that even being next to him, the dread finds you anyway, however small it was, it creeped in the back of your brain. 

You broke into the atmosphere of the planet, slowly begining the decent sequence. The ship went through one of the purple clouds, leaving you to only see purple for a couple of minutes. Then, the surface could be seen, a long mountain range covered it entirely. Kylo Ren spotted the Temple in the distance, steering the ship towards it. He landed with no problem in the Temple's platform. The three of you left your seats in the cockpit and walked out of the ship. 

The temple was big, grand, luxurious. You found most of the architecture of the dark side seemed to be this way. The entrance had a long hall, statues of hooded figures at each side of it. The dread you'd felt only intensified as you walked through the hall, leaving you utterly mortified of what was to come.

And then, you saw it... A short hooded figure with a cape billowing behind it as he hurriedly walked at the end of the hall.


	13. Inside the Black Room

You stood frozen in place, mouth agape. You pointed towards the end of the hall, your quivering index finger signaling where you'd seen a spectre. Kylo and Claec turned towards the end of the hall, they shared a confused look. Claec went to investigate, lightsaber in hand, as Kylo took both your shoulders in his hands. You could see his mouth moving, but no sound came out. You simply stared ahead past Kylo, checking on your other companion, just to make sure he was safe. Kylo shook you lightly, and finally, you began to hear muffled sounds come out of his mouth as Claec returned unharmed.

—"What did you see?" Kylo asked, voice still sounding distant. —"Myra, what did you see?"

You looked at him vacantly as Claec came to stand next to him. —"Nothing."

—"Are you sure?" You asked, stealing glances at the end of the hall every few seconds.

Perhaps these were the visions Snoke had warned you about? And if so, were you to avoid them? What if they were trying to show you something. A feeling of curiousity ran through your mind. Suddenly, you felt it was your duty to know what was in every part of the temple. You pushed past Kylo and Claec, fast walking towards the end of the hall, determined to check yourself. Upon passing the arch at the end, you were met by a death end on your left, another long hall stood on the right side. You walked that way as Kylo and Claec rushed to catch up with you. This hall had tall, grey pillars at each side of it, holding the roof's weight. 

At the end of that second hall, you'd found some narrow stairs that went down in spiral. You went slower now, focusing on not falling down. Two sets of feet followed behind you. It gave you an odd sense of safety to know that your two fellow Knights of Ren were following close by. You'd been walking down the stairs for some time when you saw the first mark on the wall. Gashes made by what you knew to be a lightsaber marked the narrow walls of the stairs. As you went down deeper, the marks grew more frequent, leaving evidence of the violence that had happened in this part of the temple.

—"Are those-" Claec began.

Kylo interrupted. —"Lightsaber strokes." He completed. You heard the leather of Kylo's gloves drag on the stone wall. —"They're old."

—"But why are they here?" Claec inquired.

You heard no verbal reply from Kylo, assuming he had simply shrugged in response. You wondered if perhaps there had been a duel between a Sith and a Jedi here, or maybe between two Sith? There were so many of them that you couldn't imagine them having been made by only two people. Trying to get your mind off the marks, you focused on the two sets of footsteps following close behind, only to find that you could now hear a third set of feet hurriedly running down in front of you. Without thinking, you ran behind the other footsteps.

Kylo and Claec called after you, telling you to wait. However, you were once again met by the black flowing cape you'd seen earlier. Instead of freezing, you increased your pace, slowly leaving the other two men following you behind. Their voices grew more distant as you drew closer to the spectre. No matter how fast you ran, the figure was always one step ahead. You reached out with the Force, trying to pull the cape, hindering its user. You found your efforts were futile as you felt a sort of bubble protecting the spectre from your Force pull.

Something pulled at your left ankle, making you stumble, but you managed to regain your posture and kept running. You ran a few steps more before that same force pulled both your ankles. You fell on your side, knocking all the air out of your lungs as you continued to fall and fall. And then, you lost consciousness.

 

 

 

_You were enveloped by darkness. That feeling of doom crept up on you now that Kylo's presence was nowhere near you. Determined not to panic, you ran, not knowing in which direction in particular. You could hear nothing for a few moments, until you spotted the caped figure hunching over, taking in air in ragged, panicked breaths. You walked closer as quietly as you could, managing to distinguish the figure chanting in an odd tongue. When you were right behind him, he snapped back to look in your direction, startling you and nearly making you stumble. He was a young human man, black locks framed his pale face. It took you moments to notice he was looking past you, a terror-striken expression on his face._

_As you looked behind you, you found three people there, one man with a red lightsaber, what looked like a man in an armor similar to that of Snoke's Praetorian guards, and a woman with a weapon that looked like a lightsaber, but instead of a blade, a three headed whip sprung out of her hilt._

_—"Azrakel..." He said, eyes wide, pupils blown with fear. —"What have you done?"_

_The woman stepped forward, lifting her whip and bringing it down on the man as his eyes stayed firm on the man with the lightsaber. The scene before you disappeared into smoke, revealing an extremely short man in a cape in front of you instead. All you could see was the bearded chin coming out of the hood. The man lifted the hood, revealing his face. He looked at you, really looked at you this time._

_—"Are you the new Prophet?" He asked. You stayed silent. —"You wouldn't have been able to see my spirit if you weren't." Silence. —"Who sent you, girl?"_

_You opened your mouth, then closed it, not being able to find your voice. The man waited patiently. —"My Master sent me."_

_—"Along with two others, yes. Who is your Master?"_

_—"Snoke." He gave you a puzzled look. —"I'm Myra Ren."_

_He tilted his head a bit to the right. —"But you haven't always been Myra Ren."_

_—"No." You replied simply. —"What do you mean by new Prophet?"_

_The man looked at you. —"You were born on 6 ABY, on the green planet of Dantooine. Am I right?" You nodded. —"Well, the scene I presented you, happened in that same year. You're my successor."_

_—"Who are you?"_

_—"Kadann, I was a Prophet of the Dark Side serving Emperor Palpatine, until he decided he no longer needed my services and had me killed."_

_You stayed silent for some time. —"So, what happens now?"_

_—"You become aware of who you are, and work to become what you're meant to be."_

_—"But..." You shook your head. —"We were sent here to find some artifacts."_

_—"I know, I made sure to guide you and your friends to where I hid them." He pointed at your feet. —"That's why I made you fall."_

_You thought back to all the visions you'd had. Was Snoke really responsible for them? Had he been grooming you for this ever since you were on Ossus with Skywalker?_

_Kadann hummed. —"I believe he has been grooming you for this, it cannot be mere coincidence." You felt his presence lurk into your mind delicately. —"Darth Nihilus? He wishes to groom you for Force drains?"_

_You nodded. —"I have the thirst he had." You explained._

_—"Myra Ren." He began. —"Find the holocron you've seen me hide before being killed, you shall take it to your Master. He will know what to do with it." He placed a hand on your shoulder. —"I have foreseen your future, powerful and unbeatable, both you and the boy. Only a person stands in your way to achieve everything, when the time comes, you will know which of the two you have to kill."_

_And so, the man banished in front of you, leaving behind the black cape._

 

 

 

Kylo Ren held you in his arms when you awoke. You could hear Claec rummaging through the room at your left. —"The holocron." You said weakly.

—"What?" The man holding you asked. —"Are you okay? You fell on your head."

You slowly sat up. —"I spoke with the shadow I saw."

Kylo gave you a puzzled look. —"What did it want?"

—"He told me to find a holocron he hid." You spit a half-truth, deciding it should be Snoke to know about this first. —"I want to help look."

He helped you to your feet. You walked into the room, piles upon piles of stone and debree stood inside the room. You focused on the vision of Kadann being killed by the woman, guiding yourself to the holocron by tapping into the fear the former Prophet felt as he was found. Then came the pull, an invisible force that guided your feet to the chest he'd hidden the holocron in. You stood before a small pile of rocks, willing them to lift, revealing the chest underneath. It was wooden, possessing no lock. When you touched in, a green, dim light emerged from inside it. You opened it to find a small silver cube with intricate designs plastered on it, from inside this small cube came the green light. When you touched it, the hue of the light went from green to red.

Claec and Kylo stood behind you. —"Take a couple scrolls and let's get out of here please." 

—"Done." You turned around to see Claec carrying a big bag. —"They were stashed right beneath the spot you fell on."

You stood, stashing the holocron in the bag along with all the things Kylo and Claec had found. The three of you walked back to the entrance. You went through many rooms and passages before getting to the narrow stairs, making you notice you'd wandered off after falling on the stairs. Perhaps you had sleepwalked while having the vision? Just as you finished going up the stairs, you noticed that feeling of dread was completely gone. In fact, it had been gone since you'd seen Kadann get killed. Had he linked his desperation to your mind in order to guide you to him? Or maybe it had been Snoke to do that for you.

Snoke's black ship stood on the Temple's entrance platform. You were eager to climb on it, suddenly feeling tired both mentally and physically. You could feel a lump growing on the left side of your head, you guessed that was the spot you fell on. When you got on the ship, Claec was quick to drop the bag in the cockpit and left to sleep in one of the cabins. Kylo and you sat on the cockpit, programming the take off sequence. You watched as he made the calculations from Bosthirda back to Snoke's star destroyer. The moment you made the jump to hyperspace, you stood from your seat. You planted a small kiss on Kylo's temple before making your way to one of the rooms, he turned the autopilot on and followed closely behind.

When you walked in the room, Kylo closed the door behind the two of you. —"You need to rest, that was a pretty awful landing." He said, gesturing to the side of your head.

He took his gloves off, then moving to kick his boots off. You simply sat on the edge of the bed, removing your gloves and boots, too. You laid on the side of your head that wasn't hurt, Kylo wrapped an arm around you and hid his face on the back of your neck. —"Kylo?" He hummed. —"I'm glad I met you."

You felt the bubble of elation that left him as he pressed a kiss on your left shoulder and held you closer to him. 

 

 

 

A few hours later, you were woken up by the turbulence when pulling out of hyperspace. You were alone on the bed. You sat up quickly, pulling your boots and gloves back on, then going to the cockpit, retrieving the holocron. You helped Kylo begin the landing sequence as Claec appeared. He yawned and lifted the bag with artifacts. Kylo stationed the ship back in Snoke's hangar, who was patiently waiting for the three of you at the entrance.

When you went down the ramp, Snoke looked straight at you. He extended a hand towards you.

—"Give me the holocron."


	14. Espial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: domestic violence. Towards the mid-end of the chapter, please skip if it makes you uncomfortable!

Along with Kylo and Claec, you stood before Snoke. You placed the holocron on his extended palm. He inspected it, turning it around in his hands to look at all its sides. The man looked between you and Kylo, as if assessing both of you thoroughly. He pointed at you.

—"I have no use for the two of you." He said as he looked straight at you. —"Leave us."

The other two men walked out the hangar and into the elevator. Snoke made his way into the throne room with you following closely behind. He ushered his Praetorian guards out of the chamber as well, leaving you to wonder what could possibly be so important that he'd completely bypass the presence of his red guards. He sat on his throne, twisting and turning the small cube in his hands, a puzzled look rested on his crooked features.

You moved to stand in the spot at the end of the bridge, as usual, but Snoke beckoned you closer to him. There was a devious smile on his face.

—"I send you to find relics..." He began holding the holocron up in one of his hands. —"And you bring back a holocron?"

You looked down with a frown in your face. Was it wrong of you to bring this back?

Snoke hummed. —"Don't be stupid, Myra Ren. Of course it's not bad." He stood from his throne. —"You simply continue to prove yourself to be a more worthy apprentice than Kylo Ren." He chuckled darkly. —"You almost make me want to break the rule of two."

—"Rule of two?" You asked, hands firmly stuck behind your back.

He waved his hand, as if deeming that information not important. —"Ancient Sith rule." He walked closer to you. —"Now..." He began. —"Who gave you this?" He said looking at the cube.

—"I had a vision." You began. —"I saw a caped figure, so I followed it down a set of narrow stairs. Something pulled at my feet and I fell. Then I saw it." You took a breath before continuing. —"There was a short man hiding the holocron in a chest, right before three people broke in to kill him."

Snoke sneered. —"Tell me everything, girl. Or I'll take it out of you by whatever means necessary."

You swallowed thickly. —"The man behind the cape appeared before me, he said his name was Kadann, that he was a Prophet of the dark side."

—"And what else, girl? I don't have all day." He said menacingly.

—"He told me the year and place I was born in. He said he was killed that same year, that I was to become the new Prophet. The man said that if I weren't the new Prophet I wouldn't have been able to see his spirit."

He hummed. —"Why did he give you this for?"

You shrugged. —"He told me to take it to my Master. He said you'd know what to do with it."

Snoke offered you the holocron. You looked at him questioningly. —"Open it." You took it from his hands, trying to find some kind of way to pry it open. —"Focus, girl." He said with mild disdain on his voice. 

Memories of the time he'd used Force lightning on you came back to your mind, a twinge of pain traveled through your left arm at the thought of it. Fear mixed with pain crept into your mind, you used those feelings to focus on the cube. You thought back to the pain your parents must have felt when they were killed. Ben Solo went through your mind as well. You imagined the betrayal and pain he felt when he saw his uncle trying to kill him. Suddenly, the device twisted in your hands. You opened your eyes as the cube emitted a deep red light, slowly opening to reveal a small pyramid with symbols on its three sides.

—"What you're holding is known as a Sith holocron." Snoke began as he took the small device out of your hands. —"They are filled with knowledge and teachings of the dark side."

He waved a hand in front of the small pyramid. Its peak opened, projecting a holo image of men with red lightsabers ravaging a Temple which you didn't recognize. Snoke closed it. —"I think I know what this is." He said, giving you a curious look. —"If that's what he wanted, then he shall have it." Snoke nodded as he walked back to his throne. —"I shall teach you how to delve deeper into these Force visions." He waved his hand dismissively. —"Leave."

—"Thank you, Supreme Leader." You said, lightly bowing your head in gratitude before turning on your heels to leave.

You stepped into the elevator, pressing the button for the floor where your living quarters were. The doors opened to reveal Colonel Hux, looking stern as ever. You noticed the change in his uniform, he now wore a black one with a black greatcoat that had thick, white stripes at the forearms, smaller red stripes outlining those.

—"Ah, Colonel Hux." You began as you walked out. —"Going to see Supreme Leader Snoke?"

He sneered at you. —" **Admiral** Hux." The ginger said stepping into the elevator. —"And, yes, Knight Myra. I'm off to see Supreme Leader."

—"Well, the best of luck to you, Admiral Hux." You smiled at the man. You could have sworn you saw his mouth twitch into the semblance of a small smile as the doors closed.

You knew Hux hated you for extracting that horrid memory of his father, but you also knew that he could tell you'd done it under Snoke's instruction. You'd never formally apologized, but you'd tried to be as nice as you could be to him, knowing what it was like to have someone pry into your mind. He seemed to... respect you? Either way, you could tell that he had a particular dislike for the entirety of the Knights of Ren. You didn't know if it had something to do with sharing Snoke's attention, just like you'd thought with Kylo. 

As you walked through the halls of the ship to get to your living quarters, you tried to pinpoint Kylo and Claec's locations, finding them both in the common room. However, you could tell they were... angry? But why? You opened the door to the common room, both men sitting on the living room, Kylo had his feet propped up on the coffee table in the center of all the couches.

—"What? Came here to gloat about the great job you did in the Temple?" Claec said angrily.

You huffed. —"Really? Is that what this is about? You two pair of children think Snoke kept me there to praise only me?"

—"What else if not that?" Kylo said as he stood, he walked towards the right door, slamming it behind him, then later slamming the door to his room.

You sighed. —"It wasn't that." You sat sadly on one of the individual couches. —"He just used me to open his damn holocron, there was no talk about the relics or the scrolls."

Claec stood, too, leaving you alone in the living room. Why did everyone think so lowly of you? Not that you cared whether Claec liked you or not, it was Kylo you cared about. There were times where you wondered if Snoke did these things on purpose, to make people hate you. He'd done it with Hux, and only you knew how much it was taking you to get on his good side again. He'd done it with Kylo, too, planting rivalry between the two of you with Skywalker's fake death. Why was he trying to exclude you?

You opened the door to your hall, walking all the way to Kylo's door and gently knocking. There was no reply. —"Kylo, can I come in?"

—"Go away." It came as a weak, quiet reply.

You decided to ignore it, opening the door anyway to find Kylo laying on his side. —"Please, can I come in?"

He sat up, shooting a disgruntled look your way. —"What's the point in asking if you'll do it anyway?"

You stood awkwardly by the door. —"I just opened the holocron and left, there was no talk about the relics I swear."

He stood and walked towards you, a sneer on his face. —"You know, I can worm into your head the same way you worm yourself into my head." He bumped into you, his chest hitting your face. —"So, you're more worthy an apprentice than me?"

—"Kylo, I..."

He shushed you aggressively, pinning you between his chest and the door. Kylo took a single step back, putting his hands on the door, at either side of your face. He bent down enough to look into your eyes. —"Wasn't it enough being my uncle's favorite? You had to be his, too." He laughed mockingly. —"And I'm the one in need of attention."

—"Don't do this, Kylo." You began, voice soft. —"I don't want to fight you, I..."

He slammed one of his hands against the door, making you jump at the proximity between his hand and your face. —"You what?" His face was mere inches from yours. —"You like me fucking you too much that you can't afford me being angry at you?" He whispered, pure venom in his voice.

You looked down, hurt, hating yourself for feeling oddly turned on by that. You sadly looked into his eyes. —"It's okay, I'll go. Sorry for intruding."

You turned to open the door, twisting the knob and managing to open it a few inches before Kylo slammed it closed with his arm. He pressed his body flush against yours. You could feel his hardness pressed against your ass, throbbing insistently as Kylo ground himself against you. His mouth was at your ear, panting his hot breath into it. Even if you were mildly scared, you found yourself pushing yourself into him. He snuck his hand into your pants, rubbing you with his right hand as he covered your mouth with his left.

—"Think you can stay quiet? For Claec's sake." You nodded.

Kylo lifted you with the Force, guiding you to the edge of the bed, leaving your legs dangling off the edge. He unceremoniously ripped your pants off your legs, your panties going along with them. He sunk to his knees, quick to begin his attack on your clit. He flicked it with his tongue, ocassionally trapping it between his teeth, sending delicious jolts of pleasure and pain through your core. You sighed loudly as you squirmed. He took his right glove off, stuffing it in your mouth as a makeshift gag, then ramming his index and middle fingers into you. He pulsed them inside you, already knowing all to well what spot to hit to have you seeing stars. Just as you were about to come, he removed both his fingers along with his mouth. 

Kylo stood, making you bolt upright with the Force as he removed his pants then his underwear. His hard erection sprung out, already leaking with precum. He placed a hand at your cheek, caressing it softly before roughly gripping the back of your head and guiding your mouth towards his tip. You licked the strip of precum dripping from the tip, then greedily lapping at the rest of his shaft. You stuffed it inside your mouth all the way down to the middle of his long, thick member. Kylo found this insufficient, gripping your hair harshly and pushing you down until your nose met his navel. You gagged at silently as you could, looking up at Kylo's lust blown pupils. He seemed to enjoy the pressure of your gagging throat around him, doing it all over again about three times before he gave you a chance to breathe. 

You kept on bobbing your head up and down, twisting and turning your tongue around him until you felt him twitch inside your mouth. He was quick to withdraw himself from your mouth. Kylo gripped your left arm roughly, turning you around so you were now facing the bed. He grabbed your shoulder with his left hand and pushed you down into the bed, your feet still set on the floor, your ass in the air for him to do as he pleased. You looked back to watch him pumping himself vigorously with his right hand, almost watching on in jealousy. With his free hand, he took the back of your face, shoving it forcefully into the bed. 

He placed the glove inside your mouth once more before pushing his erection into your wetness, making your knees lightly buckle as you felt yourself being filled. When he was fully sheathed in, he leaned forward to press his mouth to your ear. —"There is nothing that gets me harder than the sight of you bent over like a little whore." He pulled out of you until all that was left was his head inside you. He stayed like that for a bit, you hungrily pushed your hips back, only for him to ram himself back into you almost painfully. He set a hard, fast pace, leaving you feeling raw in a matter of seconds. He didn't fully push himself in to avoid making that slappy, skin-to-skin noise. However, this left you feeling mildly unsatisfied, as he missed your g-spot completely.

Seeming to sense this, Kylo pushed himself into you fully, pinching your clit between his thumb and index fingers. —"Come." He said huskily into your ear as he stilled his hips, but flicked your clit at lightning fast speed. You were grateful to have the glove stuffed into your mouth as your moans were stiffled into it. Kylo stayed perfectly still, his shaft in to the hilt of your core. It didn't take you long enough to begin gasping and moaning as you came. Your core pulsed around Kylo, who kept flicking your nub, trying to keep the pulsing going until he came as well. You hadn't even finished riding your first orgasm out when his fingers made you come again, and this time, Kylo came, too, filling you with his hot seed.

Your knees buckled beneath you, Kylo was quick to push you up on the bed. He pulled out of you, sitting on the edge of the bed and collapsing back onto the mattress.

—"I guess." He began, breathing still uneven. —"We're all just jealous of how you get that man's praise without even trying."

Anger coursed through you. —"Without even trying? Fuck you, Kylo." You sat up and looked back at him. —"You think it was easy for me to be haunted by a vision neither of you could even see? Or that I haven't tried to get on his good side just out of fear he might attack me with lightning again?" He stayed silent, his chest now normally going up and down. 

You made a move to get up off the bed, pulling your underwear and pants back on. He made no move to stop you as you walked out his room and slammed the door to yours. You sat down, feeling angry and used by a childish man who couldn't look past his ego. You willed yourself not to cry as you showered, finally breaking down as you slumped down on your bed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is super late! I've been busy because I start college again next Monday. I will try to keep updating every day though! Enjoy :)
> 
> TW: domestic violence. Towards the mid-end of the chapter, please skip if it makes you uncomfortable!


	15. Human Nature

Kylo and you hadn't spoken in days. Claec did make small talk with you from time to time, but he still seemed angry. You felt sad, knowing that this was not your fault, that perhaps Snoke was doing this to give everyone a wrong idea and everyone fell right into his game. Seeing as how your two fellow Knights refused to speak to you, and made you feel unwelcome in your own quarters, you took to going to train in the lower levels. You'd met a nice female stormtrooper who had various trooper squads under her command. She'd simply introduced herself as Phasma, nothing else. You wondered if that was even her real name or, if like the rest of the stormtroopers, it was a sort of code she'd been given instead of a name. She spoke fondly of the newly appointed Admiral Hux, you guessed she must have been a student at Arkanis, too.

Phasma had been helping you train with different weapons, such as the ones stormtroopers used in their simulations. You refreshed the training you'd had on several models of blaster pistols, learning to use some newer models, too. She taught you how to use blaster rifles as well, making your accuracy go from 80% to 94% in less than a week. The two of you had also parred for some time, not with lightsabers, of course, but it had been good to practise fighting enemies that wielded other weapons. 

One day, during a parring session with Phasma, Admiral Hux came in the room. He sat in a stool near the door and watched as the two of you tried to find an opening to attack. When you struck Phasma down after a couple minutes parring, the ginger had clapped from his seat. He stood, walking over to the blonde woman and helping her up. Hux then took the weapon in her hands.

—"Do you mind, Knight Myra?" He said as he went into fight position. —"I'd like to see for myself what you Knights of Ren are capable of."

You bent your knees, your feet angled so that your right foot was slightly shifted closer to your opponent than your left. Hux grabbed his weapon holding one of its tips close to his body, his other hand taking it from its mid section. You found that this grip would make him particularly hard to disarm, something your preferred lightsaber form centered around. Who would have thought it would be an Admiral to share your technique? 

Hux was the first to deliver a blow, opting to start his offense targeting your ribs. Defense was your prime specialty, still you recognized Admiral Hux was a worthy opponent, having nearly missed blocking some of his attacks. He finally managed to hit one of your outer thighs, making you stumble lightly. You switched into your offensive move, he managed to block the first several blows. You then landed a solid hit on his left arm, causing his grip on the weapon to falter. As he got distracted trying to mantain his hold on the stick, you pressed the end of yours onto his chest. He tumbled onto the floor, laying flat beneath you as you pointed the tip of your weapon at his neck.

—"Quite impressive." The man said. You offered him your hand, he accepted. —"I can only imagine what you can do with a lightsaber."

You smiled, taking it as a high compliment, specially coming from him. You knew Hux respected you despite your differences. The man was stern, you knew he'd never want you to apologize for what happened in Snoke's chambers, simply because he wouldn't be able to verbally express forgiveness. 

—"Thank you." You nodded. —"It means a lot coming from such a worthy opponent." He sank his head in silent gratitude. —"The Academy you went to must have had excellent standards."

He placed his hands behind his back. —"Utmost excellency, I assure you." His expression went from a relaxed one back to the stern one he always carried on his face. —"Anyway, this was not my business here. Supreme Leader has sent for you."

—"Only me?"

He shook his head. —"You, the other Knights of Ren and I.

You spared a glance over at Phasma, who simply nodded at you, letting you know she'd tidy the room after the three of you. Hux and you walked out, making your way to the elevator. He looked at the stormtroopers coldly, you noticed how every single soldier seemed to snap to attention at his presence.

—"Did Supreme Leader state his business?" The redhead simply shot a look your way, as if telling you those were matters you could not discuss until you stepped onto the elevator. 

He pressed the button to the elevator, the two of you waited a couple seconds before the doors opened. Hux ushered you in, then climbed onto it, too. —"The construction of the living quarters on Starkiller Base has finished. However, the base is not completely functional yet. I already know for a fact I'm being relocated, I suppose that must be his business with you as well."

You nodded as the doors opened. Not only Claec and Kylo were there, but the remaining Knights of Ren were there, too. You wondered when they'd returned from their mission.

—"Armitage, Myra, come in, come in." None of the Knights dared look in your direction. You felt the tension filling the air. Perhaps something had gone wrong in their political mission?

Hux and you stood next to the Knights.

—"I gathered all of you here to let all of you know you're being relocated." Snoke began. —"All of you will be living in the higher rank accommodations in Starkiller Base." He looked irritated. —"I want the six of you installed there within the next month. Admiral Hux, you are to oversee the process of the base's construction. The Knights of Ren will be in charge of testing out the equipment of this base, from the ships there to the electronics, which I understand the twins are highly proficient in."

—"What about Phasma, Supreme Leader? Some of her squadrons are set to move to that base as well." Hux asked.

Snoke nodded, as if suddenly reminded of something. —"Trooper Phasma is being ascended to Captain of the trooper forces and shall move to Starkiller Base. She will oversee the training of the new trooper forces assigned to that base." Hux nodded next to you. —"You shall inform her of her tranfer only, I will summon her later today to let her know of her promotion. That is all for now, Armitage."

—"Yes, Supreme Leader." Hux said before turning on his heel and leaving.

As soon as the elevator's doors shut, Snoke stood from his throne. —"Now, children." He said deviously. —"Who is your first in command?"

—"Kylo Ren." All of you said in unison.

Snoke nodded slowly. —"Who is your second in command?"

—"Claec Ren." Some of you said, while the others hesitated.

—"This is precisely where I was trying to get to." Snoke said walking down his throne. —"You children seemed to be either confused or questioning my methods. As your Master, I have the ability of looking into your minds. I wish to know where exactly lies the doubt in Claec Ren."

Daeva cleared her throat. —"If I may, Supreme Leader." She said shyly. —"We do not doubt him, it's just because of Kylo's loyalty to Myra over Claec that makes us turn to Myra for directions more often than we do with Claec."

Snoke's eyebrows shot up. —"But I sense this bond between them has weakened as of late." He looked between you and Kylo. —"Isn't that so?"

You limited yourself to glancing at Kylo, who without a doubt nodded. You puckered your lips without wanting to, feeling a pang of pain travel to your chest. You felt Snoke's, along with some of the Knights', eyes on you. You swallowed thickly, desperately trying to deviate attention from you.

—"Leave us." Snoke said. Four of the Knights walked out, leaving only you and Kylo before Supreme Leader. —"What's wrong now?" He asked looking between the two of you. His question was met with silence. —"I'll drag it out of you if I must." He said threateningly.

—"Myra's ambition is damaging our personal relationship." Your face twisted up in confusion. —"I know she wants to take my place as your apprentice, Supreme Leader."

Snoke chuckled. —"Kylo Ren, you intrusive snake." He walked closer to him. —"Let me inform you that Myra Ren has always expressed discomfort in my special attentions for her, even if she hasn't verbally, I sense it in her mind." Snoke shook his head. —"What is hard for me to comprehend, is how you are so thick-headed and guileless. The girl possesses such a strong loyalty to you, I find myself feeling at a disadvantage."

—"She sought to you for training, I know she has!" Kylo said between gritted teeth. —"I know you won't break the rule of two, Supreme Leader."

Snoke smiled crookedly. —"So, you admit to eavesdropping on my  **private** talk with, Myra Ren."

The man shot lightning Kylo's way, making him twist painfully on the floor. You felt his pain travel through the Force, and soon, you found yourself gritting your teeth. His attack was long and relentless.

—"Supreme Leader." You began softly. —"Please! Snoke stop!" He looked at you as he continued. —"Stop!"

It was a decision you made in a split second, you ignited your lightsaber, deflecting the lightning off Kylo and to some end of the room. Of course, Snoke didn't take your defiance lightly. He disarmed you, calling your lightsaber to his hand with the Force. With a single flick of his wrist, Snoke snapped your arm at an odd angle, effectively breaking it. He choked you until you were seeing stars, your vision clouded and you were out of it.

 

 

 

You next woke up in the infirmary. You were wearing an oxygen mask, trying to pump air back into your lungs. A cast protected your arm, rendering it useless for combat. Kylo Ren sat a little ways to your left, a med droid was applying bacta to his mild burns. He turned to you as he felt you awake.

—"It was stupid of you to do that." You rolled your eyes and turned on your back to face away from him. —"No! You'll listen to me now!" You heard him push the med droid away, stomping his feet over to the stretcher you rested on. —"I'm trying to protect you, but you keep walking into situations where I can't do that!" You refused to look at him. —"Do you even know the rule of two?"

That caught your attention. You turned to look at Kylo, you sensed frustration and fear in his mind. —"No."

He huffed. —"In the dark side there can only be two, a master and an apprentice. If a master were to take more than one apprentice, he'd have the two of them duel until one kills the other. The survivor becomes the apprentice." You swallowed thickly. —"Understand that Snoke would rather have me kill you than teach the two of us. I can't protect you from Snoke, just like I couldn't from Luke."

You tried to speak, the oxygen mask wouldn't let you. You made a move to take it off, finding your lungs rendered useless for now without it. Kylo placed it back on your mouth softly.

—"Remember when he attacked you with lightning?" You nodded. —"That day he told me: 'show me what you cherish most, and I'll know what to take from you.'" He looked at you sadly. —"You know I..." You could feel his conflict. —"You're really all I have left that makes me actually feel something positive. I need you alive, I want you alive." He took your hand in his. —"Just let me protect you."

You gave his hand a light squeeze, he smiled. Kylo softly caressed your hair.

—"Forgive me." You frowned, confused. —"I haven't spoken clearly to you out of fear of what you may do. Snoke is right, I was stupid enough not to realize who you're loyal to. I'm sorry for that."

You wanted to speak, to tell him that it's okay, that you now knew he was doing it for your own well being. The mask wouldn't let you speak, and truth be told, your throat burned so much you doubted you'd be able to speak for a few days.

After some hours, you were discharged from the infirmary. The med droid gave you a small device to place in your nosetrils that helped you breathe by pumping oxygen directly. You did try to speak a little, but all that came out was a raspy mumble. You were still high on pain meds, the med droid had given you some to take back with you. Though you felt slightly dizzy, you tried your best to still look strong and menacing to the people walking by the halls. You didn't know how you'd manage with a broken arm and a huge, purple bruise all over your neck. Kylo silently steadied you with the Force whenever he felt your frame wavering.

At last, the two of you made it to your floor. As soon as you stepped foot into the hall leading to the quarters, you let your façade down. You truly realized at that moment just how much Snoke had hurt you. Maybe it was the effect of the pain meds dissipating. Kylo opened the door for you.

—"Again?!" Daeva said as she stood from her spot at the kitchen. —"And you too?" 

Kylo waved her off, as if not giving his injuries too much importance. Kana scrunched her face up in worry as she looked at the bruise in your neck. You noticed Claec was missing, possibly couped up in his room sulking about his unstable authority over the Knights. You hurriedly made your way to the couch, suddenly feeling too light-headed to keep standing up. Kieran and Kana were quick to sit by you, with Daeva joining them short after. Kylo sat on one of the individual couches, propping his feet up on the coffee table.

—"What happened?" Kana asked, worry laced in her voice.

—"She can't speak." Kylo simply said.

Kana gasped. —"He left you mute?!"

—"Don't be stupid, Kana." Kieran said chuckling. —"He choked her, very badly while we're at it. That looks more like a savage, huge hickey."

You tried laughing, but all that came out was a wheeze. You hissed in pain, squeezing your eyes shut. Kieran mouthed a small 'sorry' at you. 

—"But..." Daeva began shyly. —"Why?"

You looked at Kylo, begging him with your eyes to be your voice. He sighed. —"Snoke was attacking me with lightning, she got in the middle of it, deflected it with her lightsaber." Kylo began. —"He disarmed her and choked her until she passed out."

All of them were silent, as if wondering what would happen if they were to fail him some day. You made some signs at Daeva, trying to get her to tell you about her mission. She looked at you confused, instead looking at Kylo for explanation. 

—"I think she's asking about the mission." You nodded, giving Kylo a grateful look.

Daeva told you everything, how at some point they thought they were going to have to kill the senator of the Republic Senate. It was a female Senator from Lonera who had been causing trouble. She was part of the Populists of the Senate, a political party to which Leia Organa had served. Your parents had been in the other Senate party, the Centrists, they had represented the planet Dantooine. Daeva went on to tell you how Kana had met a nice local boy, much to her dismay, as she apparently had kept it a secret from her brother. Their mission had been a complete success, they managed to guard the secrets of the royal family, their support for the First Order and Daeva even managed to befriend their target. It honestly didn't surprise you, she had always been very charismatic.

You were quickly bored, as you couldn't really apport anything to the conversation. Besides, you were feeling tired and in pain from the eventful day you'd had. You walked to your room, followed closely behind by Kylo. He slept with you that night, saying that he wanted to make sure you didn't fall asleep on top of your arm. After taking your pain meds, you were dragged into a profound, comfortable sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a small moment to thank all the people bookmarking and commenting on the story :) It's nice to know that your work is appreciated. <3


	16. Nightglide

It had been 22 days after Snoke choked you that you found yourself in the ship's main hangar, waiting for the ship, you and your fellow Knights of Ren, were to travel to Starkiller Base in. The six of you had spent so much time in this militarized Star Destroyer that you'd found you missed the comfort of living in an actual planet. Not that you didn't like your living quarters, they were big and comfortable, but the constant pulling in and out of hyperspace did take a toll on all of you.

You had been told that Supreme Leader Snoke would not be coming along to Starkiller Base. He was to stay on the huge Star Destroyer, as that was where his throne room was along with his onix-like ships and his Praetorian guards. You guessed you were being sent to a place of much higher risk of being discovered by the Republic. From what you'd learned in your time aboard, the First Order had been working in the shadows for a long time. You remembered it was your parents, along with Leia Organa and some other senators, who had been wary of the operations held within this organization. For a second, you wondered if perhaps Leia already knew that Kylo Ren was in fact his son, or if she even had any idea he'd been working for the First Order ever since the Temple massacre.

Hux and the newly appointed Captain Phasma had left for Starkiller Base a few days prior. Kylo had been summoned by Snoke then, who told him that as soon as he stepped foot on Starkiller Base, he was to earn his position as Commander of the base, and later the First Order in general. You were excited for him, all of the Knights were. You could tell Hux had been outwardly displeased with that decision. You couldn't really blame him, you understood that Armitage had worked most his life to be at the position he found himself in. It must have been irritating to have a teenager granted such a position with little to no training for that kind of post.

So there you stood, between Kylo and Kieran, who were arguing about the places where they would sit. Daeva and Claec spoke excitedly about seeing snow for the first time, as Claec was from some small grass planet within the outer rim and Daeva had grown up in one of the domed cities of Mandalore, a desertic planet. Kana had curled up on the floor in a spot near the lot of you, she was soundly asleep, finding that the time of departure was too early for her.

Finally, a stormtrooper approached Kylo to let him know the ship was ready. Kieran woke his sister up, while you and Kylo were the first ones to board the ship. Much to Kylo's displeasure, you were set to leave with a pilot driving you. You knew he loved to fly, and he'd become very good at it within the first years of his life. You guessed that was bound to happen, Han Solo was an extraordinary pilot himself.

A trooper guided you to a space in the ship with six seats, adjoined to it was a small lounge room with a large table and several things to entertain yourselves with. Further into the ship were a couple of cabins with small beds inside. You reckoned it was going to be a long flight, going from the outer rim into the unknown regions of the galaxy. You were instructed to take a seat and strap in, as you were leaving shortly. You sat between Kylo and Daeva, knowing that you'd spend most of the take off listening to Daeva go on and on about how excited she was about seeing snow.

As soon as all of you were ready, the pilot lifted the ship and pulled it out of the hangar, taking a few moments before jumping into hyperspace. A while after, you were informed that it was safe to stand up and wander about the ship. Kana immediately left for one of the cabins, arguing that it was much too early to be awake. Claec and Kieran played a small game of chess they had found. You sat next to Kylo, Daeva sat in front the two of you. She gossiped about the things she'd heard when going around the base.

The journey lasted nearly two days, all of you felt moody and tired of being couped up in that ship for so long. It was a relief when you were told to strap back in as you were pulling out of hyperspace in a few minutes. The turbulence started, you were out of hyperspace and just waiting for the pilot to get to the hangar in Starkiller Base. All of you scrambled around the cabins to change into something warmer. You'd been warned that it would take some time to adjust to the cold temperatures of the planet, but you had also been told that you wouldn't really spend much time outside.

You disembark, and that is when the cold winds of the icy planet bit at your skin. Daeva immediately shivered. Kylo went out and walked about as if he were unable to feel cold. The cold stung, so all of you were quick to walk inside the building in front of you. As you walk in, you were surrounded by a warmer temperature. You were met by some low ranking officers, who were to guide the six of you to your new quarters. They were much like the last place you'd lived in, located well into the base, seeming almost hidden. However, these quarters were much, much bigger. It was more like a small house, having a big kitchen, a dining room, a living room and two doors of which one led to a bathroom and the other to a large training room. It had stairs that led to a very long hall with six doors. The two rooms at the end of the hall were yours and Kylo's, the doors were right in front of the other.

Snoke had given all of you small tasks around base. Kylo was to become Commander of the base, so he would be the busiest of all. Claec was basically to shadow Kylo in all his duties. You and Daeva were given the assignment of checking around the weapons in the base and helping pinpoint the location of kyber crystals, as the base was built on a planet that harboured a great amount of those. Kana and Kieran were to study the blueprints of the electronic segments of the base, just to make sure the engineers had everything in order. Other smaller tasks were to be sent to each of you through personal holo pads you'd been given.

Kylo and you parred that night. Everyone had felt too tired from the flight and went to sleep after having dinner. The two of you had postponed dinner to try out the training room instead. Snoke had given you both a holo projector with a small virtual tutorial on Form Six, the one Kylo had yet to master, and one of the two you had yet to master. This form was less about the bladework and more about combining your bladework and footwork with basic Force movements like pulling and pushing your opponent. You went first, going into offense with that form as Kylo defended himself with Form Seven. He eventually knocked you on the ground, offering you his hand.

—"I have an idea." He said as he helped you up. —"What do you say we go look around?"

You frowned. —"Look around where?"

He shrugged. —"Why don't you change and we go explore the woods?"

—"At night?" He nodded. —"Are you crazy? It's freezing outside."

Kylo smirked. —"Come on, just for a little, we won't stray too far from here."

You sighed, walking back to your room to pull warmer clothes on. Kylo did the same in the room across from yours. When the two of you were ready, you walked towards the entrance, taking one of the speeders parked along it. About a mile from there, a gorgeous wooden area, the trees were tall and their logs were thick. You were surrounded by snow, laughing as Kylo zig-zagged around the trees. He went fast, making the ride very adrenaline fuel. Just as you were about to ask yourself what could go wrong, you and Kylo flew off the speeder, guiding your body with the Force to somewhat soften you landing on the snow.

You didn't land far from each other, but terror traveled through you as your eyes landed on the wrecked speeder. Kylo ran towards it, ushering you over so that you helped him gather some of the gas inside the speeder. At first you didn't understand what for, but then the realization hit you. No speeder, neither of you knew where you were, and you had driven here so fast that you were convinced you were stranded inside the woods.


	17. Blue Sunshine

You had fallen on your back onto the snow. Naturally, it made your entire back, ass and legs completely wet, letting the cold bite into your skin even more. The initial shock of the cold made everything around you feel slow. Kylo called your name from some place to your left. You sat up, back covered in snow, and tried your best to run towards him while your boots kept sinking into de snow. He was hunched over the crashed speeder. It had its entire front section nearly split in half by a tree, it had oil pouring out of the engine, and you knew it was a matter of minutes before it exploded. You huried over to him, he tore tears of fabric from one of the two scarves he wore on top of his clothing. You quickly picked them up and started rubbing the gas dripping from the speeder into them.

—"Don't place those back on the snow. They'll get wet and we need them to make a fire." Kylo instructed as he tore the scarve with both his hands and guided them with the Force over to you.

The two of you rushed to get as much oil as you could. Neither of you knew in which direction you'd wandered off into the woods, so it was likely that you'd spend a long time in there. At that point, you just focused on getting away from the speeder as fast as you could. You knew it was a matter of seconds before the first spark lit up. And then you saw it, a vision with eyes wide open, the fire had started and it inched towards the oil rapidly. You stood and ran over to Kylo with the oil-soaked rags, looking back you noticed the fire hadn't started yet, but suddenly, sparks went up. Kylo pulled at you with the Force, the two of you ran from there, the debris just barely missing you as the speeder went up in flames. 

Kylo took your forearm and linked it with his, making a human chain, had you needed he pulled you out of the snow at some point. He gripped the hilt of his lightsaber with the other hand, igniting it to guide the both of you through the darkness. After walking for a few minutes, you got to a part with higher terrain, making it have less snow than the part you'd landed on. You simply had to lightly dip the sole of your boot into the snow and move the snow a bit to the side to find the muddy surface beneath it. Kylo and you carved a circle into the snow, revealing the mud. As if on sync, you two went out to look for tinder and somewhat dry wood to start a fire. You got back first, setting base for the fire with tinder and small sticks you'd gathered. Kylo put one of the pieces of scarf on top of that, then dropped the bigger chunks of wood he'd found.

A couple of rocks was all you needed, Kylo was quick to call some over with the Force. He snapped them together until a couple sparks flew out, instantly lighting the oiled up piece of fabric. You were drawn to the warmth like a moth, only then realizing who cold your back felt. Parts of your butt and legs had gone numb, the cold on your back went in so deep you swore you could feel some of it inside your lungs.

—"We need a shelter." Kylo said, arms crossed and lightly shivering. He gave you a weird look. —"You're all wet!" You nodded as you shook. —"Why?"

You drew closer to the fire. —"I f-fell on m-my ba-back." You managed through gritted teeth. 

He walked behind you, putting his gloved hand on the small of your back. You heard him curse under his breath. He took your shoulder and slowly turned you around so your back was facing the fire. He lifted your scarf up to cover your mouth and nose.

—"Stay here." He said, your eyes widened immediately in panic. —"It's okay, here's what we'll do." He took your lightsaber from your hip and thrust it into your cold hands. —"I'll gather stuff to make a shelter. I won't stray far from here, shall you need anything, turn it on and off twice." Kylo looked into your eyes intensely. —"We'll be alright, okay?" You nodded stiffly.

Turning his lightsaber on again, Kylo disappeared into the snowy woods. You could hear the distant crackling of his blade fading until it became a light buzz. You tried to focus on keeping a track on his feelings, finding it difficult to do so with the harsh cold you were left in. At least the fire was somewhat drying your back. As you relaxed into the thought of your clothes slowly drying, the buzzing got more frequent. Trying your best, you sensed a mix of surprise and fear. Anxiety washed over you, seriously debating whether you should move from this spot, knowing fully well Kylo would lose his temper on you if you disobeyed.

The buzzing stopped. You turned your lightsaber on once, knowing Kylo could hear it. You hoped he would catch on to you asking if he's okay, and not long after you hear his turn back on again. Within at least five minutes, he came back sprinting lightly.

—"What was all that noise?!" You asked worriedly.

He smirked. —"I found a cave, there was wolfish creature in it so I killed it." Kylo held out his hand. —"Come on let's go."

You walked side by side. Small splatters of blood started appearing in the snow, you could only make out a small lump of fur in the darkness. The entrance to the cave was small, but the cave in itself was alright, Kylo and you could comfortably fit in it, maybe even one more person. You worked together to move the snow around to create a door to the cave, leaving a small vent at the top so that you wouldn't suffocate. He'd already gathered more tinder and twigs for fires and set them inside the cave. You armed a second fire, lighting up the stone cave. This time you immediately put your back to the fire, but in a way you could still see Kylo.

He looked at you with a soft expression on his face. —"You're cold."

You nodded, shivering. He shuffled closer to you, taking your legs and your waist. He made you straddle him, your body flush against his. He somehow felt warm despite being in the cold for just as long as you. Still, Kylo shivered lightly as well. You laced your arms behind his neck, laying your cheek on his shoulder.

—"They must already be looking for us." He said as he caressed your hair softly. —"We'll probably be heading back to base little after sunrise." You stayed silent. —"I hope you're not mad at me." Kylo said softly. You shook your head against his shoulder. —"Good. I'm sorry."

You calmly sent feelings of reassurance his way, as if to tell him that it was okay. After all, deep down you felt responsible for getting yourselves in this situation. You should have had some sort of foresight of this happening, but you had been too distracted enjoying yourself. 

Kylo angled his head to look at you. Looking up at him, you noticed he looked paler than normal. You thought of shuffling back into the fire, but you knew getting too warm on the back and staying cold on the front would do you no good. Feeling one of your legs go numb, you shifted a little, grinding lightly against Kylo. The realization hit the two of you at the same time, the most effective way for the two of you to heat up.

Slowly, but certainly not shyly, Kylo's hands traveled down your back to cup your ass. He kneaded it softly, guiding your hips up and down his already hardening shaft. Blood slowly started to pump back into your legs and ass, effectively warming them up. Feeling the friction pleasurably warm you up, you found yourself excitedly swinging your hips back and forth, eliciting some small pants from Kylo.

—"We're going to have to take our pants off." Kylo said, almost making you regret doing this. As if sensing your doubt, he said, —"The sooner the better."

He lifted his hips off the floor, letting his top robe fall to cover his exposed ass as he sat, pulling his pants down. You did the same, quickly jumping out of your pants. Already wet, Kylo slipped into you easily. The two of you couldn't afford to stay still and feel the cold creep back into you. He had you bouncing on him and you ground your hips down onto him. The cave was quickly filled by pants and small shaky moans. The feeling of your walls stretching around Kylo brought some warmth into your exposed skin. 

Kylo stuck his hand between the two of you, rubbing your nub with his cold fingertips. The difference of temperature sent electrifying shocks of pleasure up your core. He caught you as you bounced up, holding you flush against his body, making you stay still a few inches above his pelvis. He slammed his hips into yours as he kept moving your clit around with his frozen digits. You pressed your forehead against his shoulder as you felt your orgasm looming above you. Kylo snapped your head up with the Force, making you look into his eyes as you came. His pupils dilated in lust as he was witness to the pleasure he'd caused you. 

But then, he did it. Kylo pushed into your mind as your shields were rendered useless from your orgasm and the cold. You could feel him still fucking you as he uncomfortably dug around your mind. Why was he doing this? You squeezed your eyes shut, trying your hardest to focus, but Kylo was too strong to be overpowered. Flashes of the mountainous terrain that surrounded your childhood home went through your mind. He was digging in deep, to memories you didn't even know you possessed. Feeling curious as to where this was leading, you let him in your head completely. And then, it flashed before your eyes.

 

 

 

_You must have been less than three years old. Leia Organa and Han Solo left your home with four year old Ben Solo sleeping in his father's arms. As soon as they'd left, your mother ran into the small bathroom downstairs. Your father followed her, banging on the door and yelling indistinctly at her. He punched the door once, twice, as many times as it was necessary to tear a hole into the wooden piece. You saw him sticking his arm inside the hole he'd made. He opened the door, walking inside. You heard your mother's anxious wail from the end of the hall. Your father came out, he had your mother firmly grasped by the upper arm, throwing her on the floor outside the bathroom. Her eyes linked with yours, terror and shame dancing on them. Her feelings overwhelmed your three year old self._

_Cold traveled through your small body. A high pitched bawl tore out of you as your father flew back into the wall, knocking him out. Your mother scrambled on the floor to get to you. She held you close against her, placing your small head in the crook of her neck. Her perfume smelled of wild flowers._

_The smell was all that lingered as the scene vanished around you._

_The boyish face of young Luke Skywalker hovered in front of you. He examined you thoroughly with bright blue eyes, they were filled with curiosity. He looked back at the slightly older version of your parents with a smile on his lips._

_—"She IS Force sensitive!" He said excitedly. Your mother smiled widely, but your father looked stern._

_—"Could it be from exposure to Solo's kid?" He asked moodily._

_Luke simply smiled and shook his head no. —"Being Force sensitive isn't contagious, I'm afraid!" He paused, looking between your parents. —"I can train her to use her gift, if you'd like!" He smiled again. —"I'm starting an academy for sensitive children, to teach them how to use their talents. I think I'll be taking Ben, too."_

_—"Taking them where?" You mother asked._

_—"Ossus, in the Adega system."_

_Your father frowned. —"That's nearly seven parsecs away." Luke nodded. Your mother's face went sad, your father remained stoic. —"Take her."_

 

 

 

You came back to in Kylo's arms, he'd pulled your pants back on. Suddenly finding your newfound rage kept you warm, you stood up, pushing him back as you ignited your saber and pointed it at his face. Angry tears ran down your face. You didn't really know how to feel about your father being such an asshole.

—"Why?!" You bellowed at him. —"Why would you show me that?!"

Kylo looked scared, inching away from the tip of your blade. —"Snoke told me to carve that out. He told me it would lessen the pain of the loss of your father at least."

You turned the lightsaber off, walking to the opposite corner of the cave. —"I hate you, Kylo Ren." You spat out, pure malice in your tone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started classes again today, so I will be posting less as I get more and more busy with assignments and stuff like that :( I will try to update this at least one a week anyway. Thank you for reading!


	18. The Heinrich Maneuver

White light poured into the cave through the small vent on the door. You hadn't slept through the night. The memory Kylo had dug up replayed in your mind all night long, leaving you feeling confused and angry. You'd always held your mother in higher steem than you did your father, but you thought it must have been because she was the one to birth you. It was quite debilitating to realize the reason behing it had been something as mundane and gross as him being an abusive man. Still, you couldn't help but wonder what purpose did it serve Snoke to have Kylo show you something like that. He'd made you dig out one of Hux's memories about his shitty father, after that, he'd promoted him from Colonel to Admiral. Could he be trying to groom you for something bigger as well?

Breathing in hurt you, more specifically, it hurt the right side of your chest. The cave was cold, but you found that you had gradually become more accostumed to the sub zero temperature. Still, that didn't stop you from feeling like you were frozen in place. Your robes had dried out at some point of the night, they remained cold, but at least they were dry. All you wanted was to get out of there and go back to the artificial warmth the base provided. You hoped they'd find you quick, by now, they must have noticed that you were missing.

Kylo hadn't spoken a single word since you told him you hated him. He sat quietly by the fire all night, then managed to fall asleep when dawn was starting to break. He stirred in his sleep, as if sensing your thoughts had drifted to him. You felt abused by him. He'd used the sexual nature of your relationship to break through your mental defenses and steal a painful memory from you. That, you cataloged as abusive. Exploiting someone's weak points and using that to overpower them was an abuse of power. You felt that you'd never forgive him for it.

—"You think too loudly." Kylo said sleepily, turning on his spot to look at you. You limited yourself to looking away from him, refusing to meet his gaze. He sighed, sitting up. —"I really thought I was doing the right thing." You shot a disgusted look his way. —"Hell, I'd like to know if my father was an asshole!"

You huffed. —"Your father is an asshole there's no doubting that." You lit a fire up from your spot using the Force. —"That's the difference between you and me. I actually loved both my parents."

He looked into the fire, emitting a mix of sadness, anger and shame into the Force. —"I didn't mean to hurt you."

—"I don't care if you did or not, Kylo." You snapped. —"The fact is you used something extremely personal between both of us to weaken me." He looked at you, scared, as if suddenly realizing the full extent of what he'd done. —"You keep on thinking that Snoke always has your best interests in mind, that will surely do you good." You said sarcastically as you looked away from him.

Kylo stood up, his breathing ragged. He lifted his hand and tore down the snow door, letting the cold in. As soon as he was out, you lifted it back up. You heard him turn his lightsaber on, slashing things around in anger. Suddenly, you heard something approaching at the distance. The roar of a speeder's engine. With time you can hear two more. Kylo kept his assault on the wilderness. As the sounds got closer, you tore down the snow door.

The three speeders came to a stop at the sight of you coming out of the cave. Daeva, followed by Claec and Admiral Hux, got off their vehicles. Daeva and Claec approached you, asking if you were okay. The ginger nodded your way, walking past you in Kylo's direction. You knew, after living it yourself, that it would be your priority to verbally apologize to Armitage Hux.

—"Ren." He called calmly. Kylo kept on slashing through the woods. —"REN!" The slashing stopped, then the lightsaber's hum was gone. —"What happened to the speeder, Ren?"

He was met with silence, you could almost hear the sneer on his face. Kylo walked past Hux, then Daeva, Claec and you. He simply mounted one of the speeders and left. Your fellow Knights stared at you, as if asking for an explanation on Kylo's behavior. You simply shrugged.

—"Has he gone mad?" Hux said as he joined the three of you.

You shook your head. —"He's just being stupid." You looked towards the speeders. —"Now, please, let's leave."

Admiral Hux noticed your shivering. He shrug his coat off, handing it over to you. You politely lifted one of your hands to tell him it was okay. —"Knight Myra, I was trained to withstand this cold and worse, just take the coat."

You pulled it around your shoulders reluctantly. As you felt the warmth of the coat envelop you, the damage the cold had done to your back became more apparent. It felt as though you had a mild burn going from your shoulders to your ankles. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. You had to ride back to the base in pairs, you went with Admiral Hux and Daeva and Claec went together. 

As you arrived to the building, Daeva and Claec rushed in, having arrived moments before you and Hux. You felt stiff after the ride, the Admiral had to help you get off the speeder. You muttered your thanks through gritted teeth.

—"Admiral Hux?" You said as the two of you walked towards the door.

—"Yes, Myra?"

You swallowed thickly. —"I'm sorry for digging through your mind knowing you couldn't defend yourself. Even if it was under Supreme Leader's instructions, I realize my mistake."

He looked at you, puzzled. The two of you walked into the base. The warmth hit your face like boiling hot gas. —"What did he dig out of you?" He said simply, hands behind his back, looking down at you.

You stayed silent, the change of temperature proving too much for you. Your vision blurred, but you mantained your consciousness. Your right lung stung, only feeling like you were getting half the oxygen you were meant to be getting. You took in deep, ragged breaths, earning you a concerned look from Admiral Hux.

—"Get me a medic." He said to one of the passing officers as he pushed down on your shoulders, as if instructing you to sit. You did so. —"Can you breathe?" You simply nodded. —"Can you walk?" You looked up at him, shaking your head no.

It felt like an eternity to you before a woman medic arrived. Hux instructed her to check your lungs first after explaining you'd been exposed to the cold of the outdoors. You were rushed to the infirmary, where the medic placed an oxygen mask on your face. She asked you to take your robes off, inspecting the skin of your back and applaying something that felt like bacta but smelled nothing like it. Whatever it was, it made your skin feel immediately better. 

You stayed in the infirmary for a couple hours, being discharged after she gave you a container of pills. She instructed you to take one everyday, explaining that the cold had made an infection form in your right lung. 

You were met by Kylo as you walked out of the infirmary. He was sitting on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him. His head perked up as you walked out, he stood up. He looked at you with sad eyes. You moved to leave, but he stopped you. —"Snoke wants to speak to you."

A sharp pull was all you needed to free yourself from his grasp. You walked down the hall with Kylo at your heels. —"What do you want?"

—"Do you even know where to see Snoke?" He asked. You stopped in your tracks, allowing him to take the lead.

The two of you walked through the halls of the base, until you walked into a pitch black room. Kylo kneeled at nothing, but you followed his lead anyway. A buzzing sound came from the center of the room, filling the room with blue light. 

—"Stand." His voice rumbled. You looked up, finding the enormous projection of Snoke's figure in front of you. —"Leave us, Kylo Ren."

Kylo turned on his heel, not looking back as he exited the room.

—"I have a mission for you, girl." Snoke said. —"A mission for you alone." You sank your head in a nod, urging him to go on. —"I'm sending you to Korriban."


	19. All the Rage Back Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: domestic violence. At the near beginning of the chapter, skip if it makes you uncomfortable please!

As you walked from Snoke's holo room to the Knights' quarters, you wondered if perhaps Supreme Leader was giving up on your training as Prophet, completely discarding what the spirit you encountered in Bosthirda had told you to do. Was he sending you away to Korriban to meet your true destiny as Prophet, or just to further cement your connection to the Dark Side of the Force? The fact that he was sending you alone had really set your mind going about the meaning behind you going alone. From what you'd heard from Kylo, Korriban was a barren planet, home to the biggest Sith shrine and cementary in the whole Galaxy.

You opened the door to the quarters, finding Kylo sitting alone at the living room. He sensed your presence, looking up from his spot at the couch. Your eyes locked, and you immediately made a move for the stairs, not really feeling up to having a conversation with Kylo at that moment. He seemed to feel your reluctance to speak to him, sitting back on the couch.

—"I know I fucked up." He said quietly from the living room.

You stopped in your tracks, walking down the few steps you'd gone up. You stared at him, crossing your arms. —"And?"

Kylo looked up at you, he shook his head and sighed, covering his face with his hands and leaning back on the couch. —"And I hurt you. I shouldn't have done that, I'm really sorry."

—"You knew the cold would be distracting, then when you noticed that wasn't enough to get to where you wanted, you fuck me like a damn ragdoll. And now, you really think I'll forgive you that easily?" You shook your head, quietly walking up the stairs.

You must have been halfway through the hall, walking to your room, when you heard the ruckus at the stairs. As you turned, you were met by Kylo's towering figure at the end of the hall. His eyes were filled with rage, and whether or not that was directed at you, it made you feel scared nonetheless. You walked faster towards your room, Kylo had broken into a sprint as he followed you. Panicked, you tried closing the door on him, but he was too fast. He held it open with the Force, walking in just seconds after you, then loudly slamming the door behind him.

He took huge strides towards you, and you instinctively cowered back. Your back hit the wall, pinning you between it and Kylo. He punched the wall next to your head, making you jump at the closeness of the impact. You looked up at him, scared. His breathing was ragged, his chest furiously going up and down.

—"What?" He asked between breaths. —"What will it take for you to forgive me?"

You swallowed thickly, but didn't let any of your fear slip into your voice. —"Get out of my room."

—"Fuck you!" He bellowed, hitting the wall once more. —"I go out of my way to protect you and this is how you thank me?!"

—"Please." You said as you placed both your palms on his stomach, gently pushing him. —"Leave."

He forcibly took both your wrists, his grip viciously biting into the skin there. He pulled you off the wall, causing you to push at him with the Force. That caused him to stumble, but his grip on you didn't falter, making you trip and fall on your stomach. The door flew open, Claec coming in looking rabid.

—"Get off her, Kylo!" He said pointing at Kylo.

Kylo tossed your hands aside violently. —"This is none of your business." He said in a menacing tone.

—"It is as long as you're hurting one of our own." You felt pure ire emanate from Kylo. —"Snap out of it, man. You're not like this."

From your spot on the floor, you heard Kylo's lightsaber ignite. A second lightsaber turned on, both making intense crackling noises. You tried to stand, finding you were pinned down with the Force. A couple doors opened down the hall. You could hear Kieran's desperate calls for Claec and Kylo to stop. Kana's voice soon joined the rest, but instead of trying to break up the fight, she came to your aid. 

—"What the hell is going on?" She asked as she leaned down, forcibly breaking the Force hold on you.

You stood, nodding your thanks at her. —"Kylo's finally gone mad."

Not losing time, you walked down the hall, immediately igniting your silver lightsaber. Daeva sleepily walked out of her room when she heard the ruckus, but she was forced back into her room as the two men parred along the hall. Kylo and Claec looked your way before continuing to parr. Your first attack was a swing to Kylo's legs, instantly distracting him and giving you and Claec a window to disarm him. You did so with a twisting motion near the hilt of his lightsaber, Kieran and Claec were quick to push him against the wall with the Force. He looked at you, his rage filled eyes suddenly growing soft and scared.

You turned your lightsaber off, calling his hilt to your hand as well. —"What are you doing?" You said sadly. —"Why are you doing this?"

A single tear slipped down his cheek. —"I love you." He said in a quiet, broken voice.

Claec and Kieran let their hold on Kylo dissipate. He slipped down the wall into a sitting position. Everyone seemed to sense the tension in the hall, and it proved too much for them all as they walked back into their respective rooms. You walked towards Kylo's door, looking back at him and motioning for him to walk into his room. He quietly stood up and walked into the room, you followed behind him, gently closing the door after yourself.

He sat against the front part of the bed frame, firmly planting his head on his palms, as if suddenly feeling embarrassed. You stood awkwardly at the door. None of you spoke for a couple minutes. 

—"Well..." You began softly. —"That's a weird way to show someone you love them." He huffed on his spot. You slowly walked towards him, crouching in front of him. —"Kylo, listen." You placed one of your hands on his bicep. He looked up at you, teary eyed. —"I feel betrayed by the way you used our relationship to get what you wanted." He looked down again. —"All it will take is some time, but know that I'm sure I can forgive you." He sniffled. —"I love you, too."

Kylo looked into your eyes and smiled sadly. —"I feel so out of place right now." He said softly. —"I'm being thrust into a position where I can't protect you as much as I want, and that scares me."

You shook your head and smiled gently at him. —"I can protect myself, Kylo." You lightly rubbed his arm up and down comfortingly. —"You don't need that extra responsibility, and I don't want to feel mortified every time you slip out of yourself and go crazy."

Shame could be felt radiating off him. —"Promise me..." He said. —"That if you're ever in danger or scared I'll be the first one you look for."

You nodded. —"Always." You stood, walking to the door. —"I'm going to bed, I have a long day ahead tomorrow."

Kylo simply nodded, climbing into his bed as you closed the door. You walked into your room, throwing yourself on your bed, trying not to think too much about what Kylo had said. Somehow, you found you were more worried about him than leaving for Korriban tomorrow. You got up off the bed, deciding to pack instead, as sleep seemed to elude you. At some point after packing, you fell back on your bed again, falling soundly asleep.

 

 

 

_You opened your eyes to find yourself in a room that glowed blue, much like the holo projections did. Your head hurt with a light migraine, stinging from the back of your eyes to your temples. Indistinct chatter made its way into your ears. As you walked around, you could make out a blurry caped figured at the end of the hall. Your vision had gone blurry from the intense headache you were feeling. All you could almost clearly make out from afar, was the mask the caped figure wore, white jawless front, two red triangles coming out of the top section of the eyes, pointing upwards. You felt drawn to the figure, noticing how you'd slowly been walking in its direction._

_A shiver traveled down your spine as a woman's voice rang in your ears. —"He is already dead, it is simply a question of how many he kills before he falls."_

_The figure stared straight ahead, silently beckoning you towards him. You felt entranced, the only feeling you could clearly distinguish among the swirl and mix of different states of mind was the wild thirst you felt. A thirst for power, for freedom, for victory. His hand extended in your direction, and suddenly, you became dust, feeling every speck of your soul dance amongst the cold this dark figured offered. Somehow, this cold felt refreshing, and not oppresive, as opposed to the kind of cold Snoke made you feel._

_You walked towards the man, bewitched by his welcoming presence, as if drawing a prey into his trap. You focused on the white and red colors of his mask, dancing together in harmony in a menacing yet intriguing you in a way you found it was irresistible to walk into. As your hand rested on his robe, the image began to shift. Suddenly, you found yourself in front of huge statues, being guided inside a shrine, down some dark steps into something that resembled a catacomb._

_A long hall appeared before you, the man vanishing and reappearing a few steps further down the hall. He was guiding you somewhere, and you found yourself wondering if you would be pleased by the place you were being led to. Kylo's soft voice called behind you, but as you were about to look back, your head was snapped forward, straight into the being's mask._

_—"You're alone here." He said in a less than human voice. —"Strive to leave this place alone... and alive."_

 

 

 

Kylo Ren stood above you in his full robes, shaking you gently awake. —"You overslept." You bolted straight awake, scrambling to get out of bed and into your robes, quickly. —"The shuttle leaves in an hour. Supreme Leader asked me to escort you."

You simply nodded as you jumped into your pants and boots. After quickly pulling your hair up in a ponytail, you strapped your lightsaber onto your belt and followed Kylo out of your room, into the main room, then the base. You walked through halls upon halls of the Starkiller Base, rushing to get to the hangar as quick as you could. The hangar was much bigger here, not that you didn't expect it, seeing as how Starkiller was a way bigger operation than whatever Snoke was running in that grand Star Destroyer. It was busy, with pilots walking all around it. Kylo took you to one of the secluded docks of the hangar, you were surprised to be met with Admiral Hux's slender frame.

—" **General** Hux." Kylo greeted. So the man had been ascended again.

The redhead sourly turned to look at Kylo. —"Commander Ren, glad you could make it in time." His expression seemed to soften, but only barely, as he turned to you. —"Myra, are you all set to go? Captain Phasma had your preparations brought here in the early morning."

You were slightly taken aback by the familiarity of him referring to you by your first name. —"General Hux, I see you've been promoted again. Glad your hardwork has been paying off so fruitfully." Kylo's head shifted down to look at you in curiosity. —"You have business here in the hangar?"

Hux tilted his head a bit to the right, shifting his eyes from you to Kylo, giving him a teasing look. —"Don't you know?" He began, smirking. —"I will be the one to pilot the shuttle to Korriban."

—"You?" Kylo asked mockingly. —"You're but barely a decent pilot, Hux."

The General looked down, shaking his head, a mocking smile on his lips. —"Yes, I'm sure Han Solo raised you to be a decent pilot, Ren." He turned on his back, looking at the cruiser shuttle behind him. —"Whatever good piloting an Empire Academy dropout could teach a child." He teased, looking over his shoulder.

You limited yourself to looking up at Kylo, seeing the deep sneer his face had contorted into. —"It seems your shuttle is ready for take off." He looked at Hux, then you. —"If you'd be so kind, Armitage." He said gesturing in your direction. Hux limited himself to nodding, then walking away to give a stormtrooper directions before takeoff. 

Kylo took your arm, bending down slightly to look into your eyes. There was an odd expression in them, he seemed worried, but what about, you didn't know. —"Please, Myra." He began. —"Take care of yourself, don't do anything reckless." He pulled you a bit closer to him, trying his best not to give away your relationship in front of all the irrelevant base personnel. —"Come back safe, okay?" Kylo told you in a softer tone.

You were still angry, but you reckoned you were going to miss him, even if you didn't yet know how long you'd be away for. General Hux motioned towards you from the ramp, beckoning you inside the ship. You gave Kylo's forearm a small squeeze before leaving his side. The redheaded man walked up the ramp, and so did you, looking back at Kylo Ren's tall frame standing straight with his hands clasped behind his back.

The ramp lifted, you got a last glimpse of Kylo's soft face as it closed in front of you. General Hux motioned for you to follow him into the cockpit, quickly strapping in on the co-pilot's seat beside Hux.

—"Long trip ahead, Myra. Are you ready?" He asked as he began the take off sequence.

You nodded. —"Ready." You said, helping him lift the cruiser off the hangar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me for not posting in such a long time! I promise to update this more often, first week of the semester was wild, but there should be at least two more chapters uploaded this week. Enjoy :)
> 
> TW: domestic violence. At the near beginning of the chapter, skip if it makes you uncomfortable please!


	20. Flatland

Armitage Hux was a quiet man. He was serious, uptight, methodical and somewhat rigid in his ways. However, you knew the man had a soft side, and a particularly soft spot for Captain Phasma. Even if he appeared to be emotionally inept, Hux had displayed his avid skills in knowing what a person was going through simply by looking at them. This last quality, made him equally dangerous and helpful to you. His past was a relative mystery, but after delving into his mind back in Snoke's throne room, you'd made it a point to never ask anything personal.

You'd pulled into hyperspace a couple hours ago, Hux sat in the small lounge next to the cockpit, calmly flipping through, what you assumed to be some reports, on his datapad. You sat opposite of him, cleaning the hilt of your lightsaber thoroughly, should you run into any trouble. Korriban was relatively uneventful, if you set the Sith past of the planet aside. A chill went through you, as though a ghost had passed straight through you. The hairs on the back of your neck stood, and you felt a wave of anxiety wash over you. Last time you were on a Sith planet, your visions had been so vivid you'd even been pulled at with the Force. You couldn't imagine the sort of dark energy you'd perceive in Korriban, with it being a Sith sanctuary and resting place after all.

—"Is everything okay?" Hux asked, not looking up from his datapad. —"You seem a bit... on edge."

You shrugged. —"It's my second time in a Sith planet."

He nodded. —"First time didn't go too well?" He asked, glancing up at you.

—"I am prone to visions. They get so vivid when I'm in an energy charged place that it can be a bit too... overwhelming, I suppose." You sighed. —"I guess I'm anxious about my first solo mission, that's all."

Hux set his datapad aside. He crossed his left leg over the right, reaching into the pockets of his greatcoat. He pulled out a cigarette case and a lighter. Opening the case, he popped a cigarette between his lips, lighting it and then offering the case to you. You politely declined, earning you a weird look from the General. 

—"You know," He began, puffing on his cigarette. —"I always took you and Ren for smokers." A cloud left his mouth in a puff.

You hummed. —"I guess we would have been had we grown up, well, normal." Hux tilted his head to the left, as if awaiting for an explanation. —"We went to train with Skywalker as children, he doesn't smoke so we were never really exposed to that." Your memories traveled to your father. —"My dad was an avid smoker, though. I do remember that of him."

The redhead nodded, taking another drag from his cigarette. —"I've found that cigarettes help me relax, that and Coruscanti brandy." He pointed at you with the cigarette he held between his index and middle fingers. —"Don't tell Supreme Leader I said that."

You chuckled softly. —"I might take you on with that offer, then." Hux pulled his cigarettes out once more, offering you one. You took it between your lips and he lit it up for you. As soon as the smoke hit your lungs, you let the cloud of smoke out, going into a coughing fit almost instantly.

Hux openly laughed at you. —"Easy, easy. Take smaller drags."

You obeyed, finding that the smoke was a lot more lenient on your lungs. Within a few drags, you started feeling lightheaded and a bit more relaxed. —"How long will this flight be?"

—"Long." Hux replied simply. —"We're travelling about ten parsecs, so like a day."

Nodding softly, you took another drag, finding you had a liking for cigarettes. —"I'll be happy the next time I see land then."

He shook his head lightly. —"Korriban is a barren world filled with red dust. I recommend you make the most of your time on the ship."

A moment of silence passed between the two of you as you smoked. Your mind traveled to the biting cold of the outdoors that surrounded Starkiller Base. —"I never really thanked you for getting me back to base when Kylo and I wandered off and got lost in the woods." You smiled. —"So, thank you, General."

—"Call me Hux." He said with the semblance of a smile on his lips. —"It was such a weird task, that one." He lit up a second cigarette. —"I was summoned by Supreme Leader along with Claec and the other girl. He said I was to go looking for you with them, as I am the only person with clearance for any and all parts of base."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. —"We're not allowed in the woods?"

He shrugged. —"Not officially, but you know Snoke allows you Knights to do anything you like." Hux sighed softly. —"What's it like? Getting that difficult man's praise?"

—"Well..." You looked down. —"It's not as nice as you think. He's stuck me with lightning, choked me until I passed out..." A deep sigh escaped you. —"Most recently he made Kylo manipulate me all to help him drag out a memory I didn't even know was there."

The General huffed. —"So, it's the same for you." He looked at you sadly. —"If it makes you feel any better, once he has memories dragged out of you and you remain loyal, Snoke will take your opinion more into account."

—"Have you ever wondered why he does that?" You crossed your arms across your chest. —"When I pulled that memory out of you he'd promised to forgive me for something I had done a couple days prior."

At your question, Hux became thoughtful. —"Once, Supreme Leader had me summoned to his throne room." He began, running the thumb of the hand that held his cigarette along his lower lip. —"He presented a man before me, keeping his back turned to me, telling me how he was one of our agents infiltrated in the Galactic Senate. Snoke instructed me to kill the man, and I did so without hesitation." Hux shook his head, looking down embarrassed. —"When he fell limp on the floor, Supreme Leader lifted him up with the Force and turned him around to face me." His eyes looked empty, but you dared not look into his feelings. —"He made me kill my half-brother, the only part of that disgusting family that made me feel like I was something more than the bastard child."

You looked at him softly. —"I'm sorry."

He shook his head. —"I don't need you to be sorry." Hux said politely, and even if it was a harsh statement, you knew he meant no harm by it. —"People live and people die. Snoke was just trying to teach me that lesson." You guessed he was right. —"Anyway, let us get some rest, shall we?"

You nodded, watching as Hux took his greatcoat and elegantly walked into the hall leading to the rooms. He closed the door behind him, you sat at the lounge, suddenly feeling confused as to why he had decided to tell you all that. Was he doing it to get it off his chest, or just to warn you Snoke's abuse could get worse? Deciding not to delve too much into it, you retired to the small cabin for you in the shuttle. You laid down, and fell into a comfortable, deep sleep.

 

 

 

_You somehow wandered into the holo room back in Starkiller Base. Kylo Ren kneeled in the darkness, Snoke's blue image suddenly popping up and filling the room. He seemed to consider Kylo for a moment, as if sensing something curious about him._

_—"Stand." Snoke said in that raspy voice of his. —"What is it?"_

_Kylo looked up at Snoke's projection. He seemed pensive, surely trying to choose his words wisely. —"It's about Myra's mission. I don't think she's ready for Korriban yet."_

_Supreme Leader hummed as he pinched his chin with his index and thumb. —"Do not underestimate her, Kylo Ren. She is strong with the Force."_

_—"I'd like to request to join her in Korriban."_

_Snoke laughed. —"Really? That's too bad!" He chuckled mockingly. —"Y_ _our relationship with her has two potential outcomes, I suggest you choose now and choose wisely." The man shifted on his seat. —"Either you choose, will help you delve further into the Dark Side. Now, the girl will either drag you along with her to the dark and help you become powerful and strong, or she will hinder you in your training in a way that will make her disposable and I'll have YOU be the one to kill her."_

_—"I want her alive." Kylo was quick to say. —"Whatever happens I want her alive."_

_Supreme Leader Snoke hummed in agreement. —"Then don't make me dispose of her. Shall that come to pass, know that it was your fault and only yours alone." A wretched smile crossed his features then. —"Oh, Kylo Ren." He chuckled again. —"It's all about the General and her, isn't it? You're jealous!" Kylo's face twisted into a sad frown, his brows furrowed and his lips puckered lightly. —"Has the girl not proven loyal to you time and time again?"_

_Kylo nodded. —"She has. Every single time, she has."_

_—"What's the problem then?"_

_—"It's the General whom I don't trust." Kylo said. —"Hux is a sour person, but he becomes soft around her. I dislike that."_

_Snoke seemed angry. —"You think my highest personnel and a man I trust would dare hurt one of my Knights?"_

_—"I do not think he means to hurt her." He shook his head. —"From the moment we met, Hux has had a personal vendetta against me. I think he means to use her to hurt me."_

_—"Listen, now, boy." He spat out the last word as an insult. —"This is precisely the kind of absolute nonsense I speak of regarding your relationship with Myra Ren. If you want her alive, quit making her existence a nuisance for me." Snoke shooed Kylo with his hand. —"Now get out of my sight."_

 

 

 

As you awoke, you had broken into a cold sweat. So that's how easily Snoke could dispose of you. Still, Kylo's words made absolutely no sense to you. You knew Armitage Hux and you had developed a nice friendship over time, but it hadn't just happened. You'd tried hard to get on his good side, merely because you felt bad about what Snoke had you do to him. Now, you felt you had shared trauma with Hux. The man was very proper, and you doubted he harbored any feelings for you whatsoever.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock on your door. —"Myra, are you up?"

Still heavy with sleep, you said, —"Yes, come in." Only then realizing you were still in your pajamas, you pulled the covers up to reveal less of yourself. 

Hux seemed flustered at such a vulnerable sight of you when he opened the door. —"Did I wake you?"

You shook your head no. —"I woke up a few minutes before you knocked." You rubbed your eyes a bit. —"Is everything okay?"

—"We're pulling out of hyperspace in a couple hours." He looked you up and down. —"I suggest you get out of bed and ready yourself."

He exited, closing the door behind himself. As soon as the door is shut, you jumped out of bed and into the small shower. You pulled your robes on, clasped your lightsaber on your belt and pulled your hair up into a ponytail. You walked from your cabin to the lounge a few minutes after Hux came into your room. The General was hunched over looking inside an open drawer. He pulled something out of it and closed it. He offered a small rectangular piece of food to you.

—"Breakfast?" He asked as he held his datapad in his other hand. 

You nodded, silently taking the food from him and sitting down. The two of you ate in silence as he read something on his datapad. —"Did you sleep well?" You asked, suddenly finding the silence to be too uncomfortable for you.

He lifted his hand, making a so-so motion with it. —"I find shuttle cabins too claustrophobic to sleep in." He looked up at you. —"But I'm well rested. What about you, Myra?"

—"I had a weird dream, but I slept through the night." 

Hux hummed. —"Bad dream?"

—"No, more of a vision or like a vision of someone's memories." He looked up at you confused. —"My Force powers give me particularly vivid visions. They seem more like memories than something happening elsewhere."

He nodded. —"I see, like the memory you pulled out of me." You looked down in shame. —"Relax, Myra. I've forgiven you for that."

A small smile crept onto your features. —"You have?!" You asked curiously.

—"I thought I told you I had when we walked back into Starkiller Base from the cold." He said, not looking up from his datapad.

You tilted your head. —"Maybe you did, I don't remember much after we went in."

He set his datapad aside and looked at you. —"Ren nearly killed me when I tried carrying you to the med bay." He chuckled. —"He seemed to sense your distress and was there little after you fainted. I was about to lift you when he ignited his sword and pointed it at the back of my neck."

An indignant huff left your mouth. —"He tends to get possessive, moreso lately. I'm sorry."

—"You know ever since I met him I've thought he's a vile, irredeemable human being." Hux shrugged. —"He must really love you."

A faint beep could be heard from the cockpit. Hux stood and so did you, following close behind him and strapping in on the co-pilot's seat. The two of you quickly began the pull out of hyperspace. The turbulence began, and the blue swirl of light in front of you became small dots surrounding the red planet before you. Almost immediately, you began to feel a pull towards it, as though you were being tugged at with an invisible rope.

General Hux pushed into the planet's atmosphere. The sky was red, adorned by clouds the color of wine. The surface looked red as well, and you suddenly felt out of place by not having a red lightsaber. Hell, even Armitage had red on his fiery hair. You were nearing a grand-looking construction off to the western part of the planet. The pull was getting stronger, making you want to slam your face against the crystal panel of the ship's windshield.

All of a sudden, a cloud of black smoke erupted from one of the statues beneath the cruiser. You heard Hux curse under his breath in wonder. At first, you thought some kind of structure had collapsed on itself, it made sense, seeing as how the place was ancient. Then, the smoke started to mass up into a huge orb. Your eyes widened when you managed to faintly distinguish the form of the mask the dark figure of your dreams wore, the dream you had before you left Starkiller Base.

The mass of smoke lunged forward into the ship, hitting one of the propulsors and turning on every single warning light in the console before you. Hux and you shared a panicked look as the ship began to tumble down towards the surface. He desperately tried to pull the ship up with the steering wheel, but it was jammed stiff into its place.

—"I'm going to have to crash the ship!" Hux said. 

The steering wheel began to twist on its own as you and the General watched on horrified. The ship spun and twisted in closed circles, yanking you and Hux violently in your seats. The two of you looked into each other's eyes as the ship neared on the impact. It felt almost as if you were both looking at another person's eyes for the last time, then the ship rocked, you heard glass shattering. The beeping sound of the ship's warnings was the last thing you heard before everything went black.


	21. Earth Death

There was a loud ringing in your ears when you next came to. The earth beneath you moved, you couldn't move your legs or arms, your neck felt weak and unable to support your head properly. Panic traveled through you as you realized you were being dragged away from the wreckage of your ship. You wriggled weakly, most of your muscles in a state of ineptitude. You were shushed by the person dragging you, which prompted you to panic further, wriggling harder this time.

—"Stop that, Myra." Hux's voice said behind you. 

It was embarrassing for you to realize you'd completely forgotten about Hux, the poor man was just as trapped in this place as you were. He did have the advantage of not being Force sensitive, saving him the pain of being plagued by scary visions.

—"Where are we going?" You asked quietly. —"Why are you dragging me?" 

General Hux remained silent. He seemed intent and fully concentrated on getting the two of you away from the crashed ship. You wondered if he'd managed to salvage anything from the ship. He kept on dragging you until you reached some stone steps covered in red dust. From there, you could no longer see the wreckage, meaning you were far enough for him to sit. Hux sat next to you, and only then did you notice in how much pain you were. Your legs felt sore, and you were sure your left wrist bone was slightly chipped. You tried sitting up once more, hissing when a sharp wave of pain traveled to your wrist.

—"Don't exert yourself too much." Hux said slightly out of breath. —"The crash was harder on your side."

You looked over to him. He had a long gash going from his shoulder to nearly his elbow. Blood caked the top of his forehead, the red blood mixing with the orange of his hair. His uniform looked tattered and worn, it was covered in red dust and small pieces of glass. You looked down at yourself, your black robes covered in red dirt and glass as well. 

—"I managed to send out a distress signal to one of my officers through my datapad." 

You nodded softly, still feeling extremely weak. —"Well, we're stuck here for at least a day."

The two of you stayed silent for a while. Hux hissed, making you turn to look at him. He pinched the skin around the gash on his arm, pushing it together to prevent it from bleeding further. Whoever, the gash was so long that he could only manage to pinch together a small section of it. You decided to help, piecing together the skin around the gash at once with the Force, making him gasp at the sudden small intrusion. You mouthed a small sorry. He quickly ripped a part of the sleeve of his uniform, wrapping it around his skin in different parts to keep the skin together.

Just as he finished wrapping his arm, a loud boom came from a nearby explosion. It startled you both, making you stand upright in your spot. Hux ran and you followed. The ship had blown up. The two of you shared a look of worry, both wondering what would have happened if Hux woken up a few minutes later. You walked back to sit at by the steps again.

After sitting for a few minutes, a thought crossed your mind: your mission. From what little Supreme Leader Snoke had told you, there was a big mausoleum where several Sith tombs rested. You knew that was the core of your mission, perhaps there you could find the man in the mask. You knew you would be plagued by visions, and it scared you to know that there would be a point where you wouldn't be able to separate your visions from reality. They would be vicious, if you counted with the tremendous amount of dark energy in the planet. You thought of meditating, but you soon let that idea go as the pain on your wrist had become too intense to ignore.

—"Does that hurt?" Hux said pointing at your wrist. —"What if you used your power to fix it?"

The realization hit you suddenly. How could you have not thought of that? —"Hux..." You smiled. —"You're a genius."

You tried focusing really hard on the Force that surrounded the wound on your wrist. Something did feel out of place, as if a small piece of your bone had separated from the rest of it. It felt like a piece the size of a toothpick diving a bit into the muscle tissue surrounding that part of your wrist. You closed your eyes and put your hand over your wound. Trying to put all your focus into pulling that piece of your bone back into place. Suddenly, it snapped into place, prompting a scream that burned your throat to rip out of you. You felt a wave of worry come out of Hux. The pain slowly dissipated until it was completely gone.

You stayed silent for a couple moments, then turned to Hux. —"I need your help." He simply nodded. —"I need you to come with me to the tombs."

His eyebrow quirked up in confusion. —"I will help, but I must ask, what for?"

—"You're not Force sensitive." He still looked confused. —"My mind will be plagued by horrible visions when I enter that place. Yours won't be, I need you to anchor myself to reality."

He nodded, standing up and offering to help you up. The both of you walked past the wreckage cautiously, silently hoping that it wouldn't explode any further. Red dust blew with the wind, making it hard for you to look up to see in which direction you were walking, as the dust got into your eyes. You thought of making a small shield with the Force around your face to avoid the dust getting in your eyes. You moved the air out of both yours and Hux's face. 

After walking for what felt like ours, the two of you came to a cliff overlooking a valley, The Valley of the Dark Lords. Huge statues of hooded figures bowing their heads lined up leading to a huge masoleum. 

—"I will jump down from here and soften the fall using the Force." He nodded. —"I need you to do the same, I will be able to stop the fall with the Force, but you must trust me, okay?" Hux nodded again.

You jumped down, evading the few protuberances in the rocky cliff on your way down. You landed softly on your feet, then made a sign for Hux to jump as well. You could sense his hesitation and fear, but decided to focus solely on getting him down safely. He jumped off the cliff, you lifted your open palms into the air, making him hover down until his feet reached the floor. Upon contact, Hux let out a shaky breath.

You two walked towards the statues, and as soon as you passed through the first pair, you felt the energy get... heavier. You felt it was harder to walk, and a weight had also set itself upon your shoulders. Hux looked calm, meaning that this Force was weighing down only you. A couple shadows rose up from thin smoke along the statues, but you remained calm as long as Hux did not react. The visions got progressively more intense, real and violent. Instead of shadows, you saw caped people, some of them carried their lightsaber hilts in their gloved hands. 

A hound-like animal growled as it stood on top of a tomb, you thought nothing of it until Hux gripped your arm trying to pull you away from the animal. A wave of fear ran through you, but instead of getting paralysed, you ignited your lightsaber and swung at it, making the animal scared until it cowered away howling. You made it a point to keep your weapon ignited, just to prevent any other animals from following you.

At last, you crossed the entirety of the valley and arrived at the door of the mausoleum. The entrance had a set of stairs leading down into a dark hallway. Hux stayed close by you as you lit the way with your ignited silver lightsaber. The place was ancient and covered in the same red dust that covered the rest of the planet. It was creepily silent, the only sounds were the clicking of the two pairs of boots going down the stairs. At the very bottom, you were greeted by a lavish decoration and marble carved walls. Grand, golden chandeliers were attached to the roof.

You felt something pull at your sleeve, and as you looked down, you were met by the grimm sight of a small ghoul child with hollow eyes. You tried not to get startled for the sake of Hux, as you could feel how on edge and anxious he already was. You took your eyes off the child, and it guided you down the hall.

The kid pulled at you to make a turn to the left. You looked back at Hux. —"Please keep memory of where we turn so we can get out of here."

—"But, how do you know where you have to go?" He inquired.

You looked down at the ghoul, who stared at you with its creepy black eyes. —"The Force will guide us." You gulped. —"I hope."

—"Make a small gash into the wall, that will guide us back to the entrance."

The kid shook its head at that statement. —"I can't do that."

—"Why not?"

—"This place is sacred to the Sith, I fear what might happen to us if I dare break something." You looked back at Hux's aghast expression. —"So try not to break anything."

The two of you kept going more cautiously, the small child led you down another set of stairs, then took you through a couple more halls until a big shrine came into view. It was adorned with gold and rubies, nothing short of lavish. At the center of the room was a mask, the one you'd seen in your vision with the red streaks going from the eyes to the forehead. This was the place you were supposed to walk into, you just knew it. 

Towards the center of the room, just beneath the mask, there was a small golden box. The child disappeared into thin air. You walked towards the box, opening it slowly, as if waiting for something bad to happen. Inside the box was a small cubic shaped artifact. You recognized it as a holocron. Upon contact, instead of reshaping itself into a pyramid, like the one you found in Bosthirda did, it emanated a blue light that made the use of your lightsaber for ilumination pointless. The light became blinding at a point, and you covered your eyes with your forearm. 

The excess light was gone, and you uncovered your eyes to be met by a tall, caped figure with the mask. —"You dare bring a non-sensitive into my resting place?" The figure said in a nearly robotic voice. 

You looked back at Hux, pleading him to wait for you outside. You tossed your lightsaber to him, so that he would have a source of light outside. As he exited, the figure hummed, as if pleased with your obidience. 

—"What brought you here?" The projection said. —"Who sent you?"

You swallowed thickly, wondering how a dead Sith could speak through a projection. —"My Master sent me here."

—"I am aware." The mask tilted a bit to the right. —"You came here in a Light Cruiser I knocked out of the sky."

—"How?" You inquired. —"You're dead. How can you do that? How can you speak to me through this projection?"

He stayed silent for a moment. —"Essence transfer." Your eyebrow quirked up. —"I transferred my spirit into my dark robes, which rest inside the sarcophagus beneath this box, and my mask. By performing that ritual, I managed to cheat death. I later transferred the rest of myself into this holocron."

—"What are you?"

The question seemed to displease him. —"A Force drainer."

You frowned. —"What does that mean?"

—"It means I possess the ability to kill by draining the Force that binds any object, plant or creature. I could also sever a sensitive's connection to the Force."

You nodded softly. —"Who are you?"

He chuckled mirthlessly. —"Your Master has spoken to you about me, child." His mask moved in a nodding motion. —"He wishes me to teach you how to Force drain."

A small, nearly inaudible gasp escaped you. —"Darth Nihilus." You shook your head, looking down. —"You guided me into this chamber, how?"

—"Apparently this Master of yours has a lot to teach you." That struck a nerve in your pride. —"The child that brought you here was my former apprentice. I cut her eyes out to better her Force sight." You grimaced at the statement.

—"I want to ask your permission to leave the planet with this holocron. I wish to take it to my Master." 

Nihilus looked down at you, considering you for a moment. —"You possess the unquenchable thirst of a Force drainer, but you are no Sith. Your lightsaber is silver, not red. Your energy is mixed with darkness and light. Why should I allow you to take it?"

You looked down. —"I believe you're the only one who can teach me how to get rid of the thirst."

The figure nodded. —"Take it, but know this, Force draining is a dangerous skill which will hurt both you and your victim. Beware of it, and beware of your Master."

He disappeared into the cube, leaving you in darkness once more. You walked towards the entrance of the chamber guided by the silver light that emanated from your ignited saber. Hux stood stiffly, getting slightly startled when he saw you coming out of the chamber. You took your lightsaber from his hands, asking him to guide you back to the mausoleum's exit. As you walked up the first set of stairs, you heard some ruckus behind you, thinking it was only a vision, you kept walking. More ruckus is heard and that is when Hux pulled at you.

You turned to look at him, seeing him placing his index finger on his lips in a shushing motion. He gestured at your lightsaber and you turned it off. —"Don't move, if possible don't breathe." He whispered.

Low growls could be heard from the bottom of the stairs. It was hard to see in the darkness, but you could distinguish a leopard-like creature walking up the stairs, sniffing around. Your breathing became a bit laboured, Hux was quick to cover your mouth and pinch your nose with one of his hands. You stared into his blue eyes in horror. The creature kept on sniffing, slowly inching towards you and the General. You gripped your lightsaber's hilt with white knuckles. Hux covered you with his body as the creature moved closer. You pushed lightly at his chest, putting the hilt in front of your face. 

The creature growled, you quickly pushed Hux back when it lunged forward. You ignited your lightsaber just in time to pierce through the creature's chest. It howled in pain, then fell limp on the floor. You fell to your knees and let out a shaky breath of relief. Both you and Hux stayed sat on the steps for a couple seconds trying to calm down. He was the first to stand up, offering to help you stand on wobbly legs.

—"That way." He said pointing to the left side of the corridor.

You followed. —"What was that thing?"

—"A jagaloor. They're native to Corellia, my father hunted one in the brief time we lived in Corellia." He explained.

—"My parents used to go to Corellia often." He looked at you with raised eyebrows, as if asking what for. —"Business, mostly. Why were you there?"

Hux looked down in what you perceived as shame. —"Running from the Republic with my father." He pointed towards a corridor to your right, signaling the way out. —"My father and I stayed there for a couple months. He trained a group of children to become his personal hitmen, which meant we were apart most of the time. I must admit those were some of the happiest months of my life."

—"Do you mind me asking why?" 

He stayed silent for a moment. —"Brendol Hux was an abusive man, it ashames me to call him my father."

You knew you shouldn't ask anything else, knowing first hand how much it grieved Hux. —"My father was a bad man, too." You sighed. —"That's the memory Kylo pulled out of me. He ruined every single memory I had of my father. I thought he had been a good man."

The General pointed towards another hall. —"Then Ren is a monster."

The rest of your walk out was silent and uneventful. When the two of you came by the set of stairs that led to the surface, you shared a look of relief and accomplishment. You looked down at the cube in your hand, hoping it would please Supreme Leader. Upon walking out the mausoleum, you were met by a sky with a darker shade of red, meaning that night had set while you were inside. It was significantly colder and the wind was blowing harder.

—"We should look for shelter." Hux said. —"But where?"

You took a deep breath that came out as a big sigh. —"Not here, please."

He looked around, you knew he felt just as lost as you did. —"Let's try to get back to the wreckage, that way we'll be close when help arrives."

You nodded. You walked close by Hux watching his every reaction as the visions of shadows moving in the dark plagued you once more. Just as you made your way to the cliff, a pack of hounds, resembling the one you had scared away with your lightsaber, cornered the two of you. You threw Hux unceremoniously into the air with the Force. He yelped in surprise. You kept him hovering in the air at a safe distance from the hounds as you jumped from rock to rock on your way to the top.

As you made it to the top, you lifted Armitage with the Force. When his feet met the floor, he gave you a disapproving look, but you knew he wasn't angry at you. You formed the Force shield around your faces again to prevent the dust from getting into your eyes. You were soon back on the wreckage, and you silently praised Hux's sense of direction. You supposed it was the result of his military training. The two of you sat back on the spot where Armitage had dragged you to keep both of you safe when the ship exploded.

It was cold, Hux didn't have his greatcoat with him anymore and there was a huge tear on his uniform. Your robes were pretty much the same, so it made sense that the two of you shivered from the cold. Still, it was nothing compared to the torturous cold you'd felt on Starkiller Base. That brought back the memory of Kylo using oil and fabric to create a fire. Without saying a word, you stood and ran back to the wreckage. Hux followed out of curiousity. You ripped your robes at the ankles, knowing that you would feel less cold there. 

The oil was easy to find, specially after the explosion. Not long after, you had a small bunch of fabric soaked in oil. You walked back with Hux to your spot, he gave an approving nod. You bunched up the tears of fabric and lit them up with the tip of your lightsaber. The two of you drew by the fire, instantly feeling warmer. The General was far more accostumed to the cold than you were, something you also believed to be due to his military training.

—"How did you meet Phasma?" You asked, finding that conversation might take your mind off the cold.

Hux looked slightly taken aback by your question. —"Why did she say anything to you?"

You shook your head. —"She just told me you were a long-time friend."

He gave one deep nod and looked into the fire. —"I met her in Parnassos, her homeworld. My father crashed in an escape pod and she found him. He promised to take her off that awful planet if she helped him get back to the First Order."

—"Parnassos? No wonder she is so ruthless." That prompted a laugh out of Hux. —"Please don't tell her I said that."

He shook his head. —"She likes you." You tilted your head. —"You're the only person I've seen take her down in parring."

—"You seem to like her very much." Hux frowned, looking into the fire. —"Not romantically I mean. You both just seem to have each other in high esteem."

General Hux nodded gently. —"She helped me kill my father." He shook his head. —"Forget I ever said that."

The sound of a ship pulling out of hyperspace made the two of you whip your heads towards the sky. A small cruiser came into the planet's orbit. Your heart jumped as you felt Kylo's Force signature pull into the planet along with the ship. Hux and you stood and walked towards the wreckage as the small ship landed on the red planet. The ramp descended, and you felt yourself growing more and more excited as Kylo's tall frame walked down the ramp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally intended to post this yesterday but it was hard to write. I hope it's not as hard to read! Enjoy :)
> 
> Plus, here's a link about Phasma's past if you'd like to read about it: https://www.theverge.com/2017/9/1/16232694/star-wars-novel-captain-phasma-delilah-dawson-book-review
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


	22. Insufficient Space

He was angry. You could feel it ebbing off him from the moment his boots made contact with the red dust that covered Korriban. Was he angry at you? Was he angry at Hux? You remembered the foul terms with which you parted from Starkiller Base. Still, you clearly recalled it had been him to screw things up with you. He came alone, what was thw purpose of sending him alone?

Armitage Hux walked smugly towards the ship. You envied the man's confidence to a certain degree. Just as the two of you neared on Kylo, you slowly came to a halt, noticing how Hux really intended to just walk past Kylo and board the ship. As he was about to walk past him, Kylo briskly stopped his movements with his big palm, shoving into the middle of his chest. Hux seemed taken aback, his smug façade momentarily faltering.

—"Honestly, Ren, how dare you put your han-" Hux began only to be rudely cut of by Kylo shushing him.

There was a vicious look in his eyes, and you found yourself suddenly fearing for the General's safety. —"Listen to me, you redheaded arrogant piece of shit." Hux's right eyebrow lifted in surprise. —"I hope this is the last time you pretend to be able to pilot a ship. Let this be the very final mistake you make, especially concerning her." He pointed at you as his nose flared in rage. 

His lips twisted up in a smirk as he nodded and said, —"As you wish,  **Commander**." Hux spat out Kylo's title venomously as he smugly walked past him.

Kylo crossed his arms, his face contorted into a sneer when Hux boarded the ship. You could feel his frustration and anger through the Force, sensing this, you sent a small nudge of reassurance at him. He turned to look at you, his eyes suddenly growing soft. He uncrossed his arms, placing each of his hands on your shoulders, looking into your eyes.

—"Are you okay?" You nodded. His pulled his lips into a thin line, seemingly not convinced by your answer. 

He removed his hands from your shoulders and stepped aside to give you more room to board the ship. Kylo followed close behind you, closing the ramp behind himself. Hux was sitting in the small room next to the cockpit, only under the light did you notice the deep purple bags under his eyes. He honestly looked like shit, you wondered if you looked the same. Kylo walked into the cockpit, you followed behind him, but he insisted he preferred you rested, shooing you out of the cockpit.

You leaned against the frame of the door to the room where Hux sat as Kylo prepared to lift the cruiser off the planet. The man was completely entranced as he inspected the wound on his arm. He'd managed to find a first aids kit and was tending to his own wound.

—"I seemed to have forgotten to thank you for your help, General. You were of great help out there, thank you."

His blue eyes lifted to meet your own, he managed a nod before getting back to his injury. You momentarily wonder if you should help with his arm, but he seemed to be handling it pretty well on his own, and knowing Hux, perhaps you'd hurt his pride by offering help. Instead, you walked down the hall to your right, making it a point to find a bed before you collapsed from exhaustion.

You opened one of the doors to your right, finding an unmade bed, you assumed this was where Kylo had slept through the journey to Korriban. You spotted a set of black loose robes neatly folded on the small table next to the bed. Kylo began to lift the ship, so you sat and waited until he pulled to hyperspace. You took the robes and went into the fresher adjoined to the room, taking a quick shower and pulling the clean robes Kylo had brought for you. You'd brought the holocron with you, keeping it hidden between your dirty and torn robes. Deciding to keep it close to you, the holocron was placed in the pocket of your new, clean robes.

When you walked out, Kylo was sitting on the bed facing the door you came out of. His eyes darted up to look at you as soon as the door opened. The two of you just stared at each other for some time. 

He was the first to speak. —"Did you get hurt?" Concern palpable in his voice.

—"I broke my wrist." Worry flashed through his features. —"I fixed it with the Force. Hux was hurt way worse, but I was completely knocked out at impact." He stayed silent. —"He helped me a lot."

—"I don't want to hear that." He snapped. Kylo stood up, beggining to pace about the room. You eyed him weirdly from your spot at the door. —"He could have killed you, why did he crash land so horribly?"

You sighed loudly. —"We had no other option!"

His head snapped to look at you, a sneer on his face. —"When I pulled into the atmosphere and saw the wrecked ship I thought you were dead!" He bellowed at you lifting his arms into the air. —"It was a mistake to send you off alone with Hux."

Your eyes narrowed at him, a deep scowl taking over your features. —"You doubt Supreme Leader?" Your question was met with silence. —"I'm so fed up with you constantly underestimating my abilities! I am a capable warrior, Ren!" He seemed taken aback.

He stompted over to you, gripping your face harshly and forcibly kissing you. Immediately, you pushed him back, but he insisted on forcing himself on you. —"Fuck you! Get off me!" You yelled at the top of your lungs, angrily pushing against him with the Force. 

Kylo stumbled back, the back of his legs hitting the bed, effectively making him sit on the bed. He looked hurt, as if he couldn't understand why you were so pissed. —"I'm so angry at you." You said, a silent rage taking over you.

—"You brought something back with you." You nodded, how did he know? —"Is that why you're so fussy?" You shook your head. —"Let me see it."

You tried to quell the anger boiling inside you as you reached into your pocket to retrieve the holocron. Kylo took it off you, and as soon as he did, you suddenly felt lighter, not fully realizing the same oppressive force back in the Valley was pushing you down in here. Your anger completely dissipated, you blinked softly at this realization. Why was the holocron having this effect on you? Did it resent you for taking it off planet?

—"Better?" You felt confused, but still managed to nod at him. —"Another holocron, huh? Snoke will be pleased." He said turning the cube around in his hands. —"Hux should be the one to guard this until you speak to Supreme Leader."

—"No!" You exclaimed. —"Why?"

He shook his head at you disapprovingly. —"Relax. Hux is non-sensitive, he will not be affected by this thing's dark energy."

As he walked away from you, holocron in hand, you could feel the cubic contraption beckoning you. It called for you to retrieve it from Kylo's hands like a small child with open arms asking its mother to lift him up into her loving arms. Something inside of you stung as Kylo closed the door behind him, no doubt making his way to Hux's cabin to drop the holocron there. The distance between the cube and you grew, and as it was further away from you the pull lessened. You heard the sound of Hux's door opening, the catter between him and Kylo, then his door closing. You could suddenly no longer feel the beckoning of the holocron, as if it became dormant in a non-sensitive's hands.

You sat on the bed, trying to calm yourself down after the small fit of rage you'd broken into. This wasn't like you, you'd never been that erratic and out of control. It honestly scared you how much you had felt out of yourself. You wondered why that hadn't happened with the last holocron. Perhaps the Prophet in Bosthirda had been right, the Force would resent you for not fulfilling your place as new Prophet.

The door opened, Kylo's tall frame nearly filling the entrance. He held a small cup in his hands. He calmly sat next to you in the bed, offering the cup of water to you. Only then did you realize how thirsty you were, downing the entire cup in one go. There was a pitiful look in his eyes, you suddenly found you couldn't stand it. You frowned at him, and seeming to sense your thoughts, his face automatically deadpanned. You were glad to see him, there wasn't a single doubt in you about that, yet a part of you still felt angry at him over the whole incident regarding the unpleasant memory of your father.

—"You haven't forgiven me." His voice was sad. He searched your eyes, but you refused to look at him.

You quietly stared at the small cup in your hands. —"I need to sleep." You felt exhausted, all the fear and anguish you'd been through in Korriban had really worn you down.

He sighed beside you, ultimately walking out of the room with his head hanging low. You could feel him in the Force, sadness and guilt ebbing off him like a cloud. You set the cup on the floor and laid down on the bed, not bothering to cover yourself with the sheets as you simply fell unconscious on the pillows. 

 

 

 

_You stood in the darkness, the foreboding feeling of being followed loomed over you. A sentiment of paranoia set itself firmly in your being, you were being followed, you were sure of it. Looking around, you found no one around you. You kept on walking, trying to ignore the bad feeling you had about this vision already. A couple of footsteps followed behind you, but as you turned, no one was there. The steps could soon be heard coming at you from all directions, you no longer knew where to run to._

_—"Relax, Myra. It's me." Snoke's raspy voice echoed in your head. —"You've done well, my child." His voice dripped with pride. —"You followed your instincts in the Force and found the perfect way to manage your visions properly."_

_You bowed your head in gratitude at the darkness. —"The holocron has made me erratic, Supreme Leader." You said, worry plaguing you suddenly. —"How should I proceed?"_

_He was silent for a moment, as if considering his options and the possible outcomes of each decision. —"You are to let General Hux keep it for you, at least for now."_

_—"But-"_

_—"Do not question me, Myra." He snapped angrily. —"I fear you've been doing that an awful lot lately, girl."_

_You bowed your head. —"I've never questioned your authority, Supreme Leader."_

_He chuckled darkly. —"You have not, but you have questioned my methods over and over again." A small gasp left your lips. —"I'm in your mind all the time, Myra. You can hide nothing from me. I could feel your anger at, not only Kylo Ren, but me when I had him pull out that memory."_

_You gritted your teeth, clenching your jaw tightly to prevent any words from coming out of your mouth._

_—"Rest, child. You've done well for now."_

 

 

 

You awoke little after that, but you still felt utterly tired. You'd been covered by a blanket as you slept, surely by Kylo. Finding that even if you were tired you would not be able to go back to sleep, you got out of bed. There was a moment where you felt as though you were being pulled at by something. You closed yourself off to this energy, still not knowing whether it was coming from Kylo or the holocron.

You walked out of the cabin you were in, walking down the hall to the lounge room to find Kylo asleep in one of the small couches in there. He was sleeping while sitting down, his head hanging at an odd angle. You walked as silently as you could around the ship, not wishing to awake him as you looked around for food. There was a small compartment near the engine room of the ship where you presumed there could be food. You walked over to it, and as you were about to kneel down to press the compartment, a voice came from behind you.

—"There are some ration bars on your left, that compartment has only tools to fix any trouble with the ship." Kylo mumbled sleepily.

Still curious, you pressed the compartment you were kneeling in front of, finding only wrenches and screwdrivers among other tools. You could hear Kylo sigh from the lounge, no doubt taking note of your newfound distrust for him. You then pressed the compartment on your left, food was there. You took one of the bars and greedily bit at it as you walked back to where Kylo was sleeping. You slumped down on the small chair in front of him. He watched you intently as you ate, so you kept your gaze glued to the floor. 

As you finished eating, you found your voice again. —"I am glad to see you again, believe me I am." You shook your head. —"I'm trying really hard to forgive you."

He huffed. —"That's bullshit, we both know you're not even considering to forgive me."

A wave of irritation went through you, easily dissipating when you relized he was right, you weren't really making an effort to forgive him. —"I guess you're right." You sighed softly, looking up at him. —"I just hope you know I love you anyway."

The semblance of a sad smile crossed his features. His hand reached over to rest at your knee. Your mind wandered back to the memory he'd pulled, the scared look in your mother's eyes as she noticed you standing at the end of the hall. A huge wave of emotion crashed into you, and it felt almost impossible to hold back the stream of tears that left you. A sob tore out of your body, you hid your face in your hands in embarrassment.

Kylo stood from his spot on the couch, he walked over to you, kneeling in front of you. He gently pried your hands off your face. You kept your eyes shut, not willing to meet his gaze, knowing it would only make you cry harder. Kylo rubbed your left arm up and down, trying to calm you down. Tears leaked down your cheeks non-stop, Kylo wiped them off with his bare hands lovingly. You could feel raw emotion traveling off him and into you, making you cry even more.

You heard a door being opened down the hall. —"What's going on? Is she okay?" Hux's groggy voice asked from down the hall. 

—"Leave." Kylo said rudely. You could almost hear Hux's eyes rolling as he walked back into his room, the door closing behind him. —"I'm sorry, please believe me. I'm really sorry."

You nodded, tears still falling from your eyes. You hated the fact that you couldn't contain your crying, especially when you were out in the lounge. Kylo sensed your thoughts, hugging you up into him as he walked the both of you back to the cabin you had slept on. He sat down on the bed, still not letting go off you. He pulled you into his lap, gently rocking you in an attempt to get you to calm down. He placed his hand on top of your head as you laid it on his chest. You could feel the dampness of his robes as they absorbed your tears.

Kylo was patient with you, waiting for you to completely stop your crying before he spoke again. —"I swear that if I had known I'd never have done this to you." You sniffled. —"I know I fucked up, I was stupid. Please forgive me." You nodded softly against his chest.

He kissed the crown of your head prompting you to look up at him. You looked into his soft, brown eyes. They were filled with an odd emotion you placed between afection and sorrow. You leaned up to place a soft, chaste kiss to his full lips. He hugged you tighter to his chest as he kissed you needingly. As he gripped at your waist possessively, heat traveled down to your core. You suddenly felt a desperate need for him. Why had you deprived yourself from him so long?

You shifted in his arms, moving to straddle him. His breath caught in his throat in surprise, but he seemed to enjoy himself as he moved his hands to rest at your bum, his lips never leaving yours. You ground yourself down on him, earning a breathy moan from Kylo. You placed your hand over his mouth, not wanting this indiscretion to reach Hux's room. You knew Hux and you were in good terms, perhaps you could even call him a friend, but still, you knew his disdain for the man beneath you was bigger than the possible respect you'd earned. Kylo seemed to sense this, taking his panting down a notch. 

With a swift movement, he flipped the both of you so that he was now on top. He gently tugged your top robes up, you lifted your arms up to help him take it off in one swift motion. He was quick to remove his top robes, too, as you lifted your hips to pull your pants down. He took a moment to drink in the view of you in underwear only. You could see his pupils dilate in lust as he griped your hips firmly. He bent down to kiss the crook between your neck and your shoulder while he moved your panties aside to dip his fingers into your heat. You sharply inhaled at the contact of his thick fingers on your nub, sending electrifying shocks of pleasure deep within your core. 

You returned the favor, grabbing his dick through his underwear. He leaned his head on your shoulder as a breathy sigh left his mouth. He moved a single finger inside you, prompting you to move your hand up and down his shaft. You could feel the shift in his mood as he suddenly was overcome by an animalistic need to have you right that moment. He gripped your hand firmly, bringing it up above your head and pinning it there. Kylo removed his underwear in a swift movement then did the same with yours. You were quick to take off your bra, and at the sight of your breasts, you could see his penis twitch in arousal. He sucked at your left nipple as you ran a hand through his soft raven locks. 

Without losing time, Kylo gripped the base of his shaft guiding it to your entrance. As his head dipped inside you, you were forced to bite down on your index finger to prevent a loud moan from ripping out of you. He started slowly dipping into you, but mid-way down his shaft, he slammed into you until he was fully sheathed inside. He kissed your shoulder before he started moving inside you. Kylo set an unforgiving pace, it worked perfectly to satisfy your pent up sexual frustration. The two of you had developed such a need for each other that at times you found it scary.

A moan coming from the back of Kylo's throat managed to spur you on further. You moved your hips to meet his thrusts, the two of you perfectly synced. You suddenly craved to have a bigger control of this situation. As he sensed your thoughts, he gripped your hips firmly, shifting to pull you on top. A sudden urge took over you completely. Using the Force, you removed his hands from your hips and pinned them tightly to each side of him. His eyes went wide, he did not expect it. You ground yourself on him harshly, welcoming the delicious friction. He looked up at you entranced with his mouth slightly agape.

Soon, you felt your orgasm looming over you. You closed your eyes and threw your head back for a bit. You touched your breasts, guiding one of your hands down to flick your clit as Kylo watched on with half lidded eyes. You knew he wanted to touch you as his cock twitched inside you impatiently. Right before you came, you removed your hold on Kylo, he immediately pulled you down and instead froze your hips. He slammed hardly into you, additionally, he used the Force to flick your nub at a maddening pace. The sound of skin slapping on skin as your hips met filled the room. 

Then it happened, your vision went wide, and you were forced to seal your lips shut to prevent from crying out. Your cunt clenched quickly and uncontrolably. Kylo was relentless, continuing his assault on your overly sensitive clit. You hadn't even come down from your first orgasm as the second one hit you. It hit so hard that you lost your hold on your lips a small but loud moan escaping you before you bit down on your lip. You bit until the metallic taste of blood met your tongue. Kylo sucked your lips into his, greedily running his tongue over the bite on your bottom lip. He came not long after, filling you with warmth.

He removed the hold he had on your hips, making you notice the exertion on your legs. They shook uncontrolably, Kylo chuckled at this and you swatted his chest lightly. You shifted your hips to move him out of you. You closed your eyes, searching for a towel to clean yourself up before you made a mess of the sheets. You weakly cleaned your thighs, barely able to lift them.

Kylo pressed a kiss to your temple before the two of you fell soundly asleep in each other's arms.

 

 

 

When you next woke up, it was to an empty bed. You quickly got up to get dressed, stepping out of the room and walking down the hall to find Hux's slender frame sitting at the lounge. He was reading through something on his holopad, but he still acknowledged your presence by dipping his head in a small nod. You walked past him to the compartment where you'd found food yesterday. 

—"Hux?" He hummed in response. —"Have you had breakfast?"

—"Not yet." He responded.

You took a couple of bars out the compartment and closed it. You walked back to the lounge and sat across from Hux after handing him the small bar. He thanked you and went back to reading at something on his datapad. You couldn't help but notice Kylo's abscence. You were tempted to ask Hux where he was, but you didn't want to interrupt him. He seemed fully concentrated on whatever he was reading, no doubt he was working. As soon as he set the datapad beside him, you took the window of oportunity.

—"Have you seen Kylo?"

He nodded as he opened the bar. —"Ren is back there in the mechanics room tinkering with stuff he doesn't even understand." You nodded, a small smirk forming on your lips. —"I see the two of you are on good terms again." He said before biting his bar, a smug look in his eyes and an all-too-knowing smirk on his lips.

You could feel your face become hot with embarrassment at his remark. An awkward laugh left your mouth as you covered your eyes with both your hands. —"Don't be a dick, General."

He took another bite of his bar as he splayed his arms across the top part of the couch. —"I must insist you call me Hux." Armitage said with a mouthful of food.

Kylo stomped out of the room at the back of the lounge, his long locks tied at the top. You liked it, it gave a more open look of his handsome face. He looked at you, smirking lightly to himself as he set some tools back in the compartment next to the nutrient bars.

—"We should be arriving shortly." He anounced to both you and Hux. —"Please be ready for an  **actual** landing in an hour." The redhead in front of you rolled his eyes. You smiled.

Hux pushed the last of his breakfast into his mouth. He straightened the fabric of his trousers neatly before standing up. —"I'll be in my quarters." He said before briskly walking in the direction of his room.

—"Wait, Hux." You called. You heard his footsteps halt. —"Supreme Leader said he would like you to guard the holocron for me. I suppose he'll give you further instructions upon our arrival."

—"I'm aware." He said. —"The two of us actually have to go debrief on the events on Korriban as soon as we land." You nodded softly. —"Thanks for the heads up anyway." He said before his footsteps resumed their path to his cabin.

As soon as he was inside his cabin, you turned to Kylo. —"He heard us." His eyes widened. —"I don't think he'll tell."

—"For his sake, he better not." Kylo said between greeted teeth. —"I fucking despise him." He said as he freed his hair from the makeshift pull up he'd done.

You hummed. —"I actually think he's nice." Kylo narrowed his eyes at you. You simply shrugged. —"What were you doing back there, anyway?"

—"Han Solo used to adjust a couple things back there to make his ship go faster. I'm tired of being on this ship." You tilted your head at him calling his father by his name. 

You sighed, leaning back on your seat. —"I'm looking forward to get back to base soon."

He sat next to you and placed a hand on your thigh, you laid your head on his shoulder. —"Just an hour more to go." He said reassuringly. 

—"Why did Snoke send you alone?" He eyed you curiously. —"I expected to see at least one more Knight with you."

He nodded. —"I requested to be sent alone." You smiled at him fondly. —"When did Hux and you become such good friends, huh?" He asked with a slight tone of jelousy.

You chuckled. —"Easy, easy." He rolled his eyes. —"Well, he was very helpful in this mission. He saved my life, you know?" Kylo frowned in disbelief. —"After the crash, he dragged me out the ship with that huge gash on his arm before the ship exploded." He nodded in understandment.

—"I still hate him." He said stubbornly. —"Anyway, I think I'll take a quick shower." 

You were left alone to spend the rest of the flight sitting in the lounge. You tried to clean your lightsaber off any red dust that might have stayed in it. There was a lot more of it than you had initially suspected, keeping you busy until Kylo next emerged from the cabin. He walked in a hurry to the cockpit, motioning for you to join him. You sat at the co-pilot's seat. The slight turbulence of pulling out of hyperspace made you excited. The white planet in front of you was starting to look more and more like a weapon. Hux walked into the cockpit. He stayed silent as Kylo flew into the atmosphere. You knew he was here merely to taunt Kylo, as if to inspect his landing.

Kylo stationed the ship in the hangar with an almost imperceptible thud. Hux huffed in annoyance, walking out of the cockpit and directing himself to the ramp. Kylo and you followed behind him. The ramp lowered, the biting cold of the climate biting at your arms and legs. Your face immediately acquired a blush from the low temperatures. The three of you were quick to walk inside the building. Hux motioned for you to follow him. Kylo gave him a last disdainful look before nodding at you. Hux and you hurriedly walked along the halls of Starkiller Base and into the holo room.

You walked into the room, and to both your surprises, Snoke himself stood in the center of the room. —"Hello, children."


	23. Drowning Waterfalls

Before either of you could even walk further into the room, Snoke extended his pale hand in Hux's direction. —"Armitage, dear boy, if you would please." You felt a sudden pang of anger in the pit of your stomach as Hux handed Supreme Leader the holocron. You had retrieved it, this was your achievement! Snoke seemed to sense your thoughts, his eyes glancing over to you before he looked down at the cube being placed on his hand. —"Give me a moment with my Knight, Hux. Go attend to your duties on the bridge."

The redhead bowed his head, then turned on his heel and dipped his head in a nod at you. You nodded in return, then looked down at your feet. You could feel Snoke's displeasure at you. He willingly projected this towards you, as if to let you know he was taking note of the attitude you had about yourself.

—"It is time for you to convince me of your worth, Myra." His pale blue eyes bore into you with intensity. —"Open the holocron." He said, turning on his back and walking away from the cube. He'd left it firmly suspended in front of you using the Force.

You walked towards the holocron, suddenly feeling the pull once more. It came laced with a deep thirst that you hadn't felt in a long time. You looked back at Snoke as your hand made contact with the holocron. He whispered something to one of his Praetorian guards, you couldn't quite catch it. The man in red armor nodded and left the room in a hurry. Supreme Leader then walked back towards you, opening his arms and lifting his eyebrows, as if questioning what was taking you so long to open the holocron.

The cube radiated with the Force as you focused on its very center, almost immediately begining to shift in your hands. You heard a light hum in your mind as you worked deeper into the holocron. It emited a weird kind of energy that made your blood run thicker, filling you with a sudden rush of fear-fueled adrenaline. Something within it clicked, then the room was filled with blue light, which became less and less bright as the image emerging from it became sharper and more defined. The masked man stood to his full height in front of you. In a sign of respect, you bowed your head lightly.

—"Excelent work, Myra." Snoke said with a devious smile on his rugged lips. 

The holocron stood between you and Supreme Leader. The projection turned on its heel, giving its back to you and facing Snoke. The man beckoned you to stand next to him so that both of you would be in Nihilus' sight range. You quickly obeyed, standing straight next to your Master.

The image hummed and tilted its masked head a bit to the right, considering the two of you. —"This must be your Master." 

Snoke stepped forward a bit. —"My apprentice holds your potential, I'm sure of it." The projection sank its head in a deep nod, agreeing with Supreme Leader. The Praetorian guard walked back in at that moment, two stormtrooper came in right behind him dragging a man. His face was battered and bruised, he wore tan pants and a brown jacket, a blaster holder was strapped around his left thigh, the blaster was, of course, missing. —"I'd like to request you guide her to a proper Force drain."

Your eyes widened in shock, you looked at the two stormtroopers as they came to stand between you and the holocron image of Darth Nihilus. They brought the man to his knees in a single swift quick at the back of his knees. He looked up to you, face stone cold and not displaying any emotion. You looked at Snoke curiously. —"Myra Ren, the man that stands before you was captured yesterday as he pulled out of hyperspace in a scouting mission for the New Republic. For obvious reasons, we must mantain this base a secret for as long as possible." You nodded in understanding. —"He will be our subject of experimentation. Now, shall we?" He said looking up at Nihilus.

The figure stayed silent with his hands clasped behind his back. —"Place your hands in front of you." He instructed and you followed. —"Perceive the Force surrounding his brain, this is the organ that contains one's soul." Your eyes fluttered close as you became determined to focus on solely the Force inside the man. —"Focus on your thirst, let it guide you deeper down into his soul. Feel it, contain it and then grip tightly at it."

You could feel your own Force signature trembling in anticipation. Finally, this thirst was about to meet its release. The man ground his teeth together in pain as you pushed into the mushyness of his brain with the Force. It was easy for you to find it. When you felt the energy, you understood what Nihilus meant when he said you were to contain it. It was like a Koi fish, swimming rapidly twisting and turning around. You created a small Force field, effectively trapping the sliver of light that rested within the man. He groaned in pain at your actions, Snoke's proud energy traveled through you at this. Little by little, you made the bubble around it smaller and smaller, causing the man great pain. As it grew tighter around his energy, he cried out in pain.

—"I have it gripped. What's next?" You said, eyes still closed.

—"Press onto it until you shatter it." You frowned slightly. —"Then absorb the pieces through the center of your palm." 

With one swift motion, you pressed hard on it, showing no mercy as the man howled in pain. Accurately enough, the sliver of light that once danced around spread itself, traveling in small fractals of light out of him. These pieces stuck themselves to your fingertips like shattered glass. It stung at first, but then the relief of your thirst came. It felt as though you'd been wandering in a desert for decades, only for rain to come pouring down over you. This felt better than any orgasm Kylo had ever drawn out of you. Warmth filled you, and you inhaled sharply. The man's body fell limp at your feet. After that great feeling, you weren't remorseful whatsoever, not even in the slightest.

Snoke puffed a breath out through his thin lips, his eyes danced with two feelings, pride and ambition. What plans could he have in store for you. He placed his hand on your shoulder in something close to fatherly affection. The two of you looked up at Nihilus, who stood with his hands behind his back still. —"She's not dark enough." He said at Snoke, your pride immediately falling down beneath your feet. —"But she will be in time."

Without warning, Snoke waved his hand to close the holocron in one single swift motion. The image disappeared, his hand still rested upon your shoulder. —"You have done great today, Myra." He patted your shoulder before letting you go. —"Maybe I would even be willing to put your past transgressions against my authority behind us." 

—"Thank you, Supreme Leader." You sank your head in gratitude.

He turned on his back, calling the holocron to his hand. —"Now," He began. —"Go rest, child. You've been through quite the ordeal these past few days." You nodded, turning on your heel to leave. —"One more thing." He called back. —"Please tell Kylo Ren and Armitage they will have to wait until tomorrow to see me."

You walked out the room, immediately met by Kylo's angry, looming figure. Hux stood next to him, looking smug. The two of them shot their eyes to look at you. Kylo frowned a little, as if sensing something within you. —"Supreme Leader said you'd both have to wait until tomorrow to speak to him." Hux scowled.

—"Come with me." Kylo said simply. He pulled at your wrist, the contact immediately sparking electricity down to your core.

You wished to mantain yourself on the pleasurable high you'd felt when you'd taken that man's life. He walked briskly through the base, his cape billowing behind his hurried steps. He misstepped and nearly tripped as you took hold of his cock and stroked it up and down with the Force. Kylo looked back at you, shooting you a questioning look. You simply smirked, causing him to tug at your wrist harder as he increased the pace he walked at. 

He slammed the door to the Knights' quarters open. You searched the place with the Force, looking around to see it any of your peers were around. You were pleased to see that Kylo and you had the place to yourselves. However, just as Kylo was about to lean down to kiss you, a wave of nausea overcame you. A coughing fit overtook you, shaking your shoulders uncontrolably. You covered your mouth with your hand, instantly knowing something was off when you felt too much moisture hit the palm of your hand. You peered down at your hand, finding a small pool of blood had gathered there.

Kylo and you shared a panicked look. The sudden urge to lurch overcame you. The taste of iron clung to your tastebuds as red bile escaped your mouth, landing on the floor between yours and Kylo's feet. You cleaned some leftover blood at your lip with the back of your hand. As you looked down at your blood filled hands, you could feel Kylo taking both your shoulders. He leaned down to look into your eyes. His lips moved, but the sound coming out of them was muffled by the deep thudding in your ears. Your head spun uncomfortably, the world shifted in your eyes, everything around you became blurry. Everything, but those brown eyes looking into yours with a desperate look in them.

Then, everything went black around you. 

 

 

 

_You followed a small child across green plains. You could hear the soothing sound of water running down a stream somewhere nearby. The kid ran around happily, suddenly coming to an abrupt stop when he met the end of a cliff. You peered down over the cliff, seeing a small body of water peacefully flowing. You could hear the distinguishable 'boom' of a big ship pulling out of hyperspace. About half a dozen ships followed. You looked up in wonder as the sky was adorned with the fire that had broken in between the ships._

_Suddenly, the menacing sound of lightning filled the sky. You were temporarily blinded by a bright green flash of light. You covered your eyes, hearing the child next to you howling in pain. When you next opened your eyes, you were left utterly horrified. The beautiful gorge that stood before seconds earlier was gone, in its place stood a barren wasteland. The kid wheezed next to you. His unbearable pain traveled through the Force. Something within the Force suddenly shattered, as if a wound had been ripped open._

_You looked down at the small boy, if what was left of him could even be called human. The kid looked up at the distance, a ship had broken into the planet's atmosphere. A thunderstorm was looming over the two of you, threatening to strike at any moment then. The battered small body that stood before you struggled to stand. The ship got closer and closer, coming to a stop a few yards away from where the child stood. A woman stepped down from the ship. Her skin was white, the same color as her hair. However, what intrigued you most about her, were her completely black eyes._

_She walked towards the child. She looked down at him in pity, the child simply eyed her down. The woman crouched in front of the kid, her hands reached out to him, becoming engulfed in a white glow. The boy's burnt skin slowly began to heal, a little color came back to his cheeks. When she deemed him to look well enough, she stood to her full height. She lifted the child in her arms, then set path for her ship once more._

_—"Where?" The small child asked in a voice that sounded less than human._

_She smiled. —"Away from here, Darth Nihilus."_

_You gasped softly as the image in front of you shifted. You were in complete emptiness. Patiently, you waited for something to shift around you, and soon enough, you perceived some movement behind you. As you turned around, you were met by Nihilus' towering form approaching you._

_—"There was an attack on my planet." He said simply. —"I was the sole survivor. I was granted the power of the superweapon that destroyed everything, but in return, I had to sacrifice my physical vessel." The man stopped a few feet away from you. —"I have seen into your mind, you are not willing to perform my sacrifice."_

_You slowly, cautiously, shook your head no. —"How can I stop this?"_

_He took a deep breath. —"Your Master would rather keep you alive, so worry not." You released a relieved breath. —"Yet, having done the deed once, will have its consequences."_

_—"What are they?"_

_—"You've torn your soul, the thirst will only get worse from here on. Unless you're willing to keep draining and sacrifice your body, you'll be thirsty for the rest of your living days."_

_Your mouth ran dry, uncomfortably dry. You could feel the inside of your lips sticking to the front of your teeth from lack of moisture. There was a deep thudding in your ears once more, only growing louder and louder until it felt more like a banging._

 

 

 

When you next came to, you were alone in the med bay. They had an IV inserted into your vein. You were sweating profusely, but you could still feel the cold that crept into your back from the med gown you'd been changed into. You had broken into a fever, feeling extremely hot all over but feeling the cold of the ambiance around you all the same. As you tried to lift one of your arms, you came to the realization that your arms and legs were bound to the stretcher by leather shackles. You wondered why they had done this to you. What had happened that had led the med staff to keep you strapped tightly to the bed?

—"You tried to escape twice in the week." Snoke's raspy voice said from behind you. Had he been there all the time. —"I have."

You tried to speak, but a rasp was all that came out, you directed a panicked look at Supreme Leader. His face was impassive, not giving away a single feeling. You tried a second time, but he lifted his hand up to stop you.

—"The adrenaline rush that went through you was so intense that the veins in your throat pumped so much blood they broke." Were you going to be unable to speak for the rest of your life? Snoke shook his head. —"You should recover soon." He puffed his chest out. —"You must recover soon, I have a mission for you and Kylo Ren."  _Where is he?_ —"He's leading a mission in the Outer Rim. He should be back within a few days." _Why am I tied up?_  —"In your rage you killed one of our medical staff members. I must leave child, I will leave you in the care of General Hux." You managed a weak nod before Snoke walked out of the med wing.

You craved company, but knew you wouldn't be getting any anytime soon. Hux was a busy man, and as a non-sensitive, you couldn't beckon him to come to you through the Force. You decided to look around to check if any of the Knights of Ren had stayed behind on the mission. Disappointment was all you met as silence traveled through the training bond you shared with your fellow Knights.

A thought passed your head to use the Force to remove your restraints, but upon trying, you discovered they were Force binders, preventing you from using your powers. When the hell had you even killed someone anyway? And how come you had no memory whatsoever of it ever happening? You struggled against the restraints, a sudden wave of anxiety crashing down on you. You could hear the monitor checking your heart rate start beeping more erraticly, so you decided to calm down. You quietly and delicately pulled against the restraints on your feet, becoming excited when you were able to squeeze your left foot out of the leather. Only using that foot, you undid the rest of the binds.

In one swift movement, you pulled the IV jammed into your forearm out, feeling the slight pull of your veins. A small sliver of red blood left the tiny orifice on your arm. You spotted a black blanket laying on top of the chair at the corner of the room. Deciding it was best to leave the room in something other than the gown you wore, you wrapped it around yourself, wearing it as a hooded cap. It was deep into the night, the staff seemed to be busy with other things.

Just as you were about to escape, you were met by the surprised face of General Hux. —"Myra? What are you doing out of bed?!" He took you by the arm firmly, but not tightly, as he guided you back into the room. An exasperated huff escaped your mouth. —"You can't exert yourself too much. I was left at your care by Supreme Leader, he'll have my head if anything were to happen to you." He turned the light on as he made you sit back on the stretcher. —"Not to mention Ren would impale me with his lightsaber."

You tried laughing, but all that came out was a raspy wheeze. It hurt horribly, your hand snapped to rub at your throat, only then did you notice you'd been bandaged. You pointed at it repeatedly until you got Hux's attention. 

—"They had to open your throat to jam the gashes in your veins." You grimaced. —"You should have seen Ren." He shook his head. —"He threatened to kill anyone who dared breathe near him when you went into surgery." He smirked. —"Not the most patient man."

You smiled softly. You gestured at the room, then the door, silently asking when they would let you out. Hux looked at you in confusion, seemingly not understanding the message you were trying to convey. He seemed to get an idea as he stood, walked out of the room and then came back with a holopad. He placed it in your lap. You tapped at it furiously.  _When are they letting me out?_

Hux read the text. He looked up at you. —"What day was it today?" Looking up in thought. —"You should be out in a couple of weeks." Your eyes widened, and you let out a disappointed sigh. —"I know you get bored in here, but we can't risk you killing more staff."

Your eyes widened, you impatiently extended your hand, asking for the holopad.  _When and how did that happen? Who did I kill?_

It took him seconds to read through that. —"I can't quite explain what I saw..." He began. A scowl took over his features. —"It was almost as if you'd been possessed. Your eyes were closed and your body was limp from the sedation, but somehow, you managed to get up and choke a nurse to death. That's why we had the shackles put on." You felt scared of yourself for a second, what if it happened again? —"You seemed to have gone into a fit of rage. You repeatedly asked the nurse why she had done 'that' to the boy."

Your thoughts traveled to the image of the small child that had been Nihilus, the state he'd been left in after the beam of light came down from the sky. You were confused and scared, what had taken over you? Had it been Nihilus, or perhaps the woman from the vision? Could it have been the Force expressing it's anger at you because of ignoring your fate as Prophet?

—"Ren and the other Knights left on a mission to a planet close by." He said, clearly trying to lighten the mood. —"They went to Comra, a New Republic planet. Him and his Knights are hunting down a spy who spotted the Starkiller Base before she's able to reach the senate with that information." You nodded softly. —"Last I heard from Claec Ren, they had already captured the spy, they intent to use their powers to delete her memories regarding this base, so as not to raise suspicion with his death."

Your eyebrows lifted in surprise, he handed you the holopad, knowing you had something to say about that.  _You speak to Claec much?_

His eyes narrowed at you as he read. —"Stop that, Myra." A light blush came to his pale cheeks, your eyes widened in surprise. You copied his smug look and smirked. —"Stop it!"

The General and you spoke for quite some time, he only left when you promised him you'd stay in that room. He promised to drop by tomorrow, telling you that Phasma would be glad to hear you were awake now. You appreciated that he was being nice to you, there was no need for that really, Snoke had only instructed him to watch over you. You honestly did consider the man a friend, as you did with Phasma. At least you'd be in good company until your fellow Knights came back to base. You guessed you'd be here for a little over than the time estimate Hux had given you. You could feel your wounds, they could have been mortal, you reckoned. You could have drowned in your own blood or you could have bled out.

A male nurse came in to reconnect the IV to your arm. You noticed how he made no move to put you back in shackles, you guessed Hux had given his orders not to do that again. He inyected something into the IV, pulling you into a dizzy, deep sleep.

 


	24. Reunion

Your voice had come back over the course of two weeks. Kylo and the rest of the Knights were yet to come back. Not being cleared for physical activity was honestly making your anxiety ride at an all time high due to inactivity. Truly, you were bored. Hux and Phasma were doing their best to keep you occupied, but being cooped up in a room in the med bay was not helping much. You'd asked every single person who came in your room when you were going to be discharged, they all answered the same, as soon as your throat veins got back to pumping blood at a normal pace. You honestly doubted that was going to happen. You'd requested from Hux to be allowed to go to your quarters, agreeing to keep a monitor in your vitals at all times so that if anything got out of range, a doctor could be sent to attend to you. He'd considered it but ultimately declined under Supreme Leader's instructions, or so you were told.

The last time you'd been even remotely close to someone who was Force-sensitive had been little over two weeks. It was honestly driving you mad that you couldn't peer into people's thoughts without causing them pain. You'd never realized up until then truly how hard it was for you to communicate when you couldn't use the Force to properly convey what you were feeling. Hux and Phasma were an exception to this, but only because they were so upfront and not scared to say exactly what was on their minds.

A nurse came in to take your vitals, placing a clamp-like object on the tip of your index finger. She monitored everything that rose up from the examination on her datapad, swiftly tapping at it as she took notes of the condition you were in. You sat patiently as she did this, fully focusing your attention on the slight pinch that the clamp's pressure did on your finger.

Your attention was dragged to the door as the doctor who had intervened you enetered the room along with General Hux. They seemed to have been chatting animatedly before they came in the room, their conversation coming to an abrupt stop as they walked through the door. Hux nodded at you softly from the entrance as the doctor moved further into the room, coming to stand next to his nurse, seemingly peering down onto her datapad to look at her notes. As soon as the nurse was done tapping, she handed the datapad over to the doctor, who read through her notes humming softly at the small details. You wondered if everything was going smoothly regarding your recovery.

—"You should be cleared to leave within the next few days." The doctor said still not looking up from the datapad. 

You turned to Hux, he simply nodded at you. —"How many days are a few days?" You asked impatiently.

The doctor eyed you curiously. —"I'd say three days at most."

Hux walked into the room, standing at the head of the stretcher. —"When is she cleared for activity again?"

—"It's unclear as of now."

He looked displeased. —"Make sure you know next time I ask, Supreme Leader needs an answer."

The doctor shot a mildly scared look at Hux. He nodded and swiftly left the room. You smirked at Hux. —"You sure do enjoy putting your personnel on edge, General."

He puffed a laugh through his mouth, crossing his arms across his chest. —"I meant that." He suddenly looked serious once more. —"Though I don't agree with it, Supreme Leader wants you back on the battlefield as soon as possible."

You shrugged nonchalantly. —"I don't care as long as I get to leave this place." His mouth squeezed into a thin line, clearly disapproving your lack of worry for your wellbeing. —"Are there any news from Kylo or any of the Knights?"

The General drew in a sharp breath and looked away, he didn't have good news, you reckoned. —"They've run into trouble." You dipped your head forward, urging him on. —"One of the Knights is injured, the girl who came along to rescue you and Ren from the snow, Daeva I think?"

Your eyes went wide. —"What happened to her?!"

—"The spy they were trailing turned out to be an entire organization. As soon as she went missing, her brother went looking for her. Daeva was the one to pose as her assailant, claiming she had simply tried to mug her and she had gotten smart. The spies took her in and tortured her not believing in her story, luckily she didn't break. Claec broke her out, she is alright but will need rest when they get back here." He stared at your worried face with one of his own. —"I know you wish you could have been there, Myra, but I promise they'll be here soon."

You nodded. —"Have they completed the mission yet?"

—"They shoulld be back by tomorrow, if not sooner. That is what I had come to tell you when I ran into the doctor."

There was a knock on the door, you both turned to see the chrome-clad Captain Phasma standing there. —"Can I come in?" She asked, her voice distorted by the voice modulator of her helmet.

—"You need not ask." You said simply as the smile on your face grew wider.

She closed the door behind herself, finally taking her helmet off and placing it in a chair nearby. —"How are you feeling? Better, I hope."

You nodded. —"I'm doing a lot better, thank you. Especially now I know I'll be discharged in a couple days."

—"Has Armitage been good company?" She said, crashing her big hand onto Hux's slender shoulders in a smack.

His entire frame shook, and you couldn't stiffle the small chuckle that left your mouth. The ginger looked at the two of you annoyed. —"Phasma, for fuck's sake."

The tall blonde laughed. —"Have you heard? I was just in the hangar and apparently they have scheduled the arrival of the freighter bringing the other Knights back for tonight."

You beamed at her, then turned to Hux. —"Please, let me come down to the hangar to see them back?"

Hux sighed. —"Your doctor will not be happy with me." You frowned. —"I'll let him know you're coming out today."

You puffed a breath of relief. —"Thank you, Hux!"

—"Phasma." He began sternly. —"Please do keep an eye on her, don't let them be too brusque on her."

She shot him an accusing look. —"Will do, buzzkill."

Hux smirked at her. —"I must leave." He said turning to look at you, nodding curtly before stepping out of the room. 

—"You finally broke him." She said simply as she stared at the exit, then you.

You shot her a questioning look. —"What do you mean?"

She chuckled softly. —"I mean Hux is a stern man. He cares for you, I always thought I was destined to be that man's only friend."

You tilted your head a bit, smiling at Phasma. —"I thought he would hate me forever at some point, but I guess being stuck on that horrible planet together did help sort that out."

Phasma nodded animatedly, then turned to pick her helmet up. —"I will come get you some time before the freighter arrives, you should get some rest." She said before putting the helmet back on.

You were excited, you even doubted you'd be able to fall asleep. Still, there were so many meds in your system that it was easy for you to simply lay back in your stretcher, close your eyes, and block off the world. Soon, you were met with the soft comfort of being half asleep, only to be fully dragged to sleep a few minutes later.

 

 

 

_You stood in the darkness again, but this time you were not alone. Your fellow Knights stood in a horizontal row in front of you. They didn't seem to be able to see you, they were staring straight ahead with their hands behind their backs, fully clad in robes and armor, their lightsabers clipped to their belts. You walked to Kylo, admiring the small beauty marks that peppered across his face. His long, pointy nose was well structured. His brown eyes were a steel mask, not conveying any kind of emotion. His flowy raven locks framed his face wonderfully, also making his already fair skin look pale. His full, pink lips stood out in an intimidating pout. Tall as he was, he towered over you._

_Next to him stood Claec, his small, deep blue eyes looked sad, you wondered if it was because of the incident with Daeva, or if they always looked like that and you had failed to notice. He was pale, even paler than normal. His nose was a bit crooked at the bridge from that time he broke it as a young kid back at Skywalker's academy. Light brown freckles adorned his nose and cheekbones. His square jaw was clenched tightly, making his high cheekbones stand out more. You noticed that he had clipped his curly brown hair short since the last time you'd seen him. Perhaps he had to do it for the mission? His rosy thin lips were pressed together tightly, as he did when he was nervous. He was tall, only a few inches shorter than Kylo._

_Then came Kana and Kieran. They were nearly identical, both having almond shaped faces, straight noses and tawny colored skin. Kana had worn a small ring on the side of her nose since she was twelve, you remembered it was her twin brother to do it for her. She had full lips and a very small waist. The female twin was slightly shorter than you and very thin, but she was strong and fearless. She had big, dark brown eyes that looked black most of the time. Kana's hair was long, straight and chocolate colored. She always wore it up in a big, thick bun. Her brother, Kieran, was pretty much the same. The exact same big dark eyes, and full lips. He had a beard covering the top and bottom of his lips, then it spread out through his jaw and part of his cheeks. His hair flowed in dark brown curls that covered his ears and came down his forehead to meet his thick eyebrows._

_Lastly, you were met by Daeva's lanky frame. She had a pear-shaped body, having thin arms and tummy, but a big ass with full and toned legs. Her hair was ashy blonde in color. She wore it a bit above her shoulders and always held the front part of it back with tweezers or bobby pins. Her big, round hazel eyes held a fear-filled expression. This made you sad, seeing as how she was always so cheerful. She had a small mouth with full, plump limps. Her nose was small and upturnt. The long lashes that adorned her eyes were as curly as ever. Out of the three women in the group, she was the tallest one._

_—"What are you doing here?" Kylo's voice said. You snapped your head to the spot he'd been standing on. He was walking over to you. —"How?"_

_Your mouth was agape for a moment before you regained your composure. —"I don't know. I went to sleep and woke up here. Are you awake?"_

_He nodded his head no. —"How are you?" Kylo reached to you, trying to place his hand on your shoulder, but his hand fell through you._

_Part of your frame faded into thin smoke, coming back to normal after a few seconds. The two of you watched on this in wonder. —"I'm fine." You finally replied. —"I'll be discharged in a couple days."_

_—"What?" He said, a worried frown taking over his features. —"We've been away for so long and you're still in there?"_

_You nodded softly. —"But I'm feeling great, I promise." You suddenly grimaced as a memory came to you. —"How's Daeva? I heard from Hux she was hurt."_

_His mouth twitched up in disgust at the mention of Hux's name. —"She was hurt. The bastards that took her broke her wrist and cracked one of her ribs." You pulled your lips into a thin line. —"Her wrist has been plastered and she's been resting ever since Claec rescued her."_

_—"You will be back tonight, right? Phasma has told me." He nodded. —"I miss you."_

_He looked at you softly, his mouth forming a teethy smile. —"I wish I could hold you." He said running a hand down your arm, drawing smoke in the process. —"Let's finish what we started before you coughed up blood when I get back, shall we?"_

_Your mind went back to the memory of you stroking Kylo with the Force down the halls of Starkiller Base. A blush crept to your cheeks, drawing a chuckle out of Kylo. —"Let's do that."_

_He smiled at you softly once more before pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek, except this time you didn't fade to smoke. He and the rest of the Knights faded into thin air._

 

 

 

You opened your eyes at the exact moment someone knocked on your door. You turned to face the door, careful not to strain your neck too much. The door opened a bit, Phasma's helmet peeked in. —"They will arrive in an hour. The doctor will come in. I brought you some robes from your room."

You drew in a sharp breath and beckoned her in with a lazy wave of your hand. The tall woman walked in, set down your robes in the chair where she'd set her helmet earlier. You turned the lights of the room on with the Force, then sat up and rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. The doctor came in a little while after, his nurse followed closely behind. 

—"Myra Ren." He said more to himself than to address you. —"I can't discharge you just yet, we'd like to have you in observation some more time. General Hux informed me of your plans tonight, so we will remove the IV. We still need to keep you on pain meds, I'm afraid the procedure we performed was too aggressive and intrusive for you not to be in pain without them."

—"How will you do that?" You asked.

He looked over to his nurse, then pointed to the IV on your arm. She moved over and began to remove the tape over the needle. —"I will give you some pills, you are to take them once every four hours or any time you feel pain. Please don't take more than two at a time, though." You felt a pull at your arm, she had pulled the IV out and pressed a band aid into the prick. —"Do come back here tonight." He instructed before stepping out of the room. The nurse reached into one of the cabinets and gave you a canister with pills, then left.

—"I will give you time to dress." Phasma said before getting out as well.

You pulled the top part of your robes careful not to touch your bandaged neck too much. Then, you sat back on the stretcher to pull your pants and boots on. For the first time in a couple of weeks, you wondered where your lightsaber was. Deciding to ignore that, you walked out of the med bay room, immediately met with Phasma's tall chrome armor. She stared at you through her visor. You nodded softly at her, then she stepped forward and you followed close behind her as she led you to the hangar.

—"Hux said that if you feel well enough, he'll convince the doctor to discharge you tonight."

You refrained from looking up at her so as not to hurt yourself. —"That is nice of him. I do wish to sleep in my quarters as soon as possible. I will have the Knights with me, should anything happen."

She stopped abruptly. —"FK-8945." She called, the stormtrooper that stood near her straightened up. —"Have General Hux meet me at the hangar in five minutes."

—"He went through here a couple minutes ago, Captain." 

Phasma nodded. —"At ease, trooper." She continued walking, letting out a huff. —"Seems like Hux doesn't trust me to watch over you and is coming down to do so himself."

You chuckled softly. —"He's so uptight." Phasma's charming laugh sounded a lot different through the modulator of her helmet.

Both of you walked for a couple more minutes before coming into the hangar. She said they were supposed to come in through dock number 18, so the two of you walked that way. Hux's orange hair stood out from all the black and white. He had all the stormtroopers and officers scouring around to keep the place clear. They were arriving any moment now, you were giddy with excitement.

—"Well, Hux, so much for your trust on your personnel." Phasma said mockingly. He turned to look at her, glaring softly. —"We're a triumvirate now, Hux, you have to trust me."

He huffed. —"Don't call this a triumvirate, Phasma. We both know Ren is not prepared to be in charge of anything." He then turned to you. —"Well, he's in good enough charge of his Knights."

You smiled. —"He's a good leader. You'll see, just give him a chance."

Phasma tilted her head, as if waiting for Armitage's reply to that comment. —"Agree to disagree." He said flatly before turning to look out the hangar. —"Have you told her about my proposition, Captain?"

—"I have."

—"What have you decided, Myra? Should I warrant your discharge?" 

You nodded. —"The Knights are coming back, if anything happens, they will be the first to rush me back to the med bay." 

Hux turned back to look at you. —"Good, I will have that arranged." He looked around the hangar, then pointed in a direction behind you. —"You." He called flatly. —"Come here."

A skinny man with black hair stood in front of you. He saluted Hux. —"Sir."

—"Name." Hux asked flatly.

—"Officer Mitaka, sir." His lips trembled a bit.

Hux nodded. —"Go to sector J-2 in the med bay. Tell doctor Giles he will discharge Knight Myra Ren in this exact moment."

—"Yes, sir." The man saluted again.

Hux eyed him down. —"Go!" The man got startled, promptly leaving after that. Hux and Phasma shared a look before snickering softly. You joined them, not believing this is how they amused themselves.

The three of you were pulled out of your reverie as the booming sound of a ship pulling out of hyperspace at the atmosphere filled the sky. Mantainance staff gathered around the dock, waiting patiently for the ship to land. You couldn't stop the fidgeting that had broken as a tremble in your left leg. Excitement filled you at the prospect of seeing all your friends after such a long time. Slowly, you were able to feel more and more of their Force signatures. Worry filled you as you felt Daeva's a little wavering and weak. The sound of the engines got increasingly louder until a big freighter entered the hangar. The landing was soft, barely thudding as it touched the floor. You had no wonder that it was Kylo who sat in the pilot's seat.

The ramp slowly lowered. Daeva was the first to step down with the help of Claec, she was gripping her right side softly, surely the side her broken rib was on.

—"Get me some med staff down here!" Hux called back. Several officers ran out the hangar.

You walked over to Daeva and Claec. Her sad eyes lit up as she looked at you. —"Hey! You're awake and up and about!" She said excitedly before wincing softly.

—"How are you feeling?" Claec asked as he pulled you in softly for a hug.

You wrapped your arms around both of them, being careful ennough so as not to hurt yourself or Daeva. —"I'm great thank you. Hux called for med staff already. Are you okay?" You said looking at Daeva in worry.

—"It's nothing. Really, don't worry." She said softly, slightly out of breath you could tell.

An excited screech made you turn back to the ramp. Kana ran down with her arms open. —"Hi!!" She screamed, nearly crashing into you before she was frozen in place.

—"Kana!" Kieran called out. —"She's still hurt. Be easy on her."

His hold on her broke and she gave you a small hug. —"God, I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!" She said happily.

—"I missed you, too, Kana." You said softly. Kieran came over to hug you as well. —"I've missed all of you so damn much. This place is boring without you all here."

Kieran chuckled. —"Try being cooped up with Kylo after we had to leave you here."

Finally, Kylo's towering form descended from the ship. He walked over to you briskly. Seeming to sense this, the twins moved out of the way quickly. You stood there looking at him perplexed. He took you by the waist and lifted you softly, making sure you had to put no effort into the hug. He hid his face in your hair.

—"You smell like hospital."

You chuckled softly. —"Honestly, fuck you." You could feel his smile against your cheek.

Hux cleared his throat, earning an annoyed groan from Kylo. —"Supreme Leader wishes to see you, Ren." Kylo set you back down on the floor. He opened his mouth, but was cut off by the General. —"No, it cannot wait."

He looked down into your eyes as he took your shoulders. —"Go with the twins, I'll be there soon." Kylo said before walking hurriedly out of the hangar.

You turned to look at Hux and Phasma, the two of them nodded, signaling for you to go with the Knights. A small smile crossed your features as you nodded back at them. You walked with Kana and Kieran back to the Knights' quarters. She animatedly told you all about the grand city they'd been in while in Comra. You understood her excitement, Kieran and her were from a hot planet with little civilization and technology, and after that they'd gone to Ossus to train with Skywalker. Kieran seemed more stand-offish about the whole situation, seemingly not too excited about the things he saw. Even if they were twins, they seemed to be years apart.

When you walked into the quarters, Kana plopped herself down on the couch as Kieran went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. The three of you had dinner together, you'd told them about Hux and Phasma being nice to you, something Kieran was quick to call bullshit on. Not long after you finished your dinner, Claec came back in with Daeva. She was a bit less crouched over than when you'd seen her get off the ship, but she still needed of Claec's help to walk at a normal pace. You wondered if you could perhaps help her put the rib back in place with the Force as you had done with your wrist back in Korriban. 

You all moved to sit at the living room, chatting about their mission and how on edge Kylo had been the entire time. After a while though, you took your pain pill and it had you feeling sleepy, so you retired to your own quarters. You helped Daeva into her room, as Claec still wanted to speak some more. You had helped her put her sleeping clothes on, noticing how tightly she had been bandaged at her ribcage. Before leaving, you offered to give her some of your pain meds, but she declined saying she had some of her own.

As you walked into your room, your nose was met with the familiar scent of your shampoo. You laid down to sleep, only waking up when your door cracked open. Kylo entered the room. Seeming to sense your fatigue, he simply asked you to scoot over and got into bed with you. He hugged you tightly to his chest, being careful not to put you in a position where you would strain your neck. The two of you fell asleep peacefully.


	25. Artha in Doubt

As your body progressively got healthy again, the unquenchable thirst began to creep back on you as well. You'd even been tempted to ask permission from Supreme Leader to drain once more. You knew that request would undeniably be rejected and met with disapproval and scorn from Snoke due to your weakness. It was merely that, a debilitating and distracting thirst that stuck itself to the back of your head, constantly making you anxious.

Kylo and the rest of the Knights had been back for about a month now. The collective boredom of not being required to do much around the Base was slowly driving all of you insane. Your days consisted mostly of watching everyone train, as you were only cleared for mild physical activity. This hadn't stopped you from pushing yourself a bit too hard at times, but nothing bad had happened. Hux was getting busier by the day, as the construction of Starkiller advanced, he had more and more work to oversee. Phasma got lots of work, too, as the new recruits and squads assigned to base grew in number.

One day, Kylo and Claec came into your room early in the morning. They hurried you to get into your robes, saying that the three of you had important matters to attend to. You supposed it had something to do with training, but after being practically dragged to the holo chamber, you instantly knew it was about Snoke. The three of you bent the knee and dipped your heads, patiently awaiting for the room to be filled with blue light as the image of Supreme Leader appeared in front of you. 

—"Stand, Claec Ren." You felt the shuffling next to you as Kylo and you stayed put, not being given permission to stand yet. —"Dear boy, you are to accompany General Hux in a reconaissance mission to one of the planets loyal to the First Order. We have been receiving troubling news about a sector in particular being lured back into the New Republic. We must not allow this to happen." 

—"When are we set to leave?" Claec's sure voice boomed in the hollow room.

—"As soon as possible, tonight would be ideal." Snoke said simply, sounding a bit bored. —"The General should be awaiting news about this on his place at the bridge. Look for him, inform him of this and make preparations to leave."

From the corner of your eye, you could see Claec dip his head in a deep nod and step out hurriedly.

Snoke satyed silent for a small while. —"Stand, Myra." You stood calmly. —"Stand, Kylo Ren." He rose to his full height. —"Children, I've had a very special mission waiting for the two of you." You nodded. —"I've found something very powerful that we need to acquire. His name is Haldus, he is native to Kuat, one of the Core worlds. Yet, what makes him so special is his exposure to a Sith artifact. It has driven him mad with power and he's been locked away by his own family. I need the two of you to break him out."

Kylo cleared his throat. —"Might I ask what this man's purpose will be?"

—"Haldus is to become the last addition to the Knights of Ren." An imperceptible gasp left your mouth. —"His Force sensitivity has been enhanced by his exposure to this Sith artifact. If possible, I wish you to recover the artifact as well." He considered Kylo through a small scowl. —"Now," He began. —"Leave us, Myra."

You sank your head in small reverence as you stepped out. You made your way back to the quarters, trying to ready yours and Kylo's things to leave sooner. A wave of worry suddenly washed over you, making your lungs sink away from your ribcage. The rest of the Knights were off somewhere, you noticed when everyone failed to attend to the frantic knocking at the door. This only drove you deeper into the state of preoccupation that had taken over you. You left everything half-packed and went downstairs to open the door. Armitage Hux stood at the door, a frantic look in his eyes.

—"I need you to help me." He said, slightly out of breath, no doubt from running. —"Ren went into a fit of rage, he's slashed three of MY consoles already."

Your eyes widened. —"Where?"

Hux said nothing, he simply motioned for you to follow him. You went up a couple of levels, no doubt near the bridge. You could hear the wild crackling of Kylo's lightsaber accompanied by the electric sound of sparks flying everywhere. As you stood at the door, you simply watched on in wonder as he kept on tearing through the consoles, leaving jagged orange lightsaber marks all around. Smoke and sparks filled the air around him. Hux tugged impatiently at your robes, desperately asking you to make Kylo stop. You lifted your hands up in Kylo's direction, keeping him frozen mid-slash. He looked confused, you could feel him actively trying to free himself of your hold. You walked over to him, taking his lightsaber by the hilt and deactivating it. 

—"What are you doing?" You asked sweetly as you looked up at him with worried eyes.

You relented your Force hold on him, and much to your surprise, he fell to his knees. Kylo placed his head on your stomach, holding your hips with both his hands. You looked over to Hux, who was still standing at the entrance looking perplexed. You shooed him away with your hand, he fumbled at his feet for a second before closing the blastdoors and leaving, his boots clacked and echoed down the hall.

As soon as Kylo deemed him gone, he broke down crying, gripping at your hips harder and pushing his head into your stomach. You gently shushed him as you ran a hand through his raven locks comfortingly. His shoulders heaved as he sobbed. You silently wondered what had gone wrong that pushed him into that state. Had it been something at the bridge? Had it been Snoke's announcement of a new person joining the Knights of Ren? The second his grip at your hips lessened, you squatted down to face him. He looked broken, his face red, eyes puffy, and those plump rosy lips were stuck out in a trembling pout.

He sniffled, placing his big hand against your cheek. You leaned into his tender touch, not breaking eye contact with him. —"Leia." He said before being reduced to a sobbing mess once more. You could feel the sorrow ebbing off him as if it were your own. Still, you worried for Kylo's wellbeing. You knew Snoke could peer into his mind and see him mourning whatever it was that had happened to Leia. You found a part of yourself wanted Leia to be alive and well.

You rested your forehead against his. You tried to look into his eyes, but he only squeezed them shut upon contact with yours. —"Talk to me, Kylo." You could see him struggling to regain his composure.

—"Snoke." He shook slightly. —"He said there was an attempt on her life." Your lips parted. —"They tried to poison her, but she lived."

—"Who's they?" You asked cautiously.

He looked up to you, something close to disgust and shame in his eyes. —"The First Order." Kylo said quietly. —"I'm on the side that's trying to kill someone Ben Solo used to love."

You were taken aback by him using his past name as something completely foreign to his person. It made you look inside yourself, you hadn't uttered your own name in months. You wondered how you'd feel about your parents, if they were alive and still fighting for the New Republic. You tried to cast aside those thoughts. That wasn't your life anymore, you reckoned it was better to not put too much thought into it. You wanted to do the same for Kylo, but you still thought it would be quite insensitive of you to suggest sex. After giving his lips a small peck, you took his hand in your and stood up. He took that as a cue for him to stand as well.

Kylo took his sweet time trying to regain his composure, only then did you realize how much of a mama's boy he used to be. You wondered if he missed his mother, perhaps he even missed Han Solo. —"Please..." He said softly. —"Give me some time, I'll be fine, I just need to be alone for a bit."

You nodded softly, caressing his cheek comfortingly. His eyes closed, a single thin tear falling down. —"Just promise me this, no more slashing consoles, okay?" He nodded with his eyes closed, looking down sadly. You pressed your lips into a thin line, tip-toeing to plant a small kiss to his cheek. 

After that, you walked out, leaving Kylo to sit in the darkness of the torn apart console room. You walked down the hall, being met by Hux's slender figure, waiting for you to get out, you presumed. Before he had a chance to say anything, you asked a favor of him. —"Please, don't let Supreme Leader know of this."

Hux simply sank his head in a solemn nod. You walked past him, wondering why he had stayed there instead of letting you handle the situation and going back to his place at the bridge. Perhaps he believed you uncapable of calming him down? Or maybe he thought Kylo would be so lost in his rage-fueled tantrum that he'd take it out on you? Whichever of the two it was, you thought it was nice of him to stick around just to make sure everything went fine.

As you made your way back to the Knights' quarters once more, your mind was plagued by thoughts of you betraying your parents' memory by going over to the First Order. But, hadn't it been the General of the First Order to kill the man who murdered your parents? Still, you found it quite devious of Hux to kill his own father. Rage traveled through your body as you remembered the image of your father nearly beating the shit out of your mother. In that moment, as a child, you'd been ready to attack your father without further thought. Maybe you were devious enough to kill your own father as well, had Brendol Hux not gotten to it first. Your throat ran dry with thirst once more.

Upon entering the quarters, you found Daeva laying down on the couch at the living room. Claec was there, too. He stood as he saw you enter the room. —"I heard from Hux about Kylo. Is he okay?"

—"I'm not sure." You sighed, walking over to the couch and sitting down next to Daeva's feet. —"He will be, though."

Claec simply nodded. —"Could I ask what happened?" He awkwardly asked, as if not sure it was wise of him to ask.

—"Leia Organa has been poisoned. She lived, but it was the First Order to do it, so he's a bit torn up about that."

Daeva sat up at the mention of Leia's name. —"So Ben Solo lives." She said with a thoughtful expression.

—"I guess so..." You said quietly. —"How long has it been since any of us have said our real names?"

The two of them looked at you curiously, as if trying to remind you how Snoke had forbidden the use of those names when he gave you new ones. —"I try not to think too much about that." Claec said firmly, Daeva nodded in agreement.

You simply sighed. —"I try not to do it, too. It's just this thing with Kylo got me thinking about my parents as well. I mean they're dead now, but had they not been, had they lived and continued to serve the New Republic, I just wonder what would have happened then."

Daeva placed her hand on your shoulder. —"That isn't your life anymore, Myra. Your place is here now, Kylo needs to understand that, too."

You looked at her and nodded. You knew she was right, but somehow, you couldn't shake off the feeling of being torn between who you used to be and who you were now. Deciding not to dwell on it, you changed the subject, instead opting to ask Claec how his packing was coming along. The three of you spoke about the mission you and Kylo had been given. Claec seemed a bit skeptical of a new member, saying that the six of you already knew each other well enough to trust your lives to each other. Daeva, on the other hand, was excited about a new person coming to join you. You explained what Snoke had told you about the man, about the Sith artifact and him being locked away by his own family.

After a while, you decided to go upstairs and continue packing where you had left it off when Hux had come knocking to ask for your help. Little after you were done packing for yourself, you felt Kylo's Force signature getting closer and closer. Finally, you heard the main door open, listening to his heavy steps coming up the stairs and walking down the hall. There was a soft knock on your door, you immediately called for him to come in. He walked in and simply laid on your bed on his side, looking down at you intently as you sat on the floor with your luggage open. The two of you limited yourselves to looking at each other silently. A couple minutes went by where neither of you said anything. Kylo patted the spot next to him on your bed, and you obidiently climbed up next to him. The two of you tangled into each other, your head resting on his right arm, nose meeting his chest. He placed his left arm around your ribs, pulling you closer to him as your legs tangled with his. He sighed softly into your hair before the two of you fell soundly asleep.

 

 

 

_It had been a long time since you last woke up in this dark room, the comforting, fresh and so-familiar coldness that surrounded you, led you to know you were on the space in your mind that Darth Nihilus took up. His form slowly appeared in front of you, going from a red cloud of smoke to his towering frame, that white and red haunting mask was the last to fully form. He placed his hands behind his back and slowly paced towards you._

_—"I've made you a favor." He said dryly, coming to a stop some feet away from you. —"This man, Haldus, he will be the new drainer. You shall continue your path as a Prophet."_

_Your face twisted into a frown. —"Why?"_

_He considered you through the expressionless mask. —"You are strong with the Force. You and your Master have interrupted my eternal rest, and until a new drainer comes along, I won't be able to leave either of you."_

_—"Will the thirst be gone after the new drainer is trained?" Your frown grew deeper as Nihilus shook his head._

_—"In time you will learn to control it." He said. —"Now, shall I show you the next task your Master and I have set for you?"_

_You nodded. —"Are you going to show me who Haldus is?"_

_His mask shifted in a nodding motion, then everything, including him and yourself, dissipated into smoke, slowly forming a new scenario in front of you. Immediately, you could feel something beckoning you down the hall that presented itself before you. It was grey, dark and cold. You could hear someone shivering at the end of the long hall. A sturdy door stood between you and the shivering person. You made a move to open it, but your hand disappeared and your were smoke once more. You simply walked through the door, coming into view with the weak form of a man with very light hair and light skin. For a second you wondered if perhaps he was albino. He was curled up in a ball, taking in shaky breaths._

_You crouched down to look at him. And suddenly, it seemed as if he was able to feel your presence. His head snapped in your direction, a pair of golden eyes met yours, but you were sure he wasn't able to see you. He turned back to look at the spot in front of his feet and shook harder than he already was. He was broken, the artifact had broken him to the point where you could feel his shattered soul._

_Upon looking back to the door, you saw Nihilus calmly standing there. You stood up and walked over to him once more. —"What kind of artifact was he exposed to? Why did he react like this?"_

_—"Have you heard of talisman of ensnarement?" The man asked, you shook your head. —"They were created by Sith sorcerers. You see, the Jedi had grown accostumed to using our artifacts for Light side rituals. A Sith sorcerer came up with the idea of creating these Dark side energy filled talismans. Upon contact, it can turn any person with Light side energy into a Dark enforcer. After that, the Jedi outlawed the use of any and all Sith artifacts out of fear their militants would turn to the Dark side."_

_You nodded in understanding. —"But why has it affected him like this? What can I do to prevent the artifact of doing this to me or Kylo?"_

_He tilted his head a bit. —"Don't touch the talisman. Use the Force to move it, or have Haldus do so for you."_

_The image shifted once more as you felt a small pressure at your back, shaking you softly._

 

 

 

—"Hey, wake up." Kylo's sleepy voice said. —"You're trembling. What's wrong?" He asked as he ran a hand up and down your back.

You found that you had broken into a cold sweat. —"I had a vision." You said, voice raspy with sleep. —"I know where to find Haldus, and I know what artifact we are looking for."

He hummed, his chest vibrated against your skull. —"Let's talk about this tomorrow. It's still early into the night."

You nodded against his chest, falling back asleep a few minutes after.

When you next awoke, Kylo was still sleeping, but you could see light pouring through the bottom of your door. The white light iluminated some of Kylo's soft, expressionless sleeping face. His eyes were puffy, you guessed from crying too much. It made you a bit sad. You ran one of your fingers over his nose and mouth in feather-light caresses. He drew in a sharp breath and twisted a bit before his eyes slowly opened. He looked at you softly, taking your hand in his and kissing it. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck as you ran your hands through his hair.

—"Are you feeling any better?" You asked. He simply nodded into your neck. —"Do you know if Claec and Hux have left yet?"

He shook his head. —"I didn't hear him leave." 

The two of you stayed silent for some time. —"When should we leave?

He shifted in his spot, instead opting to prop himself up on his elbow. —"Soon." He said. —"Wanna talk about your vision?"

You nodded, explaining to him how you'd seen the place where Haldus was being held in. You told him about the talisman, and how Nihilus had told you to handle the artifact so as not to hurt yourselves with it as Haldus had. Kylo then excused himself and crossed the hall to his room, saying he was going to finish packing so the two of you could be set to leave later that day. While he attended his business, you busied yourself with showering and changing into clean robes. Then, you grabbed your holo pad, sending out a request for a cruiser to be readied for your departure. After that was taken care of, you went through your checklist for the luggage again. You left your room, going downstairs just in time to see Claec off. You wished him and Armitage Hux the best of luck in their mission.

Kana came down not long after, taking a holo pad that was in the living room and ordering a nice, big breakfast for all the Knights. Kieran came out of his room a few moments later, immediately walking into the training room with his sister. Finally, Kylo and Daeva came down the stairs at the same time. They were animatedly speaking about the mission you were about to go on. She was curious as to why you were bringing in a new member, and exactly what his purpose would be. Breakfast arrived and the five Knights that remained sat at the table and all of you had breakfast together.

Little before you were done with your food, an all-too-familiar pressure set itself at the back of your head. You looked over to Kylo, who was already looking at you. The two of you were being beckoned by Snoke. You stood quickly, walking out the door to be met with a couple of Stormtroopers. They informed you the ship was ready and that they were there to retrieve your luggage to load it onto the ship. Kylo and you sprinted towards the holo room after that, coming in to meet Snoke's holo form already there and waiting.

—"Children." He greeted dryly. —"I believe you two are ready to leave for Kuat?" You sank your head in a nod. —"Myra, do you know this man's purpose?"

You nodded once more. —"Nihilus came to me in a dream yesterday night, he explained Haldus is to become the next drainer."

Snoke sank his head in a nod. —"Has he told you about the talisman as well?" You nodded once more. —"Have you shared this information with Kylo Ren?" Another nod. —"Good, then, children, all I have to say to you is good luck and do not fail me."

Kylo and you reverenced before Snoke and then stepped out of the room, making your way to the hangar. There, you were met by a female officer, who promptly directed you towards the dock where you were set to take off from. Snoke had sent one of his private cruisers for you, surely doing so to avoid any attention being directed to you. Kuat was a New Republic world, and it would not be wise to arrive there in a First Order cruiser, so instead, you were going to get there in one of Snoke's luxurious black ships.

You boarded the ship along with the Stormtroopers that had gone to get your luggage. They placed it inside the cabins that were at the side of the ship, while Kylo briskly walked towards the cockpit. A pilot sat on the cockpit, starting the flight sequence. Kylo unceremoniously told him to get off the ship, as you were not in need of a pilot. The man tried to argue, but was immediately shut up by Kylo using the Force to make him stand forcibly. After that, the man scurried away from the ship scared. You tried to contain the smirk that slowly took over your features.

He called you over to the cockpit, asking for your help instead to start the take off. One of the Stormtroopers came by the cabin to ask if you needed anything else. Kylo looked back at him and told him to close the ramp before he exited the ship. The man in white armor nodded and little after he left, you heard the hissing of the ramp closing. The two of you quickly went through the flight sequence, taking off just minutes after the Stromtrooper left the ship. Kylo piloted out of Starkiller Base's atmosphere, quickly tapping in the coordinates for Kuat. You were set to be travelling for two days in a row, something that made you somewhat irritated. At least you were with Kylo and not alone. He lowered the lever at the center of the ship's console, then everything around you shifted and you were pulled into hyperspace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Let me start off by saying I'm really sorry about the big space of time I left inbetween chapters. As you know, I write them as I post them, and I've been awfully busy with college. I promise not to post so late again. I hope you enjoy this chapter and know that I love hearing from you! Thanks to all of you for reading <3


	26. The Great Gig in the Sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd do something nice for you guys, enjoy! ;)

A loud moan escaped your mouth as your knuckles turned white from bundling up the sheets in your fists. Kylo had your head shoved into the mattress with the Force, your ass in the air, legs spread wide. He mercilessly lapped at your juices, his long, sharp nose shoving itself into your entrance as his tongue ravaged your clit. His hot breath sent shivers down your spine every time he felt the need to gasp for air. He was honestly being vicious with you, removing his face from your core whenever he felt like you were about to come. Instead, he gently slapped your clit with his hand, just enough to keep you on edge and prevent you from coming. The overlooming tension of the hard orgasm that was being delayed had your head spinning so much you'd resigned and kept your eyes firmly squeezed shut. 

The Force hold on your head went away, you turned around to look at Kylo with curiousity. He was propped up on his knees, pumping his shaft vigorously as he hungrily looked down at your dripping wet sex. You swore you could feel your pupils getting blown at the lust that filled you as you watched him pleasure himself. He began to pant softly, quickly stopping the up-and-down motions of his hand on his cock. He ran both his hands through his pitch black hair, shoving it back, covered in sweat. —"On your back." He instructed dryly. You flipped over, fully exposing your belly and breasts to him. Kylo leaned down to kiss your mouth, jaw, neck and the space between your breasts. Then, he positioned himself at your wet, dilated entrance. His large hand gripped your jaw firmly but not unkindly. He pushed his thumb into your mouth, you greedily sucked at it, making his lips part slightly.

Slowly, he began pushing into you, immediately drawing out a moan from you. Your walls pulsed around him as he gripped your calves, pulling them up against his chest in order to push deeper into you. He sheathed himself to the hilt, stretching you out fully. You could feel the light twitching of his dick. The pace he set was maddeningly slow, but hitting the perfect spot with each stoke. You bit into your lip as you looked up to him with pleading eyes. He looked down at you, lips slightly parted as his thursts became rougher, but remained slow. Your breasts bounced each time he pushed inside again, he cupped the right one in his large hand, flicking your nipple with his thumb.

Kylo suddenly shifted into a faster pace, still hitting that sweet spot. He paired that up with an unrelenting stroke at your nub. Soon, he had your head swimming with pleasure, your vision filled with white spots. But then, he halted his movements at both the hips and his fingers, leaving you in a panting mess. —"Just..." You began breathlessly. —"Let me come, you fuck."

He chuckled charmingly. —"Well, since you ask so nicely." 

Then he began pounding into you once more, moving your clit in an circular motion with his thumb. You tried to grip at anything, bracing yourself for the hard orgasm that was about to crash down on you. With the back of your head firmly shoved into the mattress, eyes squeezed shut, and your legs pressing together as they shook uncontrollably, you came intensely. You felt your walls caving in on themselves and pulsing around Kylo's shaft. He quickly pulled out of you, still unwilling to come. You panted, your breaths coming out shakily along with some low moans that got stuck in the back of your throat.

A pair of fingers guided the juices leaving your sex down to your ass, he spread them expertly on your other hole. Making you look at him through half-lidded, questioning eyes. He made eye contact with you, lifting his eyebrows up as he kept smearing you up, almost as if silently asking permission. Lost in pleasure still, you sank your head in a firm nod. The boyish smirk that came to his face reminded you of those times when the two of you would come up with the weirdest antics as children. Truly, it was the face he made any time he got his way.

Those thoughts became foggy as you felt a finger go into you. It was an invasive kind of pleasure, you couldn't say you didn't like it. He kept working you out and spreading you, slowly adding a second and a third finger. When he deemed you ready, he flipped you onto your stomach once more. You laid flat beneath him as he straddled the back of your thighs, spreading your buttcheeks apart and placing the tip of his member at your other hole. At the beggining, the intrusion was nearly suffocating, but soon, as he moved in and out of you, the stimulation became a little overwhelming.

The moans coming out of Kylo's mouth were honestly the dirtiest thing you'd ever heard. You found yourself gripping at the sheets with white knuckles once more, some shaky moans escaping you to meet his. You perked your ass up a bit to further spread yourself out for him, and his thrusts quickly began to falter at this new angle. Suddenly, the feeling of the Force embracing your clit and moving it around frantically had you tipping over the edge of a second, harder orgasm. Kylo quickly pulled out of you and spilled on your back. The two of you panting uncontrollably as you felt his thighs shaking to meet the trembling of your own. 

He called a towel to his hand with the Force and gently cleaned your back, pressing soft kisses to your shoulders and the back of your left ear as he caressed the sides of your waist with both hands. You sighed in contentment and satisfaction, still feeling your ass pulse. Kylo then laid on his back next to you, his still ragged breathing, as well as yours, filled the room. He blindly searched for your hand, and upon finding it, he laced his fingers with yours. 

The two of you stayed like that for nearly an hour, neither of you going to sleep, but not particularly feeling up to doing anything else but laying down. Both of you spent from the exertion of the intense, laborious sex you'd just had. Silence passed between you, but through the bond, you could feel Kylo's affection for you had grown different, a good kind of different. You knew he could sense you in his head, but he didn't seem to mind it too much.

—"There is nothing in there that you don't already know, anyway." He said quietly, nearly whispering.

You turned on your side to face him, placing your head on his shoulder and possessively lacing your arm and leg around his torso. One of his hands lazily ran up and down your thigh, caressing it softly, comfortingly. —"This is nice." You said. —"It's been long since we've had some nice times together."

He hummed in agreement. —"Lots of things have been going on, I guess."

As he looked down at you, you turned your head to look up at him. Finding it to be too intense, you looked back down at the distance. —"Are you okay? With the whole Leia business, I mean."

—"Hmmm..." Kylo began, you knew he was uncomfortable, but you truly wanted to know. —"I will be okay. I'd rather not talk about that or think too much about it, is that okay?"

It surprised you how nice he was being about the whole thing, a few weeks before he would have snapped at you. —"I won't ask again." You said before pushing yourself up on your elbows to plant a soft kiss to his full lips. 

His hand came to your cheek, softly stroking it. The look in his eyes was one of pure, unadultered elation. Your heart fluttered at the sight of those soft, brown eyes. —"What do you say we slip under the covers and sleep for a bit, hmm?"

You nodded softly, smiling at him as you pushed the sheets back and then over yourselves using the Force. Kylo fell asleep before you, letting out small snores. You supposed he must have been feeling really tired, both emotionally and physically, from all the shit he had gone through in the last few weeks. His gentle exhales slowly lulled you into a deep, comforting sleep.

 

 

 

_The warm sun of Ossus heated up your exposed arms. The grass beneath you was trapped, jealous of the other patches of it that got to dance in the cool autumn air. You opened your eyes to see the olive green leaves of the tree above you moving around with the wind. You sat up, looking around the beautiful garden you found yourself in. This was a memory, one of your fondest memories. Or rather, the fondest memories of the person you'd left behind. You were fifteen, already training under Skywalker back in Ossus._

_—"Hey." Ben Solo's young voice called from behind you. He was propping himself up against the trunk of the big tree you'd been laying beneath moments earlier. —"Are you alright? I heard about what happened with my uncle in the training pit. I'm sorry."_

_You said nothing, willing yourself not to cry as you remembered how Luke Skywalker had humiliated you by screaming at you until your legs shook, then made fun of that in front of every single student in the academy. The memory made your eyes sting, until tears fell down freely. Ben Solo left his spot at the tree to crouch in front of you. He took you by the shoulders, as he did when he got protective of you, and pulled you against his chest. You pressed your face into his chest as sobs racked your form. He squeezed you harder against him, trying his best to get you to calm down._

_After a couple minutes, your sobbing was reduced to mere sniffling every now and then. You looked up at Ben, finding sorrow in his brown eyes. If anyone understood what it was like to be undermined by Skywalker, it was certainly him. A sudden flash of bravery had you pressing your lips into his, but the momentum was lost as you realized how stupid you'd been. He looked taken aback, you could feel your cheeks burning hot and the urge to cry crept back on you._

_However, all your doubts disappeared as Ben Solo crashed his lips into yours, parting them and taking your upper lip in between his. He held your face with both his hands. You placed yours against his chest. The two of you kissed innocently until you felt the need for air. He pressed his forehead against yours and looked into your eyes. The two of you laughed at the same time, the mischievious laughter of trying out something new._

_He called you by your name, your real name, in a tone that you couldn't quite decide if you placed between affection or attraction. —"Don't let him get to you. He thinks he can be an asshole just because he's a war hero."_

 

 

 

When you awoke, a small tear slipped from your eyes, landing on Kylo's chest. It rose and fell peacefully, he was still sleeping. A wave of nostalgia crashed down into you hard. You looked at the soft, sleeping face of the man underneath you. It was times like these that made you wonder if perhaps Ben Solo was still there, under all the hatred, betrayal and abandonment that had birthed Kylo Ren. Perhaps even you were under all that mess, too. Yet, what would be the point of dragging out that person only to have Snoke crush her down again?

These thoughts proved to be too much for you, as soon enough, you were feeling exhausted again. You laid your head back on Kylo's chest and this time fell into a dreamless sleep.

The stirring beneath you made you come back to consciousness again. —"Sorry." He said simply. —"Are you hungry?"

You took a sharp inhale and nodded as you rubbed your eyes. —"I saw some instant meals somewhere near the middle of the hall that leads to the cockpit." You said before yawning.

He simply nodded and walked out of the room. You sat on the bed and got dressed in your top robes and your panties. After, you went into the bathroom to splash some water on your face. You walked back into the bedroom at the same time as Kylo came in from the hall with two small plates with bread, a soup and something that looked somewhat like mashed potatoes or porridge. The two of you sat on the floor and ate away, talking about the last time either of you had been to Kuat. Ben Solo's parents were politicians, same as yours had been, so that meant the two families were consistently travelling back and forth around core worlds. You could clearly recall the beauty of the forest-covered planet. It had been far too many years for you to remember anything else clearly.

After finishing your breakfast, Kylo and you showered together, once again being filled with passion, he took you there too. He was careful not to hurt you, as you were still a bit sore from yesterday. It had been quick, the two of you hated having sex in the shower. You found there was something quite uncomfortable for you to be getting water in your eyes and mouth while you had sex, Kylo agreed with you on that matter.

You got out and checked the time, in an hour's time, the ship would be pulling out of hyperspace because you needed to switch routes in order to get to Kuat. He had you go along with him to the cockpit, and you two spoke about small gossip about the other Knights as you waited to be pulled out of hyperspace. It would be a relatively quick journey after you made the second jump to hyperspace, and you found yourself growing more and more anxious about breaking out Haldus.

Suddenly, the ship rocked, and the blue swirl of hyperspace dimmed into the darkness and the vastness of the stars. Kylo was quick to begin punching in the calculations for hyperspace. He could easily have had a droid do it for him, but you knew he took big pride in doing the full labor of a pilot manually, something you reckoned he picked up from Han Solo. 

A few minutes after, he pulled the lever up again, going back into hyperspace. The two of you moved to make preparations such as putting on your armors, cleaning your lightsabers and training for a bit. All of this before you pulled out of light speed again, as then you would be met by the green image of the planet Kuat. After that, your mission would begin, and you had a weird, foreboding feeling that told you it was, by no means, going to be easy at any point.


	27. The Difference Between Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all haven't forgotten about me yet! I know I promised to keep posting! Believe me I'm really sorry, this chapter was so horribly delayed because of a bad combination between loads and loads of schoolwork and a very intense writer's block. I can't promise to post every week, but I promise the story won't be updated once a month ever again. I've missed you guys, here's a new chapter for you all. Please enjoy :) <3
> 
> TW: domestic violence. In the fourth section right after the vision Kylo gives Reader, please skip this if it makes you uncomfortable!

The instant you pulled into the planet's atmosphere, you could feel him. You'd never felt a sentiment so strong travel through the Force. It wasn't sadness, nor was it guilt. This feeling was so intense that you could only describe it as harrowing, overwhelming despair. Haldus was suffering, not only on a physical or emotional level, but his very soul was aching from being torn by the Sith artifact. His feelings proved much too intense for you, immediately causing a headache to creep into the back of your head. And so, you pushed at the presence, but much to your distaste, you couldn't completely push him out. It seemed as though he could also feel you, for a small tug traveled through the Force. The feelings of despair lessened a bit as you felt a second tug, a beckoning.

—"Kylo." You called softly as you kept your gaze straight ahead. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Kylo glance at you before he planted his eyes back to the front, still flying Snoke's onix cruiser. —"What's wrong?"

You gently shook your head, still entranced by the raw strength that ebbed off the presence of the man you were set to rescue. —"I can feel him." There was a third, harder and more persistent tug at your mind. —"He can feel me, too."

Kylo's head snapped in your direction. A deeply set frown took over his features as you stared at him, a look of terror in your eyes. You knew this wasn't your own panic, it was his. Kylo seemed to sense it as well. —"I need you to focus." He said sternly as he looked out the window pane once more. —"If you can feel each other then maybe you can communicate with him and find his location."

—"What if he doesn't want to speak?" You asked, a wave of anxiety making you fiddle with your gloved fingers.

You looked at Kylo's profile, his eyebrows sank in a frown once more. —"Of course he'll want to speak. He's been locked up in complete loneliness for some time now." It troubled you that Haldus' desperation was so great that you weren't able to feel Kylo at all. —"Ask him about the talisman if you can."

—"But, what if..."

—"Myra." Kylo called impatiently. —"Just do as I say. Please."

An angry sigh made its way out of your mouth, earning you a disapproving look from Kylo Ren. You openly glared at him as you unbuckled yourself and left the cockpit. As you made your way to the back room to prepare for meditation, you desperately tried to shake off Haldus' presence. He had clung onto you like you were his last choice, and you probably were. It was impressively hard to enter a meditative state with all the plethora of emotions that traveled into your mind. After finding a comfortable position, your next task was to try your hardest to push as much as you could out of your head. You doubted Haldus could control the amount of anxiety he was putting on you. You focused so hard on controling what went through your mind, that you finally achieved to enter a meditative state.

 

 

 

_You were shivering. Your eyes opened and you found yourself still on the cruiser you and Kylo had arrived on. However, everything around the ship was dark, except for that intense feeling of dread that kept on guiding you towards somewhere off west. You allowed your mind to wander over to the source of all the discomfort you'd been feeling. A beautiful scenery of green, dense frond. You'd nearly forgotten how beautiful the forest world of Kuat could be. Progressively, the greenery started turning grey as you went through the industrial and technological sector of the planet. Then came the housing district and the political district, until finally, you were close enough to the man beckoning you. Enough just to see the place where he was being kept. It appeared to be a sort of housing complex, he was being kept at the end of a hall in the basement._

_As you made your way into the building, you immediately recognised the door at the end of the hall as the one Nihilus had shown you in a dream a couple days prior. You walked towards the door, opting to stay outside. At first, all you heard were whispers, then gibberish, lastly a small, shy voice spoke to you._

_—"Who are you?" The was a small pause where he tried to calm his ragged breathing. —"Did the masked man send you?"_

_You hesitated a bit before replying. —"Yes." You said firmly. —"Lord Nihilus and Supreme Leader Snoke sent us."_

_—"Us?" He asked frantically. —"Who's us? Why can I only feel you?"_

_The man seemed a bit skeptical of you, so you decided to walk through the door and into the room. He looked just as you remembered him. Light, silver hair, fair skin, and those haunting golden eyes. He had deep purple bags under his eyes, an upturnt nose and thin, pale lips. Haldus was thinner than average, no doubt he'd grown stronger with time after he began his training. The man was curled up into a shivering ball in the corner of the room. Upon sensing your closeness, his head snapped up to look at you. You couldn't help but be reminded of a hurt animal when you looked into his eyes. A mixture of sadness, fear and desperation swimmed in them._

_He slowly stood up, coming to his full height. He was tall, not as tall as Kylo or Claec, but certainly taller than average. You stalked over to him cautiously, so as not to make him feel threatened._

_—"My name is Myra Ren. I came here with Kylo Ren, the leader of our organization, the Knights of Ren." He crept back until his back met the wall. You took that as a cue to not get any closer to him. —"We're here to break you out." His golden eyes lit up and his lips parted slightly. —"I just need you to help me with something first."_

_Haldus nodded repeatedly. —"Anything."_

_You opened and closed your mouth, thinking of a proper way to ask about the talisman without making him scared. —"I need to know everything about the object you touched."_

_All the sadness and anxiety you'd felt earlier dissipated and in its place was an overwhelming feeling of anger. —"He took it from me!" He began pacing around his spot near the wall. —"We need to take it back from him!"_

_He smiled crookedly as you nodded. —"We intend to help you with that." You cleared your throat as you once again tried walking towards him. —"Where can we find it?"_

_The man shook his head from side to side with vigor. —"Break me out first." He said calmly as he pointed an accusing finger at you. —"Don't think I'd be so stupid to fall for that."_

_You nodded and looked down. —"You've been hurt and abandoned." He seemed to calm down at that. —"We won't do that to you. In fact, we wish to give you a new family since the last one locked you up here when they decided they didn't like you anymore." His golden eyes inspected you curiously. —"You'd be a Knight of Ren, like myself and Kylo, along with four other people." You tried to smile as sweetly as possible. —"I understand your distrust, but let me prove myself to you by breaking you out first. We'll come by tomorrow. Sleep, we need you well rested for your first mission."_

 

 

 

You drew in a sharp breath before opening your eyes once more. You could tell the cruiser had come to a stop, as you could no longer feel the slight vibration of the engine underneath you. The first thought that popped into your mind was to look for Kylo. You searched for his signature in the Force, finding he was not aboard the ship anymore. Guided more by instinct than curiousity, you got out of the room and walked down the room leading to the cockpit. In there, you noticed the ramp was down. Where could he have landed? You peered outside from aboard the ship, being met by the stunning view of greenery and foliage. 

Kylo was still nowhere to be seen, so you tapped into the Force to aid you in your search. He was by no means near the ship. A wave of anxiety rushed through you. What could have happened while you were meditating that lead him to land and just walk away? Or perhaps he had encountered something as he landed? No, he wouldn't have left you behind. Just as another what if was about to pop into your mind, you felt a delicate tug of reassurance seep through your connection to him. He seemed to be okay, if anything, he was calling you over to him. You slipped your eyes closed, trying to better your concentration, and began walking towards the source of the tug.

As you walked, you could feel him getting closer and closer. You only opened your eyes when you felt him a few yards away. A small meadow with flowers of different colors stood in front of you. Tall and frond trees surrounded the flat area. In the middle of the meadow stood an old, leafless tree, gently crooked in the shape of a half moon. Kylo leaned on his shoulder against the trunk of the tree. There was something about that place, and that scene in particular, that reminded you of something.

—"Do you remember that summer when Kuat was retaken by the New Republic?" He asked as you got closer to him. —"I must have been like four and you were three." You leaned against the tree, looking up at him as he spoke. —"Leia and your mother were here and your father was with Han Solo and Wedge Antilles leading the air squadron."

—"I remember." You said as a fond memory of playing in the forest with Ben Solo crept into your mind. —"What about it?"

He softly cupped your face with his left hand. —"This is the place where that grand house the Organa's had was. It was demolished but I'm sure you remember this old willow tree." He said as he gestured at the tree you both were leaning upon. —"Here, let me show you."

Gloved fingers pressed themselves to your temples, everything went blurry, until you stopped fighting the invasion to your mind and let your eyes slipped closed.

 

 

 

_Ben Solo was a gorgeous child. Chubby cheeked with small beauty marks peppering his young face. Dark, curly locks of hair gently flowing as he ran after the toddler version of you. His big brown eyes shone with the bright summer sun. Squeals of delight and slight panic filled the air as you ran from Ben Solo. The two of you ran in circles around the trunk of a frond willow tree. He successfully tapped you on the back, then, Ben used the Force to jump onto one of the lower branches of the tree._

_—"Hey! No fair! I can't reach you there!" You said angrily._

_The child laughed, but not maliciously. —"I heard your mom telling mine that you're like me!" He smiled down at you. —"Just jump!"_

_You could feel the small toddler trying her best to push herself up with the Force, but to no avail. Ben called for you to try harder, to think of the last time you'd successfully used the Force. This only led you to feel even more frustrated, and like any kid that age, you didn't handle it well. You broke down in tears, sitting down on the grass and putting your head on your knees._

_Ben jumped down from the tree and gently rocked your knees until you looked up to him. —"It's okay. Don't cry, I'll help you."_

_A small nod was all it took, and you were up again. Ben jumped on first, but this time he extended his small hand out to you. —"What do I do?"_

_—"Just reach out and then jump!"_

_Your small hand extended, you focused hard on getting up there. You jumped high, then felt yourself being pulled up. —"You pulled me up, cheater!"_

_He simply giggled, and so did you._

 

 

 

When you were pulled out of the memory, a sudden urge to cry overtook you. Kylo seemed to sense this, taking both your shoulders with his hands and pulling you against his chest. A small sob tore out of you as you shoved your face into his chest and bundled up the fabric of his shirt with both your hands. He comfortingly ran a hand up and down your back and put his chin on top of your head. 

—"Why do you cry?" He asked quietly.

You shook your head no against his chest. —"It's hard to explain." You sniffled, willing yourself to calm down. —"And a bit embarrassing as well."

A small chuckled vibrated in his chest. —"Come on, how bad can it be?"

You looked up at him. —"It's embarrassing because I've been missing that life."

His eyebrows knit themselves together in a deep frown. —"What is that supposed to mean?"

—"I mean that's not my life anymore. I'm not that person now. I'm Myra Ren." You cleaned the tears off your face. —"And you're not that child anymore, you're Kylo Ren."

Kylo broke away from the embrace he had you in, taking a step back away from you. —"I didn't mean to confuse you." He said simply as he walked past you on his way back to the ship.

You simply sighed and followed a few feet behind him. Neither of you spoke on the way back, and for a second you wondered why he had gotten so moody over that comment. Had he, too, been thinking of his past lately? Maybe the thought of those memories not belonging to whom he was now bothered him. It sure did bother you. The situation was way too complicated, you just hoped Kylo didn't feel as torn as you did.

When the ship came back into view, Kylo spoke up again. —"Could you get his location?"

You nodded, then realized he couldn't see you nod with his back to you. —"I could."

—"What about the talisman? Did he tell you where it is?" He asked as both of you walked up the ramp.

The two of you came to a stop as Kylo pressed the button to pull the ramp up once more. —"No, he wouldn't say where it was. Haldus insisted we break him out first and then he would guide us to the talisman."

He simply huffed. —"I already dislike him." He once again walked past you and you followed. —"We're sleeping here tonight, the ship has a cloaking device somewhere in the control room. I'll go look for that. You should rest."

As he walked away into the control room, you felt an urge to ask, —"Kylo?"

—"Hmm?" He replied as he looked back at you over his shoulder.

—"Do you miss your life as Ben Solo?"

A nearly deafening silence traveled between the two of you. You could hear the leather of his gloves creak under his bundled up fist. Kylo drew in a sharp breath before turning around to look at you. There was something in his eyes that you didn't know if you should define as anger or disgust. 

He strode back to you angrily, and your instinct was to draw away from him until your back met the wall. He slammed his open palm on the spot next to your face. —"Don't you EVER utter that name in front of me, understood?" Kylo said through gritted teeth. You looked at him with wide eyes, too scared to even blink. —"NOD!" You were initially startled, but then nodded repeatedly. —"And quit asking me stupid questions." He spat out as he walked away from you and into the control room, unceremoniously slamming the door behind him.

You swallowed thickly and looked down at your feet, nervously fiddling with your gloves. A deep sigh left your mouth as your lips quivered softly. A single tear ran down your right cheek before you found the enough courage to move from the spot you were left frozen in. You walked back to the room you'd been sleeping in and curled up into a ball on your side of the bed. Tears fell down your face and onto the pillow until you found you were too exhausted to even feel sadness. Then, lulled yourself into sleep.

 

 

 

_—"Myra, darling..." A raspy voice echoed through your mind. You slowly opened your eyes to find yourself still curled up in a ball. You were in a room surrounded with darkness, your vision was blurred but you could clearly make out the silhouette of Supreme Leader Snoke. —"Wake up, child."_

_You instantly sat up and moved to stand, head still swimming with sleep. You felt disoriented and a bit tired. With time, a second silhouette appeared close to Snoke, you reckoned it was Kylo. With wobbly legs, you made your way closer to the two men._

_Just as you were about to sink your knee into the pose Snoke always had you greet him in, he froze you with the Force. The gesture was gentle, as if not intending to make you feel trapped. —"Come now, Myra, there is no necessity for such formalities here." You unfroze, coming to stand next to Kylo quietly. —"Children, I wanted to discuss something with the two of you." He said calmly as he held his hands behind his back and began to pace. —"This man, Haldus, he has been transformed by the talisman. I urge you to be wary of him. I have new instructions to handle his transportation back to Starkiller Base."_

_Snoke then turned to look between you and Kylo, a brief questioning glare traveling from his direction to yours, no doubt sensing the tension between you both. —"As you have surely confirmed, Myra..." He began, his eyes fixed on Kylo Ren. —"Haldus holds great strength in the ways of the Force. He is good with mind invasion and Dark telekinetic powers such as Force choking and inflicting pain to those who possess light in them." He began pacing once more. —"As you know, I've chosen all the Knights for their ability to hold both Light and Dark side power. You must work together to subdue Haldus before he notices the Light in you. Use the mind shutting ability I taught you, and use it quickly."_

_—"Yes, Supreme Leader." Kylo and you said in unison._

_—"But..." Kylo began, taking a step forward in Snoke's direction. —"Myra tells me Haldus said he wanted us to break him out and then help him find the talisman."_

_The man hummed in understanding. —"Well, I believe you already know that it is easier to gather information from a mind that has been shut off, wouldn't you say, Kylo Ren?"_

_—"Of course, Supreme Leader." Kylo replied strained._

_He nodded once, turning his back to both of you. Snoke then extended his hand to Kylo, who dissipated into smoke after that, leaving you alone with Supreme Leader. —"I need to speak to you alone, Myra Ren."_

_You tilted your head a bit to the right, Snoke kept his back to you. —"Yes?"_

_—"I must ask you something." He said as he straightened out, standing even taller. —"Has Nihilus spoken to you recently?"_

_You shook your head no. —"The last time we spoke was before the mission, when he showed me Haldus and told me about the talisman."_

_He nodded, slowly turning around to face you. —"I wish to ask a favor of you." A nod from you. —"I wish you to break into Haldus' mind, break him if you must. I believe Nihilus wishes to use this man as a vessel and perform a conscience transfer. However, by breaking into his mind and accessing the thoughts the talisman of ensnarement has corrupted, we may have a chance to stop Darth Nihilus. Do you think you can do that for me?"_

_—"I can do this." The semblance of a smile formed in his rugged lips. —"I feel I must ask, how did you find out about Nihilus' plan?"_

_Snoke seemed displeased to have you question him. —"That talisman, the talisman of ensnarement, is a relic Nihilus himself showed me once in a vision. He told me it was the only way to prevent the pernicious effects of the Force drain on the drainer." He paused, looking at you thoughtfully. —"I intended for you to retrieve it once I found it, then, out of nowhere, Nihilus showed me the image of a man who had, by mere coincidence, found it and touched it."_

_You processed the information thoroughly in your head, but tried your best to keep your mind blank. —"I will do my best to prevent Nihilus from taking the vessel."_

_Supreme Leader nodded. —"Now, rest. You have a long, arduous day ahead of you." He said before waving his hand, making you turn to smoke, your consciousness fading back into your physical form._

 

 

 

You awoke to an empty bed. You could tell Kylo hadn't spent the night here. The question was, where had he slept? Opting not to let this argument distract you, you got out of bed and into the shower. As you did a mental scan of the ship, you noticed that, once again, Kylo was not aboard. You found him meditating just a few yards away from the ship's ramp, surely preparing for the day the two of you had waiting ahead. 

After walking out of the shower, you dressed, pulled your hair up into a ponytail and moved down the hall to get a ration bar. Upon opening the drawer that contained them, you grabbed two ration bars and exited the ship, finding Kylo sitting in the grass in a meditative state. Not wanting to interrupt him, you simply set the ration bar in front of him. Just as you set it on the ground, his hand wrapped itself around your wrist, delicately. 

—"Wait." He said simply, eyes still closed. —"I want to ask you something."

You said nothing as you sat down. —"Okay."

A few moments of silence passed between the two of you. His hand was still firmly wrapped around your wrist, and his eyes remained closed. After a last deep breath, Kylo opened his eyes. —"Do you miss your life before the Knights of Ren?"

The question had you taken aback instantly. However, you didn't hesitate with the answer. —"No." You said dryly. —"There is nothing that interests me in that life. I'm not that person anymore."

Kylo's eyes shifted between your own two. He seemed to be inspecting you thoroughly, his hand still around your wrist. —"Good." He said finally. —"Don't make Supreme Leader regret his decision on bringing you along." 

You nodded solemnly as you pried off your wrist from his hand. —"Of course not." You couldn't help the irritation that radiated off you. —"If you're done I'd like to eat my breakfast inside, Commander."

He narrowed his eyes at you. —"As you wish." He said, shooing you with his hand and slipping his eyes closed once more. 

It filled you with rage and contempt to have him treat you like this. You'd done nothing wrong in your book, you simply wished to interest yourself in his mental wellbeing, but obviously, you'd overstepped the line with that question. There was no doubt in your mind that you had been stupid to ask him such a thing, but in all fairness, it had been him to show him one of the memories your past self had shared with Ben Solo. 

As you ate your breakfast in the room leading to the cockpit, your mind drifted back to the conversation you had had with Snoke last night. He'd said Nihilus was planning to do a conscience transfer to Haldus' body, which honestly struck you as something odd for a holocron-held spirit to do. You wondered if perhaps Nihilus was in fact making you a favor as he'd told you the night prior to your going out on this mission. Had Snoke been in favor of your corporeal vessel being sacrificed for the sake of draining? Or maybe he was okay with you being turned to the Dark side of the Force completely simply to use you as a weapon. Either case made you feel oddly threatened by your mentor. You guessed Nihilus wouldn't have shown you Haldus and spoken to you about the talisman of ensnarement and the dangers of handling it carelessly if his ulterior motive was to possess the man.

You were immediately pulled out of your reverie as you felt the all-too-familiar insistent tug at your mind. Haldus was awake. As if on cue, you heard the ramp hiss, meaning that Kylo was already on board. —"Kylo."

—"Yes?" He asked. —"Wouldn't you rather call me Commander from now on, Myra?" He immediately replied, voice dripping with mockery and sarcasm.

An annoyed sigh left your mouth. You knew you were being way too moody, but so was he. —"As you wish,  **Commander**." You said, recycling his snarky comeback. —"What I meant to tell you is that Haldus is up now. We should get going."

He wordlessly made his way into the cockpit, you followed silently. As you helped Kylo through the take off sequence, you could feel a second tug at your mind. You let your eyes slip closed as you focused on Haldus' signature in the Force. You guided Kylo through the different districts of the planet, both of you agreeing on it being a better idea to leave the ship in the nearby docks in the political sector. It was a relatively short walk from the political sector to the housing complex where Haldus was being kept. You just hoped that neither you nor Kylo would be recognized by anyone, as these were the people both your parents had worked with throughout their lives. Though there was also the fact that the two of you had been away training with Skywalker for the better portion of the decade, having lived out your puberty and part of your young adulthood there. 

Still, Kylo instructed you to wear a scarf that covered all your face with the exception of your eyes, he did the same. He paid for the rental of the dock you'd landed on in advance. It was no doubt the pair of you, all dressed in black and covered in full armor, cape and scarf, did stand out in the crowd of politicians and aristocrats that walked through the sector. Truly, both of you were in a hurry to get out of the political sector as soon as possible, lest you wanted to inevitably draw attention to yourselves. You power walked along the lavish and clean streets of Kuat, until after a right turn and two blocks down that way, you were met by the limit between the political sector and the lower housing district.

The thick, dark presence that belonged to Haldus made itself more apparent as you got closer. You could even feel Kylo feeling the raw emotion that radiated off the man. He trailed behind you cautiously, keeping all of his senses focused on any kind of threat that could come your way. The two of you remained nonchalant, trying to keep most of the attention off yourselves.

Then it came into view, a three storey housing complex, where the signature you'd been trailing after led to. Before going in, you dragged Kylo along to an alleyway. —"That's the place." You said, gesturing towards the building discreetly with your head. —"Here's my plan: I can open the lock on that door using the Force a little ways before reaching it, so as not to let people know we're breaking in. Haldus is in the basement, and there's where the tricky part comes in. I doubt they have him unguarded, there must be some sort of security system laced to that part of the complex."

—"I can take care of that. Breaking a few consoles will do me good. If there are guards, I've got your back. You have to be the one to break him out, he will trust you more than some random man he's never seen before."

You nodded. —"But, what happens after we break him out? How do we run away?"

He hummed as he looked around the complex. His eyes scanned around the block, suddenly widening in a small eureka moment. You could hear the sound of a speeder's engine approaching, only to see Kylo's fingers shift almost imperceptively. The sound of the engine began to crackle, and the voice of a man cursing in Kuati could be heard. —"That will keep him busy until we're out." He said with that smug smirk of his.

—"Great." You said as you made your way to the housing complex with Kylo following closely behind. 

A flick of your wrist was all it took for the door to click open, you pushed in. The complex was silent. You tugged hard at the part in your mind where you could feel Haldus. Definitely sensing your nearness, he began becoming giddy with excitement. You used that overwhelming feeling guide you to the entrance to the basement. Kylo trailed behind you closely, quietly snapping cables and devices along the walls, trying to ward off anyone who could be watching over the entrance to Haldus' confinement. A scrawny looking door was all that separated the lobby from the stairs leading to the basement. Just before you could use the Force to open the lock to that as well, Kylo held your hand back, instead pressing his open palm to the door. A cable snapped and you could hear sparks flying on the other side of the door from something being torn. Then, he gave you his go ahead, and you turned the lock open expertly.

You were greeted by a set of narrow stairs, which Kylo and you didn't bother walking down, instead opting for a swift Force jump that landed the two of you at the bottom of the stairs. There was a second door in front of you, this time, it took Kylo much longer to figure out how to break the door without triggering any alarms, but with time, he managed to make it work. He opened the lock for that second door, he walked in first, immediately igniting his lightsaber, alerting you of trouble.

As you walked in, you were just in time to use the Force and freeze one of the men who were guarding the hall leading to the room where Haldus was being kept. Kylo slashed through them expertly with his lightsaber. You sprinted to the last door, no doubt the ruckus of Kylo's lightsaber and the men's pained cries could be heard from above. The two of you had precious little time, and you intended to take advantage of all the time you had. 

A single hard push was all it took to open the room Haldus was in. The pale, golden-eyed man stood immediately, a look of utter gratefulness harboured in his eyes. He stood on wobbly legs, trying his best to not look frail. You made a move to help him get a better balance, but as soon as you touched him, the expression in his eyes shifted, and you swore you could see his golden eyes shine brighter as he pushed you against the wall with the Force.

—"Light!" He exclaimed, a deranged look in his eyes. —"You have light! It's making me sick!" 

You tried to fight his hold, but your effort became futile as your body contorted in pain. You were certain you'd never experienced pain like that before, not even when Snoke had nearly killed you with Force lightning. Every muscle in your body was convulsing, you even feared he might be able to break some bones, if not shatter them. The air supply to your lungs was swiftly cut off as he Force choked you. Snoke warned you of this, and you were still stupid enough to fall for his desperate, sad eyes.

All of a sudden, the pain was gone and air resumed flowing to your lungs. Kylo stepped in, keeping Haldus firmly pinned by the neck to the wall opposite of the entrance. You fell to the ground and grasped at your neck, still slightly out of breath. You looked up to see Haldus' golden eyes become bloodshot as Kylo choked him mercilessly. 

—"Kylo." He wouldn't listen. —"You're going to kill him." No reply. You stood up and firmly pressed your fingers to Haldus' temples, effectively putting him out. You turned back to Kylo. —"We must leave."

He simply nodded, using the Force to carry Haldus' limp frame. Before you even made it to the stairs, you were met by a second group of people. This time, it was you who expertly slashed through all of them, safely leading the way back to the street. You were relieved to find the man with the speeder was still out there trying to figure out how to fix his engine. All relief was drained from you as you could hear the distinct sound of police sirens, this was really the last thing you needed. Without thinking, you pushed the man away from the speeder as Kylo expertly rewired whatever he had broken. He climbed on the driver's side, you took the copilot's seat, as per usual, and placed Haldus in the backseat of the spacious speeder you were stealing. 

Kylo sped off just in time for the two of you to get away without being spotted by the police. He travelled through narrow alleyways to avoid big streets. After a series of twist and turns, you were almost back in the political district, so Kylo parked the speeder and got off. Kylo took a piece of fabric he'd found in the speeder and wrapped it around Haldus' face to keep people from seeing he was completely passed out. The two of you carried Haldus using the Force to make it look like he simply had a limp and you were helping him walk. No doubt, this did earn you a few odd looks from some passers-by. You hurried to make it back to the dock safely, ocassionally having to draw back into empty alleyways to avoid policemen. 

Finally, the two of you managed to swiftly get back on Snoke's onix ship, and having paid in advance, you were free to go with no further questions. You placed Haldus in the spare room in the ship, just in front of the one you and Kylo had been staying in. You hoped he would not wake up any time soon, but just in case he did, Kylo put Force-inhibiting cuffs on his wrists and ankles. 

He flew back to the spot where you'd slept the night before, reactivating the cloaking device, just in case they did come looking for you. Exhaustion and pain were all you felt as you sat in the bed of the room you and Kylo shared. Truly, you were spent. All of your joints hurt, your throat was sore, and every now and then, tears sprung to your eyes out of not breathing properly after Haldus nearly made your throat cave in. 

—"Are you okay?" Kylo asked quietly. His voice made you jump, as you were still scared and a bit on edge. You simply looked his way and nodded softly. —"You don't seem okay." You shrugged non-chalantly. —"I've been an asshole lately." That last sentence caught you off-guard, earning him a confused frown. —"I have been, truly. I think I hadn't noticed until I really felt his intent to kill you. I nearly lost it and broke his neck then and there."

In a few strides, he walked over to you, crouching in front of you and taking both your hands in his. He looked into your eyes as affection and regret radiated from him to you. —"I'm too tired to have this conversation right now."

He looked down at your hands, then back into your eyes. —"I'm sorry." Was all he said before he stood up and walked out of the room.

You laid flat on the bed, closing your eyes and willing yourself to sleep. But then, a series of grunts could be heard from the room across the hall...

Haldus was awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this terribly hard to write chapter. I will do my best to keep posting in the coming days :)
> 
> TW: domestic violence. In the fourth section right after the vision Kylo gives Reader, please skip this if it makes you uncomfortable!


	28. Oort Cloud

It was oddly relieving to know that Haldus was awake but you were not being tormented by his heavy cloud of thoughts. Even if you were extremely exhausted, you knew it would be better to get up and question him about the talisman now rather than later. You begrudgingly got out of bed and opened the door to your room, finding Kylo already making his way down the hall. You waited for him to join you, still a bit afraid of going in alone despite knowing Haldus wouldn't be able to use his Force powers against you. Kylo seemed to sense your discomfort, tilting his head a bit to the right as he silently considered you.

—"I can go in alone if you'd like." He whispered. 

You guessed he spoke so low to prevent Haldus from becoming aware of your fear of him. —"No, it's okay. I want to be there."

He sank his head in a single nod, reaching out to the door separating you from Haldus. The door opened and he gestured inside. —"After you." 

As you walked in, you were met by the disheveled form of Haldus. He was actively straining against his binds, his long, silver hair stuck out in every direction. The pale man looked at you and Kylo as you came in, those haunting golden eyes piercing through your very being, an expression of contempt held in them. His breathing was ragged, no doubt from the exertion he'd put himself through when he struggled to get rid of the cuffs around his wrists and ankles. Kylo stood near the chair you had him strapped to. You stood against the wall, arms crossed in front of your chest.

—"Well..." Haldus began before chuckling darkly. —"So much for breaking me out. All you did was change the scenario, not the situation." He spat out angrily.

Kylo scoffed as he crossed his hands across his chest. —"You tried to kill her. Don't you bite the hand that feeds, or we will have to pluck your teeth out." That gruesome threat caused Haldus to sit up straight in his spot. 

—"We need the talisman if you want us to help you." You said as you walked closer to Haldus, but still stood behind Kylo. —"Either you tell us, or we'll take it out of you anyway."

Haldus seemed a bit too relaxed for the situation he was in. It made you wonder if perhaps he knew more than he let on, or if severing his connection to the Force with the cuffs had made him a bit calmer. —"How about a trade? Where are you taking me? Who is Snoke?"

—"You're in no position to make demands." Kylo said, a sneer impressed upon his face.

The man simply smirked at him. —"Whatever you say, Ben Solo."

Before you were even able to process the wave of rage that emanated off Kylo, he was on top of Haldus, showering him with a rain of punches and kicks. You knew you had to stop him, but it struck you as very offensive and invasive that this man knew Kylo's past name. Surely, he had found out by intruding into your head, possibly seeing the fight you and Kylo had had the night prior.

—"Kylo." You called calmly.

You approached him from behind, placing a hand on his back, but as soon as you made contact, Kylo pushed you back with the Force. You stumbled and fell on your ass, the feeling of anger suddenly creeping on you. After extending your hand, Kylo's movements were halted immediately. You stood, walking over to him as you felt him strain against your hold. As you came face to face with him, you saw the expression of betrayal and anger written all over his face. His intense brown eyes were silently daring you to keep him frozen for much longer.

Slowly, you let your hold on him slip. —"What the fuck are you doing?" He asked unceremoniously.

—"Can't you see what he's doing?" You said as you pointed at Haldus. —"He's just provoking you to see how much he can really get away with." Kylo remained silent as he glared at you. He knew you were right, but you could tell he didn't like to have his authority diminished in front of this man. —"Please, just let me deal with him."

He looked between you and Haldus before crossing his arms in front of his chest and nodding. He left the room without adding anything else. Just as Kylo clossed the door behind him, you turned to look at the silver haired man that sat before you. He looked terrible. Kylo had managed to bust his lip open and leave multiple swells all over his face. Still, he managed to look defiant and mildly threatening.

—"So, what will this be?" Haldus began. —"Bad cop, good cop?" He chuckled mockingly.

You chuckled darkly along with him, which immediately set him on edge. —"You know, I went on a mission to a Sith planet recently. I had to crash land and broke my wrist. But, I learned the most useful trick with the Force. Fixing bones." The smile on his lips fell and he swallowed thickly, looking at you with scared, golden eyes. —"This can be bad cop, good cop if you'd like. Just know I am the bad cop."

A moment of tense silence passed between the two of you. —"Are you ready to speak, or shall I begin with your nose?" You decided to take his silence as a go ahead for you to carry on talking. —"Where did you find the talisman?"

—"A merchant sold it to me." You stayed silent, arms crossed, clearly not satisfied with that answer. He sighed and kept speaking. —"There is a dark market in Kuat's underworld. The man seemed to just want to get rid of it and said it was of great value. I thought I could buy it off him and resell it. Then I touched it and here's the result." He said extending his shackled hands towards you.

—"Why did your parents have you locked up?" A sneer grew more aparent on his face.

He glared at you with anger boiling in his eyes at that question. —"They were always scared of my abilities. When I touched the talisman, I choked my mother and nearly killed her. Father locked me up after that." Haldus began actively struggling against his binds again. —"I wish I had killed them both."

You silently wondered why Snoke and Nihilus would choose an untrained Force user to join the Knights of Ren. Surely enough, you'd been a witness to the raw strength and power he held in the Force. But Snoke was particularly insistent in having all of you learn the lightsaber dueling forms, teaching you new techniques. Something was off, and you suspected Haldus was lying to you. 

So you began, a simply flick of your wrist and you could hear the crack of his left index finger breaking. A pained scream tore out of his mouth. —"WHY?!" He asked as he clenched his jaw tightly.

—"Did you really think it would be that easy to lie to me?" You asked with a smirk. —"You really expected me to believe you are untrained? You've seen my mind, that's how you knew Kylo's past name. I know you are adept in several techniques from the Dark Side." His breathing was ragged from the pain emanating from his broken finger. —"Tell me who trained you and I'll fix your finger. Tell me a lie and I will break another."

—"FINE!" He screamed angrily, brow furrowed and a thin layer of sweat covering it. —"Luke Skywalker did." Bile rose to the pit of your stomach. You could tell he wasn't lying. Had he survived the masacre? —"I trained with him for two years only, my mother got very sick and I had to come back to take care of her. Last I heard his nephew and five other students destroyed the school."

Your head suddenly swam and you felt like throwing up. The first thing that popped into your mind was to call for Kylo. —"Good enough for me." You said quietly before you snapped his finger back together. He eyed you weirdly as you pressed your fingers to his temples, sending him back to sleep.

Slowly, you made your way to the door, leaning all of your weight against the wall as you walked out of the room. You stood outside the door for a moment, feeling your mouth run completely dry. Snoke definitely knew about this, was this perhaps a test to see how you'd react to a former Jedi trainee? Why had he waited all this time to have you go fetch Haldus? You didn't remember ever seeing him there, or knowing anyone by that name. Still, you were certain he was not lying about training under Skywalker. Haldus looked a bit younger than the twins, perhaps he was too young when he quit the training?

—"How did it go?" Kylo asked as he offered you a ration bar. You declined by looking at the bar and shaking your head. —"What's wrong?" He leaned against the wall next to you.

You looked at him with worried eyes as you swallowed thickly. —"Kylo." You said quietly. —"He says he trained under Skywalker." His shoulders and neck tensed as he clenched his jaw and looked between both your eyes with a frantic expression in his own. —"I'm sure he's telling the truth, but I need you to help me break into his mind."

—"He survived?" You could hear the lump of worry in his throat.

You shook your head no. —"He said he trained under Skywalker for two years only before his mother got sick and he was pulled out of the academy." He anxiously ran a hand through his hair. —"He also said he knows about what happened to the academy, how it was destroyed by Skywalker's nephew and five others." You sighed deeply. Kylo and you stood next to each other in the hall, completely silent and feeling each other's worry in the Force. 

—"There is absolutely no way Snoke didn't already know of this." Kylo said. You could tell he was angry by the tone of his voice.

—"Of course he knew." You turned to look at him. —"I was thinking that maybe he is testing us with this. Just to see how we feel about having done that back in Ossus."

Kylo huffed. —"How do you feel about that?"

It took you a brief moment to answer, but you were sure about it when you said it. —"Good. Skywalker deserved that."

—"What about the students we killed?" His dark eyes examined you thoroughly. 

You took longer to answer that, you could feel him digging in your mind. —"I honestly feel nothing regarding that, simply because I have very... vague memories of it."

He simply nodded at that. —"We should speak to Supreme Leader." He sighed. —"Did you ask about the talisman?"

—"I didn't ask where it was. I asked who gave it to him and I'm pretty certain he lied about it."

—"What is he doing now?" 

—"Sleeping."

He walked across the hall to your room, pushing the door open. —"Let's sleep, too. We'll interrogate him tomorrow morning."

You walked inside the room, taking off parts of your armor, but quickly becoming to exhausted to finish the job. You laid down in full robes, feeling Kylo take your boots off. You felt the bed dipping on his side as he sat down, you heard him taking off his own boots and armor. He laid down next to you, firmly pressing his back to yours. Minutes, perhaps even seconds after that, you fell soundly asleep.

 

 

 

_When you next came to, you were back in Ossus. You watched on as one of the huts collapsed in the distance, the scene was all too familiar. You simply wondered why you were being shown this memory once more. Knowing that you had to keep up with the memory, you walked over to the collapsed hut to see Ben Solo emerge from it. You were standing there, too. Deperately waiting for Ben to speak, you stayed at a distance and watched yourself, still in Jedi robes, listen intently to anything he had to say._

_—"Snoke gave me instructions for when this happened. We are to burn this place to the ground, take a few students he selected... and kill the rest."_

_You watched on as Claec, then Lesath, ran down the huts burning every single one of them. This flashback served only to make you realize that, truly, you held no sentiment regarding these memories. If anything, you felt relieved to realize that no kid had managed to escape. The only bitter feeling you had laced to this moment, was when Ben allowed Skywalker to escape when he did feel him come to._

_This was, if anything, a happy moment. The exact time when the Knights of Ren were knit together, when you started a new family and began a new phase in your life. Truly, there was nothing you missed from that life. Maybe your parents, but they were long gone at that point in time._

_As the cruiser you and the other five Knights fled on took off, the image began to shift until you were left in complete darkness. Kylo's tall frame stood next to you, the two of you shared a look, and you found his face was just as impassive as yours._

_—"Allow me to congratulate you, Myra Ren." Snoke's raspy voice said. —"You managed to know who Haldus really was without having to break into his mind. General Hux would be proud." You sank your head in a deep nod. —"Now, children..." He said as he began his customary pacing. —"Both of you excell in mind intrusion, but I will teach you how to completely erase a memory. Think of something in your lives, something you know you won't need for later, that you've been dragging along with you. You can only choose one."_

_It wasn't easy for you to choose, you wanted to delete that horrid memory Kylo had forcibly drawn out of you back on Starkiller Base, but knew that if it had been done under Snoke's instructions, he wouldn't be complacent and have that deleted. And so, you settled for the time Skywalker had humiliated you in front of the entire academy. You chose this memory as you knew that with or without it, your hatred for the man would not be diminished._

_You looked over to Kylo, realizing he, too, had made his choice on what memory to delete. The two of you nodded at each other, then looked over to Snoke, who in turn nodded as well._

_—"Now, Kylo Ren, press into Myra's mind and secure the memory." He did as he was told, you granted him full access to the memory, knowing it would hurt less that way. The image of Skywalker scolding you and your trembling legs played over and over again. —"Crush it as you would someone's neck. Do so in a swift strike."_

_You felt immense pressure at the back of your eyes and your ears, an intense headache building up. Then, you felt great pain, as if someone was driving needles into the back of your eyes and the back of your neck. You took in ragged breaths as tears of pain slipped down your cheeks. You felt as though you were going to faint from the sordid pain that was coursing through you. Still, you could sense Kylo's hesitance as he finished. You felt weak, your knees nearly buckled underneath you, but Kylo held you in his arms and against his chest._

_—"Well done, my boy." Snoke said, the tone of pride evident in his voice._ _When your exhaustion wore off, you found you were unable to recall what memory you had chosen to give up. Snoke seemed to sense your thoughts, smiling proudly. —"Myra, if you would please..." He said as he gestured towards Kylo._

_He had to sit down for you to be able to put your fingers on his temples. You sat in front of him, placing your fingers on both sides of his head, entering with no resistance on his part. You were quick to find the memory, but you soon found out how troubled Kylo was about his past._

_The memory began with young Ben Solo. He was sat on the co-pilot seat in his father's ship, the Millenium Falcon. He held two small golden dice in his little hands, fiddling with them as Han Solo piloted. Ben looked sad, as if he'd recently gotten into trouble. The small child remained silent, his father's eyes were trained on looking out the window pane as he flew the ship. Still, Han Solo stole a few glances at his child every now and then._

_—"Hey, kid." He said. Ben's big brown eyes looked up at his father with a tinge of sadness. —"It's my job as your dad to correct you when you do something wrong." The boy looked down at the dice in his hands as he pouted. —"But, we'll make this an exception and I won't tell your mother about this whole thing. Deal?"_

_Ben beamed at his father, nodding repeatedly and giving him a toothy grin. —"Deal!" He said happily._

_Han Solo landed, then took his toddler child up in his arms. He planted a firm peck at the top of Ben's head and exited the ship with child in arms._

_—"Crush it, Myra." Snoke's voice ripped you out of your thoughts._

_You did as your Master asked of you, and as you knew Kylo wanted you to do. You crushed the memory and felt as it was expelled out of Kylo's mind forever. You could feel his pain through the Force. As you opened your eyes, you found his face still looked expressionless. You couldn't help but wonder why he would want to rid himself of such a beautiful memory._

_—"Very well done, both of you." Snoke said as Kylo and you stood. —"I intend for the two of you to do this with Haldus. There are several of them you must delete. First, any memory regarding Darth Nihilus, that will be your task alone, Myra." He regarded you sternly. —"Then, any memory regarding the talisman. This must be done, of course, after you extract its current location. I will entrust this to you, Kylo Ren." He gave a simple nod to each of you and then gave his back to you. —"Sleep well, children."_

 

 

 

—"Get up." Kylo said as he gently rocked you by the shoulder. —"We should get this out of the way soon. If we stay here much longer we might compromise the mission."

You drew in a sharp breath before sitting up in the bed. Kylo was fresh out of the shower, hair damp and a simple towel covering him. His back was to you and you silently admired the way his back muscles moved as he slipped his underwear on. You stood up, a mild headache still lingering. Your mind drifted back to the memory you had deleted off Kylo's head. A wave of sadness washed over you, and you were finding it increasingly hard to shake it off you. Kylo stilled his movements as he dressed, seemingly sensing your feelings. You took note of that and made a quick move for the bathroom, not wanting him to ask about it.

When you were about to walk in the bathroom, you felt his big hand on your shoulder. He spun you around to look at him. —"Everything okay?" You simply nodded. —"Is it because of our fight?" 

—"No." You said simply as you shook your head.

—"Are you sure?" You nodded once more. —"I'm sorry. I've been very stupid lately, and I know you must be tired of having me apologize every few days. I promise I will keep my temper in check around you." He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, enveloping your shoulders with both his arms. —"I'll make it up to you. I promise."

You nodded against his chest before he let you go, planting a small peck to your mouth. After that, you walked into the shower, still thinking about the memory Kylo had you erase. You wondered why he'd chosen that. Was he trying to delve further into the Dark side? Or maybe just trying to forget who he was before he became Kylo Ren? Either way, you realized that was none of your business, and that perhaps it would be better to leave that alone. You finished showering and put on a clean set of robes. 

When you exited the bathroom, you found the room alone. You opened the door to the hall, finding Kylo standing next to the door that led to where you were keeping Haldus. Upon seeing you, he simply opened the door and walked inside, you followed without a question. Haldus looked terrible, face swollen from the beating Kylo gave him the day prior, blood caked around his split lip. He was still sleeping, so Kylo pressed his fingers to his temples, immediately making him jolt awake.

You were the first to speak. —"Are you hungry, Haldus?"

His panicked golden eyes looked over to you. He regarded you carefully before he finally nodded. Kylo looked back at you, silently questioning you. —"I'm ready to speak." Haldus said quietly, making you and Kylo snap your heads to look at him. —"I'll tell you anything. Just, please, don't put me to sleep with that trick of yours. The headaches are getting nearly unbearable."

—"Bring him something to eat." Kylo said as he walked over to Haldus. The pale man visibly flinched as you left the room.

You quickly retrieved a ration bar from the drawer down the hall, suddenly finding that you were hungry, too. You ignored the feeling and walked back to the room. Kylo was in the spot you'd left him on. You moved to offer the ration bar to Haldus, but Kylo stopped you by lifting his palm.

—"First," Kylo began. —"Tell us about your training with Skywalker." Haldus was silent. —"Speak or starve, entirely up to you."

The man sighed. —"I was seven when I began my training. I only got to sparring, I was pulled out of training before holding a real lightsaber. I learned very little there, really. Master Skywalker was always busy with his two prodigies."

—"Do you remember any students about your age?" You asked. Haldus shook his head. —"What did you do after being pulled out of Ossus?"

—"I came back to Kuat with my father to look after my sick mother. Skywalker spoke to my father often and he kept instructing me through my father for some more years, but after my mother died he became discouraged."

Kylo crossed his arms. —"Where did you learn those Dark side abilities?"

—"From the moment I touched the talisman, the masked man came to me. He taught me the techniques I used on her." He said, gesturing towards you with his head.

A small shiver ran down your spine as you were reminded of the pain you felt. —"Okay, now listen." You began, taking a step forward. —"We need to break into your mind to be able to properly find out the truth about the talisman." Haldus opened his mouth to protest. —"I personally believe what you've told us, but it's something we must do. The less resistance you put up, the less it will hurt."

Haldus let out a shaky breath and nodded. You looked over to Kylo, who seemed intent in helping you through the process. And so, the two of you pressed your fingers to either side of his head, breaking in easily, as his connection to the Force was being cut off by the cuffs. Kylo was quick to tap into the talisman in his mind, from there, you just helped him push through the link in his mind to find the object. His mind took you through the lush greenery of Kuat, coming to a stop in the middle of the northern section of the forest. It seemed that the talisman had been buried. 

After getting that glimpse of the talisman's location, Kylo removed his fingers from Haldus' temples. You were quick to follow. He drew in a sharp breath. —"Thank you, Haldus." You said as you placed the opened ration bar in his cuffed hands. He ate away greedily as you and Kylo left the room.

—"I will go and get the talisman, you stay here and do what Snoke asked of you." You wanted to protest, but knew that Kylo would do what he wanted anyway. —"I will take a box to put the talisman there using the Force, so don't worry about me touching it." You simply nodded.

Kylo left the ship through the ramp, leaving you completely alone with Haldus. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me now what you guys think I love to hear from you :)


	29. Pioneer to the Falls

The moment the ramp of the ship hissed as it closed, a wave of anxiety tore through you. You felt as though something was going to go wrong, so you took it upon yourself to keep your eyes on Haldus at all times. You walked back down the hall of the ship and opened the small drawer containing the ration bars. You were already running low on them, still you took two of them and walked over to the room Haldus was being held in. Slowly, you opened the door. He was still sitting in the same position you'd left him in. He eyed you curiously as you walked over to him. You set down a second ration bar on his lap, then sat a little ways away from him. 

—"Mind if I join you?" You said as you opened your ration bar. Haldus remained silently studying you from his chair. —"Are you not hungry anymore?" You asked, gesturing at the completely ignored ration bar on his lap.

He shrugged. —"I can't open it." He said, lifting his shackled wrists.

You used the Force to guide his ration bar back to your hands, you opened it and guided it back to his lap. Without any further complaint, Haldus ate away.

As the two of you ate in silence, a sudden thought popped into your mind. Haldus had been at Skywalker's academy in Ossus, but you couldn't remember there ever being a student by that name. You doubted that was even his real name. You doubted it had been his father keeping him locked up in that horrible basement. Who was he hiding from? Why did he have to change his name? Was he even forced to do so?

—"Can I ask you something?" Haldus looked over to you a bit warily. —"You don't have to answer if you don't want to." Slowly, but surely, the silver haired man nodded. —"What is your real name?"

He frowned. —"If I answer, can I ask you something in return?" You nodded. —"But you do have to answer." You tilted your head to the right in silent consideration, then finally gave a second nod. The man nodded along with you. —"The name's Saxon." That name did spark some familiarity, but you guessed, as he was closer to Kana and Kieran's age, that they would have a better idea of who this man was. —"How did you know that wasn't my actual name?"

You chuckled softly. —"You wouldn't believe me."

—"I'll try." He said almost immediately.

You sighed softly as you crinkled the ration bar's wrapping. —"Kylo is Skywalker's prodigy nephew." His mouth fell slightly agape. —"And I am the other prodigy." A moment of tense silence traveled between the two of you. —"The other four Knights of Ren are the students that helped tear down that academy to the ground."

—"Why did you do that?" There was genuine curiosity in his voice.

You shrugged nonchalantly. —"He treated all of us like shit towards the ending." His confused frown told you he wanted you to elaborate further.  **—** "Snoke had already began speaking to us in dreams, as Nihilus has done with you." You suddenly remembered the task Supreme Leader had entrusted you with. —"Speaking of..." You began, slightly trailing off as you stood. —"I have to break into your mind once more."

He visibly flinched, scurrying in the chair, trying to get as far away from you as he could while still sitting. —"What?! No! Why?!"

You wore an apologetic frown in your face. —"The least I can do for you is explain." In that moment, you decided to lie to him, just to ensure he wouldn't end up hating Supreme Leader Snoke. —"How do you feel now that you're wearing the cuffs? I mean, compared to when the talisman's influence had your brain overridden."

His pained expression suddenly sobered as he considered your words. —"Better." He said with a confused frown. 

—"Good." You said with a warm smile. —"You see, there is a way to make you feel like this even with your connection to the Force restored. But, I need to break into your mind and find all memories of Nihilus and delete his influence from your thoughts. I won't lie to you, it  **will** hurt."

He eyed you suspiciously. —"And if I say no?"

You pulled your lips into a thin line before clicking your tongue. —"I'm afraid you can't do that." You said before putting your fingers on his temples and pressing into his mind.

He squirmed under your touch as a wave of pain was shot out into the Force. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to delve deeper into his mind. You flipped past various images of his childhood, some of his time in Ossus was there, too. Now, you fully recognized him. He'd been Sax, a dark haired boy with big green eyes and slightly tanned skin. You remembered him from Daeva's class, which meant this man was only a year younger than you. You wondered why his appearance had changed so radically, going from tan and dark haired to silver haired and unhealthily pale. Just how long had he been locked up in that basement?

Deciding not to dwell too much on that, you pushed past those memories, eliciting a pained groan to leave his mouth. You absentmindedly watched over memories of his teenage years, the death of his mother, and then later the disappearance of his father. You were trying to go past the memories as fast as you could so as not to cause him too much pain, but truly, curiousity was getting the better of you. After being left an orphan, Sax became Haldus, joining a small band of Kuati crimelords who smuggled weird artifacts and illegal alcohol and tobacco into the political sector. Being a Force sensitive made his job so much easier, and soon, he became the second in command to the band's leader.

Then, came the talisman. They'd been told to handle it with care, but as their hideout was found by the planet's law enforcement, Haldus touched the talisman when trying to run away with it. In his rage, Haldus rid the band of the entire law enforcement squad sent to get them. Nearly uncontrolable and blinded by the power of the Dark side, Haldus killed two members of the band, including their leader's wife. The leader had him locked up, tried to torture him but failed as the talisman's influence kept him in a constant state of anger. After killing four additional members, the leader resigned and kept him in solitary confinement. 

The deeper you dug, the colder you felt. A small shiver had broken into your body, the hairs on the back of your neck stood. And then you saw him, the tall dark shape of Darth Nihilus. The expressionless mask began speaking only in whispers, until Haldus got curious enough to let him into his mind. From there on, the rage fits got worse, making Haldus remain disoriented and angry at every waking moment he had. Nihilus spoke to him about the talisman, the power held in the Dark side and showed him a few new abilities. He also spoke to him of you, the past drainer. Haldus listened intently to everything Nihilus said, more out of loneliness than actual interest.

Once you'd flipped through every memory he had of Darth Nihilus, you began gathering them together. This put the man before you in great pain, and as you were inside his mind, you could feel his raw pain travel through every corner of it. You bundled up all of the memories, then swiftly pressed down on them as Supreme Leader had taught you. You tried to make this part of the process as quick as you could. The sound of teeth gritting together in pain urged you on to be quicker. The moment you gave the final press, he screamed out in pain, a scream that you were sure would leave his throat feeling raw for some time. 

Finally, you let your fingers fall from his temples and opened your eyes. You were feeling exhausted and somewhat drained of your energy. The silver haired man that laid before you was in a mess. He trembled in pain, jaw firmly clenched still and drips of cold sweat covering his furrowed brow. Both of you were gasping for air, you sat on the floor in front of him.

—"Forgive me." You said breathlessly. 

He simply looked at you through half lidded eyes. —"I want to sleep." He managed inbetween breaths. —"The pain won't let me. Please put me out." You eyed him weirdly from your spot on the floor. —"Please." He asked again.

You rose to your feet again, placing two fingers to his left temple and willing his mind to shut off. His head hung and his breathing got proggressively more normal.

Truly, you felt completely spent both emotionally and physically. It did take a toll on you to look at the life of hardships that Sax had endured after leaving Skywalker's academy. You did have some vague memories of him as a kid. He'd always been agile and fast in basic parring. You never really spoke to him, but you guessed Daeva would have a better idea of who he was and how he was. All you hoped was he wouldn't resent you too much for putting him through this whole ordeal.

Suddenly finding the room was too suffocating, you opted to make your way out of the ship. You walked through the hall, passed the room adjoined to the cockpit and pressed the button that deployed the ship's ramp. You sat in the grass and began to meditate. However, just as you were about to reach the level of concentration needed, you heard the distinctive sound of Kylo's crackling lightsaber in the distance. You immediately stood and held your lightsaber's hilt in your hands tightly, looking in the direction the sound was coming from. Soon enough, Kylo appeared from between some trees. He was running towards the ship, lightsaber in hand, the box containing the talisman in the other. Ocassionally he looked back and kept on running.

—"START THE SHIP!!" He bellowed at the top of his lungs. You stood there simply until you saw a group of men in speeders emerge from the trees Kylo had a few moments prior. —"START THE FUCKING SHIP!!" 

You unfroze from your spot, running up the ramp of the ship and into the cockpit. You were quick to punch in the take off sequence, all the while watching on as Kylo inched closer to the ship. You were about to begin the hovering of the ship when a blaster shot grazed Kylo's side. He momentarily fell to the ground and fear enveloped you. Quickly, he stood up and you heard as he jumped onto the ramp. That is when you hurriedly took off, hearing the hissing sound of the ramp being closed behind you. You could hear his ragged breathing and some pained groans.

—"Kylo?" You called out anxiously. 

He walked into the cockpit gripping his side tightly. You took a quick once-over of him. The hand gripping at his side was slowly getting covered with a thin trail of blood. He was disheveled and sweaty from running away. He stayed perched up against the side of the cockpit's door, taking in ragged breaths.

—"Eyes to the front, Myra." He said simply.

You nodded and let out a shaky breath as you exited the planet's atmosphere. You flew past the ring of shipyards surrounding the entire planet. In what you called your own record time, you punched in the coordinates for Brentaal, the planet where you switched routes in order to get back to Starkiller. The moment you pushed the hyperspace lever up, and the familiar blue swirl appeared in the from window pane, you looked back at Kylo. He let out a relieved breath before sliding down to the floor using the wall as support. 

Instantly, you got up and scurried around the room adjoined to the cockpit looking for some sort of first-aid kit. Soon enough, you found one and kneeled next to Kylo with it in your hands. He was still firmly holding the wound on his side, a bit more of blood covering his gloved hand. He looked at you intently with an emotion you couldn't quite place.

—"Let me see." You said quietly as you gestured at his hand. He removed it, a small squirt of blood coming out of it. The wound appeared to be deep, but not life threatening whatsoever. —"Take it off." You said as you pinched a piece of his top robe's fabric in your fingers.

He obeyed. Hissing the moment he had to lift his arms over his head. Just as you'd done with Hux's wound on Korriban, you used the Force to push the skin around the wound together. Kylo groaned in pain, breaking into a cold sweat. The skin around the wound had been burnt from the blaster shot's graze. Still, you pushed the skin together and placed a securing bacta patch on top of it. The patch immediately became hot from working on the burnt and torn skin. Once you were done, you pushed Kylo's hair out of his eyes. He looked at you once more.

—"Are you okay?" You asked softly. He nodded and you pressed a small, tender kiss to his cheek. 

He used the hand on his good side to cup your face, you leaned into his touch. —"You look tired." 

—"I am tired." You sighed softly. —"Breaking into his mind and seeing everything was way more taxing than I thought it would be." Kylo hummed in agreement. —"I know who he is now. Do you remember a boy named Sax? He was two years younger than you."

He looked up in thought. —"I honestly don't remember anyone with silver hair."

—"He didn't always have silver hair." You pointed out. —"He used to be tan, dark coloured hair and green eyed. Ring a bell?"

Kylo simply hummed. —"I don't know." He said simply. He groaned in annoyance. —"I still have to erase his memories of the talisman." You looked down in pity. —"What is he doing?"

—"He actually asked me to put him out." Kylo's eyebrows lifted into his forehead in surprise. —"The pain was too much for him to bear, I suppose."

After sighing through his nose, Kylo planted a small kiss to your forehead. —"Sleep. I'll reset the hyperspace route when we reach Brentaal and then join you."

You stood and helped him to his feet. He hissed as he stood up. Before you left for the room, he instructed you to take the box he'd left in the room adjoined to the cockpit with you to the room. You did as asked, immediately feeling the odd, dark aura surrounding the contents of the box. It made you uncomfortable to say the least. Still, you walked back to your room with the box firmly tucked under your right arm. You placed it on top of the small table in front of the bed. Then, you stripped from your robes and climbed into bed, eager to get some good sleep.

 

 

 

_When you first were thrown into the dark room you were in, you'd found the cold that came with it somewhat welcoming. But after what you had done in Haldus' mind, you felt anxious about waking up in the corner of your mind where Darth Nihilus' influence had stuck itself. You couldn't see him nor feel him, but you knew he was there, in the shadows, silently lurking and looking at you._

_—"Why have you done that, girl?" His voice boomed all over the room, but he was still not in view. —"Snoke's influence forbids me from getting to you, why?" You dared not answer as you twisted and turned to look everywhere, trying to find the source of his voice. —"What are you planning?"_

_Feeling trapped as a child, you sought out for the only person you knew could come to your aid here: Supreme Leader Snoke. Surely enough, a few moments after calling for him from within your mind, the cold shifted, going from a nice chill, to the biting cold that was trademark to the jawless man. Nihilus' presence shrank, making way for Snoke's thick signature in the Force. After a couple moments, his golden robes materialized in the dark room. He looked livid to say the least. You wondered if perhaps you had bothered him at a wrong moment._

_The moment he finished materializing, he strode to you in big, quick steps. As he neared on you, he extended his middle and index fingers towards your face. —"Has he done anything to you?!" He asked angrily. You simply shook your head. —"Come closer, child." He commanded._

_You walked over to Snoke warily. —"Forgive me for bothering you Supr--"_

_He shushed you. —"We have no time for that, Myra Ren." The man thurst his fingers and placed them at your temples._

_The pain was unbearable, your knees began to buckle beneath you, but Snoke was quick to hold you steady with the Force. He pushed into the furthest corner of your mind, taking any memory related to Nihilus and compressing it, as you had done with Haldus earlier. As he flicked through that memory of Nihilus telling you to be wary of your Master, you could feel the kind of power amassed into Snoke's rage. With a single motion, he didn't press, but he shattered any memory linked to Darth Nihilus. This time, it didn't feel like needles pricking into the back of your eyes. It burnt as though you were imploding from the inside of your head. You cried out in pain, hot tears streaming down your face._

_And after that, Snoke was gone. You were left in a trembling, pained mess. Curled up in fetal position and digging the balls of your fingers into your skull, desperately trying to numb the increasingly more unbearable pain you felt._

 

 

 

You were awoken by the feeling of two big hands violently rocking you. You were sleeping with your knees close to your chest, palms digging into your head, and a puddle of tears on your pillow.

—"What's wrong?" Kylo asked desperately.  Still in pain, you flung yourself at him and hugged him tightly against your chest. He hissed at the exertion on his blaster wound. —"What happened?"

A small sob tore out of you, making your headache grow more intense. —"I don't know. I just remember seeing Snoke."

—"What did he do to you?" Kylo asked a bit panicked. He held you by both your shoulders as you kept on crying. 

You sniffled as another sob escaped your mouth. —"I can't remember." 

Kylo nodded in apparent understanding before holding you against his chest as you waited for the headache to subdue. It irked you that you couldn't, for the life of you, properly remember what had happened. Snoke broke into your mind, and you could recall that despite the pain you were thankful that he did it. The more you thought about it, the more confused you got and the less your headache subdued.

After some time being rocked in Kylo's arms, you stopped crying. When he felt your frame still and stop shaking with sobs, he laid down with you on the bed, still not letting go off you. It was comforting to say the least, and at some point, you vaguely felt him press his fingers to your temples. You knew what was about to happen, and you welcomed it completely, instantly being met by the darkness of falling asleep by Kylo's mind shutting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally planned to make this story 30 chapters long and make a three part series. But it seems there will be about 35-40 chapters in this first part. I hope to finish it by mid April. I will be moving to Canada for the summer, so there is a chance I won't be able to post often on the summer. 
> 
> I will try my best to finish writing this story and begin writing the second part so that I can just upload chapters while I'm away.
> 
> I love you guys, thank you so much for reading <3


	30. Can you Stand the Rain?

Haldus' pained howls awoke you. At first, you felt anxiety course through you, but that soon subsided as you came to the realization that Kylo was no longer sleeping beside you. Knowing you weren't going to be able to go back to sleep as long as Haldus was in pain, you got out of bed and into the shower. You still felt exhausted. Upon exiting the shower, you looked at yourself in the mirror. The reflection there frightened you. Not only were the purple bags under your eyes a haunting sight, but you noticed the dark bruise adorning your neck, no doubt from the intense choking Haldus had put you through when you were trying to break him out. You tried to ignore your decrepit appearance as you pulled your hair up in a ponytail. You made it a point to dress in high-collared robes, it would do you well to hide those bruises as well as protect you from the cold weather of Starkiller Base upon your soon arrival.

Your mind drifted to Haldus. Kuat was a warm world, and when you freed him he'd been wearing light clothes. The cold of Starkiller would be unbearable wearing such clothes. Haldus was tall, surely not as tall or as built as Kylo, but his robes would have to do. Though this begged the question: how would you undress him and redress him in warm robes when he was wearing cuffs around his wrists and ankles. Knowing you couldn't risk the chance of him lashing out against you again, you ultimately decided he would have to suffer for short seconds as you moved him from the cold atmosphere into the warm main building of Starkiller Base.

The datapad you and Kylo had brought along dinged with a message just as you finished dressing yourself. It was a message from General Hux.

_"Knights Kylo and Myra Ren:_

_You are to receive a holo communication call from Supreme Leader Snoke and myself at 7:00 Standard Time Hours for a debriefing on your mission. I suggest Haldus be present during this call. Reply to this message as soon as you read it."_

_—General Armitage Hux._

You peered at the time displayed on the top right corner of the holopad. 4:55 Standard Time Hours. You had enough time, you just wondered if Kylo had that time as well. You quickly typed out a short reply to Hux informing him that you were aware of his message and that you'd inform Kylo. Just as you sent the message, Kylo walked back into the room. Unceremoniously plopping onto the bed, you could feel his exhaustion through the Force as it echoed your own. You sat down next to him, he was quick to set his head on your lap and drape one of his arms over your knees. You lovingly ran your left hand through his black hair. He sighed softly.

—"I feel terrible for him." He said quietly, as if he were ashamed of feeling so. —"There were so many memories of the talisman. It must have hurt so much." His head twisted on your lap as he pressed a small kiss to your thigh. —"I'm so tired."

A loud sigh emerged from your mouth, causing Kylo to shift his head so he could look up at you. —"We have a debriefing with Snoke and Hux on the state of our mission in roughly two hours."

The childish groan that left Kylo brought a small smile to your face. —"I better take a shower then." He said before taking in a sharp breath and standing up.

—"One more thing." You began from your spot on the bed. —"Hux said Snoke wanted to see Haldus. How is he?"

He took his shirt off and tossed it on the floor. —"How do you think he is?"

You shrugged at his rhetorical question. —"Did you have to put him out?"

He nodded. —"Let him rest, we'll wake him up in an hour and a half to let him sober up a bit before speaking to Snoke."

Kylo closed the door to the bathroom as you heard the shower tap open. You laid back down on the bed for a couple minutes. Then, you stood up and started gathering all the clothes that were scattered around the floor of the room, packing everything away in your and Kylo's baggage. You left out one of his warmer robes and cloaks for him to put on when he got out of the shower. After that, you went out into the hall, taking out two instant meal packets and preparing them. You went back into the room with the two trays holding a piece of bread, soup and what you now knew to be mashed potatoes.

When you walked into the room, Kylo was half-dressed, pants on, shirt off. —"Hungry?" You asked as you set down his tray next to the box containing the talisman.

He hummed. —"Very." He fixed the top part of his robes and then sat next to you on the floor with his tray and happily ate away. 

As you finished your meal, you checked the datapad once more, Hux had replied extending his thanks to you for your prompt response. You looked at the time once more. You had little over twenty minutes left before 7:00. You informed Kylo of the time, he stood and placed his lightsaber's hilt on his belt, you did the same. Before walking out, Kylo grabbed the box with the talisman. Then, the two of you entered the room where Haldus was being kept. The man was still sleeping, head hanging low between his shoulders. You glanced at Kylo, silently asking him to be the one to jolt him awake. He pressed the tips of his fingers to his temples.

After drawing in a sharp breath, Haldus looked between the two of you. —"No more questioning, please, I beg you." His voice was raspy, no doubt from screaming so much.

You shook your head. —"No more of that, I promise." He nodded slightly relieved. —"Supreme Leader Snoke wishes to meet you."

He tilted his head questioningly. —"He's here?"

—"No." Kylo replied simply. —"We have a call coming in at around twenty minutes from now."

Haldus nodded. —"Could I ask where we're headed right now?"

—"Your new home." You said. —"Starkiller Base. A cold ice planet." You turned to Kylo. —"We should dress him in warmer clothes."

Kylo nodded. —"One of my cloaks will have to do, I'm not removing those cuffs under any circumstances." Silence travelled between the three of you. —"Are you hungry?" Kylo asked.

Haldus looked up at him before eventually nodding softly. You moved to go out and bring him a ration bad but Kylo stopped you. He instructed you to bring an instant meal packet to him instead. You did as you were asked and brought back the tray with the customary bread, soup and mashed potatoes. You wondered how Haldus would manage to eat the soup or mashed potatoes with cuffs around his wrists. As you went back into the room, Haldus' eyes perched themselves upon the meal on the tray. You carefully set it down on his lap and stepped back. The man took the bread in his hands and pushed it into his mouth little by little. He ate away happily until he had no more bread, he then looked between you and Kylo, silently asking for help.

—"I'll do it." Kylo said softly. He guided the plate of soup to Haldus' lips, he eagerly opened his mouth and Kylo tilted the bowl so the soup would pour down onto his mouth. —"Tell me when." He instructed firmly.

After a couple more sips, Haldus lifted his cuffed hands to signal he was done. —"It's good." He said quietly. —"Thank you."

—"More?" You asked. Haldus peered down at his plate, some soup was still there and the mashed potatoes ration was intact. He shook his head. —"Okay." You said before collecting the tray and setting in out on the hall. As you walked back in, Kylo was making his way out. —"Where are you going?"

He pointed towards the room adjoined to the cockpit. —"Five minutes until 7:00. I'm getting the holo communicator." You nodded.

You and Haldus silently stared at one another until Kylo came back with the holo communicator. —"So, anytime now." You said. Kylo nodded, and just as he did, the communicator began beeping. He set it in the middle of the room, and then guided you to stand next to him behind Haldus. The two of you sank into the position Snoke had you greet him in. You could feel Haldus' confusion in the Force.

After pressing a button with the Force, the room was filled with dainty blue light. Then the image of Snoke sitting on his throne and Armitage Hux standing next to him popped to life. 

—"Stand, my Knights." The two of you did as asked. Snoke peered forward as he sat on his throne, no doubt trying to get a better look of Haldus. —"The two of you have done what I've asked?"

—"Yes, Supreme Leader." The two of you said in unison.

He nodded, looking a bit bored. —"How are you feeling, Myra?"

—"Well enough, Supreme Leader." Once more, he nodded.

—"Begin your debriefing, Kylo Ren." Armitage Hux all but commanded. 

A thick wave of irritation and contempt left Kylo. —"We arrived on Kuat about three days ago, Myra was quick to find Haldus. He was in the western section of the planet, right next to the political and aristocratic sectors of Kuat. We broke him out of a housing building's basement, met little resistance from the men holding them there. After that we fled back into the deep forest of the planet, and set him in Force suppressive cuffs. We questioned him, finding out that he used to train under Skywalker. His real name is Saxon Sonthea, he is the same age as Daeva Ren. As we interrogated him, we found the location of the talisman, which I retrieved myself." He made a small pause as he reached for the box, opening it and showing the talisman. —"And then we safely made it off planet."

—"Very well done, children." His eyes shifted to Haldus. —"Saxon Sonthea." Snoke began as he stood from his throne. —"I look forward to meeting you, my boy." He began pacing. —"Tell me, what do you know of the Knights of Ren?"

Haldus swallowed thickly. —"I know Kylo Ren is their master. I know there are six of them, all used to be Skywalker's students, such as myself." You could hear the agitation in his voice, but he still remained firm.

—"And who am I?" He asked, stopping his pacing to look straight at Haldus.

The silver haired man seemed a bit on edge. —"Supreme Leader."

Snoke smiled crookedly. —"Supreme Leader who?"

—"Supreme Leader Snoke." 

Snoke chuckled. —"Well done, my boy!" He walked back to his throne. —"I look forward to meeting you." Supreme Leader then turned his attention back to you and Kylo. —"Children, I have temporarily stationed myself in Starkiller Base. As soon as you land, you are to bring this man to my chambers and call the four other Knights in as well. Actually, Armitage, could you oversee that?"

Hux nodded. —"I will personally bring them here, Supreme Leader." The ginger turned around to look at you and Kylo. —"One more thing, Ren. Could you tell me your exact location as of this moment?"

You could hear the creaking noise of Kylo's gloved hands balling into fists. —"No." He replied dryly. —"Last time I checked was thirty minutes ago and we were in grid coordinates I-6. About an hour away from planet Ansion."

—"Ah, I see." Hux said with a smirk on his face. —"You should be arriving within the next two hours, then."

Kylo limited himself to nodding. You followed his lead. —"Make preparations for the disembarkment and transportation of Haldus." Snoke said in a clipped tone, clearly displeased with the rivalry between his General and Commander. —"Good luck." Was all he said before the holo image was cut off.

—"Who is the posh redheaded man?" Haldus asked.

You knew Kylo couldn't help the annoyed huff that escaped his mouth. —"That obnoxious ginger fuck is called Armitage Hux." The semblance of a smile formed in Haldus' face. —"He is the General of the First Order."

Haldus openly gaped at that statement. —"The First Order?" He looked between you and Kylo. —"You're with the First Order?" You nodded simply. —"Well, the cartel I was with back in Kuat has done so much of your dirty work then." You and Kylo shared a look. —"We've smuggled weapons and entire ships for you guys."

Kylo chuckled. —"Well, Hux is going to love this." You moved to stand by the door as Kylo stood right in front of Haldus with arms crossed. —"Are you good with weapons?"

The man nodded. —"I can shoot any type of blaster pistol and riffle, detonators, vibroblades, you name it." 

—"What about a lightsaber? Ever held one?" Haldus shook his head no. —"Do you remember the first parring form Skywalker taught all younglings?" He reached for his lightsaber and ignited it. You were surprised to see that Haldus looked at the crackling blade in wonder and not fear. —"Wide blows, take flight at every blow, firm and rigid footing to keep balance." He said as he slowly demonstrated. 

He nodded excitedly. —"I remember that!" His golden eyes lit up. —"The Way of the Sarlacc! That's what Master Skywalker called it. I only ever practised with wooden swords though."

—"Good!" Kylo said as he nodded at him. —"I suppose I will be the one to teach you the lightsaber forms. There are seven, I have nearly mastered all of them. Myra has mastered all of them." Haldus looked over to you. —"If there's something she can teach better than anyone is Form Two." 

You stayed quiet as you watched Kylo and Haldus bond over what little the man remembered from his brief time with Skywalker. A small while after, a beeping sound came from the cockpit, you were about to be pulled out of hyperspace. You were finally getting back home. Kylo hurried out of the room and down to the cockpit as you went back into your own room to get a cloak for Haldus to wear as you arrived on Starkiller Base. 

You took your seat as co-pilot, helping Kylo go through the sequence to take the ship out of hyperspace. The ship rumbled and shook with light turbulence. Then it was before you once more, the big white planet that you now called home. Kylo flew into the planet with no trouble. He gave his ID code to the man in charge of the flight control tower. You were instructed to land in dock 43. As per usual, the landing was smooth with a nearly imperceptible thud. Kylo and you made your way back to the room you were holding Haldus in. You covered his shoulders with the cloak and made a makeshift cover with it. You kept it in place with the Force so little to no cold would slip under the cloak.

The three of you made your way down the hall of the luxurious ship Snoke had lent you. Kylo was the one to press the button to lower the ship's ramp. Upon exiting, you were met by the familiar sight of Captain Phasma's chrome armor.

 

—"Welcome back." She greeted with the robotic voice of her Stormtrooper helmet's voice modulator. —"Supreme Leader Snoke is waiting for you. Follow me."

Phasma set way for what you presumed to be the room where you often received holo communications from Snoke. As she made her way deeper into the base, you realized you were right. Haldus looked around in wonder, no doubt impressed by the amount of massed artillery the First Order possessed. Just as it was beginning to become hard for him to walk with cuffs around his ankles, you arrived at the door of the room where you were to meet with Snoke. Phasma pushed the door open and promptly left.

Supreme Leader Snoke stood from his throne. He was in there alone, no doubt Hux was running late. As if sensing your thoughts, Kylo smirked at the possibility of Hux committing a minor slip up. 

—"Hello, Haldus." He said simply. Using the Force, he froze his body and pulled him forward to his throne. The cloak fell off his shoulders in the process, Kylo was quick to call it back to his hand using the Force. —"What have we here?" Snoke thoroughly examined the man in front of him. —"Where is the talisman?"

Kylo stepped forward with the box in his hands. He opened the box and offered the talisman to Snoke by guiding it with the Force. He seemed to examine it with the utmost care as he flipped it around and around before his eyes. Snoke hummed softly.

—"Remove the cuffs." He commanded dryly.

—"But, Supreme Leader, he has proven to be dange--" Kylo began before being cut off.

—"Remove. The. Cuffs."

The two pairs of cuffs clicked open with a flick of Kylo's fingers. Haldus was still being kept in place by Supreme Leader's Force hold. You could hear him struggle to free himself as Snoke chuckled to himself softly. All of a sudden, he let his hold on him slip. The silver haired man turned around to look at you, eyes like a rabid dog as he moved towards you two. Kylo and you instinctively guided your hands to your lightsabers. It seemed as though Haldus were about to attack the two of you as the door to the room flew open. In came Armitage Hux followed by the twins, Claec and finally Daeva.

Haldus stood in the center of the room, looking confused and out of place like a hurt and disoriented animal. He was ready to lash out at Hux when, suddenly, his eyes went soft. You could swear that for a moment they flicked between green and golden. You tried to follow his gaze to see what had captivated his attention in that way. Daeva stood frozen in her spot, head slightly tilted to the right.

—"Zania?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to keep updating every few days. Please enjoy <3


	31. Dark Light

Daeva had stayed frozen in her spot at the mention of her name. You turned to watch the way Snoke's face contorted into a sneer. You were certain every Force sensitive in that room could feel the raw Light side energry emanating from the two of them. Their eyes were firmly locked, Snoke and everyone else be damned. You felt the all-too-familiar pressure at the back of your neck that settled itself there when Snoke was summoning you. As you looked around, you became aware that the rest of the Knights were feeling it, too. He was calling everyone's attention back to him, which proved to be a good tension diffuser as all of you scrambled to form the vertical formation you ususally greeted him in, all bending the knee and looking down at the floor. You were next to Kylo, who was at the far right, then came the twins, then Daeva and finally Claec. Hux stood at attention with his hands behind his back, shoulders firmly pressed down to make his neck look longer. Could it be that he, too, felt that odd pressure at the back of his neck? Haldus remained frozen in his spot by Snoke's Force hold.

You could hear the slow clacking of Snoke's shoes as he walked back from the center of the room to his throne. As the thud of him sitting on the throne was heard, you suddenly were hit by everyone's collective anxiety in the Force, Daeva's being the most prominent. However, Snoke's disgust was plastered all over the room, the sour tinge of his silent rage enveloping the lot of you. He had you all remain in greeting position for a while, as if silently willing his temper to be put in check before addressing his Knights. 

Supreme Leader drew in a sharp breath. —"All of you, stand." The collective shuffle to stand was brief. Snoke sat with a sneer on his face, head propped up on his closed fist, arm settled on the throne's armrest. A loud sigh emerged from his mouth. —"This is your new partner, children." He gestured towards Haldus, whose golden eyes were firmly fixed on Daeva. A long silence followed. —"You two." He said pointing towards you and Kylo. —"You are dismissed, go rest. You too Armitage." 

Claec directed you a pointed look as you turned to leave. He wanted to speak to you. It would have to wait until he, too, was dismissed by Supreme Leader. The room was dead silent as the three of you walked out, the only sound was the clacking of the three pairs of boots meeting the floor. You were worried to say the least. You know it could be read all over your face. You were tired and spent from the long, arduous mission you'd just finished, and the development of these events was just weighing you down further.

Upon exiting the chamber, Hux turned to look at you and Kylo. —"I trust your mission went well?" He asked as you walked side by side.

—"That is none of your business, Hux." Kylo snapped dryly.

You could almost hear the smirk on Hux's lips. —"I don't remember personally addressing you, Ren. Allow me to correct myself: How was your mission, Myra?"

—"Tiring to say the least, but it went well for the most part." You said non chalantly as you tried to ignore the wave of irritation radiating from Kylo. —"How was base while we were away? Did they keep you busy a lot?"

Hux hummed in thought. —"I spent those days writing up files." He suddenly cleared his throat. —"Ren." He said as he came to an abrupt stop in the middle of the hallway. Kylo looked at him with a disdainful look in his eyes. —"Might I steal her for a few minutes?" 

Kylo frowned, more out of confusion than anything. He looked at you with questioning eyes, then finally nodded. He then strode off angrily.

—"Follow me." Hux said in a hushed tone. 

You did as asked and followed him silently through the halls of Starkiller Base. Hux guided you through several parts of the place that you were sure you had never been in before. After a series of twists and turns, some stairs and an elevator ride, you found yourself in the High Command offices on base. They were pristine clean in the colors of the First Order: black, grey, white and a hint of red here and there. The halls were eerily silent and deserted. Hux walked through the hall with his customary regal-looking posture. You came upon a big blast door, Hux had to use a special card to have it open. 

His office was all you expected it to be, pristine clean and bordering on the obssessive compulsive side of orderliness. His desk was big, he had a data pad, lots of folders with what you presumed to be files on personnel and a small cup designed for a small amount of coffee. Two black leather chairs were arranged on each side of the desk. Off to the right, there was a small cabinet with two glasses on top, you guessed he probably kept liquor inside. Then there was a small dining area, he must spend a big part of his time couped up in there. There was a door leading to an adjoined room, but you dared not ask what was behing that door.

The thudding sound of Hux plopping down on his chair brought you out of your reverie. —"You might want to sit for this one, Myra." He said in a very serious tone.

You sat down nervously. —"Am I in trouble or something of the sort?"

He frowned and shook his head. —"No." A long, loud sigh escaped his mouth. —"But I fear I'm digging myself into deep shit for sharing this with you." Hux absentmindedly flipped through the stack of folders on his right, picked one and placed it in front of you. 

You looked down at the folder questioningly, then peered back up at Hux, who wore a worried frown. You couldn't help but mirror his expression as you looked back down at the folder. Tentatively, you opened it. You had been right, Hux kept files on the personnel on Starkiller Base, but you were deeply dumbfounded when you opened the folder to look at your own file. It contained both your current name and your past name, a picture of yourself shoulders and up, your height, weight, place of birth, your weapon, training, etc. That was the front page, but your file had about six pages.

The second page contained information on your experience at Skywalker's academy, your early training, your knowledge of the Force and so on. Then came the third page, detailing your training under Snoke, your missions to Bosthirda and Korriban and the outcome of each. It went into deep detail about your not-so-common abilities in the Force such as the vivid premonitions and visions you experienced and the one time you attempted Force draining. The next page spoke about your relationship with the other Knights and personnel you had come into contact with in your time with the First Order. The fifth page contained information on previous injuries, treatment and outcome for each of them. You couldn't help but bring a hand to your neck at the mention of that incident where your neck veins broke as a result of performing a Force drain. The last page spoke about your familial ties. Information on your mother, your father and your close relationship to the Solo's.

As you finished reading, you looked up at Hux, feeling mildly confused. —"What's wrong with it?"

Hux looked at you sadly. —"Read the last page carefully."

 

_Mother: native to Dantooine, owner of mines and refineries in the Crytal Caves. Senator for the New Republic in the Centrist cause. (deceased)_

_Father: native to Hapes, distant cousin of anti-jediist Queen Mother of the Hapans. Senator for the New Republic in the Centrist cause. (presumed alive)_

 

Your ears rang loudly as you tried to anchor yourself and prevent dissociation by clearing your throat and gripping the edge of Hux's desk. Bile rose to your throat and you desperately tried to swallow it down. Anti-jediist? Presumed alive? It hit you like a thousand bricks that Snoke had shown you Leia speaking to Luke about your parents' death, not the precise vision of the event itself. This file had fully explained the context of the vision Kylo had forcibly dragged out of you. So not only was he an abusive man, he was also anti-jediist. How could they presume him alive? How did they know? Had Brendol Hux given them that information before Phasma killed him?

You could hear the hollow sound of your heartbeat in your ears. Your lower lip quivered softly as you tried to keep composure in front of Hux. The paper in your hands rustled lowly from the incontrollable shaking that had overtaken you. After putting down the paper, you looked up at Hux, there was worry in his deep blue eyes. He moved his mouth to say something but no sound came to your ears. Slowly, you tried to calm yourself down, taking in deep, uneven breaths. You took a hand to your forehead and rubbed at it softly. Little by little, you began to hear muffled sounds coming out of Hux's mouth. You were going to be embarrassed when you had to ask him to repeat everything he was saying. He seemed to sense that he was not being listened to from the lost and distant expression on your face.

After you had some time to recover, you looked back up at Hux. —"Who wrote this?" It came out of you as nearly a whisper.

Hux sighed. —"I did." Your frown deepened, at that Hux explained further. —"That's one of the files I told you I had been writing up while you were on Kuat."

—"Who told you what you wrote in that file then?"

He gaped softly, you had pushed him into a compromising situation. —"Supreme Leader told me." You drew in a sharp breath and were about to stomp off angrily to his chambers, but Hux gently but urgently placed his hand above yours. —"Please, hear me out." An angry sigh left through your flared nostrils, but you quietly sat back down. —"If Supreme Leader knows I've shown you, he'll have my head. I don't know how he knew, but please, Myra, just please..." He looked into your eyes desperately. —"Wait until Snoke himself brings it up, please."

You let out a shaky breath. —"Then why show me?"

—"I thought it was the least I could do after my father was the one to kill them."

You stared at him for some time, tears threatening to spill over your eyes. You nodded finally. —"You've been a good friend. I'll return the favor."

There was a sudden erratic knock on the door. Hux quickly put the papers back in the folder as the door flew open. Kylo stood on the other side, a livid expression on his face. He stomped in angrily and shut the door closed behind himself. —"What's going on here?" His question was met with silence. —"Are you okay?" He asked, voice softer this time as you looked at him and nodded solemnly. —"I will not ask again, Hux. What is going on here?"

You looked back at Hux, his eyes were firm on Kylo. —"I thought I'd asked you to let me borrow her for a few minutes."

Kylo slammed his fist on the table so hard that both you and Hux flinched. —"I WON'T TAKE THAT BULLSHIT EXCUSE, HUX!"

Carefully, you snaked your arm into Kylo's. —"Kylo, please." He simply shook his head, not bothering to look your way. —"Hux, let me show him."

—"No." Was his short and simple answer.

A new wave of anger coursed through Kylo. —"Calm down, Kylo."

—"Calm down?! You want me to calm down when you freely project grief, not sadness, GRIEF into the Force?!" You shied away from his screaming for a moment. —"Now, WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. GOING. ON. HERE?!" He slammed his palm down on the desk to accentuate every word.

Hux and you shared a look, both of your eyes pleading at the other. Finally, Hux huffed and swatted the file under Kylo's gloved hand. —"Read the last page."

Kylo snatched the folder off Hux's desk, reading the last page intently. You could tell he'd gotten to the important part when his frown deepened. He looked between you and Hux with questioning eyes under a confused frown. He closed the folder and slapped it back down on Hux's desk. —"Come." He said to you simply. He opened the door and stood by the doorway as you looked at him.

You looked back at Hux, your eyes pleading for forgiveness. He simply nodded at you and you stood. —"I believe an apology is due, Ren."

—"Fuck you, Hux." Kylo spat as he pointed at him with his gloved index finger. He put his hand on the small of your back and led you out, closing the door to Hux's office.

To say you were angry was an understatement. You were rampantly furious. At Snoke, for hiding something like that from you and at Kylo, for treating Hux like shit when he was simply being a good friend. You fast walked through the halls of the base, Kylo tailing after you silently. It was up until the point were you realized you had no idea how to get back to your quarters from there that you allowed Kylo to catch up with you. The two of you remained silent as he led you back to the Knights' quarters. Worry and anger traveled between the two of you, his echoing your own. The second you slipped into the Knights' quarters, Kylo turned to look at you, then with no words between you, he enveloped you in a hug.

Your knees threatened to buckle underneath you as sobs tore out of your body. It hurt, it stung. You felt mildy betrayed. Angry at yourself for being naïve enough to fully trust Snoke with the little information he gave you on that. A thousand questions passed through your mind. How had he survived? Where was he? Why only your mother? Kylo lifted you softly and brought you to the living room, laying the both of you on the long, black sofa.

He didn't stop holding you until the two of you heard the panicked ruckus approaching the door to the common room from the hall. The two of you stood up and warily stared at the door. Claec was the first to rush in with Haldus' limp form in his arms. —"Make way!" He said anxiously as he laid the man down on the coffee table.

He was hardly breathing, lightning burns all over him. Then came in Kieran, completing the horrendous scene in front of you by carrying Daeva's badly burnt body in. Kana came in last, tears streaming freely and abundantly down her cheeks. Kylo and you moved out of the way in a hurry as Kieran placed Daeva on the couch.

You stood next to the coffee table, a weak tug came to the lower portion of your robes, you looked down to see Haldus peering up at you with hopeful green eyes. —"Help her, please."

In a moment of adrenaline, you pushed into her body with the Force, finding her heart was barely beating. In a daring act, you squeezed her heart softly with the Force. It seemed to be responding, so you knelt down in front of her and squeezed her heart at the rhythm of a normal beating heart. You kept desperately going at it, not willing to give up on her. Suddenly, she drew in a sharp breath and her eyes flew open. Everyone in the room collectively sighed in relief.

—"Bacta." You said quietly. —"Bacta! Someone bring me some bacta!" Kana sprinted off to get some from the training room. —"Bring more for Haldus."

Daeva absentmindedly mumbled something, you drew closer to her, asking her to repeat herself. —"Sax." She said. —"His name is Sax."

—"Oh-kay." You replied dumbfounded by the entire situation. 

Kana came back with the bacta shortly afterwards. You carefully applied the bacta on Daeva's burnt skin as she hissed through gritted teeth. Claec did the same for Sax as the rest of the others scoured through the quarters in search for more bacta. 

—"What happened?" You asked Claec quietly.

He sighed, looking up at you and minutely considering you. —"Snoke sensed the attachment between the two, as we all did." He shook his head. —"He began putting Sax in pain, saying he would do to him what he did to you..." Claec trailed off momentarily. —"Is that true? Did Sax do that to you when you rescued him?" You simply nodded and kept quiet, urging him to go on. —"Anyway, he did that to Sax and I guess Daeva just couldn't take it anymore and she..." Another sigh left him. —"She Force choked Snoke."

You looked at Daeva with a stunned frown, she simply nodded. —"Why is she not death, yet?"

—"He said he needed all seven of us." Kylo came back in and opened a second bacta container, helping you coat Daeva's skin. —"What for, he didn't say."

You shook your head. —"I don't mean harm by this, quite the contrary actually, but you are seriously one outstandingly stupid person, Daeva." She chuckled softly before hissing in pain.

—"What happened to you two if I may ask?" Claec asked. Kylo and you shared a glance. —"It's okay if you don't want to speak of it, but we felt it. I think Snoke felt it, too. Everything okay?"

Kylo cleared his throat. —"We didn't fight if that's what you're asking." He then looked at you with a sympathetic expression on his face. —"She'll tell you if she feels like it. It's not my business."

Claec turned his eyes to you. —"Later." You replied simply.

He sank his head in an understanding nod, which you were thankful for. Kana and Kieran came back in with a bunch of bacta containers moments after that. All of you concentrated on applying a good coat of bacta over your injured fellow Knights. After that was done, the five uninjured Knights came to an agreement to keep Sax and Daeva in your room, you would bunk in with Kylo for the night. All of you were to take turns in watching over them, just to make sure they made it through the Knight. Seeing them so beaten down and hurt made your blood boil with anger. First it was Skywalker demeaning all of you, now it was Snoke  **abusing** you. 

You let the bacta adhere to their skins properly before moving them to your room. The two of them had fallen asleep due to exhaustion, but you made sure they were still breathing before going to sleep. Claec offered to make the first guard, stating that it would be good if you and Kylo were the last to stand guard, seeing as how you'd just gotten back from a long mission. Kylo and you had gratefully accepted his proposal, as did the rest of the Knights.

Kylo and you walked across the hall from your room to his. He closed the door as you sat down at the edge of his bed. He stood in front of you quietly for some minutes. You refused to look up from the spot on the floor that you'd chosen to distantly stare at. Sensing your refusal to look up, Kylo sank down into a squatting position and peered up at you with those soft brown eyes of his. He took his right glove off and cupped your face with his bare hand. You leaned into the warmth of his touch.

After pressing a small peck to one of your knees, he spoke. —"Are you going to be okay?" You nodded sadly. —"What will you do?"

You shrugged and looked away from his intense staring. —"I don't know what I'll tell Snoke about this. I don't want to throw Hux under the bus." He huffed. —"No, Kylo. He had no reason to show me that."

—"Then, why did he?"

You let out an exasperated sigh through your mouth. —"He's my friend, a good friend while we're at it. I'm not asking you to get along with him, just don't do something to him that I wouldn't do. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Kylo nodded. —"I swear I won't tell anyone your secrets, not even Snoke. You must remember that he can drag it out of you if need be. I'm asking you to be careful." You nodded. —"We should ask Claec what came first: your distress in the Force, or the attack on Daeva. You could use that as an excuse. Say you felt sadness at Daeva's anguish."

Another nod. —"We should sleep." You said with finality.

He gave your lips a soft kiss and then he disappeared into his dressing room. Kylo came back in with sleeping clothes and another one of his night shirts for you to wear. It looked huge on you, and you noticed the small smile that crossed his features as he admired how ridiculous you looked in his shirt. The two of you tucked in to sleep, needless to say feeling spent from the extremely eventful couple of days you'd lived through. Together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a nice Tuesday all of you <3 Hope you enjoy!


	32. Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tbh, the start of this chapter is pure porn.

You had grown so accustomed to your dreams being plagued by visions or mental visits from Snoke, that when you woke up after a dreamless sleep, you felt as though you had been sleeping for days. Fully rested and comfortably laying on your back, you opened your eyes and silently stared at the ceiling above you. Your mind wandered back to the events that happened yesterday, where Daeva and Sax had been brought in hurt, burnt and nearly dying. Something odd came to memory, something that seemed to slip past everyone else's attention. Sax's eyes had been green, not golden, when he weakly asked you to help Daeva. Was this Snoke's bet at balancing out the Force energy within Sax and darkening Daeva's?

The light stirring next to you brought you out of your reverie. Kylo was still sleeping, but he moved so that he was now laying on his stomach, head buried in the pillow, both his arms beneath said pillow. You lightly ran your fingers through his thick black hair, earning a small, sleepy sigh to emerge from him. He shifted once more, laying on his side to look at you through half-lidded eyes. He laid his hand on top of your stomach, rubbing at it softly as he propped his head up on his other hand. Kylo planted a trail of kisses going from your forehead to your temples, your cheekbones to your cheeks, your chin and finally your neck. He buried his face there, sighing contently as you kept on softly caressing his hair.

—"Good morning." He said with his deep, raspy with sleep voice. It tickled your neck softly.

—"Good morning." 

He planted more kisses along your neck and collarbones, taking the hand at your stomach and dipping it down to caress your thighs. You giggled softly as he ran his hands up and down your inner thighs. He kissed your mouth tenderly as both his hands took the shirt you were wearing, which was his, by the hem and started pushing it up to uncover your stomach. Kylo moved to straddle your hips, keeping you firmly in place as he rid you of his own shirt and tossed it aside. You simply stared up at him with a devious little smirk playing on your lips, he mirrored with a smirk of his own before dipping down to kiss your lips savagely. He kept your legs firmly pressed together as he straddled you, making a move to kiss down your jaw to the space between your breasts.

Finally removing the pressure on your hips, he tore the covers off the bed with the Force, kneeling down at the edge and pulling your legs along with him, leaving them dangling off the bed. A small, quiet yelp escaped your mouth as he hooked his index fingers on either side of your panties and pulled them down in one swift motion. He breathily chuckled at the sound that left your mouth, you felt his hot breath hit the inner part of your upper thighs, sending a chill up your spine. You noticed Kylo was particularly kissy that morning as he planted another trail of kisses starting from your left inner thigh to your nub. A loud sigh left you as you tilted your head to look down at Kylo's dark eyes, which stared straight into yours and seemingly past you. A neverending loop of sultry looks was shared between you as he slowly built you up for what was to come. 

With his lips around your clit, your hands gripping at the sheets and your feet up on his shoulders, Kylo worked you up perfectly. Going at a pace that was not eager but not lazy, the perfect balance between calm and ravaging. Still, he teased every now and then, running the tips of his index and middle fingers up and down your inner lips. Just enough to keep you on edge but not sending you tumbling over into an orgasm just yet. You guided one of your hands back into his black locks, running your fingers through his soft, untangled hair. Seemingly, that had been the only spur of motivation Kylo needed as he shoved a single finger into you, causing your mouth to contort into a little "oh" shape as you buried the back your head on the mattress.

His name left your mouth in a soft gasp, to which he responded by hooking his free arm around your left leg, keeping you firmly in place as he continued his assault on your sensitive nub. Gradually, your gasps and sighs grew in quantity and volume, he felt your pussy clench around the single finger inside you. At that, Kylo stopped abruptly. He retrieved his finger and stood back up, still fully dressed. He looked down at your naked form as he sucked his finger into his mouth, then wiped at it. He pulled his hair back with both his hands before you impulsively sat up and tugged his pants down. You could hear the sharp breath he sucked in as a wave of surprise travelled into the Force. Unsurprisingly, Kylo was already hard and ready to go, still, that didn't stop you from pumping his shaft and looking up at him with a wry look in your eyes. He returned the look with a hungry look of his own.

You pumped for a couple more seconds as you licked your lips. As he grew impatient towards your teasing, Kylo gripped your jaw forcefully and looked down at you with gritted teeth. He spat out a single command. —"Suck."

You obediently licked a stripe going from the base to the tip of his cock. You circled your tongue a couple of times at the head before taking him into your mouth. He sighed as your twirled your tongue around with his dick inside your mouth. You made sure to pulse your tongue every time you bobbed your head to get him to go deeper into your mouth. When you looked up at Kylo, and noticed the dirty look he was giving you, it was all the motivation you needed to take him into your mouth until you felt his tip hit the back of your throat. You gagged a bit, but mentally smirked to yourself as you heard the small grunt that left Kylo's mouth through gritted teeth. 

After that, he took all of your hair with both his hands, pulling it up into a ponytail. He then began setting the pace at which your mouth bobbed up and down his shaft. The pulling and tugging that he had going on at your hair only served to spur you on further. You placed your hands at his hips, diving your nails into the skin there every time he made you nearly gag on his cock. The soft grunts and hisses leaving his mouth left you needing for  _something_ more. You began to grind your unclothed core against the edge of the bed, where you sat as you sucked him off. Feeling the creases of the covers rubbing against you perfectly had you moaning lightly with his dick inside your mouth. The vibrations of your quiet moans seemed to be appreciated by Kylo as he threw his head back slightly, his hands leaving your hair to run up his face and into his hairline and onto the back of his head.

Kylo looked down at you, clearly entranced by the way you sucked him off. That, and the small show you were putting on by grinding yourself against the covers of his bed. He ran his hands up and down his face, as if trying to snap out of the trance you were luring him into. Kylo soon began panting as he never broke eye contact with you. It proved too much for him all of a sudden as he placed his right hand on your neck and pushed you off his cock and into the matress. He used his other hand to fully cup your sex, rubbing the entirety of it with his palm. He drove the bone next to his thumb into your clit as he furiously rubbed at it. The way he choked you lightly stung from the bruise that had formed there after Sax had Force choked you as you rescued him.

The mix between the light pain, the restriction to your wind pipe and Kylo's animalistic rubbing of your sex had you nearly tumbling over the edge of your orgasm. He could feel the closeness of it, so the hand at your neck switched places to firmly cover your mouth as, what could have been a very loud moan, left your mouth. Your eyes had squeezed shut tightly, your back arched off the bed, and in your light desperation, you had nearly kicked Kylo. He chuckled heartedly at how wrecking your orgasm had been. He carefully inspected the juices that had stuck themselves to his hand as you came. You looked up at him through half-lidded eyes as he smeared them on his still hard dick. Kylo leaned down to kiss you, shoving his tongue into your mouth. He placed both his knees inbetween yours and slowly began to spread your legs using just his knees. 

As his mouth left yours, you were met by the arousing sight of him pumping himself as he looked down at your sex. He ran his middle finger up and down your folds. Looking at you with a smirk on his lips. —"You're so wet." He said cheekily. You swatted the side of his arm and he chuckled with a toothy smile.

He bent down to kiss you once more, setting his head against your shoulder. Without warning, he rammed himself into you, making you inhale sharply and push your torso flush against his. He took that opportunity to shove his arm behind your back, keeping your spine curved so that you were at an angle where he could dive himself deeper into you. His hips shamelessly snapped into yours, and you wondered how much of that sound was leaving the confines of your shared room. He hummed and moaned lightly from his spot on your shoulder, the sounds so directly into your ear that you couldn't help but mirror him with sounds of your own. 

—"Can I try something?" Kylo whispered breathlessly into your ear.

Without asking any further questions, you simply nodded in confirmation. You suddenly felt a pressure inside you, he was using the Force, seemingly probing around inside you. But, what was he looking for? The realization hit you like a thousand bricks when he brushed past your G-spot with the Force. The sound of his satisfied chuckle at finding it was nearly muffled by the pleasure you were feeling. Your walls instantly began pulsing around him, something that had his head swimming in pleasure as well. When he felt the magnitude of your pleasure through the Force, a sly smirk plastered itself all over his face. Kylo propped himself up as he set both his palms on either side of your head. He looked down at you deviously, and then it began. Kylo shamelessly, ruthlessly and mercilessly used the Force to pound against your G-spot. The stimulation had you coming within seconds, but that didn't stop him.

You were already a writhing mess, and he still kept going. The muscles of your vagina were squeezing around him pleasurably. And even with your head swimming in pleasure, you looked closely at his face, inspecting every single facial expression that crossed his face as you deliciously squeezed him inside you. He still didn't relent, making you come a harder third time. Your legs shook uncontrollably at either side of him.

—"Please." You said breathlessly. —"Kylo." You gripped at his neck harshly as he kept misusing the Force to pleasure you.

Your mouth flew open, he covered it just in time before a loud moan left it. When you came again, it stung. It was actual pain mixed with unhinged pleasure that you were feeling. However, the pleasure reached a whole new height when you felt him spill inside you. A strangled moan left Kylo's mouth as he nearly collapsed on top of you. His elbows buckled a bit, so he was quick to pull out of you and shift to lay on his back next to you. The room was filled by panting and the thick smell of sex. You couldn't really move, or just didn't feel like it. You were thoroughly spent.

The two of you spent a few minutes in silence, simply staring at the ceiling and trying to get your breathing back to normal. Kylo cleared his throat, so you looked over at him. He was looking at the ceiling, his left forearm on top of his forehead as his chest rose in uneven breaths. Sweat covered his chest and neck. 

He looked over to you. —"That..." He began still out of breath. —"That has got to be the best sex I've ever had." 

The corners of your mouth twisted up into a smile, he mirrored your actions. His lips met yours in a small kiss that felt a little too chaste for the dirtiness that had just transpired between the two of you. Seeming to sense your thoughts, Kylo chuckled again and shook his head at you playfully. He sat up and bent down to pick up his shirt. As he put it back on, you watched the muscles of his back move, smirking to yourself softly. He stood up and walked into the bathroom. You heard the shower go on, so you called the covers to your hand with the Force and turned on your side facing the door to the bathroom.

Your eyes slipped closed, but before you had the chance to fall back asleep, Kylo had come out of the bathroom again. He shook you softly. —"I'll cover your turn looking over the two dumb lovebirds next door."

You frowned. —"What time is it?"

—"Nearly 7:00." You groaned softly. —"It's okay, go back to sleep."

You shook your head. —"No, I have to get up." You sat up as Kylo sat at the edge of your side of the bed.

He lovingly caressed your back as you sat with your knees against your chest. —"Hey." You hummed in response as you looked back at him. —"I love you."

You smiled at him, undeniably feeling the heart eyes you were giving him. You leaned back into him, his right arm circled your waist as he pulled you against him. You pressed a small peck to his lips. —"I love you, too."

You then stood up and walked into the shower, feeling his eyes follow you into the bathroom until you closed the door behind yourself. Once you were in the shower, you found your legs were still a bit wobbly, as you had to put most of your weight on one leg and then switch to the other repeatedly. You took a nice, long shower. Then, you got out to brush your hair and slipped one of Kylo's capes on before you ran across the hall and into your room. You opened the door to find Kylo casually sitting at the corner of the room, Daeva and Sax were still asleep.

Kylo tilted his head to the side as he considered the cape around yourself. You rolled your eyes and smirked before walking into your closet. You took the cape off your shoulders and slipped on some robes that looked much like your robes back on Ossus but they were pitch black. You stepped back out into your room after putting some boots on. Kylo still sat quietly at the corner. You walked over to him.

—"Do you want something to eat?" You asked in a whisper. He simply nodded.

You walked out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen. You took the datapad that was there and ordered for breakfast to be brought for all of the Knights. You went over to the living room to sit idly as you waited for the food to arrive. The sound of steps walking down the stairs made your attention shift back into the room. Claec walked down the stairs still drowsy with sleep as he rubbed at his eyes. He seemed to not have noticed you as he stretched his arms out while he made his way to the kitchen.

—"I already ordered for breakfast to be brought here." You said nonchalantly from your spot at the living room. 

His head snapped back to look in your direction. His eyes were wide, but he sighed when he saw it was you. —"Damn." He shook his head as he walked over to you. —"I didn't see you there."

You chuckled softly. —"I can tell." He sat down in the couch next to you and propped his feet up on the coffee table. —"Did you sleep well?"

He nodded as he put his arm behind his head. —"Are Daeva and Sax still sleeping?" You nodded. —"Good." A moment of silence passed between the two of you. —"So..." He began. —"Will you tell me what happened yesterday? Did you guys fight?"

—"No." You said simply. A long sigh escaped you. —"It was this thing with Hux." He quirked his eyebrow up and gave you a questioning look. —"Not that!" You said indingnantly before laughing. —"You can't tell about this, okay? I might get Hux killed if Snoke ever finds out."

Claec visibly flinched at your words. —"Then Snoke probably already knows about it." You frowned. —"Come on, Hux is a non-sensitive. Snoke probably probes all the minds of the people closest to him while they sleep, surely he already found out about whatever stupid shit it is that Hux has done now." You stayed silent, a small feeling of anxiety for Hux's wellbeing. —"So, what kind of shithole has Armitage dug himself into now?"

—"He showed me my own file." You looked down at your feet. —"Did you know they keep files on all of us?" Claec shook his head no. —"Well, they do. They list all of our familial ties, combat information, injuries and so on. I looked at mine and the first time I read it everything seemed fine, right?" He nodded. —"Then he asked me to read the part about family again. The file said my mother was dead but my dad was  _presumed alive._ "

His eyes widened. —"How do they know?"

—"My thoughts exactly." You shrugged. —"Hux said that it had been something Snoke told him, but he also said that he doesn't know how Snoke knows."

There was a sudden knock on the door, seconds after, a droid came in carrying several trays and setting them down in one of the kitchen counters. Claec was quick to set way for the trays as Kieran came down the stairs. You grabbed two and excused yourself after explaining that you were taking one up for Kylo. You walked down the hall to your own room, only noticing Claec was walking behind you with two more trays for Daeva and Sax. You opened the door to the room using the Force. Daeva and Sax were both awake now. Kylo stood up to help you with one of the trays you were carrying. Claec then came in and set the trays on the small nighttables that were on either side of your bed. 

—"How are you feeling?" Claec asked from the door.

Daeva struggled to turn and look his way. —"Good." She croaked out. Claec simply nodded and left.

—"Are you two hungry?" You asked. 

Daeva and Sax nodded at the same time. —"But I'm going to be really embarrassed if you have to feed me." She said.

—"Can you even move?" Kylo rudely asked.

Sax successfully sat up, but Daeva was not even halfway up when she collapsed back on the bed hissing in pain. —"I'm good, I can help her." He said quietly, almost shy.

You handed him his own tray and Daeva's. Only then, did you take a moment to closely inspect the lightning wounds that covered the two of them. Sax's face would no doubt be scarred forever, the left side of his face had a pink spot going from his ear and across his cheekbone to the start of his nose. His collarbones and torso were recovering nicely. Daeva's burn marks were far worse. A big patch going from her hip to the inside of her knee was surely there to stay, along with another section of her torso and ribs, her upper arms and a tiny gash on her right temple. 

Kylo caught your attention, calling you over to sit with him. The four of you ate in silence, comfortably filling your bellies in each other's company. The thought you had when you woke up earlier that morning crept back on you. You curiously peered to look at Sax's eyes, they were still green. You turned to look at Kylo, silently signaling for him to look at his eyes. The moment he noticed, he frowned and shot you a questioning look, to which you responded by simply shrugging. 

—"Everything okay?" Daeva asked as Sax helped her sit up and she got a better look of the two of you.

You cleared your throat. —"Yes, everything fine."

She gave you that look she'd been giving you ever since you were kids. She was calling bullshit on that. —"We all felt that yesterday, you know? What are you so sad about and what is he so angry about?" Daeva asked that as she gave Kylo accusing eyes.

Kylo huffed behind you. You once more cleared your throat uncomfortably. —"It had nothing to do with him." She slowly crossed her arms, seemingly not satisfied with your answer. —"Claec already made me tell him, don't make me talk about it anymore." She pulled her lips into a thin line. —"Fine!" You said as you threw your arms in the air. —"Hux showed me some papers that said my father is presumed alive. That made me really damn sad."

She frowned. —"Why? Isn't that good?"

You shared a look with Kylo. —"No." He answered for you. —"We recently became aware he wasn't the man she thought he was."

—"What is that supposed to mean?" 

A sigh left your mouth. —"He was abusive to me and my mother when I was a child. I had repressed some memories, but I also read that he was anti-Jediist in that file yesterday. So, yeah, basically it seems I never really knew him."

—"Well." She began. —"That's fucked up." Daeva then motioned to Kylo. —"And what made you so angry about that?"

Kylo glared at her. —"Hux took her and a few minutes later she projects grief into the Force. Of course I was fucking pissed that asshole made her feel that way."

Daeva hummed. —"Makes sense."

That uncomfortable, tedious pressure at the back of your neck made itself present. Snoke was looking for you. You looked over to Kylo to see if he could feel it, too. Preoccupation filled you as you noticed that he wasn't feeling it. You mentally went over Claec's words once more. How could you not have thought about finding a way to keep Hux's mind hidden from Snoke?

—"I have to go." You said as you hurriedly stood and walked towards the door. The three of them gave you questioning looks. —"Snoke." You said simply, feeling the collective anxiety that instantly was set in the room.

You hurried out of the Knights' quarters, not even bothering to look at the kitchen as you stormed out. Just as you were about to make your way to the makeshift throne room Snoke had set up in the base, you found that the source of his Force signature was nowhere near that room. You relied solely on his Force signature as you guided yourself to his location through halls unknown to you within the base. Something you did notice was that you had been going to the lower levels for some time now. Where was Snoke taking you? What was the meaning of this all?

After a few minutes of walking, you came to a guarded door. The two stormtroopers standing there shared a look through their visored helmets. You pushed your cloak back so they could see your lightsaber. Instantly, they knew you were one of Snoke's Knights, letting you through without further trouble. Your anxiety escalated as you looked around and realized where you were: dungeons. You passed a couple of windows, looking at the prisoners inside. Quickly, you became aware that they couldn't see you, for you stayed quite some time looking at one of the prisoners and he didn't even react to you. 

You kept on walking towards Snoke's Force signature, it grew more and more dense as you got closer. —"Myra." His voice called down the hall. He was accompanied by Hux, who stood at attention with his hands behind his back. You were about to kneel in greeting when Snoke stopped you. —"Now, now, child." He said placing his pale hand on your shoulder. —"There is no need for you to do that unless you're meeting me in the throne room."

You stood and nodded. —"I will be sure to remember that, Supreme Leader."

—"Good." He looked back at the prisoner behind the window, but before you got a chance to look, he waved his hand and the window went completely black. —"You must be wondering why I summoned you here." You nodded once more. —"Well, Armitage came to speak to me this morning." You looked over at Hux. —"Don't fret, child. He's told me about his little indiscretion regarding your file. I felt it was fair to explain myself." He began walking, you and Hux followed closely behind. 

—"Your father is a cunning man, Myra Ren. Yet, he thought playing a double agent for the First Order was going to grant him a way out of the mess he dug himself in. I suppose you weren't aware of the political scandal around him because you were away with Skywalker and nobody had the curtesy of telling you. Anyway, your father was caught meddling with the First Order through none other than Brendol Hux, who was, in fact, a dear friend of his. Now, why would Brendol try to kill one of his dearest friends? I thought it was because those were simply the treacherous ways of the Huxes." He looked back at Armitage with a smirk on his face, the redhead simply dipped his head in shame. 

—"But I soon discovered that Brendol was looking for his own way out of the First Order. He entered negotiations with both your parents, who led an investigation on all of the Huxes. They were to help him plead a case to the New Republic. Brendol Hux would give information on the First Order to the New Republic in exchange for pardon, but when Brendol discovered your father was looking to betray him and just hand him over without a trial, he decided to kill him. It clearly came out wrong as your saint of a mother was the one to get killed and he got out alive. How? He put the blame on your mother, planted bombs in his own house, and left her behind to die along with Brendol." 

Your blood boiled inside your veins, your leather gloves creaked under your balled up fists. 

—"His plan backfired, though. Brendol didn't die in the attack he, himself, planned. But this event didn't go unnoticed by neither the First Order, nor the New Republic. Of course, the New Republic, not having all the information, simply believed both your parents to be dead. However, the First Order found out about Brendol's treason and your father's wicked intentions." Snoke gestured towards Armitage. —"Phasma and my dear boy Armitage were the ones to eliminate Brendol, and I took it upon myself to search your childhood home, finding that your father had not died there.  _Presumed alive_ is what you read on your file. I simply presume him to be alive, but he's been leaving small tracks here and there. I could allow you into the search, if you'd like."

The angry frown on your face just wouldn't let up as you cautiously thought his words through. Your mind wandered back to the night Kylo had gotten the two of you lost in the woods of Starkiller Base. He'd said he'd only carved out that memory because Snoke told him it would  _lessen_ the loss of your father.

—"Come, now, child. Do you think it would have been wise to tell Kylo Ren your father was presumed alive?" He answered before you had a chance to even ask. —"Myra Ren, if you allow my opinion on it, I think you're yet to see some of your training through before coming face to face with your father." You knew that was his final say on the matter, so you limited yourself to simply nodding. —"Good." Snoke considered the two of you silently. —"Now, go." 

Hux and you politely sank your heads in thanks to Supreme Leader before walking out of the dungeons. You simply followed Hux, not really knowing how to get back to the rest of the Knights. Suddenly, you were softly hit by Hux's hesitation. Sensing he wanted to tell you something, you shielded him as best you could from Snoke's mind intrusion. He made a sharp turn in one of the halls, you followed behind him. The hall was completely empty, but still, Hux pulled you into a small conference room. 

—"What the hell?" He simply said with his fiery eyebrows knit together in a frown. He seemed to sober up at your surprised reaction. —"It wasn't you." At your still confused face, Hux continued. —"He lied. I didn't tell him anything."

You nodded. —"I suspected you hadn't. But you're not Force sensitive."

—"What is that supposed to mean?" Hux was quick to take offense on your remark. 

—"It means Snoke can freely look into your mind whenever he pleases. He'd have a much harder time doing it to us, but we're too scared of what would happen if we didn't let him in at all times."

Hux let out a huge anxiety fueled sigh as he pressed his palms to his temples. —"And you're telling me this now? Why not tell me before I showed you the damn file?" The redhead began pacing around the room. —"You don't know Snoke like I do. The man is simply waiting for the perfect moment he can grab me by the balls and squeeze them hard."

His metaphor made you laugh out loud. The angry glare he shot your way made you compose yourself. —"Relax, Hux. He's seen this as a minor offense. He's got bigger things on his plate at the moment."

—"Like what?" 

You hummed in thought. —"Well..." You began. —"He nearly killed two of the Knights out of anger yesterday." His eyebrows shot up in surprise. —"I do not condone his actions against the other Knights, but in all fairness, one of them tried to Force choke him."

The breathy laugh that emerged from him seemed almost sarcastic. —"Who was the idiot?"

—"You'll see them limping around base soon enough."

Hux's commlink went off. Someone called for him to make his way to the bridge. —"Excuse me." He said as he made a move to hurry out of the room.

—"Wait." You called. —"How do I get back to my quarters?"

He huffed in slight annoyance. He looked down at the wristwatch on his hand. —"I don't have time for this. Come along to the bridge. Ren will be needed there, too, so surely he will be there."

You couldn't help but roll your eyes as you followed behind Hux. His brisk steps had you nearly sprinting behind him. The way from the dungeons to the bridge was by no means short. You felt as though you'd been walking for nearly an hour when you finally arrived. Phasma stood there clad in her chrome armor. Hux and you stood next to her. She greeted you by curtly nodding your way, but nothing else. You could sense that the atmosphere was tense, but you didn't know why. Then, the hologram image of Snoke's head popped up in the middle of the room. His voice boomed as he greeted Hux and Phasma. 

—"Where is Kylo Ren?" He asked coldly as he stared at you.

When everyone else failed to answer, you decided to pipe in. —"I'm afraid I do not know, Supreme Leader."

—"Knight Myra, are you here to stand in his stead?" You shared a look with Hux. —"Go look for him, Myra. I trust you are more capable than General Hux." 

You sank your head in a firm nod and exited the room. You mentally reached out to Kylo, finding him in the East Wing of the base. You immediately cursed at yourself for not thinking of that before and avoiding walking into the bridge to make an idiot out of yourself in front of Snoke and all the officers that were at the bridge. You sprinted all over the halls of the base, noticing how the officers moved out of your way hastily, nearly scared.

A feeling of dread washed over you as you got closer to Kylo's Force signature. You could feel his conflict and anger. The feeling magnified as you began seeing jagged lightsaber marks all over the hall. A couple of stormtroopers sprinted away from a room that had sparks flying out, you'd found him. You walked towards the room urgently. Much like the last time that had happened, he seemed to have gone into a state of rage, but this time the scene actually sent a chill down your spine. The dead body of an officer laid limp on the floor as Kylo gave his back to it and slashed anything that got in his way.

—"KYLO!" You bellowed, he turned to look at you.

He gave a single brisk step towards you, your instinct was to draw back from him scared. He seemed to sense this, immediately snapping out of it and looking down at the hand holding his lightsaber. It slipped out of his hand and deactivated itself. He stood there, shoulders heaving, and looking at you with a broken look in his eyes.

—"What..." You began softly. —"What happened? Why did you--" You couldn't finish the sentence as you simply pointed at the corpse behind the two of you.

Kylo dared not look back, simply opting to shake his head repeatedly. —"Jedi killer." He said quietly. You looked at him confused. —"He called me the Jedi killer."

You pushed Kylo into the room and closed the blast doors. You tentatively reached out to touch his upper left arm. He tensed at first, then relaxed into your touch. Much like the last time you'd found him like this, Kylo's knees buckled under him, but you went down along with him. He looked broken past the point of breaking down crying. He seemed confused, like he were out of himself and trying to go over everything that had happened.

—"I don't know what's happening to me." Kylo said softly. His big hand touched the side of your face. —"Even you are scared of me." You shook your head softly. —"You are, don't lie to me. I could feel it the day I told you I loved you, and when you called me Ben Solo, and just there on the door I felt it, too." You stayed silent, shifting your gaze between Kylo and the body behind you.

You looked down as you remembered what you were here for. —"Snoke is looking for you at the bridge."

He cursed under his breath, standing in one swift motion and taking his lightsaber with him. He simply left you there, alone in that room and left to figure out what to do with the dead body. Surely, you would have to report it to Hux or find some way to hide it from him, which you knew was impossible. You stepped out, calling two passing Stormtroopers in and instructing them to dispose of the body. You searched the man for some sort of identification, taking a small card-like pass. You didn't even bother to look at the name in the card, instead opting to tell one of the Stormtroopers to make sure that it made its way into General Hux's hands.

Chills ran up and down your spine as a weird, uncomfortable feeling overtook you. He had killed someone over a silly nickname. His rage fits were getting proggressively worse, and the worst part of it all is that you were sure that is precisely what Snoke wanted. And after he killed that officer, he simply strode off to the bridge as if he hadn't literally killed a person. It worried you to no end that Kylo's mental state was so ever changing and unhinged that he could kill at the smallest provocation. That did set an edge on you, it justified the fear you'd been feeling when you were around him in one of his states of ire-fueled madness.

You finally walked back into the Knights' quarters. You walked straight to your room, finding Kana sitting there chatting idly with both Sax and Daeva. The three of them turned to look at you, their eyes never leaving you as you plopped down onto the chair at the corner of the room. A brief moment of silence passed between the four of you. They simply stared at you, as if patiently waiting for an explanation on your behavior. You kept your eyes fixed at a point in particular, staring at it distantly.

—"Please, speak." Daeva pleaded. —"It makes me anxious to see you like that." She continued. —"Did Snoke say anything about me?"

You turned to look at her. —"No."

—"Then, what happened?" Kana asked.

You sighed loudly. —"Snoke said some terrible things about my father. He explained what I read on the file." 

—"That sounds like it went well, then." She said simply. —"So, what's wrong, Myra? Don't think I'm letting you bottle it up."

You scratched at your temple, feeling uncomfortable. —"Kylo just killed an officer because he called him Jedi killer." Daeva hissed. —"I know, it's terrible. And they must be saying that about all of us."

—"Well, I didn't kill anyone." Kana said. Daeva shushed her obnoxiously.

You simply shook your head. —"Well, Kylo, Claec and I did. We are Jedi killers." You could feel their discomfort at your words. —"But, at least we had a motive to do it. Right now, Kylo is just killing out of anger. That scares me, he wasn't like this."

—"Don't be mistaken." Sax piped in for the first time. —"I remember Ben Solo, hell, I even remember you. Two kids, so filled up with Light everyone else felt grossly outshined. You're thinking of Ben Solo, I'd believe that, Ben Solo wouldn't kill just like that. I feel you need to accept that Ben Solo died back on Ossus and he's never coming back."

You frowned at his words, they were crude and hurt you deep within. Still, he spoke nothing but the truth. You looked into his eyes, deep green eyes. —"Have you looked at yourself in a mirror yet, Sax?"

—"Is that supposed to insult me?"

You chuckled mirthlessly. —"No." You shrugged. —"Your eyes are green, not golden." He looked taken aback, seemingly looking for a mirror to look at himself. —"You should try standing, there's a mirror in that bathroom." You pointed at the door on his left.

The man tentatively stood and walked into the bathroom slowly, a small limp in his right leg. You turned to look at Kana. —"Where are Claec and Kieran?"

—"They went down to one of the bigger training rooms." You simply nodded in response.

The main door to the quarters slammed shut. Kana tried to stand, but you motioned for her to sit back down. You knew it was Kylo, and you could tell he was  **pissed**. The three of you heard him stomping up the stairs and down the hall. There was a loud knock on your door. Before he even got a response, he opened the door. He looked straight at you, nosetrils flared. His hands were balled up into tight fists as he glared at you.

—"Come here." He said simply, voice even sounding soft. 

You dared not look at Kana or Daeva as you walked out of the room, delicately closing the door behind you. Kylo opened the door to his own room and gestured for you to get in. He closed the door and leaned against it with his arms crossed. He took in a sharp breath and let it out as a big sigh, then reached into one of his pockets and threw something your way. 

It was the card you'd taken from the officer's body. You looked back up at him with wide, scared eyes. You shrank a little as you took in the livid expression in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed that long chapter! I love to hear from you so please, let me know what you think! :)


	33. Ice Obsidian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's to reaching the 100k words mark! <3 Thank you all for reading. 
> 
> TW: for domestic violence! First segment of the story contains really graphic depiction of domestic violence, if this bothers you please begin reading from the second segment.

—"What are you playing at with him?" Kylo said as he shook his head, arms still crossed as he leaned against the closed door.

You frowned. —"Playing? With whom?" 

He huffed and rolled his eyes. —"You and Hux. The two of you seem intent on making me look bad in front of Supreme Leader, yet when you two fuck up you always come out clean."

You were sitting at the edge of the bed, anxiously fidgetting with your gloves. —"What happened?"

—"What happened?" He repeated mockingly. He stood up straight, throwing one of his arms to the side angrily. —"The fucking Stormtrooper YOU sent to snitch on the dead officer came to the bridge." You flinched slightly, looking down at your feet in shame. —"You know, the moment the Stormtrooper came in, I knew something was wrong. I just never believed you to be this stupid."

You were immediately thrown into an indignant mood. He was being unfair to you. It's not like you knew the Stormtrooper would go to the bridge looking for Hux, leaving the credential in his office would have sufficed. How were you to know that a damn Stormtrooper would dare interrupt a debriefing with the three people in charge of Starkiller Base?

—"And I never believed you would be so childish as to kill someone over a silly nickname." You muttered under your breath.

You thought you'd been quiet enough that Kylo wouldn't hear you. But when you were hit by the raw emotion of the anger that swelled within him, you knew you had been wrong. You cautiously looked up at him, a sneer displaying on his features, nosetrils flared and jaw tightly clenched.

—"What the fuck did you just say to me?" You dared not answer. In two single, fast strides, Kylo stood before you. He forcefully squeezed your jaw with one hand and made you look up at him. —"Is it easy for you? Having killed all those children, having burned some of your peers alive, snapped their necks? Are you that sadistic?" He tightened his hold on your jaw. —"Don't even answer that, I fear I might be too fucking disgusted by you if you do." Finally, he tossed your face aside.

You chuckled mirthlessly. —"You were the one to give out the order." His eyes narrowed at you as you stood from your spot at the bed. —"But I bet you're so weak that you try not to blame yourself for it." 

At that, he pressed his chest flush against you, trapping you between himself and the bed as the back of your thighs met the bed. —"How does it feel?" He began in a low, taunting voice. —"How does it feel to know Snoke brought you along just because he knew I wouldn't come along without you? He saw nothing in you but a slab of meat for me to play with."

A rush of anger coursed through you as you pushed at him with the Force. He stumbled back for a second, looking back at you with a crazy look in his eyes. Knowing you had fucked up, you made a quick move for the door. Kylo pulled at your ankle with the Force, making you fall on your side and knocking the air out of your lungs. Still, you struggled to get to the door. You fast crawled towards the door handle only to get your head yanked back as Kylo fisted a bunch of your hair in his hand. You took his hand with both of yours, viciously pressing your fingernails into his skin. He hissed as you pierced the skin on his wrist.

At the same time, there was a loud knock on the door. —"Kylo, please no!" It was Kana's voice. —"Open up!" 

As he got distracted, you moved out of his grasp. He reached out to grab you once more, but you called your lightsaber to your hand, promptly igniting it. He mirrored your actions, igniting that crackling, hilted saber. Kana's knocks and pleas became more erratic at the hum of your lightsabers. You simply tuned her out as you and Kylo circled each other, both trying to find an opening to give the first blow. In your panic, you forgot the essential rule of your preferred dueling form: never attack first. You lunged at Kylo, trying to stick your lightsaber in the corner were his blade met the hilted sides, looking to form a lever to disarm him. Kylo saw through your move, blocking with the upper part of his blade, then gliding it downwards, to where he could apply more strength. He pushed against you, using his higher height and weight to trap you. 

Desperate, you kicked at his shins. Your attempt at distracting him backfired as he took the hand with which you were holding your lightsaber and bent it at an odd angle until you dropped the blade. After that, he at least had the curtesy of turning his lightsaber off. You planted a solid kick to his stomach, but he grabbed you by the thigh and pulled on it, knocking you back on the ground. He straddled you, sitting on your stomach and then choked you with his bare hands. You struggled with your hands, trying to rake your nails against his face, but he easily stayed out of your grasp.

—"Why are you like this? Huh?" He asked as he lifted your neck a little and slammed your head back on the ground. You began hearing static. —"Why do you make me treat you like this?" 

You pleadingly grabbed at his forearms as your vision began to get clouded by dark spots. Your lungs burned as you struggled to get oxygen in them. Kylo slammed your head against the floor once more. —"Please." You said as you finally began to make wheezing sounds. —"I can't breathe." Your eyes filled with tears.

You had no other choice but to do that. You pushed into his head and into his brain, desperately looking for the living Force within him. You were attempting to Force drain him, and even if it hurt him, his grip on your neck never loosened. When you came upon the twirling energy, you pressed on it. After that, you pulled at that energy. You looked at Kylo, he looked at you. He knew what you were doing to him, and the panicked look in his eyes did not go unnoticed by you. Your mind drifted back to the last time you'd seen that look in his eyes, and coincidentally, it had also been the last time you had attempted a Force drain. Except, that time, he'd looked at you that way because you'd just lurched blood on his feet. Now, he looked at you that way because he was being witness to the raw strength you possessed in the Force, and the potential of destruction that you were capable of. 

Weakness. Attachment was weakness. That is perhaps the only thing the Sith and the Jedi had always agreed on. How terrible was it to be born a Force sensitive. Both a blessing and a curse. You were blessed with the ability to feel other people, convince them to do things even. Move things in the air, feel all the living energy that surrounded and binded everything and everyone around you. But, was it worth it? You were cursed with the inability to choose your own destiny, falling prey to the will of the Force only. You were sentenced to live out your life controlling every single emotion that cursed through you, all the while non-sensitives got to live normal lives.

And so, you let the man you loved go. Knowing that he couldn't or wouldn't have the same curtesy towards you, that stung all the way to your very soul. You felt the little living Force energy you'd pulled out of him drift back into place. Still, you knew that blood ran thicker than anything else. His ascendance, the Skywalkers, the Organas, the Solos even, were proud people, they would never admit to being wrong, never give up, never leave anything unfinished. So, you just weakly accepted the fact that you loved Kylo more than he loved you. He kept on choking you, even if you could sense the doubt within him, you knew he wouldn't just let you go.

Then, it happened. The hold on your neck was gone. You wanted to think he'd let you go, but when you became aware of the light pouring into the room, and the choking sounds coming out of Kylo, you wondered who had had the guts to finally break into the room. Your mouth ran dry and a sour taste clung onto your tongue as you turned to meet the icy glare of Supreme Leader. He kept Kylo in a Force choke for very long, not saying a single word and not even sparing a glance your way. You could hear the muffled sound of Claec's pleading voice under the static that rang at your ears. 

Everything blurred around you, but you still felt the urge to vomit. That would have to wait, as you slipped out of consciousness...

 

 

 

When you next came to, you felt dizzy and your vision was blurry. The back of your head pounded, no doubt because of the inflammation due to Kylo slamming your head on the floor. Your throat was dry, uncomfortably dry. That horrid thirst that you had somehow managed to push into the very back of your mind, came back with a relentless strength. You moved to press a hand to your eyes, the light above you proving too bright. After drawing in a deep breath, you became aware that someone was in the room with you, but the person was asleep. You could feel the peace coursing through this person as they slept. Still, you dared not open your eyes. Part of you was scared of having to face Kylo after what had happened. Not only because he had intended to kill you, but because it would hurt too much to look at someone who, you now knew, didn't love you that much. A single tear slipped down your temple and into your hair.

Finally, you turned on your side and looked at the person sleeping next to you. Armitage Hux sat on a hospital ward chair, head hung back, mouth slightly ajar. Even as he slept he looked a bit uptight, and that thought brought a small smile to your lips. The redhead was literally so uptight that he looked so even as he slept. You quickly shut your eyes as you heard the door to your room open. Still, the person walked over towards the stretcher, only coming to a stop as their hips hit the edge of the small hospital bed.

—"Let her rest, Claec." Armitage's sleepy voice called back from his spot at the chair.

You felt him shift against the stretcher. —"I worry for her." He said in a hushed voice. —"I can feel her broken heart from a mile away. She's in pain, I can tell."

A loud sigh emitted from Hux's mouth. —"Hell, even I can feel her tiny, broken heart." He stood and walked over to the stretcher as well. —"Do you think Ren can feel it?"

Claec huffed. —"Can he not?" He said sarcastically. —"He's been locked up in his room sulking ever since Snoke  **had** to intervene."

—"Might I ask what happened after that?"

—"Well..." Claec began. —"I wasn't there for the immediate aftermath because I was the one to bring her to the med ward. But, Kana said that Supreme Leader lectured all of them, then took Kylo with him. He came back with not one single scratch on him. I was livid." He sighed shakily. —"Snoke has choked her, stuck her with lightning, and all because she dared to give a single defiant breath in Kylo's direction. And he gets, what? A brief choking and a pat on the fucking back?!"

—"Lower your voice." Hux said quietly.

You stirred a bit, a hand immediately came to rest upon your forehead. Tentatively, you opened your eyes, looking at Claec's deep blue eyes looking down at you with a soft expression. You blinked repeatedly, trying to rid your eyes from the intensely bright light above you. Hux seemed to be aware of your discomfort, as he was quick to dim the light above you. The two of them stood next to the stretcher looking at you intently, as if waiting for you to say something.

Claec hummed, as if looking for the right thing to say. —"How are you feeling?"

—"I'm thirsty." You croaked out. Your throat still burned.

Hux was quick to exit the room, coming back seconds later with a cup of water in his hands. Claec helped you sit up, and only then did you really feel the pain at the back of your head from where Kylo had slammed your head on the floor. Hux offered the cup of water to you, you took it from his hand and slowly nodded your thanks. You drank the entire thing in one go. Hux called for you to go easy on the water, but he wasn't aware of the unclenchable thirst that you were suffering from. As you downed the whole thing, you handed the cup back to the General, who promptly set it on a small table. They went back to looking at you, as if anxiously waiting for you to break down or something of the sort. You knew that their concern came from a genuine place, but you couldn't help but feel annoyed by it.

—"How are Daeva and Sax doing?" You asked, just looking to break a bit of the tension.

Claec nodded. —"Very good. They have both recovered nicely."

You gave him a small smile. —"That's good." You rubbed at your throat. —"Has Supreme Leader said anything to them?"

—"Uh, no." He pulled his lips into a thin line. —"Actually, about that..." You frowned. —"Supreme Leader Snoke is waiting for you to recover to summon a meeting at his throne room. He said it was important."

You nodded softly as a sigh left your mouth. —"Good. Could you bring me some robes?" You said as you sat up. Hux set his hand on your knee. —"What?"

—"You should rest, Myra."

He frowned softly as you shook your head. —"I have rested for however long I've been here."

Claec shook his head disapprovingly, but still left the room to fetch your robes. Hux and you remained silent for quite some time. Simply staring at each other silently. You heard some ruckus at the entrance of the med ward. —"I want to see her! Let me see her!" Kylo bellowed in that deep voice of his. Your stomach instantly flipped. Hux protectively stood in front of you, facing the door as if silently waiting for Kylo to even  **dare** walk through that door. And that, he did. He slammed the door open, but before he even had a chance to set a single foot inside the room, Armitage Hux held a blaster pistol and pointed it at Kylo's head.

—"You take one step inside this room and I will shoot your collarbone." Hux said in that regal, commanding tone that was so classic of him.

Everything was silent except for Kylo's ragged breaths. You could feel his eyes on you, but you kept yours firmly fixed on the ground. —"Myra, please." Kylo began softly. —"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I don't know what happened, something in me just snapped. Please..."

—"Ren." Hux tried again. —"Leave."

—"I don't take orders from you!" You flinched at his raised voice. A wave of sadness traveled through the Force. —"You're scared of me." He said quietly in a broken voice.

The sound of Hux removing his blaster's security set you on edge. —"I will not ask again, Ren. Leave."

The longer that silence stretched on, the more on edge you felt. And so, you finally mustered the courage to look up at Kylo. You were met with a frowning face with his lower lip stuck out in a nearly childish pout. His eyes were puffy and red, no doubt from crying and not sleeping well. He looked so torn apart, it pulled at your heartstrings. You mentally chastised yourself for being so weak, for feeling too much for a man who had just recently been sure to choke you to death. You fought to keep your breathing normal, but the more you looked at him, the more erratic your heartbeat became.

You looked back down at your preferred spot on the floor. —"You should go." You said quietly in your raspy voice.

A shaky breath left Kylo, and little after that you heard the door to the med ward slam shut. Hux turned back to look at you, taking your shoulders in his hands, but you still refused to look at him. 

—"You should send one of the Knights to look after him. I just know that he will be slashing up your consoles any time now."

Hux chuckled heartily at your comment. —"Well, it seems that is something my technicians and I will have to grow accustomed to." A small but sincere smile crossed your lips. —"Tell me, Myra." He cleared his throat. —"Are you going to be okay?" 

—"I have recovered well enough, haven't I?" You spoke hoarsely. 

He shook his head, regaining his serious and stiff posture. —"You know that's not what I mean." You frowned softly. —"I've told you things no one else knows. You know I lived with my abuser, and you know how that turned out. Except, I fear you will NEVER have the same choice I did when I killed Brendol Hux. So, I will ask again. Are you going to be okay?"

You looked into Hux's worried eyes, suddenly thankful to have him around when Kylo broke into the med ward. After mulling over his words for some time, you nodded. —"I have five Knights and a General to look after me. I will do fine." Hux gave you a toothy smile, and you sincerely thought that was the first time you'd seen him smile genuinely.

Claec came in right that moment. —"Six Knights. Sax is a Knight, too, remember?" He set your robes and boots on the stretcher.

—"We'll leave you to ready yourself." Hux said as he walked towards the door.

Your fellow Knight stayed put. Earning him a questioning glance from Hux. You simply nodded at him, telling him you needed a moment alone with Claec. He nodded back at you and closed the door behind him. —"He was here." Claec said, cutting to the chase. —"How are you?"

You let out an exasperated sigh. —"I know you all mean well, but please stop asking me how I feel every five minutes. I'm not that fragile." You shook your head and looked down at your hands. —"I'm sorry. That was stupid."

Claec smirked softly. —"Oh, Myra." He hugged you against his chest. 

You could feel it coming. From the way your hands cramped, to the stinging behind your eyes. The trembling pout you had going on was precedent to only one thing. When the first sob tore out of you, Claec tightened his hold on you. You bundled up the front part of his robes in your fists. You thought back to the panicked look Kylo gave you as you attempted to Force drain him. It pained you, deeply, to think that the part that brought the most tears to your eyes about the whole ordeal, was the part in which  _you_ had hurt  _him_ , and not the other way around.

Deciding not to think of that, you began to calm down. But then, you thought of another thing, a single phrase that had kept you haunted.  _Presumed alive._ You knew Snoke was humble enough to simply presume him to be alive, but deep down, you knew your father was alive. He was out there, somewhere, anywhere. You had to find him, avenge your mother. How horrible must those years, in which you were away with Skywalker, have been for your poor mother. Living with a frigid, heartless man that wished nothing more but to advance in his career. Cost what it may. Well, now he just had to wait for you to find him, and it would finally cost him his life. A deep rage burned within you. Claec rubbed your back confortingly as you kept crying angry tears.

He was patient enough to let you fully calm down in his arms before he let you go. He wiped a single tear off your cheekbone with his thumb. —"We all share a training bond. And I think I speak for all of the Knights when I say the connection is stronger with you than it is with Kylo. I'm not saying we're taking sides or anything of the sort, just know all of us are here for you, okay?" You nodded and smiled softly, rubbing away any moisture left on your face. —"Okay." He said, smiling back at you. —"I'll leave you to it, then."

He walked out, closing the door after himself. You sniffled for a few, then promptly stood and rid yourself of the gown they'd changed you into in one swift motion. Claec had been nice enough to bring you some of your turtle-necked, loose robes. You'd be comfortable and able to conceal the damage Kylo had done to your neck. You slipped the robes on and then your boots. You walked out of the med ward with your head held high. Claec stood on the hallway, patiently waiting for you. Hux was nowhere to be seen. Claec asked you to follow him, you guessed you were going to see Snoke right then and there. 

After walking through the grey halls of Starkiller Base for a while, you finally came upon the big door leading to Snoke's makeshift throne room. Both you and Claec used the Force to push the door open. You walked down the hall, seeing that all the remaining Knights were there already. Not one of them chanced a look your way as Snoke spoke. His talking came to a stop as you and Claec walked towards the rest of the Knights. You stood next to Claec, Kylo stood at the opposite extreme of you. The two of you bent the knee in your customary greeting to Supreme Leader Snoke. 

—"Stand, Claec and Myra." He said. —"How are you, dear?" Snoke asked you. You responded by simply nodding. —"Good." He stood from his throne and began his customary pacing. —"I summoned all of you here for two reasons, children." He lifted a hand, his index finger up. —"One, because Sax here has proven to be quite the celebrity. Reports of his "kidnapping" are traveling all over the place. This got me thinking Kylo and Myra Ren were the children of important Senate figures, Daeva Ren has royal blood in her veins. This is why we will need more... privacy for the Knights. From now on, you will be required to wear helmets at all times, except when in your chambers or flying with no crew but only Knights. These will be delivered later this day to your quarters." The same lifted hand now held up the index and middle fingers. —"Two, I am planning an incursion into a Sith moon. Kalakar Six. Daeva and Sax were the ones I planned on taking with me, but due to recent events, Kylo and Myra Ren are coming along, too." 

You couldn't hear your heartbeat in your ears. —"Why?" You asked in a rush of fear. —"If it's not too much trouble asking." You hung your head down, looking at your feet in shame.

—"All of you, out." He gestured towards the two ends of the party with an extended arm. —"Except Kylo and Myra, of course."

Claec took a step forward. —"Supreme Leader, please--"

—"OUT!" He bellowed. All the Knights instantly cowered back and out of the room in mere seconds. You kept your head hung low, looking at your feet intently. —"Show me your neck, Myra." You looked up at him hesitantly. You hooked a finger in your turtle neck and pulled it down, revealing the nasty bruise there. You could hear Kylo hiss, but dared not look his way. —"I'm taking you along to end this. It is time for you to finish your training."

You could feel Kylo's tense energy. —"What does that mean?" He asked anxiously.

Snoke chuckled darkly. —"Relax, boy. I'm not killing her. She's one of my most valuable I couldn't bring myself to do that." Supreme Leader walked back to his throne and sat down leisurely. —"Anakin Skywalker met his end in the volcanic planet of Mustafar at the hands of his former Jedi Master, Obi-wan Kenobi. That is the planet where Darth Vader began and Skywalker ended. It is time for you two to kill your past selves. For you to fully embrace Kylo Ren and for her to fully embrace Myra Ren. Kalakar Six is a volcanic moon to the planet Dromund Kalakar. It will be of great interest, particularly to Myra, as this place used to be linked to the Prophets of the Dark Side." He sighed angrily. —"Now, children. Go pack, we leave tomorrow. And I beg you to stop this stupid game the two of you are playing at."

You sank your head in a firm nod, rushing out of the throne room in order to get a headstart on Kylo. You were beyond relieved when you came upon Daeva and Kana chatting idly outside the throne room. Daeva greeted you cheerfully, while Kylo simply walked down the hall and away from you. The two girls smiled heartily at you, and just like Claec and Hux had done back in the med ward, patiently waited for you to say something.

—"I'm fine." You simply said. —"Just really eager to sleep in my own bed."

Daeva chuckled softly. —"That can be arranged!" She said happily.

The three of you walked back to the Knights' quarters. And upon walking through the main door, you didn't even bother to check which of the Knights were in the living room, opting to simply walk up the stairs and down the hall into your room. Daeva and Sax had been nice enough to leave your room in pristine conditions. You wondered how the living arrangements were working now, was Sax sleeping in Daeva's room now? You guessed that would be the most likely option. You walked into your closet. Quickly packing some of your more heat-adapted robes in a sack, looking to finish before your exhaustion got the better of you. After deeming the luggage complete, you set it on the chair at the corner of your room. You slipped out of your robes and into your sleeping clothes. You left your lightsaber's hilt underneath your pillow and nearly instantly drifted off to a sleeping state.

You came back to when you heard a soft knock on your door, your hand immediately went to your lightsaber.

—"It's me." You heard Kylo's soft voice call from the other side of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! This first part of the story is nearly coming to an end. Please, please, please, let me know what you all think!
> 
> TW: for domestic violence!


	34. Banshee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read the modifications to last week's chapter, please do before starting with this one!

You held your lightsaber with shaky hands and white knuckles. Slowly and trying to make no noise, you got out of bed. You silently debated whether or not you should open the door, still fearing for your safety. It was sad to you how badly things had gone in such a short time. It stung that the person that you blindly trusted with your life had been the one to try to choke you to death. You tip-toed to the door, using the Force to make your steps even more imperceptible. And yet, your breathing was definitely going to be the thing to give you away. Ragged, but still trying to keep control over your emotions. You knew these feelings of fear and sadness would only serve to drive you deeper into the Dark side.

After taking in a deep breath, and putting on your brave façade, you opened the door, only slightly ajar but enough for you to see Kylo. However, you found you couldn't bring yourself to look at his face, so you kept your eyes firmly fixed on his boots. There was nothing but silence coming from both sides of the door. You could feel his eyes on you, and you knew exactly the expression that was plastered on his face without having to look. A mix of sadness and shame, that same look he had in the med ward a few hours prior. You chanced a look at his hands, he held something black and round, but it was dark out in the hallway and dark inside your room, so you couldn't quite make out what Kylo was holding.

He cleared his throat. —"The helmets came in earlier." He whispered. —"Uh..." You chanced a small glance at his face, but he was looking down at the helmet, before he looked back up, you fixed your eyes back on what you now knew to be a helmet. He extended it to you. —"This one is yours."

Instinctively, you cowered back a bit into your room. You felt the raw emotion of his sadness and regret, he, too, hesitated his offering of your helmet. You were quick to take it off his hands with a single hand, as the other one held your lightsaber. It proved too heavy to hold with a single hand. You nearly dropped it, but used the Force to keep it in place. —"Thank you." You said quietly and through gritted teeth. You guided the helmet to your bed with the Force.

Just as you were about to close the door on him, he sighed softly. —"One more thing." He reached into one of his robes' pockets, you gripped your lightsaber even tighter. —"I had these brought for you." He handed you two packs of bacta. —"They are high concentration. For... your neck." Kylo offered them to you, and hesitantly, you extended your hand.

He gently placed them there, his fingers brushing against your palm and sparking some electricity. You finally gathered the courage to look up at him. His eyes looked lost, you could tell he was deeply disdraught. The purple bags under his eyes, the trembling pout that made him look much younger than he already was, the pained expression he held in his eyes. Even if he was much taller than you, you could tell you made him feel so small right that moment. He needed your forgiveness, but you doubted you could give it to him. He'd overstepped a line that you hadn't even felt you needed to draw.

Without thinking, words started leaving your mouth. —"I feel so... afraid of you now." He slipped his eyes closed, letting out a shaky breath. —"And I don't mean to hurt you, I'm just... tired." He clenched and uncleched his jaw as he did when he was nervous. —"You know I'm holding my lightsaber so tightly but with shaky hands, and I just don't know how I'm going to get past this. I don't know if I can."

Kylo looked down, furrowing his brows tightly and his full rosy lips in a trembling pout. —"Please..." He said softly, setting his hand on the frame of your door, still looking down at his feet. —"I can't and won't force you to do it, but I will try every single day to win your forgiveness. I'm the stupidest person alive but I..." A small sob tore out of him. He looked at you with teary eyes, a single tear slipping down his left cheek. —"I love you, Myra." He bit his lower lips into his mouth in an effort to keep the trembling to a minimum.

You had been so entranced by his raw display of emotion, that you hadn't perceived Claec. His crackling lightsaber lit up, filling the hall with scintillating red light. He pointed at the side of Kylo's face. —"Go." Claec said dryly.

You held up your hand, now opening the door fully. —"It's okay. He came by to drop off my helmet. Kylo was just leaving."

He gave you one last sad look with those hauntingly ashamed brown eyes before walking back to his door. Claec refused to turn off his lightsaber until Kylo shut the door to his room. You placed your hand on Claec's forearm, nodding your thanks to him. It was very comforting to know that he was so alert and constantly looking out for you. It gave you a very firm sense of safety. He covered your hand with his, nodding back at you. Before leaving, he told you to rest, then went back into his own room. You silently shut your own door.

Once you were alone, you turned the light on, knowing fully well that you weren't going to be able to go back to sleep. You walked over to your bed, taking the helmet Kylo had given you in your hands and carefully inspecting it. To say that it was scary and threatening would have been an understatement. The mask had two hollow dents for eyes, two additional hollow lines that went over your cheekbones, a hollow triangle that covered your nose and mouth. It was all black, and had a small button at the left side of your jaw, just beneath your ear. You pressed it, curious as to what it would do. A small hiss emitted from the helmet, then a latch opened and lifted going from the cheekbones to the jaw. Now, there was enough room for you to squeeze your head inside the helmet. You swiftly put it on, pressing the buttons again and causing the latch to close. 

When you'd first seen the helmet, you simply assumed that it was going to be impossibly hard to breath in it. However, once you closed the latch, you found that it had a breathing apparatus inside, making it not only possible, but actually easier to breathe inside of it. You found the hollow dents it had for eyes also possessed a film that gave it nocturnal vision, as even with the lights to your room turned off, you were able to see clearly. Surely, that would come in handy on future sneak missions. The only possible disadvantage you perceived in the helmet was its weight. It wasn't heavy on the neck by any means, but due to the mangled state of your neck, you could feel the weight of the helmet as being a bit heavier than it really was.

You ventured into the room, excited to get a peek at what it looked like on you. You looked threatening, and if you'd perhaps been a bit taller, you'd look downright terrifying. You wondered what the other Knights' helmets looked like. Perhaps they were all the same? You sincerely doubted that, as Snoke had a knack for giving each one of you things to differentiate yourselves from each other. All of you even had different sets of robes, why would the helmets be any different? Still, this wasn't something that bothered you, quite the contrary, it pleased you that Supreme Leader didn't treat you like he did Stormtroopers. All of them, devoid of identities, simply numbers and letters to be discarded. 

You took off the helmet, silently staring at the mix of purples, blues and reds that covered your neck in one big bruise. You remembered the bacta packets Kylo had given you and ventured back into the room to take them. You opened the two of them, emptying one on the left side of your neck, and the second one on the right. Slowly and carefully, you massaged the bacta onto your skin. You did notice how this bacta was colder than any you'd used before. The feeling was refreshing, and the rawness of your skin was a little less notorious, but only regarding the pain it caused, your skin was still covered by the huge bruise. Still, you felt that it would be until tomorrow that you'd notice changes in the way it was healing.

After covering your neck with it, you discarded the two empty bacta packets. Then, you changed the top portion of your sleeping clothes for some tight, high necked top robes, only to keep the bacta in place and not getting it all over the place. You set the helmet down in the chair at the corner of your room, right on top of your already packed luggage. A wave of exhaustion washed over you, and you quietly walked back to your bed. After getting under the covers, it was a matter of simple minutes before you were out.

 

 

 

_You opened your eyes to find yourself standing in a dark room. All you could see was the silhouette of a short, caped person. Feeling an all-too-familiar vibe ebbing of this figure, you walked towards it. It turned around to face you, taking his hood off and revealing its face to you. A man with dark hair, a dark, thick beard that framed his face going from his mid cheeks to his jaw and a bit onto his neck. His sharp nose and dark eyes gave him a wise appearance. The realization suddenly hit you. You hadn't seen him in so long that you thought he'd given up on you. It was Kadann, the former Supreme Prophet of the Dark Side. The last time you'd seen him was about a week after you'd recovered his holocron back in Bosthirda._

_There was something about him, you could feel some sort of negative emotion coming from him, but you didn't know if you'd describe it as anger or simple displeasure. He simply stood there, in front of you. He looked at you, and seemingly straight through you. He seemed to be studying your inner Force energy, as if he were silently testing you, deciding if he still deemed you useful enough to succeed him. But really, hadn't you already become his successor by the simply act of being born?_

_—"You drained recently." He said impassively. —"Why?"_

_You swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling inappropiate under his gaze. —"I was nearly killed." You looked down at your feet. —"I didn't drain though, I simply attempted to do it, then gave up mid-drain."_

_He nodded slowly. —"I have foreseen your stay in Kalakar Six." You frowned. —"This will be the final step you take before fully embracing your destiny as Prophet." You wanted to ask him how he knew that, what he'd seen, but before getting the chance to do so, he simply shook his head at you. —"I cannot tell you any of that, simply because I myself do not know. I'm unaware of the hardships you will be submitted to, but I have seen you finally become the Prophet."_

_—"Will you show me what you've seen?" He stayed silent for some time, seemingly considering your request._

_Finally, after some time spent in silence, Kadann gave a single solemn nod. The darkness that surrounded the two of you began to shift. Slowly, everything went from pitch black to different hues of yellow, orange, red and brown. Little by little, the volcanic enviroment of Kalakar Six began to take shape around the two of you. Kadann and you stood at the top of a big volcanic rock. At the distance, you could make out a silver platform that led into some sort of facility. You held no doubt in your mind that that would be the place where you'd be staying for quite some time. The planet knew not of silence, as your ears were continously hit by the thick sound of flowing lava, distant explosions, and the bursting of gas bubbles that formed at the surface of the boiling lava._

_Four people walked out of the facility and onto the platform. You were much too far to be able to make out the faces of two of those people, but you did recognize yourself and Supreme Leader Snoke to be standing amongst those four people. One of the people you didn't recognize was being held in cuffs, the other unknown person held them by their wrists. The captive one was kicked on the shins, aggressively forced to dip down onto their knees. You could see Snoke begin to pace behind you, as he did when he talked you through tasks, chided you for mistakes, or even when he went into his endless but not boring monologues._

_A few minutes went by and everything remained the same, Snoke paced, you listened, the captive stayed on their knees and the other person stood quietly, hands behind their backs, as they waited for this to be over. Suddenly, the distinctive silver light that your lightsaber emitted brought your attention back to the scene unfolding before you. Supreme Leader Snoke had stopped his pacing, instead opting to stand straight behind you. The uneasiness you were feeling was nearly palpable in the thick, hot air surrounding you and Kadann. You watched as the version of yourself that stood at a very far distance twirled her lightsaber expertly. It felt like the next few seconds went by horribly slowly. That silver lightsaber was lifted and slowly brought back on the person that kneeled before you, but before your blade made contact, the image shifted once more._

_A big, dark room adorned in lavish details of gold and platinum appeared before you. Supreme Leader Snoke stood at the center, clad in golden robes and wearing a satisfied smirk on his face. You were kneeling down before him, much like you did in your customary greeting. Kylo, Daeva and Sax stood behind you, leaving you kneeling between them and Snoke. You could see Snoke's mouth moving, but no sound came out of it, not even muffled words. You chanced a questioning glance towards Kadann, but he wouldn't look at you. Supreme Leader offered a lightsaber's hilt to you, and after standing and taking it in your hand, you lit it up, reavealing a golden blade._

_Once more, the image shifted, and you were back in the complete darkness that Kadann had welcomed you in. You felt confused, you didn't know what to make of the images he had shown you. Perhaps it had been completely consciously done. He gave you the satisfaction of showing you what you wished to see, but somehow still managed to keep everything he showed you inconclusive. It was hard to draw any conclusions after what you had seen. Apparently, you were set to kill someone and then get a golden lightsaber. Why? You didn't know. When? You didn't know that either._

_—"I don't understand." You flatly admitted before Kadann._

_He remained silent for some time as he simply stared at you. —"You must meditate. Only then will you begin to understand your place in all of this." Kadann nodded at you. —"I, for one, do actually believe that your Master has your best interests looked after. It's the boy whom I don't trust."_

_You frowned. —"What boy? Kylo?" The tone of urgency that laced your questions made you inwardly cringe at yourself._

_—"No, not him." He gave you an accusing look. —"Ben Solo. I don't trust Ben Solo, and neither should you. When the time comes, Ben Solo will be the one to dispose of you and have another take your place. Beware of him."_

_You couldn't help the huff that accompanied your unbelieving smirk. —"Ben Solo is slowly dying, Kylo Ren will take his place."_

_Kadann shook his head. —"Dear girl, you know as well as I do that Solo is in there, alive and well. If he weren't, you wouldn't have those bruises around your neck." You sank your head in shame. —"Beware of him." He repeated before dissolving into dust, leaving you completely alone in the oppressing darkness._

 

 

 

When you next woke up, you were feeling exhausted. Kadann's words had just served to cement your newfound distrust of Kylo, and in all honesty, that was wearing you down hard. If you coupled that up with the recent news of your father being  _presumed alive,_ it was really no wonder you were feeling so tired. And yet, you knew your duty to your training was far more important than any personal issue you might have been carrying with you. So, you got out of bed and jumped into the shower, knowing fully well that it was still too early for you to be up. As you got out of the shower, you tried your best to avoid your reflection in the mirror. Seeing that bruised neck was a simple reminder of how weak you'd been, how guided by your feelings you'd been. You quickly slid on your high-necked robes, your belt, and clipping your lightsaber to your hip. You pulled your hair into a flat bun, knowing that it would be the only way to be able to put on your new helmet. 

You made your way out of your room with your helmet under your arm. After walking down the stairs and into the kitchen, you took the datapad on one of the counters. It was barely 5:00, no wonder the kitchen and living room were so empty. You didn't want to be alone, but you were certain there was only one person in this whole base that would be up that early. Mentally, you reached out to look for Armitage Hux. You found him in his office, the place where he'd shown you your file. Before leaving, you pulled your helmet over your head, and then, you made a move for the door.

—"Where are you going?" Kylo's sleepy voice called from the top of the stairs.

You looked up in his direction. He was rubbing at his eyes, several locks of black hair standing at odd angles. —"Out for a walk." You were instantly taken aback by the sound of your voice. A robotic one came out instead of your own.

You could tell Kylo was, too. —"Huh, I didn't know they could do that." He started making his way down the stairs. —"Just be sure to be back soon, we leave in three hours. I don't want you being late again, Daeva."

So that was why he was being so casual to you. Still, you couldn't bring yourself to say anything else to him. You simply let him believe you were Daeva and exited the Knights' quarters. As you made your way to Hux's office, you did notice the severely more scared looks that were being shot your way by officers and Stormtroopers alike. You didn't really blame them, the helmet was indeed a very grim sight. That, coupled with the imposing nature of the dark robes and the ever-so-present threat that having your lightsaber strapped to your hip imposed to anyone who walked past you.

After a couple minutes, you found yourself in the hall leading to Hux's office. You knocked on the door, Hux called for you to come in. You pushed the door open, then closed it behind you. Hux looked up at you, his eyes widened almost immediately. —"Can-can I help you?"

You chuckled heartily as you took the helmet off. You smiled as you saw him visibly sigh in relief. —"They're scary, huh?"

Hux smirked. —"Imposing, at most." You shook your head, a smirk of your own playing at your lips. Hux gestured at the chair across from his spot at the desk. —"Sit, please." You did as asked and plopped down on the chair in front of him. He looked at his datapad. —"So, to what do I owe this early visit?"

You shrugged. —"I came by to say thank you." Hux's orange eyebrows shot up in surprise. —"For yesterday, and however many days I was at the med ward. You're a good friend, Hux. Thank you for being there."

—"You know there is no need to thank me, Myra." He said non-chalantly, but you didn't miss the small smile that formed at his lips. He kept his attention at his datapad all the time you had been there.

—"There is something else." He finally looked up to you. —"We'll be leaving for Kalakar Six in a few hours."

He frowned. —"Supreme Leader has told me nothing of this." Hux pinched his chin between his thumb and index fingers as he looked at you intently. —"Did he say for how long?" You shook your head. —"What is he taking you there for? And who is 'we'?"

—"Daeva, Sax, Kylo and myself." His frown was a full-on scowl now. —"He said he was taking us there to finish our training."

Hux sighed heavily through his nose as he shook his head. —"Something's out of place." You tilted your head to the side questioningly. —"There to finish your training, but he's only taking four of you? Plus, he's not taking Claec? He's leaving one of his favorites behind, that doesn't make any sense."

—"So, what do you think this is then?"

He glanced at you from beneath his knitted eyebrows. —"Punishment." Your eyes widened in surprise. —"Maybe not for you or Sax. But, Ren and Daeva have had some recent significant faults against Leader Snoke."

You shook your head. —"What you're saying makes sense to me, but yesterday I had a vision. I will complete my training, I don't know how yet, but I've seen myself finishing my training."

Hux considered you curiously. He leaned back on his chair, still staring at you intently. —"Was Ren there?" You nodded. —"What was his role?"

—"He simply stood there." You frowned. —"Why do you ask?"

He shrugged. —"Working for Supreme Leader Snoke is complicated. He knows of many things, and as a non-sensitive, I am sometimes get caught at a disadvantage with his ramblings about the Force. So, I've done some research of my own. Snoke can only take an apprentice at a time, and he's basically taken you and Ren at the same time. I believe he's pitting you up against one another."

You nodded softly. —"Kylo and I have thought of that as well, but Snoke has been explicit about his intentions with my training. I am to be trained in my foresight abilities by him only, the rest of my training falls in Kylo's hands."

Hux limited himself to simply nodding with his lips drawn into a thin line. He clearly disliked how things were turning out. —"Just be careful, Myra. Ren... he's not who he used to be." He shook his head, eyes downcast and hands with fingers intertwined. —"And neither is Snoke."

You shushed him. Hux seemed indignant, his blue eyes shooting you an icy glare. —"You need to stop saying those things, thinking those things! Snoke can look into your mind, and unlike me, you can't shield certain parts of it. You're putting yourself in danger, Hux!"

He looked at you with worried eyes, bordering on helplessness. —"Then help me!" You could feel him refrain from running his hands through his perfectly combed back hair. He opted to stand from behind the desk to cope with his stress, silently pacing, much like Snoke did when he was growing impatient. —"There must be something you can do to make me stop doubting him so much."

A sudden thought ocurred to you. Just as Kylo had done to slowly begin to forget Han Solo, Hux could do to forget his disappointment in Supreme Leader. You had to break into his mind and gather every single memory in which he felt let down by him. It was the only way to build Armitage Hux back into the fully committed to the cause army man he was. Still, you feared that Snoke would notice the missing memories, for only Kylo and you knew how to perform that ability, and he very well knew that Kylo would do no favors to the General. Plus, it would pain him greatly, but knowing him, you simply knew that he'd want you to do it either way.

—"There is something I can do." You said quietly, almost shyly. —"It will hurt, and it will require great concentration from both you and I." His immediate frown called for you to further explain what you planned on doing to him. —"I can break into your mind and delete some memories. Try to think of everything that had made you doubt Supreme Leader, every single little thing. It's the only way."

Almost instantly, Hux slipped into deep thought, surely knowing you had precious little time to actually be able to delete the memories. You limited yourself to remaining silent, trying your best to keep your mental energy as quiet as possible, so as not to unconsciously distract him. Armitage Hux was a very proficient and efficient man. He succeeded in most his pursues and did so in excellent quality and form. So, it didn't exactly surprise you when it took him little more than three minutes to gather all of his thoughts correctly. Truly, you suspected this man had some form of obsession with order, yet it was a very highly functional way of going about things. You thought that Starkiller Base was perfect proof of that. You'd met Hux little over a year ago, and in that time, he'd climbed ranks from being a simple Colonel to an Admiral, then, a powerful General in charge of a whole base of operations.

Armitage nodded at you firmly, with pure determination in his eyes. Still silent, you stood from your spot and walked over to Hux's side of the desk. You shot one last reassuring look at him before pressing your fingers to his temples and pressing into his mind. The creaking of the leather armrest being intensely squeezed as his hands became claws didn't escape your ears. You were determined to make the process as quick as possible, both for Hux's sake and your will to be early so as not to arouse any suspicions. He'd done an exemplary job at gathering everything together, not only had it been easy for you to find the memories, but piling them together had been exceptionally quick. You caught glimpses of some memories, most of them regarding his father's time in the First Order. But, you'd learned from your mistakes and paid no attention to Hux's personal motives for losing trust in Snoke.

It surprised you, truly, how little Hux resented Snoke for all the shit he'd put him through. It also surprised you to see how noble Armitage Hux was under that harsh exterior he projected. Something within you softened as you came upon the memory of you dragging out his past for Snoke. You were glad that he was putting that behind yourselves. Quickly and swiftly, you compressed all the memories he'd presented you with together. Hux ground his teeth together, you tried to send as much reassurance as you could through the Force. Then, in one firm stroke, you rid him of any and all disappointing or humiliating memories he possessed of Supreme Leader Snoke. A cold sweat had broken in him, covering the crown of his head and making the palms of his hands stick to the leather armrest.

You allowed him some time to recover, quietly watching him as he tried to regain his breath. He looked up to you, eyes weak and tired. You could tell he was in pain, and you wondered if you should speak first or wait for him to say something. The two of you became startled as there was a knock at the door. Quickly, you took your seat in front of his desk once more. He desperately tried to regain composure, wiping sweat off his forehead and taking one last deep breath that came out as a single sigh before looking absolutely pristine and professional once more. He was so in control of himself that you, at times, found it way more perplexing than Kylo's temper tantrums.

The door slid open, Claec's tall, lanky frame stood at the door. He wore his helmet, which you could describe as a full-on warrior's helmet. It had a miniscule horizontal slint at the eyes, the rest of the helmet was covered in durasteel, which had a pattern of squares all over. Claec walked into the room and shut the door behind himself, quickly taking his helmet off. —"Myra." He said simply. You nodded. —"You're running a bit late. Kylo, Daeva and Sax are on their way to the hangar. I came to get you, Kylo wanted to do it, but I figured it would be better if I did." You nodded once more, but still remained sat. —"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"

—"No." Hux said, not necessarily immediately. —"She came by to thank me for yesterday and say goodbye." He stood. —"At any rate, I don't wish you to be late, Myra. It was nice speaking to you. I wish you luck."

You stood as well, taking your helmet off Hux's desk. —"Thank you, General." You said, flashing him a small smile before slipping the helmet back on. 

Claec did the same before opening the door for you. The two of you strode through the halls of Starkiller in a hurry. No words were exchanged between the two of you all the way from the higher echelons' offices to the main hangar. Once in there, it didn't take you long to find the other Knights and Snoke. The four of them were wearing black robes, something you didn't see Supreme Leader Snoke in often. The man shot a mildly disapproving look your way, but it softened once you were closer to the lot of them. They all wore their helmets. Daeva's helmet was identical to yours, which explained Kylo's confusion earlier that morning. Kylo's had a slint at the eyes, significantly thicker than Claec's, and it was surrounded by silver lines. Sax's helmet had two thin slints that were separated by the top of the breathing apparatus in it.

—"Thank you, my boy." Snoke said to Claec, who simply nodded and silently left. —"Children, all of you will have a role in this long flight." The man placed his hands behind his back as he addressed the four of you. —"Kylo Ren will, of course, be the pilot. Myra, I want you to serve as co-pilot." You nodded after swallowing thickly, not sure if you were ready to be that close to Kylo. —"Daeva, I wish you to fully inspect the mechanics of the ship. Sax, you are to inspect the weaponry." After the other pair nodded, Snoke continued. —"As I've told all of you, Kalakar Six is a volcanic planet. In addition to the robes you've brought, I had heat resistant ones made for all of you. You will find them in your respective cabins. The room arrangements will be by gender, I want Daeva and Myra in one room and Kylo and Sax in another. Understood?"

—"Yes, Supreme Leader." The four of you said in unison, an eerie chorus of robotic voices filling your ears.

He simply nodded to the lot of you before motioning to one of his onix ships. This one was much bigger and grand than any of the others he had lent you for missions. Snoke had a taste for luxury, and you silently wondered who this man had been before you met him. As the four of you boarded the ship, you took notice of how none of the other Knights were there to see you off. Perhaps it had been under Snoke's orders? Or maybe the other Knights resented the four of you for getting to go off base? You guessed it was probably the latter, as Snoke had sent Claec to fetch you, but he had been prompt in leaving the hangar.

Either way, you centered yourself into carrying out your task as co-pilot as quick as possible, just to be able to get out of Kylo's way. The two of you sat in the cockpit, quietly punching in the necessary commands to begin the take off sequence. Kylo, as perfectly as ever, guided the ship out of the planet's atmosphere. Then, you both made the calculations needed to get to the Esstran Sector, particularly to the Dromund System. It was far, as the moon you were visiting was fairly close to Korriban, you expected the flight to last about a day. Surely, you weren't really looking forward to being couped up in a ship that long. Particularly because Kylo's presence put you a bit on edge, not to mention Snoke was aboard, too.

Finally finishing the calculations, Kylo punched them in quickly. He lifted the lever in the middle of the console up, there was a pull, and then, the familiar blue and white swirl of hyperspace filled the small cockpit. You made it a point to leave the small cabin as quickly as possible, going down the hall and into the room Daeva had taken for the both of you. She was simply laying on the bed. Upon your entrance she scooted over to make room for you. Still feeling tired, you decided to take a quick nap. 

It was a long, arduous road that was ahead of you. Your training would be completed, not only you, but Kadann had also foreseen it. Everything would be okay, at least that's what you tried to tell yourself as you slowly drifted into easy sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! The chapters have been getting longer (and I hope better, too) and I have been taking a longer time to update than I used to have. I promise once I get a bit less busy I will upload every day, as I did at the beginning of this story. I always love hearing from you guys, so let me know what you think <3


	35. The Road Less Traveled

You were woken up by that familiar uncomfortable pressure at the back of your neck. Still half asleep, you stumbled out of bed, opening the door and following the beckoning to a room at the end of the hall. Before opening the door, you expected to be met by the other three Knights aboard and Snoke, but instead, only Kylo and Supreme Leader were there. Kylo stood with his hands behind his back, freely turning around to look at you as you entered the room. You took that as a signal that Snoke didn't need you to bend the knee in the customary greeting, so you simply went to stand next to Kylo. You placed your hands behind your back, as Kylo had, and sank your head in a greeting nod. Snoke returned the gesture, he was sitting in a chair that oddly resembled his throne. He sat with his head propped up on his fist, arm resting on the elbow, as he did when he was bored.

—"I am displeased, children." He said simply. —"You see, Myra. Ren, here, refuses to tell me what happened that night that led him to... do that to you." He gestured at your neck. —"He leaves me with no other choice, but I will let  **you**  choose." Snoke's icy blue eyes visibly darkened as he leaned forward in his chair to look at you. —"Would you rather have me extract it from him, or will you tell me?"

You stood up straight. You knew that if Snoke dragged the memory out, it would hurt Kylo immensely. He deserved it, but somehow, it felt wrong to do that to him. He was a piece of shit, he'd been nothing but an asshole to you recently. Still, you knew you were the better person. You looked at Kylo, his face was impassive, as if silently asking you to say yes. It was almost as if he needed the atonement if you weren't giving him your forgiveness. It confused you, truly. Why would Snoke have you choose? Was this him trying to let you have your revenge? He knew, as well as you and Kylo did, that you weren't able to beat him in duel or a simple fight, the state of your neck was proof enough of that. You looked down at your feet, suddenly feeling too overwhelmed by the choice being presented to you.

Silence filled the room, but you finally decided to speak up. —"I'll save you the trouble, Supreme Leader." You said shyly, still looking down at your feet. —"I made a small mistake that day." You heard Kylo sigh from his spot next to you. —"Surely, you must know what Kylo did to that officer." Snoke nodded. —"Well, I thought it would be fair to inform General Hux of the loss in his ranks, so I sent a Stormtrooper to inform him of this. I accidentally omitted the important detail of telling him to wait for Hux at his office. The Stormtrooper went to the bridge, that is all I know."

Supreme Leader gave a mocking huff, a devious smirk playing on his lips. —"Let me fill in the gaps for you, girl." You swallowed thickly as his anger was palpable in the room. —"I do not take kindly to anyone who dares kill my personnel. When the Stormtrooper announced himself and gave the card to Hux, I demanded to know what was happening. Armitage told me in a heartbeat. I had Kylo Ren demoted from his position as Commander of Starkiller Base, leaving him with his title as Master of the Knights of Ren only." You glanced at Kylo, not being able to meet his gaze, you looked down at your feet in shame. Snoke chuckled darkly. —"You feel guilty! Even after all he did to you, you feel guilty." Supreme Leader shook his head disapprovingly. —"Honestly, Ren, it is quite unnerving how ungrateful you are of this girl's loyalty to you."

You flinched as lightning traveled from the tips of Snoke's fingers. At first, you thought they were directed your way and you felt confused when you didn't feel the scorching pain of Force lightning. Still, you felt a twinge of pain as Kylo's traveled through the Force. He felt it so intensely, that some of it slipped through your bond and into your own body. You directed your gaze at Snoke, silently pleading him to stop. Kylo contorted in pain on the floor, grunting through gritted teeth. You looked back at Supreme Leader, he simply stopped, gesturing towards Kylo's still shaking form.

—"Get him out of my sight." Snoke said nonchalantly as he sat back on his chair. You stayed frozen in your spot, simply looking at Snoke, until he shooed you away with a flick of his hand.

Kylo was huge, he was tall, had broad shoulders, and long, muscular arms and legs. You knew it would be humiliating, for both of you, to have you drag him out of Snoke's makeshift throne room. Snoke knew this as well, you could tell from the way he eyed you down with that mocking smirk. The Force would have to do for now. And so, you used your abilities to lift Kylo, keeping him frozen as you made his body hover. It took lots of concentration from your part, as you had to make an extra effort not to drop his heavy weight. You turned to leave, trying your hardest to ignore the way the hairs on your back stood under Snoke's gaze.

Just as you were about to exit, you froze on your spot. —"Please, do come back after you've taken care of Ren." He said coldly before letting go of his Force hold on you.

—"Yes, Supreme Leader." You managed simply.

He was kind enough to open the door for you as you still held Kylo in the air. Your mind was a whirlwind as you left the room. On one part, the hall was deserted, so you were able to hear Kylo's ragged but weak breathing. You could also feel his pain through the bond, which somehow, had gotten stronger as of late. You wondered if maybe Kylo's regret was making his feelings for you to deepen. There was a sick sense of pleasure laced to those words. You knew it was unhealthy to keep this going, but the pull was far too strong for either of you to resist. The two of you had been together for as long as you'd had memory. Raised together as children, trained together through the rest of your childhood and your teens, then fell to the Dark side little by little together. 

You pushed open the door to Kylo's and Sax's room. Sax immediately sat up, trying his best to see what was happening in the dark. He was kind enough to turn the lights on, then helped you carry him with the Force to the bed. He silently exited the room as you unfroze Kylo, but he simply stayed limp, breathing still ragged. You held a pained expression in your face as you looked around for bacta. Sax came back in with lots of bacta packets, gave them to you, and then left again. He didn't even give you a chance to thank him. You knelt down beside the bed, taking care of the lightning marks on Kylo's neck first. He hissed softly as the bacta made contact with his burnt skin. You pulled his collar down, no marks there. You pulled his shirt up, no marks on his torso, or his arms. Snoke had struck him on the neck only, which brought a sour taste to your mouth. Somehow, you were still glad it hadn't been you.

Kylo said something under his breath that you didn't quite catch, so you asked him to repeat himself. —"I'm sorry..." He sighed deeply. —"For all that I've done to you." His hand weakly moved to cover yours, you wanted to snatch it out from under his, but something kept you there. —"He's right, I don't deserve you." You remained silent and unable to meet his gaze as you kept applying bacta to his wounds with your free hand. —"Please... say something." You finally looked at him, his eyes were pleading. —"I'd rather have you tell me you hate me than this cold silence."

You looked into his eyes, feeling utterly confused. What was it with him that he had to make everything so goddamn complicated? You opened and closed your mouth several times, thinking of many things you wanted to say but ultimately deciding against every one of them. —"I just don't know what to say to you." 

He pulled his lips into a thin line. —"I'm sorry." Kylo kept silent for some time as you finished applying the bacta to his neck. —"I can feel your sadness, you know? The same way you felt my pain earlier."

—"I know you can." You said simply. —"If I could stop it I would." You suddenly sighed, growing to fed up with letting Kylo get away with this and simply seeing you sad and scared. —"You know, this is the last thing I needed." You said pointing at your neck. —"I find out my father is  _presumed alive,_ see you kill an officer and then you try to kill me! I have always been there for you! I'm here for you right now! The least I expected from you was a bit of patience and love, not have you try to murder me!" You could help the louder volume in your voice as you finally called Kylo out on his shitty behavior.

His brown eyes locked on yours. —"I tried to kill you?! You tried to Force drain me!" He said indignantly.

—"I told you I couldn't breathe! You kept on choking me, what was I supposed to do?! Patiently wait for you to kill me?!" You stood swiftly. —"I have better things to do than sit here and hear you blame me for  **this**." You said as you showed him your bruised neck. He squeezed his eyes closed and flinched. You threw the remaining bacta packets in your hands at him and left the room, slamming the door behind you.

You angrily walked back up the hall to Snoke's throne room. How could he be so dense? You honestly couldn't believe Kylo could be that stupid. You could at least accept your part of the guilt. You had tried to drain him, but only in a desperate attempt to get him to stop choking you. Still, you realized only then that if you hadn't been able to hold back your thirst, you could have actually killed Kylo. It troubled you immensely, you were just glad you'd been in control that night. That wasn't something Kylo could say about himself. A memory of the terrified expression on his face as you drained him flashed across your mind. It made you angry that you couldn't help but feel guilty about that. You wondered if perhaps Kylo got flashes of your helpless face when he thought about it. You guessed he did.

Your knuckles hit the door repeatedly as you knocked. The door opened almost instantly, and you walked into the room calmly. Snoke was still sitting on his throne with a bored expression on his face. A chill ran down your spine because, if you had learned anything in your time with the First Order, it was that the Supreme Leader was a dangerous man when he found himself in a state of boredom. You sank the knee in your customary greeting for your Master. He ordered you to stand and you did so with no hesitation. He tapped the balls of his fingers rhythmically against the armrest of the throne as he silently looked at you.

—"I wish to show you something." He said suddenly. Snoke stood from his throne and slowly sauntered over to you. He stood next to you, both of you facing to the front. His bony, pale hand lifted in the air, you looked at it warily. Then it flashed before your eyes, first it was like a small spark, then a thin blue line, then a full-on ray of lightning. It emanated so beautifully from his fingers, and scarily, so effortlessly. And as quick as it had appeared, it was gone all of a sudden. —"Try it."

You frowned in confusion, but dared not meet his eyes. Obediently, you lifted your hand as he had. —"Think of something that brings you great pain and anger." He said quietly, almost crooning. The image of your file came to mind immediately.  _Presumed alive._ Your jaw clenched, and your stomach burned with anger-fueled bile. —"Good. Now, focus the physical pain you're feeling and guide it to your fingertips." 

You tried your best, managing to guide some of the pain in your stomach up your throat and down to your collarbones. However, when you got to your elbows, it was suddenly completely gone. You hadn't noticed how much effort you were putting into it until you gasped for air. —"I couldn't do it."

Snoke shook his head disapprovingly. —"You're too tired." He said with finality. Supreme Leader slowly walked back to his throne, then sat on it and looked back at you before resting his head on his fist. —"I, as well as your fellow Knights, have been witnesses to something spectacular." He began slowly, but somehow you could hear it was pride in his voice. —"When I broke into Kylo Ren's bedchambers, you were trying to drain him. I knew you wouldn't be able to do it out of affection, so I didn't stop you. But what I saw in you left me... perplexed." He shifted his position, placing his chin above his fist as he looked at you. —"Those eyes of yours, they can hold so much patience and tranquility at times. Yet, when I opened the door, you were so entranced with attaining that raw energy from Ren, that they held nothing but hatred and fear. They were glowing an angry golden, as Sax's had when you rescued him."

A nearly imperceptible gasp left your mouth as your lips parted. —"Why does that happen?" You asked with a frown, looking down at the floor in sudden confusion. —"Why are they not golden anymore?"

He smirked, seemingly satisfied that you had no knowledge of that. Why had no one told you about that? Claec had been there, but he'd said nothing. —"In times of the Jedi Order, it was known that Sith lords had golden eyes. This happened because Sith were Force users that fully immersed themselves in the Dark side of the Force. Your body couldn't withstand such great amounts of Dark side power, and your eyes were the first to degrade." 

—"Why are your eyes not golden, Supreme Leader?"

Snoke chuckled. —"They used to be." He began, standing once more. —"A long, long time ago. They went away, all because I found that true power lies not in the Dark side..." You lifted one of your eyebrows inquisitively. —"Nor does it lie in the Light side, but in the thin line that is the middle, the Balance." He paced. —"Which is why I try to keep all of you in the center."

You nodded slowly. —"Then why have me try a Dark side ability?"

He tilted his head to the side as he considered you. —"Because believe me, child, I have enough energy on both sides of the Force to drag you back to the center any time I see fit. Worry not about going Dark beyond recognition as Sax had. I can sense that vivid fear in your mind." Your eyes widened softly as you noticed that Snoke knew of fear you held that not even you knew about. He was in deep, reaching all the way to your subconsciousness. —"Now, go rest, Myra Ren. I need you strong for tomorrow's landing."

You gave a single firm nod before turning to exit the room. You opened the door with the Force, walking down the hall quietly. Everyone seemed to have gone to bed already, as the hall and main cabin of the ship were deserted. The door to your room opened suddenly, and Daeva's face popped out of the door's frame. She made signals for you to walk in the room. You guessed she had heard your footsteps walking down the hall. Perhaps she was waiting for you to get back from wherever you had gone off to. Quickly but silently, you jogged down the hall and into your shared room with Daeva. You promptly shut the door behind yourself.

—"What is it?" You asked in a hushed whisper.

—"Sax told me about Kylo." She said simply cutting to the chase. —"What happened? Did he shock you, too?"

You shook your head no. —"No, it was only him." Daeva cocked her head questioningly, as if silently asking you why that had been. —"He asked me what had happened the night Kylo choked me, apparently Kylo hadn't told him about it. He gave me the option to tell him myself or watch on as he dragged it out of him."

She looked taken aback. —"And you chose to have him drag it out? That's cold of you."

You scrunched your face up in indignation. —"Of course I didn't! I told him myself, but he still used Force lightning on Kylo."

—"Oh..." She said in an understanding tone. —"Well, that does sound like Snoke." She went to sit at the edge of the bed, you then went to your luggage and began to change into your nightclothes. —"What does not sound like Kylo is holding back information from Snoke. How do you explain that he took Kylo with him and then Kylo came back in one piece? It doesn't make much sense, does it?"

A frown took over your features as you put your night shirt on. —"Daeva." You said gravely. —"You've already fucked up too much with Snoke. It would do you good to stop doubting his words or methods." You looked back at her, she looked angry. —"I'm only saying this to you because I care about you, I'm not trying to be mean." The glare she was shooting your way visibly diminished. —"Just try, please. And let's sleep."

She gave a simple nod, waiting for you to get under the covers to shut the light off. It was oddly relieving how fast you were being drifted off to sleep. You welcomed the rest openly, wanting nothing more than to wake up feeling well tomorrow.

 

 

 

_Your training bond was particularly strong with three people only: Daeva, Claec and Kylo. It was, of course, significantly stronger with Kylo, but that was due to your deep involvement. It was a bond born of love, friendship and all things pink. This thought only served to pull you deeper down into the hole he'd dug around you. Still, you tried to set those feelings aside as you found yourself awaking in a dark place in your mind. However, this place was different from Snoke's place in your mind. Instead of being pitch black, the hue you were surrounded with was closer to a dark grey. The aura of this place was friendly, refreshing and it made you feel very safe. You instantly knew who it was: Claec Ren._

_—"Myra." His firm, baritone voice boomed from behind you. As you turned, you were met by his tall, lanky form. His deep blue eyes shone with worry._

_You nodded at him. —"Claec." A moment of silence traveled between you both, each standing with your hands at your sides. —"Is everything okay?"_

_He pulled his lips into a thin line and looked off to the side. —"No, actually." Claec took a few steps forward in your direction. —"I need to ask you something." You sank your head in a slow but firm nod. —"Hux is unwell." He slipped his eyes shut and shook his head. —"I hate to ask this but, did you do anything to him?"_

_Your eyes widened, and you felt all the blood rush to your head. The thudding in your ears matching your heartbeat. —"I..." You looked into Claec's shocked face. —"I did." He looked close to crying as he anxiously fiddled with his bottom lip. —"But I only did it to help him. What happened to him?"_

_—"He's been getting, what he describes as, unbearable headaches." He tilted his head to the side with that same worried, pained expression on his face. —"What did you do to him?"_

_You frowned and looked down. Would it put you and Hux in further danger to tell Claec about the ability you'd learned? Still, he had to know, only then could he treat him and help him. It pained you greatly to know that you were the cause of Armitage's affliction. —"I deleted some memories off his mind. He asked me to do it, and he probably doesn't remember about it. I did the same to Sax and he complained about the headaches. I will ask him when and how they went away."_

_Claec nodded repeatedly. —"Please do." The two of you stayed silent for some time. —"Could I ask how you learned to do that?"_

_—"Snoke." You said almost too quickly. —"Tell Hux I wish him a quick recovery and that I'm very, very sorry."_

_He narrowed his eyes at you. —"Hey, hey." He got even closer to you. —"Not so fast. I still have things to ask." Just as you feared, Claec doubted your motives. You knew this would happen the second he was sent to look for you to Hux's office. —"Tell me what you deleted."_

_—"What for?" You asked defensively._

_He shook his head at you. —"He might need it, Myra!" It surprised you how soft and serious Claec managed to be at the same time. —"He's a General. Did you even bother to look through the memories? Hux isn't even Force sensitive, how did you know it would work as it did with Sax?" At your silence, he continued. —"You didn't think of any of those things, did you?"_

_You anxiously bit the skin of your bottom lip. —"No." You said softly._

_An exasperated huff left Claec's mouth. —"You just ask Sax if he did anything in particular to rid himself of the headaches. I'll see what I can do to help Armitage." You were about to break the connection, but Claec took you by the arm. —"And take care of yourself, please."_

_You nodded. —"You do, too."_

_The two of you held your forearms and looked into each other's eyes, silently asking the other to be careful. Then, Claec dissipated into smoke. And so did you._

 

 

 

Daeva's thin, delicate hands slowly shook you awake. You could tell it was still well into the sleeping cycle, as her hair was still messy and disheveled from being asleep. She plopped back down on her side of the bed as you came to. You silently wondered why it had been that she shook you awake. Had you been talking in your sleep? Or perhaps shaking as you did when you had nightmares.

—"Go to sleep." She said drowsily. —"You think too loud." 

You quietly pulled your mental shields up. Damned be Claec for seeking you out during the sleeping cycle. With the news of Hux falling sick because of something you had done to him had struck something within you. Only then did you notice how potentially dangerous exposure to the Force could be to non-sensitives. It pained you to know that you were much too far to help him through something you'd pushed him into. Plus, now Claec was in danger, too. Should Snoke find out about it, you knew you would be knee-deep in shit. Still, a part of you thought that Snoke might be appreciative of you trying to keep his General in line. Doubt would only lead Hux down a path of resentment and discordance with Supreme Leader. You had truly tried to help him, there was no way you could know of this terrible outcome.

Boredom fully overtook you after the first hour of staying still in the bed looking up at the ceiling. You couldn't help but wonder if Kylo, too, thought you were a nightmare to sleep with. You had sensed Daeva's irritation at having to shake you awake, and that was something that Kylo had to do horribly often. It wasn't like you could help it, really. Being prone to visions and telepathic communication wasn't easy per se, useful, surely, but very tiring to say the least. However, in all the years you'd known her, you'd come to one single conclusion about Daeva. She was spoilt. Not only as a child, but further on in her life as well. Master Skywalker had always been much too nice to her, and everyone knew it was simply because of Leia's interest in forming a good relationship with Daeva's mother, the Queen of Dubrillion.

Her native planet, covered in oceans and lush green forests, had been administrated by none other than Lando Calrissian for a short period. Leia Organa herself had been its ambassador for some time. You remembered meeting Daeva's mother once, Queen Callia Drayen. She was a regal woman to be sure, but you remembered hearing from Ben Solo that the Drayen's came from a crime syndicate turned war heroes. Yet, it was up until you joined Skywalker's Jedi academy that you met Daeva, then Princess Zania Drayen. Only a handful of people knew of her ascendance and title at the academy, but everyone knew she was nearly unbearable. Stubborn and willful, she was admittedly not liked by many. You and Ben Solo always thought that was why her mother had sent her away to train, not really because she wanted her daughter to learn how to use her abilities, but because she knew such a headstrong girl would never be Queen.

Daeva stirred beside you, still sleeping. You worried that your thoughts could somehow be breaking through into her mind. Not wanting to disturb her sleep, you threw the covers off you and got out of bed. You stealthily sneaked around the room and to the door, slipping it open with nearly imperceptible noise. You closed it behind yourself with a small click. Then, you decided to go looking for food and water around the ship. Having been in some other onyx cruisers, you somewhat knew your way around this model of ship. As per usual, the food was in a drawer along the corridor leading to the main room of the ship. 

The lights were off, the entirety of the ship was in darkness. The moment you stubbed your foot against some piece of furniture, you wished you'd brought your helmet with you, as with it you could see in the dark. You cursed under your breath as you held onto the thing you'd crashed against for support. You had hit your shin, not too hard, but just enough to make it cramp up. You quietly rubbed at it until you heard a door down the hall open and close. You hoped you hadn't woken anyone up with the little ruckus you had going on in the main room. You couldn't see who came walking down the hall, it was much too dark for you to make out anything. However, as the person got closer, you were about to make out a silhouette. It was Kylo.

—"Are you okay?" He asked quietly. 

You nodded, feeling stupid when you realized he couldn't see you in the dark. —"Yes, I just bumped into something."

He hummed in understanding, walking closer to you. You could make out some of him, black hair pointing in odd directions, and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Kylo leaned against the thing you'd stumbled into. —"Couldn't sleep?" You remained silent at his question. He sighed softly. —"I'm making you uncomfortable."

—"It's okay." You said suddenly. —"I guess I will have to get used to you being around."

Kylo huffed indignantly. —"You know, I think I'd rather you just told me to fuck off." He said as he stood straight and moved to walk back to his room. 

—"Wait." He looked back at you over his shoulder. —"I want to ask you something, it will be quick." You could feel his excitement through the bond as he walked back towards you.

—"Tell me."

You thought of the best way to word what you were trying to ask without making it sound like you doubted Supreme Leader. —"When I tried to Force drain you, did my eyes turn golden?" It embarrassed you how much trepidation laced into the tone of your voice.

—"Is that what you're so anxious about?" He said softly. —"I could feel you, when you awoke. You're nervous."

You sighed. —"Kylo..." He was sending waves upon waves of calming energy your way. You did your best not to swat them away, it wasn't like you didn't need them anyway. —"Please, just tell me if they did or not."

He was silent for a bit. —"They did." Breath left your mouth in the form of a shaky sigh. —"Hey..." He said softly as he placed his hand on your wrist. You wanted to yank your hand away, but you did actually need the comfort. It scared you to get too lost into the Dark side. Sure, Snoke had said he could drag you back to balance any time but, what if he needed you to be Dark? —"It's okay. You're okay." He let go off your wrist and tangled his hand into his hair as he awkwardly scratched at the back of his head. —"If anything, that's something else I'm sorry about."

—"You're sorry about what?"

—"Well, I pushed you much too far that night. I never intended to do something like that to you." He pointed at your neck. —"It scared me to see you go that Dark. I didn't know what you could do in that state."

You frowned. —"Look, it doesn't matter whether you intended to do it or not. Thing is, you did it, Kylo. I'm tired of hearing all your bullshit excuses of  _'I didn't mean to', 'I promise I'll keep my temper in check'_ and so on and on. It's time for you to face consequences for the shitty things you do."

Silence traveled between the two of you. Your eyes slowly got more used to the dark, and you could make out more things. And yet, the only thing that caught your eye, was the way Kylo was looking down at his feet. He looked defeated, worn down, tired. You silently wondered if maybe it was due to his guilty conscience, or maybe it was because of your shared bond. You had been restless lately, ever since you read your file in Hux's office, you hadn't been able to sleep properly. You guessed that had to do with his lack of rest as well. 

After a while, Kylo spoke up again. —"I know I pushed myself into this situation. Just know that I'm sorry anyway. You're right, I need to begin learning from my mistakes." He stood up straight. —"Try to sleep, please. We both need to be rested enough to pilot tomorrow."

You waited until you heard him close the door to his and Sax's shared room before moving from your spot. Your leg hurt mildly every time you supported it fully against the floor. The pain was bearable, but very much present. You walked back to your room with a slight limp. Just as you had done when you exited the room, you walked in as quietly as possible to avoid waking up your roommate. She was still sound asleep, a light snoring coming out of her open mouth. You carefully laid back down next to her, covering yourself with the blankets, suddenly feeling very cold. You willed yourself to dream of nice things, pulling your mental shields up extra high so as not to be bothered by anything or anyone.

 

 

 

_Ossus had been a barren planet for some of its history. It first was a lush planet with fresh oceans and dense forests, but then a cluster of stars collided. The resulting explosion sent shock waves that affected a big part of the Adega system, where Ossus orbited. Little by little, though, the planet was restored. By the time Luke Skywalker found it, the big forests and some of the water surfaces had returned. Now, the planet had a mountainous range covering the better portion of it. Skywalker's Jedi academy was built upon a ridge covered in trees with big blue crests, these stayed that color throughout the entire rotation cycle. You remembered waking up to the sound of the round crests of the trees being rustled by the gusts of wind that hit the ridge._

_You were sixteen again, walking up the steep, narrow path that led to the edge of the ridge. There was a particularly old tree there, the air hit perfectly, and it was just about the right distance from the academy to keep the noise from it away. It was the perfect spot for meditation. You remembered that day, a memory you were particularly fond of. Ben Solo, Luke Skywalker and Claec, then Lesath, had gotten into a huge argument and in front a lot of the younger students. Skywalker had been livid to have Ben and Lesath cause such a scene, mainly due to the kids getting scared, not because he cared they were fighting. Lesath had gotten into trouble, being sent to scavenge for tinder and wood, while Ben had been sent to meditate._

_He sat with his legs crossed underneath him and facing the precipice. The air blew placidly that day, the sun was about to set, giving the sky a nice lilac hue at the place where the sky met the ground. Wordlessly, you sat next to Ben. —"What are you doing here?" He asked moodily but not maliciously._

_—"I came here to watch the sunset." You looked at him. He was particularly handsome from the side. His long, straight nose, his plump lips, the small beauty marks that peppered his face. The way his black hair moved in waves with the wind was nearly harmonic._

_Ben Solo opened one of his eyes, glancing at you. He smiled and chuckled softly. —"Then watch the sunset instead of looking at me."_

_You blushed intensely, obeying and looking forward. Within seconds, Ben Solo let all of his concentration slip and took to kissing you instead of meditating. Ben was always a good kisser, you always thought it was because of his full lips. Innocence laced kisses, but not completely chaste. He could be intense, but he was never rough. He always treated you with such delicacy and care, made you feel so loved and looked after. Truly, he was the sweetest person you'd ever met. Such a hopeless romantic, so filled with curiosity. But still, you did notice that he was only this way when he was around you, as if you were the only source of light in his life._

_If you looked at the way Ben acted around other students, you'd describe him as a completely different person. Moody, indifferent, apathetic and borderline sociopathic. And yet, he'd never found it hard to make friends. He was a douchebag, but one of those charismatic people who got through to people, being taken as funny instead of rude. A sarcastic charm that was so unique that only he could play it off. Around Skywalker, Ben Solo behaved sourly. Always being so passive aggressive, so defiant, so ready to call him out on his little mistakes. It was really no wonder that his uncle was so hard on him, he continuously put his authority in question and Luke was fed up with it._

_You tried your best to push those thoughts into the furthest part of your mind, deciding to enjoy the moment. Your lips moved along with his as his hands held your face by both your cheeks. There was this thing he always did, after kissing your mouth, he would break the kiss and then plant a small peck to your forehead or the tip of your nose. That time, it was the forehead. He hugged you sideways, his arm over both your shoulders, your head on his shoulder. The two of you watched on as the sun hid at the horizon. Then, when it was completely gone, and the wind picked up, colder this time, the two of you walked back to the academy._

 

 

 

When you woke up, you were on your side, resting your head on a tear-soaked pillow. It stung to remember how good it had been, and to know how bad it had gone. The two of you had gone from tender kisses as you watched the sunset to nearly killing each other. Yes, it had been him to start it, and you would never forgive him for it. But you had to admit, you had some fault in all of this, too. You'd felt his living Force leave him almost completely, your eyes had gone golden. If it had not been for your tremendously strong bond to him, you might have not been able to control yourself and you would have killed him. That scared you, to know that when pushed hard enough you were capable of such treachery. It hurt to know that you weren't as in control as you thought you were.

You had no time to let your mind linger on such things, you had to get out of bed and help Kylo pilot and land the damn ship. And so, you stood in one swift motion, your head lightly swimming. Daeva wasn't in the room anymore. You rubbed your eyes and cheeks, quickly ridding yourself of the tears that had spilled as you slept. You changed into clean, lighter and more heat-adapted robes. The fabric was loose, but still had a high neck that covered your bruises and long, flowing sleeves. After pulling your boots on, you walked out of the room. You heard chatter in the main room from down the hall, so you walked towards it. Daeva and Sax sat there eating breakfast together. You noticed that those meals looked much like the ones in the ship you'd used when you went to Kuat to break Sax out.

—"Hey, come eat something." Daeva said cheerfully. Sax shot a tight-lipped smile your way. —"The instant meals are in that drawer over there." She said as she pointed towards a spot in the wall near you.

Silently, you fixed your breakfast as you heard Daeva tell Sax stories about the other Knights. About that time she'd gone on a mission with the twins to Manaan, an aquatic planet. Apparently, that was the place they went to trail after a Senator while you, Kylo and Claec were on Bosthirda. She spoke of the beautiful cities they had built on platforms that rose above the water, but how these also possessed elevators that led to underwater settlements that were encapsulated. You simply limited yourself to eating as you heard her speak, not paying much attention to the extra details she gave. 

After you finished your breakfast, you noticed the odd look Daeva was giving you. She looked worried, and you only wondered how much of your conversation with Claec had slipped through your shields. You looked down in shame, but upon looking up again and seeing the still worried expression on her face, you knew it was not about you. It was then that Kylo walked into the main room, and you knew that whatever Daeva needed to tell you would have to wait for now. A sudden thought crossed your mind: Hux. You had to speak to Sax about the headaches, you had to find a way to help Hux.

—"Sax." You said simply. As you gained his attention, you continued. —"A word, please?"

The three other Knights of Ren in the room eyed you weirdly. Silence filled the room, but when Sax nodded, you stood quickly. He walked down the hall, and you followed, stopping at the middle of the hall. —"What is it?" He said in a hushed tone.

—"I need to ask you something important." Suddenly, you felt very impolite. —"First, I want to apologize for all I put you through in Kuat." He looked taken aback, but still made a gesture with his hand to signal it was no big deal. —"Well, anyway, I wanted to know... You got headaches after the thing I did to you, right?" He nodded. —"How did you get rid of those?"

Sax frowned softly and looked up in thought. —"Bacta probably." He said instantly. —"Or maybe causing greater pain?" He looked confused. —"I wish I could help more. Why do you ask? Do you have them, too?"

You shook your head. —"No, I did what I did to you to another person. He has headaches and I want to help."

—"To Kylo?" 

—"No. Someone back on Starkiller Base." You closed your eyes in defeat. —"Don't tell anyone about this, please."

He simply nodded. —"I won't."

Just as he was about to walk back to the main room, you stopped him. —"Is Daeva okay?"

Sax tilted his head to the side. —"I think it was something about a dream she had, but she said she will only talk about it with you."

Worry washed over you. At least it wasn't about your conversation with Claec, but still, what could be so important that she wanted to speak about it to only you? It was at that moment that the door at the end of the hall opened, and Sax and you were quick to stand to attention as Supreme Leader Snoke exited his room. He nodded at the both of you, going into another room. You and Sax shared a look before walking back to the main room in a near hurry. Daeva was still sitting down, Kylo had already walked into the cockpit. Daeva simply made a gesture with her head at the cockpit, surely signaling that Kylo had requested your presence as soon as you got back. Wordlessly, you left Sax and Daeva alone in the main room, instead walking towards the cockpit and taking your seat at the copilot's spot.

—"Is Supreme Leader up yet?" Kylo asked, not looking up at you as he went over some numbers in the console next to him.

—"Yes." 

He nodded, finally looking up at you. —"Did you sleep well?" You nodded. Slowly and shyly, he reached towards your face with his hand. You stayed frozen as he wiped at something on your cheek with his hand. You realized they were probably tears you had missed. 

You turned away from him to look at your side of the console. Three minutes to exit hyperspace. You frantically rubbed at your eyes and cheeks to rid yourself of any leftover tear stains. A few moments later, the thudding steps of Supreme Leader Snoke could be heard coming down the hall. You heard him speaking to Daeva and Sax, but didn't really listen to anything. His footsteps then changed their course to the cockpit. Both you and Kylo stood at attention the moment his tall frame filled the entrance to the cockpit. He looked between the two of you, then silently gestured towards the blue and white swirl of hyperspace.

—"How much time left?" 

Without looking back at the console, Kylo answered. —"Little less than two minutes, Supreme Leader. If you'd please take a seat." Snoke nodded and walked back to the main room.

You and Kylo looked at each other, and suddenly you felt a hard pull towards him. The two of you shared a confused look before you snapped out of it, shaking your head and sitting back down in the copilot's seat. You would be out of hyperspace at any moment now, so you began to flip the switches necessary to exit the navicomputer and set the cruiser back on manual flying. Kylo kept busy with going through the main tasks, readying the steering wheel and setting his hand in the lever to pull it back down in mere seconds. The pull came, and the swirl became lines, then stars. An orange planet glowed angrily in front of you. After pulling a series of switches and getting rid of the coordinate grid, Kylo was able to fully kick in the manual mode.

He flew into the planet's atmosphere and down to the silver platform you'd seen in your vision. He landed the craft perfectly, as he usually did. Snoke nodded at the two of you from the main room. Both you and Kylo stood at the same time, but he gestured with his hand for you to exit first. Supreme Leader was the first to get off the ship, and upon lowering the ramp, the ship was filled with dense heat. Daeva and Sax followed down the ramp, then you and finally Kylo. The heat was unbearable, and Supreme Leader was kind enough to quickly guide all of you inside the premises of the settlement where you'd be staying. Once inside, everything went back to being cool. The sudden change of temperature made you feel slightly lightheaded. It brought back memories of that cold night in the outdoors of Starkiller Base, only inverted. 

—"Children, the place where we stand was built by a Coruscanti noble nearly 130 years back. He was Force-sensitive, and the planet's Dark energy called to him. He brought a group of followers with him, but they left him here alone, driving him to madness. Baron Yorn tore out his own eyes and tongue and finally died of starvation. It later became a hideout for the Prophets of the Dark Side, something Myra Ren will surely appreciate." He nodded towards you. —"Now, please, make yourselves at home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that chapter! I've been trying to keep a pace of a chapter a week, I hope that's okay with everyone. I'm leaving in a couple weeks to Canada, this first part is still not over but we're almost there ;)


	36. Anyway, Anyhow, Anywhere

Supreme Leader Snoke had instructed all of you to find rooms in any part of the base and keep the one that you saw fit. He had clear instructions about letting the Force guide you to the portion of the base that called to you the most. This resulted in all of the four Knights that he had brought with him to be dispersed throughout the complex. The moment he'd told you to let the Force call to you, you left your eyes slip closed and kept your concentration at an all time high. Surely enough, after a couple minutes, you'd already begun to feel a beckoning off to the western part of the huge, luxurious complex. It felt more like a soft nudging towards your destination than the customary pull that came with a calling of the Force. At one point, you could have sworn you'd heard Kadann's voice, softly guiding you through the grand halls of the complex.

The entire aura of this place was pure darkness, and the way the place looked was no different. Despite looking modern on the outside, the inside of the building was made out of a mix of granite and concrete. It looked solid and luxurious. There was a recurring theme of big, over the top chandeliers in every single Sith structure you'd been in. However, the chandeliers and candelabra that were lighting up the gloomy halls were made of solid gold, you were sure of it. The floor was no different, tiles made of black granite with a rug lined with the colors of the First Order. That last detail made you wonder if perhaps Supreme Leader had made previous arrangements to have you all set up here.

After walking for minutes carrying your heavy luggage, your neck had begun to overstrain, and you were in pain. Still, you kept going, knowing that you were almost at the place you were being pulled to. You came upon a red door, not much different from the others lining up the hall, but this one had a silver handle, contrary to the golden handles every other door had. Your lightsaber came to mind, and you happily turned the knob and pushed the door. Your stomach flipped upon opening the door. You knew something like this would happen. You knew the Force liked to play these games with you, it was simply getting tiring to play a game that was so unpleasant as of late to you.

—"Why does this honestly not surprise me?" You said as you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.

Kylo looked back at you inquisitively. —"I swear this wasn't on purpose." He said, suddenly understanding what you were doing at the door of his room. —"I'll have Supreme Leader choose something else for me."

He was about to sprint out of the room, eyes trained on the floor. You lifted your arm to cover the entirety of the door. —"No." You said simply. Kylo quirked an eyebrow at your actions. —"Supreme Leader had clear instructions. There must be a reason we both wound up here."

You crossed your arms, walking past Kylo with your luggage at your back. You could feel his confused stare clinging to your back, before he simply left the room. His confusion radiated into the air like a big cloud hanging over his head. Supreme Leader was going to be displeased, but if you were going to be moved, it would be under his instructions. There came a point where you could no longer handle Kylo's inner turmoil at your actions. He was getting stressed before there was something to be actually stressed about. What was all the fuss about anyway? If anyone should be scared or stressed to find themselves in this position, it should be you. But oddly, you felt neutral about this. You knew the Force was pushing you and Kylo together in this room for a reason, and you were honestly eager to find out why this was happening.

You limited yourself to getting distracted by unpacking everything you'd brought with you and placing it in the chest of drawers that was directly in front of the bed. That bed, it had huge space, lots of pillows, fresh looking red sheets. The room had a carpet of ebony color, while the walls were the same granite and concrete mixture as the rest of the complex. It had a small sized chandelier hanging from the middle of the room, then two small candelabra on the bedtables at each side of the bed. There was a door off to the left side of the room, at first, you'd thought it was a bathroom, but it turned out to be a small study. It had tomes and scrolls written in a language you'd never seen before. They were ancient, you could tell, and so, you put them back in place to avoid damaging anything. 

When you entered the room once more, Kylo was quietly unpacking, not even sparing a glance your way. You found that you liked this, you preferred this quiet tension to the scared tension you'd been in a few days prior. It certainly did help you to be able to call Kylo out on his shit behavior. Not only had it helped in regards of venting, but it had helped you loosen up and feel more like yourself again. Perhaps it also had something to do with learning you had gone fully dark when attacking Kylo. Maybe he was just as scared of you as you were of him, even if it was for very different reasons. 

Wordlessly, you left the room and took to exploring around the complex. Upon opening and closing a few doors down that hall, you'd found that, out of the five doors in there, two were bathrooms. The other three consisted of a small armory which had ancient-looking Sith and Jedi robes and armor. Some blasters and vibroblades were in there, too. Sax would love that room. Another of the rooms was a grand parlor. It had long heat-resistant windows, these were framed by red silk curtains that went down to the floor. A nice round, wooden table sat next to a couple of couches. There was a fireplace, which made you realize that, despite being on a lava planet, the complex was remarkably cold. The third door was locked, you didn't know what was on the other side, or if Supreme Leader was perhaps hiding its contents from you. Either way, you didn't really care.

The moment you felt that familiar pressure at the back of your head, you knew it was time to follow another beckoning. You walked through the halls of the complex, not really taking time to look at your beautiful surroundings but admiring them anyway. You heard the delicate steps behind you and immediately knew that Daeva was there. She caught up with you, urging you on to walk faster. The two of you nearly jogged across the huge building, finally coming to a stop in front of two tall, red doors. It took a hard Force push to make the doors open. Daeva and you stepped in, Sax was in there already, Kylo was yet to arrive. 

Snoke had guided all of you to a great hall that appeared to have been a place where big gatherings took place. The roof was higher in there than the main halls or the rooms you'd been in. It was, of course, more grandiosely decorated than the rest of what you'd seen. It had big granite pillars, big golden chandeliers and candelabra hanging all over the place. Rugs in colors white, golden and black littered across the floor. A big fireplace stood at the end of the hall-like room, it had a big ornamented mirror atop of it. Couches, tea sets, and all that unnecessary rubbish you'd seen as a child when you'd visited friends of your parents'. You supposed a Coruscanti aristocrat was the type of person your parents made friends with in their time in the Galactic Senate.

Supreme Leader remained quiet, that is until Kylo's stomping echoed through the room. Snoke lifted his chin in silent consideration. —"Children." He greeted with a nod. —"Over the course of the next month or two, I will show each of you something in this planet, something that will speed up your training." He looked up and down the line you'd arranged yourselves in. —"I'll take each of you individually, the other three are to remain here and train under Kylo Ren while I do so. When Kylo Ren's turn comes, you'll train under Myra Ren." 

—"Yes, Supreme Leader." All of you said in unison.

He nodded his approval. —"One more thing, a crew of servants and my Praetorian guards are to arrive within the next day. As soon as they arrive, you will be required to wear your helmets around the palace." Everyone nodded. —"Now, Sax, Daeva, leave us." With a flick of his index finger, the door to the great hall flew open. The other two Knights were quick to leave, closing the door behind themselves. Snoke then turned to you and Kylo, looking at the two of you in deep concentration. —"You chose the same room." He said simply. —"Myra, I must ask, how do you feel about this?"

You tried your best not to give a simple shrug for a reply. —"You said to let the Force guide us, Supreme Leader." A soft frown overtook his features. —"I let the Force guide me and wound up there. I will embrace the will of the Force under your command."

Snoke smirked, seemingly satisfied with your answer. —"Have you anything to say, Kylo Ren?" He shook his head slightly. —"Good. Myra, if you would please, I wish to have a word with my apprentice."

You sank your head and turned on your back to leave the room, opening and closing the door. You wondered where Sax and Daeva had gone off to, so you decided to tap into your Force bond with Daeva to try and find her. You'd look for Sax, but he was too recently a member for you to have a solid bond to him. It would develop with time, but for now he'd have to conform with having her only. Your mind wandered around the palace, going to the western part of the complex. You found that Sax wasn't with her, or anywhere near her for that matter. 

The booming voice of Snoke pulled you out of your reverie. He was yelling at Kylo, his anger was palpable in the air. You found yourself eager to eavesdrop on their conversation as he continued yelling, but knew that it would be best if you didn't. Anyway, perhaps Kylo himself would tell you what that was all about later. You decided to set course for your room again, aimlessly walking through the halls, and taking time to open some doors. You came upon a training room, you could tell it had been recently used, as the equipment there was not as ancient looking as everything else in the palace. 

Seeing the training room brought back memories of Starkiller Base. The training room you shared with all the Knights in your quarters, the training sessions you held there almost daily. The parring sessions with Kylo and Claec. And then your mind stopped in that spot: Claec. You sprinted back to your room, setting your mind on meditating to try and find Claec the way he had done yesterday. You had to tell him what Sax had shared with you that morning, anything to help Hux. You wanted to inquire about his health, suddenly wishing that Armitage were a Force-sensitive, too. It had only been a couple of days since you left, but you missed talking to the General. He always had some interesting advice to give. He may look like an uptight man, and he was, but Armitage had much more depth than people gave him credit for.

And so, you pushed the door to yours and Kylo's room open, wasting no time and going into the adjoined room. You knew that you would have more privacy and less distractions in there. You sat on the floor, promptly going into a meditative state. You carefully pulled at the line connecting you and Claec through your training bond. He was far, oh so far from you, that it took great amounts of concentration for you to even be able to pull through to him.

 

 

 

_But soon, you found yourself back on that dark grey room, Claec giving his lean back to you. He seemed busy, but you figured he would drop what he was doing to listen to what you had to say._

_—"Claec." You called softly. He stood up straighter, and that was enough to let you know that he was aware of your presence._

_You patiently waited for him to finish whatever it was that he was doing. Soon enough, he looked back at you and began walking towards you. —"Myra." He said as he came to stand in front of you. —"How is everything?"_

_Your living situation came to mind. Sharing a room with Kylo. This was part of your day-to-day situation about a week back, but now it was something so taboo to talk about that even Supreme Leader approached it with care. —"All is good." You replied, cutting that train of thought short. —"How is Hux?"_

_He nodded his head. —"Armie--" He seemed to catch himself. Calling him nicknames? Or was it perhaps a pet name? Your smirk let Claec know that his little slip up had not gone unnoticed. A small blush crept to his cheeks as he cleared his throat. —"Armitage is doing better." There was a small moment of awkward silence. —"Did Sax say anything of use?"_

_You pulled your lips into a thin line. —"He seems unsure of how the headaches went away. Sax only suggested bacta or causing greater pain, as Supreme Leader did after shocking him with Force lightning." Claec frowned skeptically. —"As I said, not much help."_

_Claec hummed. —"How did yours go away?"_

_—"Mine?"_

_—"Well, Snoke must have taught you some way, right?"_

_Memories came flooding back in. He'd had you delete something off Kylo's mind, and Kylo had done the same to you. You remembered the beautiful memory of Han Solo that he had you rid him of. Then, another memory came in. Snoke had come to you in a dream, deleting a great deal of memories. What about you couldn't recall, but the burning feeling of his messing with your head came to mind. Kylo. He had helped you. He'd done that fancy trick he'd taught you back on Ossus and put you to sleep. After that, you'd woken up without a headache. The same had happened to Sax when you'd pulled him in and out of sleep._

_You looked up at Claec with excited eyes. —"I know how to fix him." You began. —"I know how to fix Hux." He impatiently nodded at you, urging you to go on. —"Do you remember how to shut a person's mind?"_

_—"That thing Kylo does?" You nodded. —"Guide me through it, I don't remember."_

_You lifted your index and middle fingers and pressed them to your temple. —"Place these at his temple, either side will work fine. Then bug into his mind. Remember he's a non-sensitive so the intrusion will hurt. Try to do the next things as quickly as possible to spare him of as much pain as you can." He gave a firm nod. —"All minds have a center, Hux's will be easy to find, you need to tap into that energy and shut it off. You just will it off with your own mind. That will do the trick."_

_—"Sounds easy." He replied finally. —"I must leave you now." Claec looked behind himself. —"Before I leave, I need to ask you to do something. Speak to Daeva, something has her all worked up, but I don't know what it is."_

_—"I've felt it, too." You frowned. —"Sax said it was something about a dream, but that she would only speak about it to me."_

_Claec tilted his head in curiosity. —"Please talk to her." He turned to go, but before leaving, he nodded back at you. —"Thanks for your help. I'll seek you out later and tell you how Hux is doing."_

_—"Thank you."_

 

 

 

You slowly fluttered your eyes open. Claec had seemed to be in a hurry. You remembered what Supreme Leader had told you about Kylo's demotion of his position as Commander. You wondered who had taken his place. Maybe they had given the extra load of work to Hux, or perhaps even Phasma. Slowly, you stood from your spot and walked back into the bedroom. As soon as you closed the door to the adjoined room, the door leading to the hall flew open. Kylo came in looking troubled. He looked your way and then back to the floor, standing still at the door as he awkwardly scratched the back of his head. Your eyes went to his neck, still marked with pink lines from Snoke's assault on his neck.

—"Snoke is taking Daeva first, then me, then Sax and then you." He refused to look up at you, still scratching at the back of his head. —"I tried to do everything I could. Do not speak to Daeva. I think she--" Kylo cut himself off with a dramatic sigh, now openly radiating sheer worry into the bond. —"I think she's in trouble."

—"What kind of trouble?" Kylo was silent, only serving to set you more on edge. —"Is that what Supreme Leader yelled at you about?"

He crossed his arms and scowled. —"Supreme Leader will be angry if he knows you eavesdropped." Kylo scolded gently.

—"I wasn't eavesdropping." You said finally. —"I stayed outside, waiting to find Daeva. That is until I head his yelling, then I just came back here."

He finally walked into the room, sitting at the edge of the bed. —"Good. Keep it that way."

The two of you remained silent. Why would he not want you to speak to Daeva? Claec had asked that of you just minutes before Kylo came in, did he somehow know of your conversations with Claec? Perhaps it would be best to tell Kylo what he had asked of you, or maybe you should just ignore him and go speak to Daeva anyway. Seeming to sense your train of thought, Kylo looked up at you and simply shook his head.

—"Why can't I speak to her? What did Snoke tell you?" His silence was beginning to make you angry. —"Answer!"

He looked up at you, clearly frustrated by your little outburst. —"I can't tell you anything!" Kylo stood and shut the door, then he began pacing. —"I told him. I told Supreme Leader it was a bad idea to have me be the one to tell you."

—"Tell me what? You aren't even saying anything!" You were beyond exasperated, throwing your arms in the air like a petulant child.

Kylo pulled his lips into a thin line and looked off to the side. —"Fine." He said quietly. —"Sit." You did as told. Kylo simply kept on pacing, seemingly deep in thought. —"Apparently Daeva had some sort of vision in a dream. She was able to sneak into Snoke's mind and saw something she shouldn't have seen regarding you. Snoke didn't tell me what about, he kept it vague enough. All he told me is that if you were to speak to her, and she tells you, he'll kill her." A small gasp left your mouth. —"I need you to hide your Force signature."

—"What? Why?" You stood from your spot at the bed.

—"Snoke had the curtesy of having me tell you this, but he let Daeva roam free around the palace. If she finds you, she'll tell you and he'll kill her. Now hide your damned Force signature."

You could, as well as Kylo, hear the light steps coming up the hall. She was here. The two of you shared a panicked look. Kylo quickly took you by the wrist and pulled you into the scrolls room you'd found. Almost imperceptibly, you pulled your mental shields up and blocked out any feeling you could have been dripping into the training bond. You closed off all your connections to all of the other six Knights. You suddenly became aware of what was happening. This was the first test, Daeva's test. She was failing miserably, you just hoped she could get to redeem herself later on. 

The sound of a knock on the main door put you on edge. The door opened. —"Hey." Daeva said. —"Huh, this is odd. I thought I sensed Myra in here."

Kylo chuckled awkwardly. —"I sure hope that were so." You could hear Daeva's nonconforming hum. —"Has she said anything to you about me?"

—"No." She replied dryly. —"Your bond to her is still strong. Would you find her for me?"

He was silent. —"She cut me off. The bond is there but she's closed herself off me."

—"No offense, but serves you right." Even with the connection cut off, you could feel Kylo's irritation. —"Sorry, not my place." She was quick to dodge his anger. —"Well, I'm leaving tomorrow morning. If you see her tell her I need to tell her something  **very** important."

—"Will do." He replied grumpily before shutting the door on her. You heard her steps retreating. Kylo set a lock on the door, then stomped over to the scrolls room. He opened the door and looked at you with worried eyes. —"She's very set on telling you." He whispered.

—"I know." You hushed. —"What could be that important?"

Kylo shrugged. —"I don't know. I'm beginning to think it would be best to delete the memory of whatever it was she found out."

You shook your head. Kylo took a seat on the floor in front of you. —"He's setting her up." You said simply. Kylo's eyebrows shot upwards. —"Snoke wants to kill her so badly after what she did to him. Did you really believe Daeva would be powerful and skilled enough to see into his mind? He deliberately let her in, and for all we know, what she thinks she knows could be a lie."

—"But, if she forgets about it--"

—"No, Kylo." You placed your hand at his forearm, immediately feeling him tense up. —"Don't you see? If you delete the memory, he'll have you killed instead. He's testing us, too. He had you tell me just to see if I would seek her out because I got too curious."

He looked at you with an emotion you couldn't quite read. His hand came to rest atop the one on his forearm. —"You're such a smart woman." Kylo said in a low tone.

You could feel your cheeks heat up furiously. Kylo and you stared at each other, you were momentarily lost in thought, simply looking into his eyes. Ben Solo had been a sweet boy, but Kylo Ren was a complex and intense man. The more time went on, the more obscure and hard to read he became. The moment he set his eyes on yours, you instantly felt small underneath his gaze. You were so entranced by his deep, dark eyes that you only noticed he was leaning in when he slipped his eyes closed and pressed his lips against yours. He was thoroughly intoxicating, and you found yourself pressing your lips against his, too. The feeling that kiss gave you was nothing short of exhilarating, like you'd been deprived of something addictive for far too long, and finally got to rejoice in something that brought you much pleasure.

That last line of thought made you think of the same thing that ran through your mind as Kylo choked you. Weakness. Only the weak and the stupid let themselves be drowned in intoxication. And so, you broke the kiss, suddenly standing and looking down at him. He kept his head down, eyes firmly fixed on the floor. You exited the room, afraid of what you might find in his eyes when he looked back up at you. It felt so inappropriate all of a sudden. You were to sleep next to each other after that, and there was no way you could move rooms right now, with Daeva tailing after you, trying to get herself killed. Not only that, but you'd made it clear to Supreme Leader that you would not be changing rooms. At any rate, you were more than willing to spend a few awkward nights than let your pride be put down.

You'd left the door to the scrolls room open, and you occasionally glanced back at Kylo. He still sat on the floor, looking down at the spot in front of him minutely. You went to the chest of drawers where you'd put all your stuff in earlier. After taking out your sleeping robes, you moved to a blind spot in the room, changing out of your loose, heat-adapted robes. It was odd how sad you felt about what had happened. You looked at him once more, still set on staying frozen to his spot. You thought of letting your shields down in order to be able to read him better, but you couldn't risk having Daeva feel your signature.

—"Do me a favor." You said quietly from the bed. He finally looked up at you and slowly stood from his spot. His eyes were glazed over, but he was set on not letting any tears slip down, you could tell from the way his jaw was tightly clenched. Kylo nodded your way. —"Please keep my signature hidden. I need to sleep."

He walked over to the bed. Sitting at your side, as if testing the boundaries of your comfort. Still, you found you felt safer that way. Having him close was equally off-putting and invigorating. —"Sleep." He said softly as he set his fingers to your temple, and then drifted off to quiet sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After Snoke is done testing Daeva, next will come Kylo, then Sax will become part of the Knights of Ren and get his own new name, and finally, the reader will finish her training. With the ending of her training, will come the ending of this first part of the story.
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter, and as always, thank all of you for reading! <3


	37. They Never Seem to Learn

A lot happened over the course of a week. Snoke and Daeva had been gone, leaving you, Kylo and Sax to roam freely around the palace. The servants had arrived a day after you, along with Snoke's Praetorian guards, who he dragged along to his expedition with your fellow Knight. You'd found that Kylo was a very severe teacher, criticizing Sax in a foul manner until he got him to correct his footwork. You'd never admit that he sort of reminded you of Skywalker in that sense. You, in turn, were far more patient. That was something you and Sax had in common: patience. Kylo had asked you to teach Sax Form Two of lightsaber combat, something you excelled in. He was quick to learn, and very adamant in getting that Form perfected. In exchange, he'd offered to help you get your blaster accuracy up. 

Your relationship with Kylo had improved as well. Of course it would never go back to what it was before, but at least you could have pleasant conversations again. He was being respectful of your boundaries, and you were grateful for that. Still, the pull you felt towards each other was undeniable. It was like being fifteen again, the lingering looks, the way electricity travelled up your spine every time he touched you, the furious blushing that came after every compliment he gave you. You knew what he was doing, trying to get back on your good side. It's not like you were falling for him again, you were still very much in love with him, but you needed to learn from your mistakes. Kadann's words came to memory every time you were ready to fall back into him:  _"When the time comes, Ben Solo will be the one to dispose of you and have another take your place. Beware of him."_

You'd spoken to Claec a few days back. He said that Hux was doing well, and that the technique you taught him had been of great help. Apparently, in Kylo's absence, Claec was the one to oversee any and all activities entrusted to the Knights around Starkiller Base. He was going on a mission along with the twins to some Outer Rim planet in search for a First Order spy that had reportedly defected to the New Republic. You'd wished him luck and he'd done the same. He asked about Kylo before shutting the connection off, you simply told him that you were doing okay and there was nothing to be worried about.

You felt a small nudge to your arm. Sax gestured towards the front, Kylo looked at you with arms crossed. —"You're not listening to me."

—"Sorry." You cleared your throat. —"Go on."

He looked at you weirdly. —"No." Kylo tilted his head towards the door. —"Sax." The silver-haired man simply stood and left. As soon as he closed the door, Kylo spoke again. —"What's wrong?"

—"I was thinking, that's all."

His lips formed a thin line. —"You're worried." You nodded softly. —"About what? Daeva?"

You took in a deep breath. —"There's a lot on my mind, but yes."

He hummed and sat next to you. —"Well, a week is long enough for Snoke to fix a lot of things." You winced at his words. —"Let's just hope there's not a lot left to fix."

You sighed. —"Let's just hope he doesn't  **break** anything."

Kylo set his arm around your shoulders, you instinctively laid your head on his shoulder, suddenly in need of physical affection. —"Everything will be okay. Don't let this make you anxious about how you're going to do. You'll finish your training, I'm sure of it."

You muttered your thanks as he comfortingly ran his hand up and down your arm. There was a soft knock at the door. Both you and Kylo stood up, quickly putting your helmets on. The door opened, and a servant stood on the other side. She was a short woman with white hair. —"The Supreme Leader is waiting for you in the communications room."

—"Both of us?" Kylo asked dryly in that robotic voice. The woman nodded.

The two of you fast walked across the halls of the palace, trying to reach the communications room as fat as you could without running. Kylo pushed the door to the communications room before the two of you stood in front of it. Blue light poured out of the room and into the hall. Snoke was already there, waiting for the two of you. Sax was already in there, standing with his hands behind his back and speaking to Supreme Leader about his training under Kylo Ren. You sank the knee in greeting, Kylo mirrored your actions. Snoke was quick to tell the two of you to stand.

—"I will be arriving back to the palace tomorrow morning." He said simply, sounding a bit bored. —"I'm pleased to tell all of you that Daeva Ren has excelled in her tests, but she is yet to finish her training. When I arrive tomorrow, I expect you to be ready for departure, Kylo Ren." He sank his head in a firm nod. —"Good. Now, children. Allow me a moment to speak to Myra Ren. Alone." 

The two other Knights left the communications room. Supreme Leader Snoke remained silent for some time. —"Yes, Supreme Leader?"

The man hummed. —"There is something you need to know, my girl." He sighed. —"I got word back from my scouting team. I believe we have found your father." Your stomach stung, and bile rose to your throat. You desperately tried to swallow it down while keeping an impassive face underneath your helmet. —"We are yet to confirm if it is in fact him, but we're tailing him and will soon capture him. I figured you'd like to know of this. Please, meditate on this, Myra. Find your true feelings towards the man, only then will you know how to proceed. Rest for now, I will see you tomorrow."

You were perplexed, but still managed a weak nod. —"Thank you, Supreme Leader." And with that, the room was left in darkness.

A weird, cold feeling ran all over your body. You were suddenly feeling claustrophobic inside your helmet. You pressed the buttons at the sides and the latch opened. You threw the helmet to the side, the thud echoing through the empty room. It took time, but you noticed you were hyperventilating. A deep anxiety ran through you, and you found you were desperate for help. You lowered your shields, letting all your emotions seep into the bond with Kylo. You were openly calling for him to come help you, all you hoped for was that he would answer. And almost immediately, the door to the communications room flew open once more. The thudding of his stomping steps resounded around the room. He crouched down beside you, taking off his helmet and putting it on the floor beside him.

Even when you had called him, and knew that he was there, you couldn't help the small jump you gave when his hand rested on your shoulder. He retreated for a second, then pressed his hand on your shoulder more firmly. —"Breathe." He commanded softly. You drew in a shaky breath and let out an even shakier sigh. —"Good, now breathe properly."

You hadn't noticed you were crying until the salty water made contact with your upper lip. —"I'm trying." Your voice broke, but you were determined to bring your breathing back to normal. After a couple minutes, you were still hyperventilating, and it made you even more worried to find that you were also getting light headed. Your hands hurt, and you could feel the muscles there going slightly stiff.

—"Enough." Kylo said. He simply put his helmet back on and called yours to his hand. —"I need you to put this on. I'm taking you to the small med bay Snoke set up in here." All you could do was shake your head. —"No? Then where do you want me to take you?"

—"Room." Was all you could say in-between ragged breaths. You had taken to pressing your hands together in an attempt to make them less stiff. 

Kylo wasted no time. He sensed you were unable to put the helmet back on while you were hyperventilating, and he could see the shaking of your legs. Wordlessly, he called your helmet to his hand and lifted you off your spot at the floor. He carried you out of the room and down the halls of the palace in a hurry. You hoped that no servants would cross your path. Should they see your face and report that to Supreme Leader, you would be in great trouble. This only served to drive you further into your panic attack. However, a small wave of relief washed over you as Kylo pushed the door to your shared room open. He quickly dropped your helmet and sat you down on the bed. Kylo crouched down to be at your level.

He took both your hands in his and gently massaged them. —"I'm going to count for you, okay?" Kylo began. —"I will count up to six, you will breathe in. Then I will count to four and you hold your breath. Eight and you will breathe out. Got it?" 

You nodded as he patiently guided you through your breathing. The first few tries went horribly, but little by little he managed to get your breathing back to normal. His hold on your hands never relented. Only when your panic attack slowly went away, did you really feel how much of a mess you'd made of yourself. You were covered in cold sweat, your face tear-streaked, locks of hair out of place. Kylo seemed to sense your thoughts, pulling the few strands of hair back into place. He took his gloves off and did the same for you. He ran his thumb down your cheekbones to get rid of the tears there.

—"Do you need anything?" He asked softly. You shook your head. —"Are you sure? Water? Tissues? Anything?"

A small sigh left you. —"Just don't leave me alone."

He smiled up at you sweetly, then stood and sat next to you. Kylo hugged you against his chest. —"Everything is going to fine, whatever it is that bothers you, it will be okay." You cuddled up into him, finding you felt safer in his arms. 

—"Thank you." You said softly. He simply rested his chin at the crown of your head.

Your head hurt with a light migraine. Thoughts raged inside of it. That  _presumed alive_ you'd read on your file would soon become an  _alive_ and possibly  _captured_. You had so many mixed feelings around this whole matter. On one side, you'd grown up with that man. On the other, he'd done horrible things to your only source of true light: your mother. He'd beat her, controlled her, manipulated her and finally killed her. It made you pissed to think over all those memories you had of him being a shitty man. Still, he was very much a part of you. The hatred you felt towards him was bigger than any love you had for him, but a part of you still loved him nonetheless. 

—"Could I ask what Snoke said that caused this?" Kylo asked a bit too cautiously.

You nodded against his chest. —"He found him." You looked up at his confused eyes. —"He's found my father."

His dark eyes grew wide. —"What will you do?" You pulled your lips into a thin line. —"Sorry, I don't want to pressure you. Finding out about that was enough to throw you into turmoil."

You sighed again. Your mind raced with the million possibilities of what could happen. And almost unconsciously, you said. —"I want to sleep."

Kylo stopped hugging you. —"You should change into clean sleeping clothes. I'll bring you some water."

Only after he left the room you stood and changed into clean clothes. You walked out into the hall and went into one of the bathrooms. You washed your face and let your hair down. After that, you were certainly feeling better, refreshed, and ready for bed. When you walked back into your room, Kylo was changing. He looked back at you as he pulled his shirt on. Something overtook you all of a sudden. An uncontrollable fluttering in your chest made itself present. You hugged him from behind, laying your cheek against his broad back. You felt the confusion mixed with elation that seeped into the bond on Kylo's side of it. His large hand came to rest at your back as he bent his arm at an odd angle.

Kylo twisted in your arms to stand with his chest to yours. One of his arms circled your shoulders, the other one held your waist. —"I don't know if I'll have the guts to kill him." It felt as though saying it out loud had made that fear real, birthed it into your mind and making it ever-so-present.

—"Don't fret too much about it." He said gently as he ran his hand through your hair and squeezed you tighter against his chest. —"You will know what to do when the time comes. I'm sure of it."

You bit at your lower lip anxiously. —"But what if I can't do it when Snoke asks it of me? What if he kills me for not obeying? Or what if--"

Kylo took you by the shoulders and looked into your eyes. —"Myra." He began seriously. —"You will be okay."

—"I can't calm down!" Your voice broke mid-sentence. A small trembling pout preceding your tears.

It was almost as though you needed something as aggressive as that. Your anxiety slowly quieted as Kylo kissed you fervently. You slowly let yourself get lost in the way his lips clashed against yours. He held you by the waist firmly, you set your hands on his chest. Many feelings seeped into the bond on his part, a desire to help you, a conviction to protect you and pure, unaltered affection. It overwhelmed you to know that even after all that had happened in the past month, he was still determined to love only you. Kylo made you feel safe in a way no one else ever had, not even your mother. 

As he broke the kiss off, he hugged you against his chest once more. You slipped your eyes closed, quietly reveling in the moment. A sudden wave of exhaustion crashed into you, as if the aftermath of the panic attack was finally beginning to set in. Kylo seemed to sense your tiredness. He stopped hugging you and made you follow him to the bed as he held your hand. The two of you laid on the bed above the covers, laying on your sides but facing each other. You sighed softly, and he pressed a tiny peck to your forehead. 

—"Sleep." He said simply.

 

 

 

_The magnetic sound of a rain of blaster shots filled your ears. Everything around you was dark, and you could hear someone's ragged breathing. This person was hiding in the dark, you figured as they tried to keep quiet when a door somewhere was kicked down. Seeming to sense they were soon to be found, the person stood, as if trying to at least go out with some dignity. The sound of clanking armor was recognizable... Stormtroopers. Whoever was in that dark room with you, was an enemy to the First Order. You could barely make out a silhouette in the darkness, but there was something oddly familiar about this person. Yet, you couldn't quite put your finger on it._

_—"TL-9034, PT-0023, go check upstairs. He's got to be here." Your ears sprung to attention as you recognized Phasma's voice coming from downstairs._

_You heard the ruckus of the two Stormtroopers coming up the stairs. A light turned on outside the room, some of it pouring into the darkness from the slit between the door and the floor. The person behind you struggled to remain quiet, but their confident stance never faltered. The Stormtroopers kicked down a door somewhere in the upper floor. —"Clear." One of them called, voice drowned out by the voicemods in their helmet. Another kick, another door thudding on the floor. —"Clear." You kept your eyes glued to the bottom of the door until the shadows of two pairs of feet stood in front of it, blocking the little light that was pouring in._

_The person behind you drew in a sharp breath, then the door came crashing down. The two Stormtroopers held their blaster rifles up. You turned around to look at the person they were hunting down. A chill ran down your spine and you felt the hairs behind your neck stand on end. The slightly smug smirk that played on your father's lips was haunting. He had a burn scar going from the left side of his chin to what you presumed was his shoulder. The man simply lifted his hands and held them at either side of his face, clearly surrendering. There was a look of irreverence and malice written all over his eyes. You honestly couldn't remember if the man had ever held something that wasn't close to disdain in his eyes._

_—"So, Brendol Hux and his hooligans finally caught up with me." You were surprised to find that you'd nearly forgotten what his voice sounded like._

_An electronic chuckle came from the door. Phasma sauntered in, clad in her chrome armor. —"Brendol Hux died by my hand." She said coldly. —"And under instructions of his son, Armitage." Your father simply glared in her direction. —"It's not Brendol who sent us. We have orders from Supreme Leader Snoke himself."_

_You could see the terror in his eyes, but he still managed to look cynical as he hummed in consideration. —"What would that man want with me?"_

_The Stormtroopers pushed into the room, kicking the back of your father's legs and forcing him down onto his knees as they cuffed his hands behind his back. —"He wants you to meet someone." Phasma said as she looked back at him over her shoulder._

_The vision slowly turned into smoke, leaving you in the cold darkness._

_—"You will need to harness your fear." Kadann's voice came from behind you. As you turned, you were met by his short, caped figure. —"But, do tell, are you afraid of failure, or is it that you fear how you'll change if you do kill him?"_

_His question caught you off-guard. You found you didn't really know how to answer that question. You supposed it was a bit of both. It scared you to face Snoke's wrath should you fail, but you were also scared of going completely dark. —"I fear what could come out of both scenarios."_

_—"Tell me what you think will happen."_

_You looked down at your feet as you thought. —"If he asks me to kill him, and I can't do it, Snoke will kill him for me and never give me a chance to correct my weakness. If I do kill him, I feel the deed will leave me damaged for some time."_

_Kadann nodded slowly, seemingly taking in all what you'd said. —"Your Master attempted to teach you how to harness your anger. But, you couldn't do it, could you?" You shook your head. —"He's pushing you too hard, and he's finally understanding that. Teaching you step by step. What did your previous Master use to tell you regarding these feelings?"_

_You thought back to the many phrases and Jedi philosophy Skywalker had taught you. Ben Solo had gotten pissed at you for repeating that one thing to him once. —"Fear leads to anger, then hate, then suffering."_

_—"You must learn to harness your fear before you harness your anger." Kadann walked closer to you. —"Fear comes from rationality. Only mad people live without fear. Know that this feeling indicates there are precautions you could take. Meditate on what you could have under control, and what is not up to you. That is the only way you will be able to fully open your foresight."_

_And with that, he simply vanished, leaving you back in that darkness. You attempted to think over his words and take immediate action, but the sole thought of being faced with that situation set you on edge. You could feel yourself tensing up. Just when your anxiety was about to kick in, you faded into smoke._

 

 

 

Kylo gently shushed you, hugging you into his arms in an attempt to calm you down. —"Easy, easy." You were still tensed up, but slowly became calm once more. —"You're okay."

You clung onto him needingly. —"I don't want you to leave me here."

He pressed a firm kiss to your temple. —"I wish I didn't have to leave you."

The two of you held each other. You were laying on your stomach, head pressed to Kylo's shoulder as an arm laced over his torso possessively, your right leg intertwined with his own right leg. His arm snaked around your wrist completely as he pulled you against his chest, his other hand traced small patterns all over the arm over his broad torso. You stayed like that for about half an hour, neither of you being able to go back to sleep. You pressed a small peck to Kylo's shoulder, to which he responded by cupping your cheek and pressing a kiss to your mouth. 

You remained silent for some other time, trying not to think of anything in specific, but feeling his mind rage at a thousand thoughts per hour. Something was troubling him. Could it be his planned departure for tomorrow? You hoped he felt ready to face whatever Snoke would throw his way. It would be a pain to be away from him for so long. That made you think back to a couple of weeks back. To know that you were back to thinking of Kylo so fondly would have left you scandalized a few weeks ago, it really did set you on edge a bit. But you knew you weren't being too forgiving. 

Snoke's words to Kylo came back to mind:  _—"Honestly, Ren, it is quite unnerving how ungrateful you are of this girl's loyalty to you."_  It begged the question: well, had he learned? Was he being grateful of having you around? You supposed you had, to some extent, being ungrateful of having him as well. Yes, you were the most loyal out of the two, but Kylo was the one who was willing to go to bigger lengths for you. He knew you like the palm of his damned hand. He knew how to get you to stay calm, how to make you feel pretty much any emotion, he knew just the right way to touch you and set off the fuse of your passion. 

He looked down at you, and you looked up at him. There was something in his eyes, he wanted to say something. —"What is it?" Ah, there it was, you could tell exactly how he felt all the time.

After angling his head to get a better look of you, he bluntly asked. —"You're projecting." He said shyly. You were about to apologize, but then he continued. —"It's okay, I understand. I hurt you pretty bad, and I'll regret that forever. I just wish you could trust me again."

—"These things take time." You explained. —"You're mostly forgiven, especially after I realized I had fucked up, too." He arched an eyebrow questioningly. —"I tried to Force drain you, that must have been terrifying."

He chuckled heartily. —"It really was." Kylo rubbed your back. —"I did deserve that though."

—"Still..." You began, looking up at him to get his attention. —"I want to apologize for that."

A half-smile tugged at his lips. —"Apology accepted."

Both of you began to lean into a kiss at the same time. It was a tender kiss, a making-up kiss. You kept on kissing each other for some time, until a beeping sound killed the mood completely. An alarm. The datapad lit up on the other side of the room, Kylo had to get up. He sighed and slipped his eyes closed as annoyance radiated off him. You planted one more small kiss to his right cheek and then his mouth before getting out of bed. He mirrored your actions little after, sitting up and letting his feet dangle off the edge of the bed. Kylo and you shared one last lingering look, then you left the room and went into one of the bathrooms to take a shower and ready yourself for Supreme Leader Snoke's arrival.

A hot, long shower was just what you needed to wash away the remnants of the panic attack you'd had yesterday. Perhaps you would have been able to sleep better if you had done that yesterday, but truly, you knew that you hadn't been in the best mental place so as to be in there alone. Your thoughts drifted off to Daeva. You wondered what state she was arriving in whenever she arrived. You guessed you'd only know when you saw her and felt her. For her sake, you hoped that she'd managed to get back on track with Snoke's authority. It hadn't been too long ago when she'd told you to forget your past life and accept the current one. You just wanted for her to follow her own advice. 

As you stepped out of the shower, you went through your quick routine of untangling your hair and splashing cold water on your face. After you'd done that, you quickly tip-toed back to your shared room with Kylo. Just like you, he was fresh out of the shower, clad in only a towel, hair soaking wet. He looked over to you, and the blush that crossed his cheekbones momentarily didn't escape you. 

And so, you walked into the room, slamming the door behind you. This earned you a questioning look for Kylo, but as soon as you had his attention, you let the towel covering your body fall to the floor. His jaw clenched, and you didn't miss the way he thickly swallowed. It took him a few seconds, but the moment he snapped out of his trance, he shifted into a predator. Kylo walked over to you, the towel wrapped at his waist falling away in the process. He wasted no time, grabbing you by the waist and lifting you up. You wrapped your legs around him as he guided the both of you back to the bed. He sat at the edge of it and glided back towards the center. 

You straddled him as he feverishly kissed your lips. He greedily kneaded your ass, and you had to fight off the urge of moaning at that action alone. You pressed your chest flush against his. He jerked his hips up into yours, causing his already hardening dick to rub your clit. The electrifying jolt that travelled down your spine made you question why you had deprived yourself of this for so long. Kylo seemed to sense your pleasure, jerking up into you again, this time eliciting a dirty moan from you. Then it hit you, this place was so big, and it was only you and Kylo in this portion of the palace, so you got to be as loud as you wanted to be.

One of Kylo's huge hands travelled up your back and into your hair, then came to cup your face as he pressed a tender kiss to your lips. You wormed your hand in-between your bodies, placing his dick in a position that would be pleasurable for both of you. He seemed to wonder what you had in mind, but the surprised, breathy moan he released as you began grinding up and down his shaft was worth the momentary doubt. You slithered your slit on his shaft, effectively wetting it before you even planned to stick him inside you. You ground down on him hard, the delicious friction causing Kylo to hide his face in the crook of your neck. The way his breathy moans hit your neck tickled, only serving to spur you on further.

He kissed your neck and collarbones, occasionally nipping at your lips. As you felt him harden impressively underneath you, you decided it was time to take real action. You could feel him lightly squirm in anticipation as you reached between your bodies to grab the base of his dick. You aligned its tip at your entrance, then slowly sat back down. You couldn't help but throw your head back in pleasure and curse under your breath as he stretched you out perfectly. It was odd how perfectly he fit inside you, hitting all the right spots as you sheathed him in to the hilt. That feeling of pure lust caused you to squeeze the skin at his shoulders slightly.

You set a maddeningly slow pace made up by exaggerated circular motions. He was enjoying himself, looking into your eyes with lust-blown pupils. His eyes had gone a darker shade of brown, nearing a chocolate color more than their natural hazel. The way he looked at you in adoration only made you more aroused. You finally picked up the pace, small moans falling out of your mouth as dirty sins every now and then. Kylo joined in with some quiet grunts of his own. He loved taking control, but he was being surprisingly generous as he let you set the pace. Still, he needed to feel like he was participating too, so he guided your hips as you rose and sat back down on him. Your felt light-headed at his actions, he always knew how to get the two of you on the right spot. 

Suddenly, Kylo unrestrained the full extent of his urgency to have you, squeezing you flush against his chest. He kept your hips a couple inches from having his dick fully sheathed in you, then set a savage pace as he went in and out of you. Your moans got progressively louder as your orgasm neared on you, and just when you were about to come, he stopped his thrusting abruptly. You could feel him twitching in anticipation inside you. This was something he loved to do, guide you to yours and his peak, then stop, making the two of you build up again. You'd found that it always made you more desperate to come, and in consequence, when you finally reached your orgasm it felt way better.

Kylo was taking his sweet damn time, and you bucked your hips forward, letting out an impatient whimper. He chuckled softly. —"Patience, patience." He began pressing wet kisses to your neck. His hand traveled to your nub rubbing at it with determination. —"I'll make this worth your while, I promise." A soft kiss was pressed to your mouth, then he smirked against your lips. The rubbing at your core quickly had you near your peak once more. You pressed your head to his shoulder, hands enveloping his broad shoulders. What began as small, quiet pants, soon became ragged breathing. Your back contorted into a hump, but when your orgasm hit, it arched as your vision went white. A strangled moan escaped you as you felt your walls pulsing around Kylo. 

You looked into his eyes, the sultry expression in them made you determined to make him come. You pushed against his chest, making him recline until he was laying on his back. Then, you set an unforgiving pace as you road him in a circular motion. His hands roamed your body, going from your ass to your waist, then your stomach, breasts and sternum. You set your hands on his torso for support as you continued to move your hips, occasionally squeezing the muscles of your core around his shaft. Kylo had this cute habit of pressing his palms to his eyes whenever he was feeling too intensely, so when he did that, you took that as a cue to speed up your pace. His mouth slowly began to fall open as his chest rose and fell rapidly.

Then, he sat up and then pulled you down with him. He kept your body flush against his with his arm pressed on your waist. Kylo's free hand went to your butt, spreading your left butt cheek to the side as he rammed in and out of you. Within a few more strokes, his thrusting began to falter. You thought that was one of the few times you'd actually heard Kylo moan. He slammed himself deep within you and spilled himself in there, filling you with warmth. Your thighs trembled slightly from the exertion. Kylo slowly ran his hands in languid motions up and down your thighs.

Neither of you spoke for a few minutes, simply enjoying having each other so close. You laid your head in the crook between his shoulder and his jaw, your left hand carding through his still wet black locks of hair. A deep sigh escaped Kylo. —"I love you." Kylo said softly as he pressed a kiss to the crown of your head.

A small, cute smile graced your lips. —"I'm glad you still do."

He chuckled softly. —"I love you every day."

—"Every single one of them?" You cheekily asked as you set your chin on his chest, looking up at him with flirty eyes.

Kylo looked down at you through half-lidded eyes and chuckled. —"Mmm... well, maybe not so much when you get all snarky on me." You laughed. He shifted the two of your so that you now lay on your sides. He draped his arm over your waist and ran his thumb across your cheekbone with his other hand.

—"We should probably get ready now." You said nonchalantly.

His eyes flashed with sudden realization. He cursed under his breath and quickly stood off the bed. You mirrored his actions, slipping your underwear on and going through your robes. Within five minutes, the two of you were fully dressed. Your heart clenched in your chest as you saw Kylo lift a bag with some of his clothes packed. He was leaving with Snoke today. A small pout came to your lips, along with a sad expression in your eyes. Seeming to notice, he pressed a sweet kiss to your forehead. You tilted your head and looked up at him, he smiled at you, pure affection in his eyes.

You turned around and set way for the door. Kylo playfully smacked your butt, to what you responded by looking back at him and perking your butt a bit. He full-on grabbed your ass and squeezed it softly, chuckling to himself. You grabbed your helmet and put it on over your head, Kylo did the same. You looked at each other and nodded. He opened the door and let you out first. You nodded your head. The two of you walked along the long hall leading to your room hand-in-hand, but as soon as you left that more private sector of the palace, you let go. Each of you took on your menacing stances, walking with purpose along the palace and not sparing a glance in the servants' direction.

Just as you were about to reach the hangar platform at the entrance of the palace, you felt Snoke's Force signature getting closer. Both of you sped up your walking to a near jog. Soon, you were at the entrance of the palace. Two servants opened the tall doors for you, the full force of the lava's heat hitting your face. Sax was already outside, he looked back at you and Kylo and nodded. As you got closer, you noticed that Sax was sweating, and you found that you were sweating also. Your brow filled with moisture in a matter of seconds of being outside. It was odd how Sith planets were either too hot or too cold, but their weather was always oppressive.

—"I can feel Supreme Leader Snoke, but I can't feel Daeva. Can you?" Sax asked curiously, speaking a bit louder than he usually did so you could hear him over the sound of the lava's flow and through the breathing apparatus of his helmet.

You looked up in thought, realizing that you couldn't really feel her. You tapped into the training bond, but it was almost as if she had closed you off. —"That's odd. I can't. Can you feel her Kylo?" He simply shook his head. 

A sigh came out as static through Sax's voice modulator. —"Well, that is off-putting."

—"Relax." Kylo commanded just as Snoke's onyx cruiser came into view.

The three of you bent the knee and bowed your heads as the craft landed before you. The hiss of the ramp coming down could be heard. The thudding steps of Supreme Leader Snoke came down the ramp. —"Stand." He said simply. Daeva walked behind him, coming to a halt when he lifted a hand. —"You can lower them now, dear girl."

And just like that, Daeva's presence wormed its way back into the shared training bond. He must have done an exemplary progress on her training, none of you could feel her. Though, when you felt her again, something was different. Her Force signature had grown... thicker? denser? You couldn't find the words to explain it, but she was definitely more powerful than when she'd left with him a week ago. You wondered what he had in store for you. The thought of how much of a formidable and mighty Force user Kylo would become after however long Snoke went away with him for.

—"Myra, dear." Snoke began. —"I entrust their training to you while Kylo Ren and I are away. Teach them Forms Two and Seven. Please, do take special care in Sax's guidance. He's still green, but I believe in his potential." He nodded in Sax's direction. —"I must also request a personal favor from you." You nodded firmly. —"Call General Hux and Captain Phasma later today. I do believe they have a pending debriefing with me on a matter I believe will be of your interest." You knew he was talking about your father. —"Tell them to go through the debriefing with you, then, contact me through this communicator. You are to share the information with me, have Hux send you the written report he has surely filed in by now."

He guided a small silver ring to you. You took it in your hands, you'd certainly never seen a holo-communicator like that before. You sank your head in a mix between a bow and a nod. —"Of course, Supreme Leader."

Daeva walked to stand next to you and Sax just as Kylo stepped forward and behind Snoke. —"Take care, children." Then he turned on his back and went up the ramp with Kylo Ren at his side. The three of you stood in silence and watched on as the ship's engine roared back to life. The cruiser took off a couple of minutes after, and then went off into the distance.

You would miss Kylo, but at least Snoke had left tasks to keep you occupied with. You and the other two Knights walked back into the palace. You looked down to the palm of your hand, examining the small holo-communicator Supreme Leader had given you. You set course for the big holo-room in the palace.

It was time to call Phasma and Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be Sax's training. Chapter 39 will be the Reader's training. And finally, the story will be closing at 40 chapters. 
> 
> Remember, this is only the first part of the story. I'm still unsure whether it will be three or four parts. Also, I don't know when I will begin posting the second part, as I leave for Canada in a week from now exactly. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Let me know what you think of the way I think is best to close the story. I am open to suggestions and all your opinions are taken into account. I write this story for you guys and I intend to make it as enjoyable for you as I can. :) <3


	38. Farther and Fainter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some reason or another Ao3 has been eating all my comments whenever I try to reply to your lovely feedback. Don't think I'm ignoring you! I love reading your comments, truly <3

You turned the small device that Snoke had given you in your hands. There was something odd about it. You'd seen some comm-links, like the ones the Jedi Order had used during the times of the Clone Wars. Surely, they were archaic technology, but this small bean didn't seem like it. Your mind went back to when you were back on Ossus. Kana and Kieran, then Vex and Nux, had taught you something important while you were tinkering around with spare electronics Skywalker had. They'd taught you how to recognize a bugged microphone anywhere.

This made you confused. Snoke should have known, or at least expected, you would recognize that the device was in fact a microphone. Why would he spy on you though? He could look into your mind any time he desired to do it, so why do this? Then, it hit you. He wasn't spying on you, he was spying on Hux and Phasma. Even when he was so far from them both, Snoke wanted to make sure that his personnel was acting in line. Perhaps he suspected that with the two of them being so familiar to you, they would somehow slip up and say something that rubbed him off the wrong way. So Snoke was not only testing four of his Knights of Ren, he was also testing his General and Captain in command.

 

 

You wanted to tell them, but knew that sending a message on your datapad would be much too dangerous, and Hux would likely get pissed if you did so. You couldn't make signs at them through the holo communications, as Snoke could simply look into your mind and be aware of you helping them. There was only one way for you to do it, and it was to keep them at a distance as you spoke to them. All you hoped for was that they would take the hint and not think badly of you, particularly Hux. You also hoped that he wouldn't dare speak of the memories you'd deleted, but still, you doubted he even remembered that had happened.

As you stood in front of the door leading to the holo communications room, a servant woman approached you. —"Would you like me to set up a call to somewhere in particular, my lady?"

She shrank under the gaze of your haunting helmet. —"No." You replied simply.

You then pushed the door open, closing it behind yourself. The room was in complete darkness, but the helmet's nocturnal vision made it easy for you to see. The clacking of your boots echoed in the empty room. At the center stood a circular device, a holo communicator. You dialed the code for Hux's holo, which he kept in his office. You were told that him and Captain Phasma would be expecting a call for their debriefing, but you knew they weren't expecting you to be the image to pop out on their end of the holo communication.

Hux's and Phasma's images flickered to life, filling the holo communications room with the customary dainty blue light that these gadgets emitted. Both their serious and rigid stances fell into a more relaxed posture as they saw you. They looked confused to have your image pop up on their end instead of Supreme Leader's. The General held some files in his hands, while Phasma firmly carried her blaster rifle. The ginger and the chrome-clad Captain shared a questioning look before looking back at you. Realizing that none of them had the intention of speaking before you did, you stepped forward into the holo communicator's range.

—"General Hux, Captain Phasma." You nodded in each of their respective directions. 

Armitage closed his eyes and shook his head. —"I hate to ask this but, where is Supreme Leader, Myra?"

—"Away." You replied in a clipped tone. —"He requested that you debriefed to me, then I will pass the information on to him through a special communicator."

Phasma took off her helmet and walked to cover Hux's image. —"What are you doing, Phasma?!" Hux asked anxiously.

—"If we are to tell her about this, the least I can do is say it  **with my helmet off**." Phasma said directing a dirty look Hux's way.

It pained you that you already knew that, Phasma would be getting into deep trouble for taking her helmet off and breaking protocol. You directed a regretful look her way, but surely she interpreted it as worry. You hoped that Hux would catch on to your little act and not fuck up as Phasma already had. It made your stomach twist into knots that when Phasma got into trouble, and she would, she was going to think that you'd been the one to inform Supreme Leader of her minor transgression.

Silence had extended for too long, so you took matters into your own hands. —"Is something the matter?"

Both of them looked thoroughly uncomfortable. Hux cleared his throat. —"We've led a successful expedition into the third planet of the Bright Jewel system, Ord Mantell." He glanced at Phasma, who simply glared at him. —"We captured an enemy to the First Order, finding him after knowing this man was living under a fake alias--"

—"For fuck's sake, Hux!" Phasma exclaimed, clearly irritated. —"Quit stalling and just tell her!"

Armitage gave a pained look your way. —"The man we captured is your father, Myra." You widened your eyes, giving him the benefit of at least looking surprised. —"He was bunkering in a large stronghold that belonged to a crime organization in that sector. He's been aprehended and taken into our custody."

You kept your face impassive. —"Supreme Leader will want his debriefing."

Phasma stepped forward. —"I took a twenty-man-squadron of Stormtroopers with me to the planet. We had gotten reports of a man that resembled a wanted offender against the First Order. When we arrived, I spoke to our source on the planet, he said that this man was working with the Black Sun crime syndicate. Our source also informed that this man was working under the alias of Belius Augorth. After asking around, one of my Stormtroopers got a lead, that took us to the high sector of Ord Mantell City. We cleared a stronghold of crime lords and petty thieves, then captured Belius Augorth, your father." 

—"He was brought back to Starkiller Base." Hux added. —"I had him placed in the dungeons and is being kept under high security. He has tried to escape twice, both times we've had to use strong sedatives on him. The man often drives himself into states of hysteria until we give him mild sedatives, which gives us inklings of an addiction to sedatives." You remained silent. —"My written report will be sent to your datapad. I ask you to forward it to Supreme Leader, please."

You nodded. —"If that is all..." 

—"That is all." Phasma ended for Hux. She put her helmet back on. —"The best of luck on your mission Knight Myra Ren." You sank your head in a grateful nod.

The holo image flickered and then went out, leaving you in complete darkness once more. The way she had said the last part, and the way she huried to put her helmet back on, led you to believe that perhaps they had caught on to the pleading look in your eyes as she kept fucking up. You looked down at the small bean-like device in your hand. You pressed a small button on the side, but all that came out of it was static. That led you to think that Supreme Leader would be the one to contact you, and not the other way around. It was off-putting to know that he would speak through it whenever he wanted, whether you were ready to do so or not, was not his concern.

You fast walked back to your room, feeling eager to take your helmet off and breathe actual air. Your room was eerily silent without Kylo there to share it with you. The small bean in your hand was slowly becoming a burden to you, the possibility of being checked on at all times bothered you immensely. So, you decided to walk into the scrolls room and leave it there, knowing that, if you wanted to speak freely, Snoke wouldn't hear you. The big, plush bed in your room called to you. There was nothing you wanted to do more than plop down onto it and take a nap, but as soon as you did that, there was a knock on the door.

You stood up and walked to the door, not opening it before putting your helmet on, should it be a servant calling at your door. On the other side stood your twin helmet, it was Daeva. —"I know why you've been avoiding me ever since we landed here." She said, her robotic voice filling the hall.

After frantically looking back at the scrolls room, you took Daeva by the arm and led her down the hall, not before closing the door to your room, of course. She asked what you were doing, but you simply shushed her as you entered the armory with her trailing behind you. As soon as you were both inside, you let her arm go and took your helmet off. She mirrored your actions. —"It's safe now." 

She frowned, looking at you as though you were crazy. —"What is that supposed to mean?"

—"The small device Supreme Leader gave me." You began. —"It's a bugged microphone."

Daeva looked at you skeptically. —"Why would he give you such a thing when he can look into your mind?"

—"He's spying on Hux and Phasma, I believe." You shrugged. —"And I let him, to be honest. They are loyal personnel I don't believe they have anything to hide from him." She nodded in agreement. —"What were you saying?"

Her eyes lit up in remembrance. —"Oh, I was saying I understand why you were avoiding me. Supreme Leader explained everything in my time away with him. I want to thank you for not letting your curiosity get the better of you."

—"It's no problem." You pulled your lips into a thin line. —"Whatever it was you were going to tell me, I don't suppose you can tell me now, can you?"

She shook her head. —"No, sorry." Her thin hand rested atop yours. —"You will know soon, though. Try not to think too much of it." You gave her a small smile. —"Now, come on. Shouldn't you be training Sax and I on Forms Two and Seven?"

After you went back to retrieve the small bean, the pair of you walked through the palace's halls. Daeva told you she'd asked Sax to meet her in the big training room you'd been parring in ever since you'd arrived here. Surely enough, he was already inside waiting for the two of you. The three of you placidly spoke of the marvelous state this old structure was in. You reminded Sax that he had to go see the armory you'd found near your room. There was so much weaponry in there, and it was so diverse, that you just knew he would enjoy being around so many different things again. Perhaps it would remind him of his past life, something you suspected he was about to  **have to** forget. You wondered when Supreme Leader Snoke was going to knight him. Maybe he would do so when it was Sax's turn to go off to some part of the planet with him.

It was odd to you how silent Daeva was about her trip with Supreme Leader. Normally, when she got back from a mission she wouldn't shut up about it for the next week or so. This time, however, she didn't share even the slightest bit of information with anyone. You couldn't help but wonder what he'd put her through. She'd come back... different. There was something about her Force signature that was different, not darker per se, just... odd. You wanted to call it grey, but Daeva wasn't capable of being such a dull color.

The three of you went through the basic stances needed for the performance of Form Two. Everything was going fine until you felt... something. It was painful, extremely painful. The feeling itself, however, felt as though something had wormed out and disconnected from your very brain. It was intrusive, to say the least, but the pain had you doubling over and desperately grasping at your head. Daeva and Sax panickedly tried to comfort you, but all that came out of your mouth were pained howls. You were forced into a fetal positions, writhing back and forth in pain. Something had happened, you didn't know what yet. 

—"Put her out." Sax's voice echoed at the distance. —"Put her out, it's the only way we can help her."

A pair of fingers were pressed to your temple, you could slowly feel yourself going limp, and then everything went dark.

 

 

 

_—"Myra..." A deep voice echoed at the distance. —"Myra..." The voice called for you once more. You tried opening your eyes, but found yourself unable to do so. —"Myra." The voice was firm and right above you. —"It's me, Kylo." You finally recognized his voice. Once again, you attempted yo pry your eyes open, but there was only darkness. —"Don't exert yourself too much."_

_—"What is happening?" You asked anxiously. —"What happened to me?"_

_He sighed, you could feel him close, but knew that even if you touched him, he would just dissipate into smoke. —"Our bond it..." He trailed off. —"It broke."_

_You inhaled sharply. —"No! Why?!"_

_—"You're going to be mad..." He began, but your stubborn silence told him he had to continue. —"Snoke... he cut it off." You were ready to protest, but he kept talking. —"Try to understand why he did it, please."_

_—"Explain." You impatiently asked._

_You could feel him touch your hand, then your eyes opened and you were finally able to see him. Kylo looked broken, as though he'd gone through the same pain you'd experienced. It was odd, you could feel him touching you, and your hand hadn't turned into smoke upon contact. You looked at him with questioning eyes. He smiled at you sweetly, you knew it was an attempt to get you to calm down before he explained further. You reckoned you wouldn't be able too see him, **feel** him like this if the bond was really broken._

_—"The bond we shared was fake." You scowled. —"Not fake, just not fabricated by ourselves. Supreme Leader had our minds linked in order to feed me with your light and so I could feed you with my darkness. It was a means to keep us balanced."_

_Your nostrils flared. —"Why did he break it then?"_

_He smirked. —"To give us the chance to share a genuine bond." You directed a confused stare his way. —"We need to work together to build up our new bond. He explained the basics and it seems very doable."_

_—"Tell me what to do." Kylo smiled warmly at your eagerness._

_Without any further words or explanations, his lips crashed into yours. The kiss was pure, filled with love and care. He was putting as much of himself as he could into the kiss, and you couldn't help but do the same. It had always been somewhat worrying to you how intoxicating Kylo could be, and how deliberately you let yourself be fully immersed into him. When his hands fell from your waist to your ass, you knew where this was going. It made sense, really, having to be so **united** in order to be able to form a bond. You supposed the bond you had shared with Kylo was no different than the training bond you shared with the other Knights. However, you had never been able to touch and actually feel any of the others as you were doing now with Kylo._

_Kylo greedily kneaded at your butt, as if pulling you out of your momentary reverie. You wasted no time, pushing your hand between your bodies and fondling Kylo through his pants. He shakily sighed against your lips as you rubbed him up and down, feeling him harden underneath your touch. He slowly began to undress you, being delicate and sensual all at the same time. After gently prying your hand off his bulge, he returned the favor by dipping his large hand into your pants. With his index finger, he brushed aside your underwear and began flicking at your nub, causing you to buck your hips into his hand as you desperately kissed him._

_He took his sweet time in getting you to your breaking point, but just as you were about to peak, his hand retreated. In a single tug, Kylo rid you of your pants. After that, he pushed his hands underneath your shirt, slowly dragging them up along with your shirt. You lifted your arms up and allowed him to take it off, he then threw it somewhere into the darkness. You eagerly tugged at his clothes, too. He was more than happy to help, taking his pants off as you ripped his top robes off him. You ran your hands across his broad chest as he looked down at you with a soft expression in his eyes. He cupped your face and kissed you fiercely, effectively getting you all riled up._

_You were momentarily confused as he used the Force to sit you down, but when he kneeled and pushed your legs open, you simply went with the flow. Kylo pushed you down so you laid on your back, then left a trail of wet, sloppy kisses from your sternum to the inside of your thighs. You shivered as his hot breath fanned on your core. Before you had any time to brace yourself for what was to come, his fleshy lips encased your clit as he greedily sucked at it. Your breathing quickly became ragged. Sighs and small, breathy moans fell from your mouth. He pushed a finger into your core, the sudden intrusion causing you to arch your back. The finger pulsed in and out of you, until he added a second finger and began crooking them inside you, deliciously hitting a special spot within you._

_Once again, as he felt you nearly reach your peak, all his attentions were gone. He climbed up, placing his hands at either side of your face and kissing your neck. You ran your hands up his toned arms and onto his back and neck. Kylo used his knees to push your legs wider apart, then supported his weight with a single hand as he used the other one to guide himself into your entrance. He lovingly kissed your cheek as he dipped into you, stretching you wonderfully. Your muscles pulsed lightly around him as you adjusted to his girth. He hummed in approval at that, fully sheathing himself inside you._

_The pace he set was slow, but he hit all the perfect spots and ground himself on your nub wonderfully with each stroke. He focused on getting you to the right place, kneading your breasts and kissing your neck. You moved your hips to meet his thrusts, also wanting to pleasure him as he did you. He seemed to appreciate it thoroughly as quiet but filthy moans began to fall from his mouth. The pace quickened, and your hips followed his lead. Within minutes, Kylo had you gripping at his arms in desperation. He began to flick you clit at a maddening pace, and pushed you over the edge._

_Your vision went hot white, and the moment he came with you, the pleasure escalated. Then, it happened. You felt energy worming inside the two of you at the same time, like a thread that stretched from the innards of your soul all the way into his. You gasped in surprise as you were filled with warmth, both from Kylo's seed and the bond, **the real bond** , coming into place. Kylo gasped for air, thoroughly spent from the bond setting in and his orgasm. You suddenly found that you could feel his mind, every single little corner of it. You could even feel him feeling your mind, could feel his pleasure and could feel him feeling yours. It was like a never ending loop of being aware of the other, so purely, so thorough._

_He smiled the happiest you'd ever seen him as he ran a hand through your hair. —"You're perfect." He kissed your forehead. —"I love you."_

_—"This feels so odd." You said with a big, broad smile. Kylo frowned softly. —"A good kind of odd, different. It feels like the other bond was very half-assed."_

_Kylo openly laughed. —"Supreme Leader would be so offended if he knew you called his bond half-assed." You chuckled softly, still slightly out of breath. —"But I get what you mean." He began as he laid beside you. —"It feels like having a twin mind."_

_—"Yes! Exactly like that!" You looked up into the nothingness. —"What is scary to me is to think how much it will hurt if this ever breaks."_

_He turned to lay on his side, looking at you intently. —"Only you and I can break it." He began seriously. —"Or if either of us die. I promise you I would never break it, no matter what you do. I want to feel you all the time. It is so comforting to know you're there."_

_Kylo hugged you, setting his head on your shoulder. You wrapped your arms around him and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, slowly carding your fingers through his soft locks. It really did feel as though he were there with you. He was right, it was comforting to have him there any time you wanted him to be there. You slowly became so relaxed that at some point, you drifted off into sleep, surrounded by the nothingness and Kylo's soothing presence._

 

 

 

When you came back to, you could immediately tell you were not in your shared room with Kylo. The light was too bright, even with your eyes closed. You heard Daeva's voice off in the distance, she was speaking to Sax. It was as though she were in some sort of adjoined room to the one you had woken up in. You slowly opened your eyes, trying your best to get used to the light here. It bored you to realize you were in a med ward. It was getting really tiring to wake up in such a place. The sudden shift in Daeva's tone made you curious as to what she was talking about. You deliberately eavesdropped.

—"I don't know, Sax! I don't like this, she's been out of it for nearly two days." Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. —"The last time this happened, she went on a murderous rampage with Kylo."

—"That business back on Ossus?" Sax asked quietly.

—"The very same." She continued. —"I'm really worried for her. She's gone through so much these past few weeks, I don't know if she's finally snapped."

You could hear Sax hum. —"Well, maybe you give her too little credit."

The notion that you were that fragile in Daeva's eyes was mildly insulting to you, but you knew that it came from a genuine place. You quietly stood and scoured the room looking for your robes. You'd found clean robes in a small cabinet off to your right. You changed into them quickly. Just as you were putting your boots back on, the door flew open. Sax stood at the frame of the door, helmet off, but his silver hair stood at odd angles, indicating he had been wearing it not long before he came into the room. 

—"Hey, you're up!" He said cheerfully as he moved to sit on a chair. You simply nodded his way. —"How are you feeling?"

You pursed your lips in approval. —"I actually feel great." Sax shrugged non chalantly. —"Any news on Supreme Leader or Kylo?"

—"Yes." He cleared his throat. —"They're arriving tonight."

You looked at him with wide eyes. —"Has Supreme Leader contacted you?"

He nodded. —"Yesterday, yes." Sax scratched the back of his head. —"He said you are to debrief whatever information the General and Captain shared with you as soon as he arrives."

You sighed in annoyance. —"I had completely forgotten about that. Thank you." 

You were about to exit the room when Sax asked you to stop. —"That can wait if you need to rest. It's not even dawn yet."

—"And you do need rest." Daeva's voice called from the door. —"It's okay." She gestured for you to sit down.

You did as asked and sat back on the stretcher as Daeva closed the door. —"I guess I'd just rather not be here. I hate waking up in places like this."

—"I know you did but we need to speak." She directed a pointed look at Sax, who simply stood and left.

You eyes Daeva weirdly. —"What is it?"

She shrugged. —"Well, you suddenly just were in pain then collapsed. You've been out for a couple days. What's wrong?"

—"My bond." You began. —"My bond to Kylo was broken and it hurt like hell."

Daeva frowned in disbelief. —"Then why do you look so okay now?"

You sighed heavily. —"I haven't told anyone but..." You looked straight at her. —"Kylo and I made up while you were away with Snoke. And then the bond was broken by Supreme Leader. He told Kylo that he'd been the one to set that bond there to help us balance out. His reasoning behind the snapping of our "fake" bond was to let us, and teach us to have an actual bond. The bond is back in, I guess that's why I was out of it for so long. We were working on getting it back up, and it worked perfectly."

—"Is it any different?" You nodded. —"Can you feel him now?" Another nod. —"Sax and I have one like that."

—"Really? Can you actually touch him in the visions?" 

—"Yes."

You nodded in wonder. —"I didn't know of that. When did it happen?"

She scratched at her face awkwardly. —"Well, you've created a bond like that with Kylo. You know when and how it happened."

You chuckled softly. —"Well, then if you know how it feels, you know that I'm fine now." You stood and stretched out your legs and arms. —"Now, I have  **so much** to do before Supreme Leader arrives. I need to get my datapad and check everything Hux sent me." 

—"Go on." She said softly.

You were about to leave when a thought crossed your mind. —"Hey, what happened to the small device Snoke gave me? Have you seen it?"

She frowned and looked up in thought. —"I think I left it back in your room along with the robes you had been wearing."

—"Cool, thanks." 

You put your helmet back on and strapped your lightsaber to your hip before exiting the palace's med ward. The halls were empty, causing your steps to echo through the tall halls of the complex. You hurried to your room, eager to take the helmet off. There was something oddly claustrophobic about it. You wondered how the Stormtroopers and Phasma managed to be encased in them that much time. Your pace quickened as you began walking down the hall that led to your room. Quickly, you closed the door behind yourself and took the helmet off.

Your datapad was on the bed, the same place you had left it on. Snoke's small device sat on one of the small bed tables on each side of the bed. You took it in your hand and put it inside your robe's pocket as you flipped through your datapad. You had two messages from Hux, one with the full written report, and a personal message. You scowled at the screen, hoping that he had not written anything too personal in it. Your mind went back to the cold way you'd treated the two of them in an attempt to try and keep them from doing anything stupid that Snoke could hear through the bugged microphone he'd given you. 

 

_"Myra:_

_I hope you believe me when I say I hope things hadn't turned out this way. My family has hurt yours very greatly already. The least I want is to be the one to hurt you further. I was just doing my job. Please, forgive me._

_General Armitage Hux."_

 

A sad frown crossed your features. Hux had simply thought you were pissed that him and Phasma had captured your father. In truth, you were glad that scum had been taken into custody. All you hoped for was that they would let him rot and suffer in his cell without giving him any sedatives. He deserved to die a slow, painful death. Your mother had died by his hand, the only source of pure light in your life had perished at the hands of the monster that had helped her raise you. She had trusted him, stood by him and loved him through their marriage. How had he repaid her kindness? By mistreating her, beating her and then killing her. Rage burned deep within you, a small trembling coming to your hands.

You quickly snapped out of it, taking to reading through Hux's report instead. It pretty much said everything Hux and Phasma had debriefed you on a couple days back, Armitage had simply gone into detail about his time in captivity. It gave you a twisted sense of joy to know that, after his last attempt at attacking a member of staff, he'd been chained to the floor by his wrists. You could perfectly picture him writhing miserably as he tried to free himself. It was sickening to you that you'd ever held respect for someone as pathetic as the man your father had become, but then again, perhaps he had always been that way. You'd simply been too young when you were sent away to train with Skywalker to remember.

Your pocket suddenly buzzed. The small device Supreme Leader Snoke had given you vibrated inside your pocket. You retrieved it, pressing the small button at the side. After some crackling noise, a voice finally came out of it. —"I trust you are doing well now, Myra?" Snoke asked.

—"I am, Supreme Leader."

His hum came out as mere static. —"Go to the holo communications room. I wish to speak to you, helmet off."

—"Immediately." You replied before pressing the button again, cutting the static off.

After putting your helmet back on, you all but ran to the communications room. You weren't just about to make Supreme Leader wait for his report on Hux and Phasma's debriefing more than he'd already waited. As you walked into the holo communications room, Snoke's image already lit up the room. He sat in yet another throne-like chair, looking visibly bored. You walked to the center of the room and bent the knee before him.

—"Stand." You did so. —"You need not worry about the delay, child. If anything, this is on me. I apologize for the inconvenience." You sank your head in a nod. —"Now, please tell me how their mission went."

You stood up straighter, putting your hands behind your back. —"Captain Phasma took a twenty man squadron to Ord Mantell in the Bright Jewel system after getting reports on sightings of an enemy of the First Order. In there, they realized this man had been working for the Black Sun Syndicate under the alias Belius Augorth. After trailing after him they were taken to a facility in Ord Mantell city. They captured the man, my father." He hummed in what you assumed was approval. —"General Hux informed me he was taken into custody and locked up in Starkiller Base's dungeons. The man has tried to escape twice and revolted in his cell, seemingly seeking to be administered sedatives to keep up with his addiction to them. After his last incurrence, though, he was chained by the wrists to the floor to prevent any further attempts."

—"Is it satisfaction I sense in you, dear?" Snoke asked, looking straight at you as he leaned forward in his chair.

You swallowed thickly. —"It is, Supreme Leader."

He sat back. —"Why is it that you feel this?"

—"I'm glad an enemy of the First Order was taken down--"

—"Don't lie." He cut you off.

You cleared your throat. —"Because I hope he rots in a cell forever, Supreme Leader." You swelled with rage once more. —"I just wish it had been me to capture that monster."

Snoke's image nodded slowly. —"What would you have done if you'd had him in your grasp?" He tilted his head to the side. —"Would you have ended him?"

You looked away from him. —"I guess I would have to have been there to accurately answer your question, Supreme Leader."

He chuckled darkly. —"Good, good. Excellent answer, Myra. Perhaps you'd make a great politician like your mother." You nervously bit at your lower lip. —"Take your helmet off." A chill ran down your spine. You knew your dismissive answer would get you into trouble. You pressed the buttons at the sides of your helmet, prying it off your head and trying to keep your face impassive. Snoke hummed. —"Tell Saxon Sonthea his training will take place in the palace, that he need not pack." You tried not to frown in confusion. —"I will be arriving in a couple hours with Kylo Ren. I expect an  **actual** answer to my question by the time I get there."

—"Of course, Supreme Leader." You could feel the cold sweat in your brow as you sank your head in a nod.

The room was left in darkness as his image went out. You put your helmet back on and walked out of the holo communications room in search of a servant. Upon finding one walking down the hall, you asked him to fetch Sax and Daeva and tell them to meet you in the training room. He simply bowed and left. You walked through the palace in search for the training room. You went inside and began warming up. You were determined to help Sax make his transition from commoner to Knight of Ren as swift as possible, and you knew you had precious little time to do so.

Within minutes, Daeva arrived. Sax entered the room little after her. You were silent as they looked at you curiously. Sax was the first to speak. —"I think you should be resting."

—"And I thought I told you I was doing fine." You snapped. —"Did you train while I was out?" The two of them nodded. —"Good. Sax, I've just spoken to Supreme Leader Snoke. Your training will be taken care of here in the palace. Unpack anything you have already packed, okay?" The silverhead nodded. —"Okay, now show me your stance for Form Two."

His footwork was acceptable, and he was strong enough to hold himself in combat. You still wanted him to perfect a few stances before moving on to Form Seven. Kylo had already began teaching Sax some of it in his spare time, so he was a fair opponent. You reckoned he was a fast learner, specially for the advanced age he was already in. He would soon be getting an actual lightsaber to parr with, though. It would be like learning all over again, but you trusted that he would do just fine when the time came. 

The three of you parred non-stop until you deemed Sax to be ready to take on anything Supreme Leader threw his way. You instructed Daeva to launch mental attacks on his mind and teach him how to block her out. You knew, or at least suspected what Snoke's plans for him were. He would test him to his breaking point, and he'd break, you were simply trying to make it harder for Snoke to do so. Sax would be ready, and if Daeva cared for him, she would not go easy on her mental attacks. Still, you considered Sax had gotten a pretty accurate preview of what was coming his way from the time you and Kylo spent interrogating him. 

None of you left the training room a single minute, but then, all of you shared a look. That pressure at the back of your necks was present. You all stood and put your helmets on, then walked out and rushed to the hangar. As of custom, you stood side by side, hands behind your back. That is, until the black craft came into view. Daeva and you shared a look as both of you felt Kylo's presence. Somehow, in that small time, his Force signature had gotten absurdly dense. You dared say it was somewhat similar to Luke Skywalker's, that is in the last years you'd known him. Not even Snoke's signature came close to how unique and strong Skywalker's presence in the Force had been when you first met him.

That particular, almost imperceptible landing told you Kylo was piloting. You gave a soft smile underneath your helmet. The second the ramp descended, Snoke walked down. The three of you bent the knee and kept your gaze to the floor. Instead of telling you to stand, Supreme Leader simply walked past you. Sax was quick to rise and follow him inside. Daeva and you looked at each other before standing. She looked into the facility, then back at you, as if silently asking if she should go. You simply shrugged, and she went inside. 

You turned around, Kylo was coming down the ramp at a fast pace. —"Come with me." He said simply. Worry was palpable in his voice.

Obediently, you followed him all the way to your chambers. He closed the door behind himself, putting a lock on it. Kylo then pointed to the scrolls room, snapping his fingers at you. You frowned but obeyed. He followed you inside, closing that door under lock as well. It was seriously off-putting to see him act like this and not communicate a single word to you. After closing that second door, he turned to look at you, both still wearing helmets. His shields suddenly lowered and you were hit by his pain, grief and panic all at the same time. You were quickly overwhelmed by his emotions.

You took your helmet off. His remained on. —"What is going on?" He remained silent. —"Kylo." You said urgently.

He took his hands to his helmet, pressing the buttons and taking it off. He looked beyond broken. His eyes looked derranged by anxiousness, he was paler than usual, a trembling pout and a worried frown. —"He changed his mind." His voice broke. —"I can't let you out, I'm sorry."

Kylo's anxiety was making yours skyrocket. The fact that he was being so vague didn't help either. —"Who changed his mind?! Why can't you let me out?!" He shook his head and looked away from you. —"Speak to me, please!"

The silence that followed seemed to stretch on forever. —"Snoke is going to kill Sax." Kylo said quietly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end of the story! What will happen with Daeva's relationship with Snoke and the Knights? How is this going to affect the Reader's relationship with Kylo? Guess you'll have to wait a bit to find out ;)


	39. Don't Touch the Alarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Please don't hate me :(((

Bile rose to your throat at the thought of what Daeva might do to stop Snoke from killing Sax. Last time the boy had even been close to danger, Daeva had stupidly thought herself strong enough to impose over Snoke, only to have that confidence completely snuffed out as Snoke nearly killed her. Kylo's big, gloved hand came to rest on your shoulder. You looked up at him. A deranged look, which you could only describe as a mix of fear and worry, displayed clearly on his brown eyes. 

Kylo gently shook his head. —"Please, think this through, Myra." 

You narrowed your eyes at him. —"The more I do, the more I feel like going after Sax." You frowned. —"Or Daeva for that matter."

He sighed, his hand tightening around your shoulder. —"Daeva won't be as foolish as last time. She has trained alone under Snoke. She has suffered what I have. She has come out stronger, you know this."

An incredulous huff escaped your mouth as you shook Kylo's hand off your shoulder. A wave of annoyance traveled in your direction from Kylo's. —"Stronger? I think the word you're looking for is  **docile**."

You'd taken on a defiant stance. Kylo looked down at you disapprovingly. —"Call it what you might..." Kylo began as he circled you and came to stand in front of the door. —"But Snoke  **will** be obeyed."

It hurt to have to do it, but it was the only way that you could stop more bad things from happening. In a daring act, and without thinking much of it, you used the Force to smack the back of Kylo's head against the door behind him. You effectively knocked him out cold, using the Force once more to hold his body up. You guided his big frame to the bed on the adjoined room, leaving him there to rest as you made your way to the door that led to the hallway. You firmly strapped your lightsaber's hilt to your belt and set way for the door. 

An odd feeling washed over you, and honestly, you couldn't quite understand what it was all about until you opened the door. Tall and imposing, Supreme Leader Snoke stood on the other side of the door you'd just opened. A mix of surprise and terror had you frozen on your spot. The man's icy glare was firmly fixed on you, and were it not for his firm composure, you could swear that stare was meant to split you in half. Disdain, disapproval and contempt were the feelings Snoke held for you at that moment.

—"Walk with me, child." His hoarse voice came out in a tone a bit more condescending than what you'd liked. Still, you had no other choice but to obey. Snoke's heavy steps echoed as thuds across the hall. Each step you walked in silence only served to drive you deeper into a state of anxiety. Until, finally, he spoke. —"I see that Phasma and Armitage hold you in great esteem. Are you aware of this?"

You nodded stiffly. —"The three of us have formed a very congenial relationship, Supreme Leader."

He hummed in what you presumed to be agreement. —"It is allowed for you to call it a friendship, Myra." You remained silent. —"Are you friends with the Captain and the General?" 

—"I am, Supreme Leader."

The tall man came to a stop. —"Good." He tilted his head to the side a bit as he considered you, then resumed his walking. —"Myra Ren, this is the first and last time I will tell you this, so listen carefully, child." You gulped as you walked beside him. —"I need the Knights of Ren, all seven of you. I will not kill Saxon Sonthea, that is a lie I told Kylo Ren knowing that he would tell you. This was a test, girl, and you have failed." Your eyes were firmly fixed on the floor, too scared of what you might find in his icy blue eyes. —"I need all my seven Knights... However, Captains and Generals are disposable. You, and your actions alone, are the ones holding Phasma's and Hux's lives hostage. Should I sense the tiniest hint of betrayal in you again, the First Order will be looking for newly appointed Captains and Generals. Have I made myself clear?"

—"Yes, Supreme Leader." You kept your head bowed.

Snoke's steps came to a stop once more. —"Now that that is out of the way, I do believe you owe me an answer, Myra Ren." You looked up at him in confusion. —"Had you been the one to capture your father, what would have been the outcome? And look at me when you answer."

It took great effort, but you were able to meet his glare with an impassive stare. He looked visibly satisfied. —"I..." You looked down for a moment, then back up into his eyes. —"I would have taken him in alive and then let you decide his fate, Supreme Leader."

Any satisfaction that had been held in his eyes immediately dissipated. —"Proactiveness is something that I  **require** my Knights to have." He hummed in what seemed to be disapproval. —"You will learn this in time." His steps began thudding once more. —"Go rest. Be up early, I want you all present in Saxon's trials."

You remained frozen in place until the thudding of his steps had been reduced to minimum noise at the distance. You silently walked back to your shared room with Kylo. He was still soundly asleep on the bed, clearly still knocked out cold from your assault on him. You knew he was going to be pissed next morning. The headache that would come with his anger would certainly not help much. You stared at him from the door. There was something odd about him, as though a bug had sat itself upon his brain, quietly controlling his will. You suspected this was due to Snoke's manipulation climbing to a new level. Still, you couldn't help but be reminded of Kadann's words:  _"You know as well as I do that Solo is in there, alive and well... Beware of him."_

How was it possible for a dead Prophet to sense something Snoke couldn't? Because you were certain that Supreme Leader could not sense the remnants of Ben Solo's soul in Kylo Ren. Even with the bond stronger than ever, you were unable to sense that boy in this darkness. Truth be told, you couldn't really sense much light in Kylo since that choking incident. A pang of pain struck your chest and your neck simultaneously. It pained you to know that you still hadn't forgiven him for it.

Kylo churned lightly in his sleep, clearly disturbed as your thoughts were shared to him through the bond. At that moment, you decided to change into your night robes and get into bed. It was true that both of you would need to be fully rested for tomorrow. There was a particularly odd and perhaps difficult day ahead you. Sleep didn't come easy to you, however. You kept on being plagued by the thoughts of the possible consequences your actions might have from there on. It was now up to you whether Phasma and Hux lived, and that was a burden you would have to carry with you from there on and until the end of your days most likely. 

Worry plagued you, but you tried your best to contain it as Kylo twisted in his sleep once more. You didn't want to add your guilt onto the whirlwind of emotions you were accidentally projecting onto the bond. As you tried and tried to let your feelings of worry go, you were gently lulled to sleep by your soft bout of concentration.

 

 

 

_A child not older than ten followed a tall man though a cave complex. This small child had light blonde hair, nearly mirroring a shade between silver and gold. He was pale and skinny, however he seemed to be tall for his early age. He quietly walked behind a man with dark hair, a full beard and a slightly crooked nose. The two of them wielded lightsabers, the hilts clipped to their belts tightly. Each one of them held torches in their hands, the warm light illuminating their path. The kid looked tired, but you could sense his quiet determination to keep up with the man's pace as he guided him through the caves._

_—"Is it still too far ahead, Master?" The boy asked a bit out of breath._

_The man looked back at him over his shoulder. —"Be patient, young one. We will arrive in time."_

_—"Yes, Master." The small boy whispered._

_There was something odd about this boy's energy. It was almost as though you'd felt this presence before, only his was somewhat cleaner than what you'd previously felt before. Strikingly familiar, yet completely foreign to you. Curiosity overtook you, so you chanced your first glance at the child's face. A chill ran down your spine upon what you found there. A small nose, thin lips and icy blue eyes. So, Supreme Leader Snoke had appeared human once. He had been a small child filled with hope and desire to please his Master. He'd been an apprentice, just like you and the other Knights had been, just as Skywalker had once been._

_—"Young one." The man began. —"Should we be unable to recover the artifact, go back to the Legions, okay?"_

_The boy nodded. —"Why would you say something like that, Master?"_

_The bearded man turned back to glance at the child over his shoulder, curious about the kid's inquiry. —"We might encounter some... hostility in these caves."_

_—"Hostility?" Young Snoke asked, trepidation laced in his tiny voice._

_The Master nodded simply. —"Us Legions opted for a more... grey philosophy in the Force. This planet, however, is inhabited by Sith and Dark Jedi. They share some aspects of our philosophy and practice in the Force, and yet, they favor a fully dark use of this energy. They are very close minded as to how the Force should be used, limiting themselves to the usage of negative emotions only. Whereas, us Legions of Lettow, expand our use of the Force to feelings of passion, hate and fear, but also hope, compassion and peace. This angers the Dark Jedi and the Sith."_

_—"Why?" The small child tilted his head to the side as he kept his eyes glued to the floor, deeply concentrated on his path. —"I have always thought the Jedi weak for rejecting some of their emotions, but the Sith have historically been stronger. Could it be that using positive emotions make us weaker?"_

_Young Snoke bumped into his Master's back as the man came to an abrupt stop. He turned around to look at the child. The man sunk to his knees and placed a hand on the child's shoulder. —"It opens a whole new world of possibilities for a Force-sensitive such as yourself, boy."_

_You could feel the child's doubt and displeasure at his Master's reply. The older man could sense this, too, no doubt. He frowned before standing up and continuing his path across the cave in silence. A whirlwind of turmoil began to stir in young Snoke's mind. The very same doubtful thoughts that plagued your mind back on Ossus. What if my Master is hiding something? What if he is stopping me from reaching my full potential? Is it fear I sense in my Master at my questioning of his methods? Fear of what, my power in the Dark side, perhaps?_

_You sensed danger, which brought you back to reality and stopped your eavesdropping in a single go. The child and his Master seem to sense the danger, too. Both of them came to a stop, instinctly guiding their hands to their lightsaber hilts. Silence is all that followed. You almost hoped to hear some rocks moving at the distance, anything to rid you of the feeling of suspense that rested at the pit of your stomach. Then, it came. However, it was not a rocky sound, but the fiery sound of a lightsaber being ignited. The cave glowed in red, illuminated by the red hue of a new opponent's lightsaber. A Sith pureblood in a dark cloak appeared before them, the red of his skin only heightened by the color of his blade._

_Young Snoke stayed frozen in place as his Master lunged forward, his lightsaber ignited and emitting a beautiful golden hue. The child instantly cowered back after seeing his Master become distracted by his presence. He knew he wasn't strong enough to help him duel this foe. It angered the little boy to know he was rendered useless upon such an enemy. His anger only grew as he further watched the duel unfolding before him. A feeling of hopelessness was laced to that anger, and the growing negative emotions in him made his signature unclean, heavy and dark. This mirrored Snoke's signature more than the one the child had previously shown._

_Upon examining the young child's mind, you discovered he, as well as you, possessed the ability to measure someone's power in the Force by simply poking around their signature in said energy. The man with the red lightsaber seemed to sense this as well, looking back at the child with an expression of wonder and curiosity. This moment of distraction served his Master, as he pushed his lightsaber onto his enemy's arm, cutting a jagged wound into it. Angered by this action, the pureblood focused his power in the Dark side, effectively disarming his opponent, and then severing his head._

_A wave of pain, fear and anger traveled through the soul of young Snoke, coming out of him in a pained howl. The Sith pureblood turned to look at the child, astounded by what he found there. The boy's icy blue eyes turned an angry golden as he trembled uncontrollably. The red humanoid watched on in wonder, his first mistake. The small boy extended his hand in the Sith's direction, breaking his left leg with a flick of his index finger. The pureblood, however, skillfully broke out of Snoke's grasp, lunging at him with his red lightsaber. The boy called his deceased Master's lightsaber to his hand and ignited it just in time to block the older opponent's blow. It was stunning how perfectly the golden hue of the lightsaber matched the kid's glowing eyes._

_Yet, the boy was thin and weak, holding no expertise whatsoever in lightsaber dueling. He was easily bested by the Sith pureblood, but he had no intention of hurting the child, simply wishing to contain him, that was his second mistake. Young Snoke used the gruesome sight of his Master's headless corpse to further fuel his grief and anger, quickly turning those feelings into something more wicked. The boy broke the Sith's wrist next, effectively disarming him._

_Angered, the man reached for the kid's throat, Force choking him with determination. Seemingly, no longer interested in simply containing the child, and finally going in for the kill. That alone, was his third and last mistake. Upon feeling the latent threat to his life, young Snoke's survival instinct fully kicked in. This caused adrenaline to pump wildly onto his veins. Fear blinded him, the memory of his Master's beheading hauntingly grieved him, and a newfound hatred for his opponent fueled his perverse intentions. The kid, without breaking from his aggressor's hold on his throat, extended both his arms. Out came the most radiant lightning you'd seen._

_Within seconds, the pureblood's body had been toasted to a crisp. Yet, the child did not stop shooting lightning at him. Lightning would not stop flowing from his hands, even as he looked on in wonder at the energy leaving the tips of his fingers. Next, he directed the lightning at his Master's body, toasting it to a crisp as well. You were sickened by the feeling of pleasure that emanated from the child's mind. You knew it came from pride in himself for achieving such power, rather than from burning his Master's corpse, but it scared you nonetheless._

_The boy gathered the two lightsabers, his Master's and his opponent's. Then, continued his path through the caves. As his form became smaller at the distance, the caves slowly disappeared as well, leaving you in darkness..._

_Soon enough, Kadann appeared before you. —"It was foolish of you to go against your Master, Myra Ren."_

_You frowned. —"Why show me this?"_

_Kadann smiled softly. —"Think of it as a weapon." At your confused expression, he continued. —"That memory, is the one your Master calls to mind when invocating Force lightning. It is a memory filled with fear and anger, but also grief."_

_—"I don't understand." You said looking between the floor and Kadann. —"Why give me this 'weapon'?" You inquired softly, trying not to seem ungrateful._

_The man looked at you, as serious as ever. —"You're about to head into your last trial. Snoke has tested your physical boundaries when he struck you with lightning, your emotional boundaries when he had Kylo Ren betray you, he has tested your loyalty's boundaries just now with that test. All that's left for him to test are your mental boundaries. You will face his cruelty like you haven't before. He will push into your mind and fill it with all the unpleasant things he can find, and create the ones he cannot find." You nodded at him. —"Do you understand now?"_

_—"Should he push me past my mental boundary, I am to make use of the memory you've given me." He nodded sharply._

_—"Go forth with caution, Myra Ren." He spoke softly. —"I agree with your Master's methods. He keeps your best interest in mind, and keeps nudging you in the right direction. Still, I do not wish for you to break beyond a point you can't come back from. The Prophet needs mental stability to keep a constant flow of visions. Always remember that."_

_You nodded. Kadann mirrored your actions, and then faded into nothingness._

 

 

 

You were awoken by Kylo's soft whimpering. He was still soundly asleep, but you could tell he was having a nightmare. His breathing was ragged and he'd broken into a cold sweat. Softly and lovingly, you set your hand on his forehead. You tried to focus your purest energy to his mind through your bond, attempting to calm the raging anxiety-fueled nightmare he was having. After his breathing dropped back to normal, you turned to take your datapad. Your alarm was set to go off in thirty minutes. You knew you weren't really going to get any rest in that brief time.

Kylo's big arm wrapped around your waist. —"Are you okay?" He asked sleepily.

You shifted to look at him, his brown eyes still soft with sleep, his fleshy lips pouting slightly. —"Yes, are you?" He shrugged. —"You were having a nightmare."

He momentarily retrieved his arm to rub at his right eye. —"I was." Kylo said before yawning. —"What happened yesterday?" You drew your lips into a thin line, he didn't remember. —"What?"

—"Nothing." You sighed and then sat up, but Kylo stubburnly wrapped his arm tighter around you. 

—"Tell me what happened." His arm tightened further. —"Of course I do remember you knocked me out. I was simply trying to give you a chance not to lie."

You huffed. —"I'm not lying."

—"The absence of truth is still considered lying by  **my** standards." He said angrily. —"Where did you go after knocking me out? What did you do?"

You looked away from him, unable to hold his intense stare any longer. —"I was going to go see Daeva."

—"But?" He asked impatiently.

Another sigh. —"But Snoke was outside our door waiting for me."

He sat up in a single go and faced you. —"Quit keeping me on edge, Myra. What happened?"

You looked down at your hands, refusing to meet his eyes again. You wondered if it would be wise to tell him Snoke had lied to him. Would that anger him? Should you care? —"It was a test. A loyalty test." Kylo nearly inaundibly gasped. —"He's not killing Sax. Supreme Leader simply instructed you to tell me that to see what I would do. Sax's training will take place here in the palace. Early today."

Kylo grumbled as he shoved his face back on the pillow. You smiled softly at his childish display. —"How long until your alarm goes off?"

—"About thirty minutes." 

He peered at you mischievously. —"Fancy a little fucking before that?"

You chuckled suggestively as Kylo crawled towards you, slowly removing the covers that were on you. He set his arms at either side of you, inching his face closer to yours, then softly capturing your lips in a sweet kiss that caused you to smile against his lips. His response to that was to press more of himslef into you. Kylo was quick to undress you, and seeing as how he always slept without a shirt on and only in his briefs, most of the clothing was already out of the way. He broke away from the kiss and used his right hand to massage circles onto your core, testing your wetness and provoking some more.

He deemed you ready, climbing to his spot between your legs, but still not removing his underwear. He ground himself down on you, the flesh of his dick poking through the hole of his briefs. This caused a couple of breathy sighs to escape your mouth, which only served to spurr him on further. You could feel him harden with every stroke, so you desperately pushed your hips into his, eager to be filled by him. Kylo took the cue and quickly rid himself of his underwear. Much too impatiently, you reached between the two of you, taking his shaft and guiding it to your entrance in earnest.

Wasting no time, Kylo didn't quite push but more like rammed into you. A breathless moan left your mouth as the dirtiest of sounds. He shoved his face onto the crook between your neck and your collarbone, releasing his breathy pants and tickling the skin there. He set an unforgiving pace as you clung onto his back. Determined to make it quick for the both of you, Kylo snaked an arm and ground his thumb against your nub in up and down motions. Your walls began pulsing as your orgasm neared you. He took that as a sign to completely stop his movements, pulling out of you. 

—"Honestly, fuck you." You said slightly out of breath.

Kylo chuckled breathily as the kneeled down between your legs and shoved his tongue into your sex. He sucked your clit into his mouth and put two fingers inside you, furiously pumping in and out of you. As soon as his fingers left you, he licked two stripes going from your hole to your nub, effectively sending shivers down your spine. —"Come." He instructed in a husky voice. Once again, he shoved his fingers in, pulsing them furiously and using that technique with the Force to push at your G-spot.

As soon as your orgasm hit, Kylo shoved himself back into you, but he refused to move his hips. However, he kept his assault on your G-spot going with his Force abilities. In doing that, you couldn't stop coming, the friction was just too delicious for your body to voluntarily stop. Kylo simply groaned at the feeling of your walls collapsing around him. His breathing became more and more ragged, still not relenting his pressure on your special spot. He prolonged it for as long as he could, and quickly had you writhing desperately on the bed. You knuckles had long since turned white from gripping the sheets too hard. 

He simply ran his hands through his hair as his orgasm neared him. Refusing to stop looking into your lust-blown pupils, the man pushed into your mind, feeling pleasure cover every corner of it. A moan escaped his lips at the delicious feeling, your pleasure suddenly becoming his as well. Deciding to try it out too, you pushed into his mind. It was almost as pushing into his body, feeling the sweat at the back of his neck and his dick hardening and pulsing in anticipation. When he came, you pushed your head into the pillow and arched your back off the bed. A never-ending loop of pleasure covered the room as your alarm went off. Neither of you were bothered as breathy moans and pants filled the room.

After coming down from his high, Kylo gently massaged your thighs. —"Hmmm... that tight little thing is going to be the end of me."

You laughed heartily. —"I never really took you for much of a dirty talker." He hummed as he sunk down to your core once more, teasing you with his tongue. —"Kylo, the alarm went off already."

—"I'll be quick." He said before latching onto your sex once more.

—"But--"

He huffed and looked at you. —"Would be quicker if you just..." Another lick. —"Shut up."

Staying true to his word, Kylo was quick about his activities. The two of you got up and readied yourselves in full armor after that. You spoke of your encounter with Snoke, and of course, he wasted no chance to chastise you about your hot-headedness once more. You knew what you'd done had been stupid, but you had felt it was your duty to protect Daeva. Perhaps Kylo was right though, her training under Snoke had made her more obedient. Maybe you'd have to receive further training, and according to Kadann, you were close to doing so.

Once the two of you were in full armor, lightsaber clipped to your belts and helmets on, you were out the door. You strode with purpose across the halls, servants cowered back as you walked past them. You'd noticed how much people's attitudes had changed upon the usage of the helmets. Hell, even Hux had been mildly startled when he'd first seen you wearing yours. Kylo's was truly an eerie sight as well, that silver slit at the eyes made you feel minutely watched. To be honest, that was very off-putting.

When you got to the door leading to Snoke's makeshift throne room, you saw Daeva was already waiting outside. —"Sax?" Kylo asked simply. 

Daeva pointed inside. —"Supreme Leader is speaking to him alone. I was told we are to wait out here."

Then, it came. The crackling sound of lightning poured out of the room. You could hear Sax's pained grunts. Instinctively, you took a step forward, ready to go inside. Kylo's arm gripped your upper arm, forcibly pulling you back in place. —"Stop that." He chastised.

You turned to look at Daeva, her facial expressions shielded by her helmet. She stood in place, calmly waiting for it to be over. You couldn't help the frown taking over your features underneath your own helmet. A week back, she'd been willing to choke the life out of Snoke to defend Sax. Now, she was able to patiently await whatever the outcome of this was going to be. You knew it wasn't due to her not loving him enough, as a matter of fact, Daeva probably loved Sax now more than she did then. 

She could also most likely feel his pain through the Force bond they shared. That just went to prove how effective Snoke's conditioning was. It made you fear whatever was in store for you. It would not be as ugly as Daeva's training, at least you had never dared Force choke the Supreme Leader. Still, your mental boundaries were strong, and it would take a lot to knock them down to the point Daeva's had been set at.

You gulped thickly as the lightning came to a stop. Seconds later, the door to the room creaked open, signaling for all three of you to go in. Sax was kneeling down in customary greeting. Kylo, Daeva and you followed his actions and kneeled down before Supreme Leader Snoke. You could see the boy's light trembling from your spot next to him, and yet, he remained firm in his posture.

—"Stand, Saxon Sonthea." He obeyed. —"Step forward, child." His steps echoed through the room. —"Kylo Ren, stand and come forward." A set of heavier steps could be heard. —"You are the Master of the Knights of Ren. Do you deem this man ready to become one of you?"

He was silent, but you could feel him actively probing through Sax's mind. It took a couple of minutes, in which Daeva and yourself were still kneeling, not allowed to curiously peek at the actions unfolding. —"He's ready."

Snoke hummed. —"I believe so as well." The shuffling coming from his direction allowed you to deduce he'd stood up. —"Rise, Daeva and Myra Ren." You did as asked. Supreme Leader extended his left palm, then guided a small crystal to Sax's hands. —"With this Kyber crystal, you are to forge a weapon. I recommend a lightsaber. Be careful, this is a blood red crystal. It is significantly more intense and harmful than other Kyber crystals. I give you this due to your extense weaponry knowledge. I believe you'll be able to handle its power." Sax closed his hand around the crystal. —"From now on, you are not Saxon Sonthea. Vaatu Ren."

—"Now..." Snoke began. —"I wish to have a word with Myra Ren. All of you out." The other three Knights exited the room, closing the door behind themselves. —"I wish to speak to you about the Prophets of the Dark Side." He said before sitting back down on his makeshift throne. —"The founder of this cult was a Sith lord named Darth Millenial, a man whom I believe to have been ahead of his time. He thought the Rule of Two was restrictive, a belief I, too, share. The time has come for you to unlock your third eye, my child." You nodded firmly. —"Go pack up. We leave at sundown."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm really sorry for the hiatus I put this story in. I promise I will finish it and start the second part of the story. Second of all, thanks to all of you for being patient. I hope some of you are still around to finish this story. Please, let me know what you think of this chapter and what you expect the last chapter will look like. Know that I love all of you and I've missed you greatly. Enjoy! <3


	40. Play Dead

Kalakar Six was a volcanic moon, which made you wonder why you felt so damn cold in the shuttle you were traveling in. Supreme Leader had been outstandingly quiet for the extension of the flight. This only served to put you more on edge, if you were being honest. The man tended to go into long monologues about Sith lore or to say vaguely threatening things. Even so, you figured you'd rather have this silence than to have Supreme Leader speak about your transgression against his authority a couple days ago. You knew you'd pay dearly for it, and the simple thought of it was enough to make the hairs at the back of your neck stand.

You became slightly lightheaded as the ship began its descent. It was a long way down, perhaps taking too much time. This made you believe that the place you were going into was below ground. The further down you went, the colder you felt. Your mind traveled back to those days before Starkiller base, when you'd felt an impending sense of doom before the mission on Bosthirda. This cold was familiar to you, it was linked to anything that had to do with the Prophets of the Dark Side. Weirdly beckoning, more out of curiosity than anything, but still setting you on edge, as if quietly reminding you to be wary of the Dark side of the Force.

Suddenly, something in your mind snapped, all your connections to the other Knights swiftly silenced. You directed a wary look to Supreme Leader, but the man simply nodded your way, as if telling you to accept that loss. You thought of asking what had happened, yet something about the cold stare he was directing your way made you remain silent. It honestly made you feel afraid, almost as if you were unsure if the connection was ever going to set back into your mind. It was mildly off-putting, still, you guessed that was the whole intent of the action. The more on edge you were, the more malleable your mind would be for Snoke to play with. You tried not to think too much about the words Kadann had shared with you last night.

—"The facility we're going into is near the core of the moon." Supreme Leader began, abruptly pulling you out of your thoughts. —"Which, weirdly enough, is made of ice." You frowned softly. —"It is confusing, I know. The core of this moon is a strong center of Dark side energy, there is a Dark Force temple, it was once the home of the Prophets of the Dark Side."

You hummed in understanding. Snoke stared at you, silently waiting for you to elaborate. —"When in Bosthirda, I had this cold feeling in my chest. I feel the same now. I suppose that feeling is somehow linked to the Prophets of the Dark Side."

—"Has the Prophet spoken to you recently?" You nodded. —"What has he said?"

You looked up in thought, trying to remember everything he'd told you. —"He berated my attempt at draining Kylo Ren. Kadann then showed me a vision here in Kalakar Six. Days later he came to me explaining that I needed to be in control of my fear before controlling my anger."

Supreme Leader nodded softly. —"I agree with him on this." 

That was the last thing he said to you during the remainder of the flight. As the descent of the ship came to an end, Snoke, along with you and four Praetorian guards, exited the ship. He instructed a servant to take you to the room which was set to become yours during your stay on the facility. You followed the twi'lek woman down some halls, the energy getting darker and the temperature colder as you kept on walking. As you followed the woman deeper into the complex, the presence of Praetorian guards grew largely in number. You could tell something was off, but still, you kept on walking behind the twi'lek.

A set of Praetorian guards suddenly blocked your way. —"Is there a problem?" The twi'lek woman weakly asked as she looked at the floor.

With a single move, one of the guards slashed through the servant woman, immediately killing her. A gasp left your mouth, coming out as static through the voice modulator of your helmet. You were quick to call your lightsaber to your hand, filling the hall with silver light. You looked behind you, finding that another group of Praetorian guards were there blocking as well. You were surrounded, trapped. Yet, you were willing to fight your way out of it.

Just as you were about to charge at them, the echoing steps of Supreme Leader were heard at the end of the hall. The Praetorian guards held down their weapons. They stepped aside to allow him through. His face was impassive, he simply stared down at you. After a few moments, you deactivated your lightsaber. Panic traveled through your body as Supreme Leader extended his hand towards you. —"Your weapon, hand it over." He waited no time to gage your reaction and simply called the lightsaber to his hand. He then turned his back on you. —"Take her away." 

—"What?! No!" A guard made his way to you, but you pushed him away with the Force. A group of guards approached you but, in your panic, you pushed all of them away, too. A thought crossed your mind. You concentrated all your energy into pushing at everyone in the hall. A pulse of energy left you, effectively knocking over everyone but Supreme Leader Snoke.

—"Impressive." Was all he said before he used his powers to subdue you onto your knees. —"But still, not strong enough."

You were placed in Force suppressing cuffs. —"Supreme Leader... why?" You asked hopelessly.

He gave his back to you and kept walking down the hall as you were being dragged back by some guards. As soon as he was out of sight, you struggled against the hold of the guards, desperate to free yourself. One of them hit you on the back of the head with their weapon, effectively knocking you out and leaving you surrounded by darkness.

 

 

 

With your connection to the Force cut off, you were unable to call for help to any of your Knights. You couldn't even communicate with Kadann or have any Force visions. You were beginning to feel bored and hopeless. It felt like you had been trapped in that cell for the better portion of a week. You were being fed the minimum, and you could feel yourself growing week. Still, you took Kadann's words to heart:  _"Meditate on what you could have under control, and what is not up to you. That is the only way you will be able to fully open your foresight."_

And so, you spent your time trapped there thinking about all the things you had under control, which at that point, were not many. You had grown patient, taking your time to figure out what it was you had done wrong so as to be imprisoned. The realization had hit you within hours of your imprisonment: you were being tested. At least that's what you thought. You knew Supreme Leader was not the kind to give out this type of punishment. If he were to punish you for going against his will and trying to go after Vaatu, he would have struck you with lightning or Force choked you. This imprisonment was supposed to help you handle fear, but how would that be so if you were already aware of the purpose of it all? You were no longer afraid as you had been the first few days, as of now, you were just patiently waiting to be released.

A couple more days went by. You were all out livid. This was useless, you were not being punished and this test was not going to work. What the hell was Supreme Leader playing at? You were simply growing weaker day by day. Slowly losing your sanity wasn't even the worst of it, you could feel yourself becoming a dirty, grimy mess. You wouldn't dare admit it, but you had grown resentful. Not resentful of Supreme Leader per se, but you had had too much free time on your hands to think about everything and anything. 

At first, you'd thought of your resentment towards Skywalker. How badly he'd treated you and his other students. It angered you to see all what you had been able to accomplish in one year under Supreme Leader, rather than eleven years under Skywalker. He'd hidden the death of your mother from you, even when his sister had advised him against it. You were pissed at the thought of him hiding that information with the sole purpose of not losing Ben Solo as an apprentice. You had potential, you were powerful, you were smart. Yet, he'd thrown all that down the drain. Your pride hurt the most.

Your mind then drifted to your father. The mere thought of him was enough to make you want to snap someone's neck. Your mother had been so loving and patient, so kind and beautiful. He had been a monster to her. He mistreated her, abused her, humiliated her and ultimately killed her. You were never going to be able to forgive him for that. If you had ever had a chance to be filled with Light, he had thrown it overboard. You had toppled onto the Dark side after you thought they had died, but you willingly sank into its claws when you knew it had been him to kill your mother. Your mouth ran dry as the unforgiving deserts of Tatooine. Your stomach hurt the most.

Kylo Ren came next. Even when he was willing to do  **anything** for you, Kylo had had unforgivable faults as well. From the moment he stole your kill, Skywalker, your relationship had begun to go down a toxic path. You'd confronted him for it and he responded by slapping you. He was jealous of your success under Supreme Leader, he'd nearly hit you for it once. After that, he'd fucked you just out of spite and then thrown it on your face. He'd used the nature of your relationship against you to forcibly stir a memory you didn't want to have. Kylo had cornered you and treated you like no more than a subordinate when you'd uttered Ben Solo's name in his presence. He'd nearly choked you to death over a minor mistake you made. Your heart hurt the most.

You'd had so much time on your hands that you even thought of your resentment towards the New Republic. They were the system in law, the First Order was a mere organization. And yet, it had been the First Order to find out your father had survived, and he'd been the one to kill your mother. Surely, they must have found out. Your mother had been a beloved Senator, but they would rather let your father get away because he had also been presumed to have killed Brendol Hux. Would they have done anything to catch him if they'd known he wasn't even the one to kill the Hux patriarch? Your sense of justice hurt the most.

Suddenly, the Force suppressing cuffs clicked open. Your first instinct was to tear down the door of your cell, snapping the necks of servants and guards alike as you made your way through the halls like a rabid beast. You were unstoppable, just making people fly through the air by simply thinking of it. Then, the all-too-familiar pressure at the back of your neck settled in. He was beckoning you. He had deemed you ready for the next task. It was odd for you to say you felt thankful and appreciative to feel that pressure. You kept on making your way through the facility, making people cower back at the mere sight of you.

Finally, you came to a highly guarded door. The Praetorian guards simply stepped aside and let you in. Supreme Leader sat at the center of the room, patiently waiting for you with a half-smile. He chuckled darkly as you instinctively sank the knee before him. —"Excellent, Myra! Truly excellent!" He stood from his spot. —"You know, Kylo Ren is my apprentice, but you are, by far, my favorite out of the Knights. So eager to be the very best, so bloodthirsty. Yet, you have the control Kylo Ren lacks, the patience Daeva lacks, the independence the twins lack, the intelligence Vaatu lacks, and the savagery Claec lacks." His words made your ego grow by millions. —"Stand, my girl." You did as asked, only after struggling did it become apparent to you how weak you'd grown. —"You wish to say something."

After a weak nod, you began. —"I feel weakened by that imprisonment, Supreme Leader. Might I request some time to ready myself?"

—"No, no, no." Supreme Leader said. —"That wasn't an imprisonment. Let's call it reconditioning. I've done it to Daeva and Kylo Ren as well, it serves as a time for you to rethink your priorities. All warriors must have priorities if they are to have a cold head in combat."

You wore a confused frown. —"Why did Vaatu not go through this?"

Snoke considered you through icy blue eyes. —"He is not ready. I brought him along because he needed to be knighted, nothing else." He gave you a crooked smile. —"Now, girl. Go ready yourself. Shower, eat, do what you must. I want you to come back here when you're done."

You knew you had precious little time to do all that. Supreme Leader was an impatient man, and he would want you back as soon as possible. It's not like you wanted to stay in that complex for much longer anyway. And so, you went about your routine quickly. You munched down on several ration bars, just enough to get your body working back to normal. You took a quick, yet thorough, shower. You pulled your hair up, washed your face, pulled some combat robes on and put your helmet on. You felt mildly incomplete as you left the room without your lightsaber.

Quickly, you sprinted down the halls back into the room where you'd met with Supreme Leader Snoke a few hours back. As you walked back into the room, you became aware of the several men lined up in a circle before you. Snoke sat quietly, beckoning you to walk further into the room and stand right at the middle of the circle. The men were bound by their wrists and ankles, kneeling down with their heads hanging low.

Your lightsaber came floating over to you. In a swift motion you took it and clipped it to your belt. —"These men are enemies of the First Order. I wish you to kill all and each of them." You readied yourself to kill the first man. —"Before you strike any of them down though, allow me to tell you a bit of each of these men."

You nodded, walking over to your first victim. —"This is Vega Plierth, a spy for the New Republic looking into our operations." A nod from Supreme Leader, you killed the man in one swift blow. —"Zaurak Quell, leader of a small rebellion in one of the planets under First Order control." You looked at him, his face briefly flickering between his own and Skywalker's. You struck him several times, the other prisoners shivered at the vicious display. —"Bade Nair, a deserter of the First Order who planned to take information to the New Republic." This time all you saw was Skywalker's face. You curiously looked up at Snoke, then mangled the man's body. —"Nair Pacler, one of our infiltrates in the Senate who gave false leads." His face flickered, but this time it flickered into Kylo's face. You were briefly hesitant, then killed him all the same. —"And last but certainly not least... Myra, allow me to introduce you to Belius Augorth." 

Your heart rate rose by a million when you looked down to see your father's face. You tried your best to keep your face emotionless. He looked up at you helplessly. You remembered him differently. This man had sunken eyes, defined cheekbones, chapped lips and a burn scar going from the left side of his chin and down the collar of his shirt. Hatred burned inside you, but you would not kill him until Supreme Leader gave the express order to do so. 

The man before you quietly whispered your old name, inciting more rage to rise to your stomach. —"My girl, what has he done to you? What has he turned you into?"

You looked up at Supreme Leader Snoke. —"He's made me powerful." You looked down at your father's horrified face. —"What have you done to my mother?"

His mouth fell agape, then closed as he looked down in shame. —"I'm a monster in your eyes, I know."

You chuckled darkly. —"You're no monster, you're vermin." 

—"It was an accident! I didn't mean to kill her, just Hux!" 

You looked into his mind. —"YOU LIE!!" He shrunk back. —"You lie! I can look into your mind, you low life piece of shit!" You pushed in, determined to find the truth by yourself.

 

 

 

_As you fiddled through his mind, you saw him plotting with another member of the Senate. A tall man of black hair spoke animatedly with your father outside Senate chambers. Both your parents had been on the side of the Centrist cause, but your father didn't have such a good position as your mother did. Your father sprung from the Hapes Consortium, son to the Queen Mother, a title that was passed on from mother to daughter. Tired of being overlooked because of his sex, and having women always take the place he thought he deserved, your father plotted to take down your mother._

_—"She is cheating." Your father stated. —"I heard her holo-call to Brendol Hux, they've been seeing each other again. She's planning to help him desert the First Order and cut him a deal with the New Republic if he shares any information."_

_The black-haired man spoke. —"What are your plans?"_

_—"Invite him into our home, then kill them both." The black-haired man frowned. —"Relax, Belius. No one will know I meant to kill them both. Her death will be made to look like a tragic accident, but I need your help with this."_

_The man nodded. —"Count me in."_

_The memory moved through a couple more days. Your mother, your father and the man you now knew as Belius were inside your home. The three of them spoke about politics, your father as charming as you remembered him. Your mother looked rather uncomfortable though, you could tell something was off. Then, your father asks a moment from Belius and forcibly takes your mother by the arm and into the kitchen. He closed the door behind himself, and you could see your mother instantly cower back further into the kitchen._

_—"You've heard the calls." She said anxiously._

_Your father sighs. —"I have... Brendol Hux? Again?" She remained silent. —"I will direct the negotiations. I brought Belius along to keep an eye on you and your lover, should I need to exit the room. Eyes will be on you at all times from now on, you hear me?" Your mother nodded. —"SAY YOU UNDERSTAND!"_

_She cowered at his bellowing. —"I understand!"_

_—"Good. Now, get back out there and make our guest comfortable. I will wait for Hux at our hangar." She hesitated on her spot for some time. —"GO!"_

_Your mother left the room in a hurry. Only after she was out, and your father was alone in the kitchen, did he pull out the device he would use to set off the bomb. He, then, made his way to the hangar at the back of the house. Within a few, a cruiser came into view. It landed with a slight thud. The ramp descended and down came Brendol Hux. He looked displeased to be greeted by your father, but he remained polite nonetheless._

_They all sat in the living room. Your mother tried her best not to even look Brendol's way as they discussed the terms of his switch from First Order to New Republic. Brendol explained how his bastard child had somehow gained way into the higher echelons of the First Order, and that, tired of his abusive ways, had set out to kill him. Your father couldn't help the corner of his mouth twisting up into a tiny smile._

_Shortly after, your father excused himself saying he was going to the bathroom. He went all the way out to the garden, then pressed the button and blew the house up. He had a small miscalculation though, and he was blown back by the impact of a piece of burning plastic that clung onto his collarbone. He escaped on Brendol's cruiser and left everyone in the house to burn alive._

 

 

 

—"Take him away." Supreme Leader ordered right after you left his mind.

—"But--" You began to protest.

Snoke lifted his palm up to silence you. —"Soon, child."

As the Praetorian guards took him away, you stepped forward. —"When is soon?"

—"Soon enough." He announced. —"Go to sleep, Myra. Tomorrow we will train you on your Prophet abilities. We depart in a couple days back to the other Knights. That man you call father is coming along, too."

You frowned softly. —"You'll have me kill him in front of everyone?" You tilted your head a bit. —"What for?"

—"To gage Kylo Ren's reaction to it."

You pulled your mouth into a thin line, clearly disapproving. —"I will not question your methods, Supreme Leader." You turned to leave, but then realized you had something else to say. You walked back towards the center. —"Thank you, for allowing me to see the truth with my own mind." You made a small reverence. Supreme Leader looked pleased. 

He said nothing as you exited the room, but you could feel his approval of your actions. A set of Praetorian guards waited for you outside. They escorted you to your new quarters. They were lavish, just like every single compound in this moon. You were eager to sleep, yet there was a nagging feeling at the back of your mind. You had killed someone that wore Kylo's face and felt only a mild hesitance before doing so. Was this really what you were becoming? You would stop at nothing now. All you wanted to do is be quick and excel in your training, so you could kill your father. It had to be done quick, he was a menace. Not only that, but the thought of him being alive even after all you'd just seen was deeply unnerving to you.

Another thought crossed your mind: your mother had been Brendol Hux's lover. You wondered if this was something you should share or hide from Armitage. He hated his father, but perhaps knowing his family was related to yours in more ways than one would please him. At least he could rest well when he learned that it had been your own father to kill your mother and not his father. You were a bit ashamed to say you missed Armitage dearly, even if your feelings for him did not go beyond friendship.

At last, you were able to drift off to sleep.

 

 

 

_Your mind swarmed with energy. Your connection to the Force had been cut off for too long. Snoke had kept your connection to the other Knights blocked. Still, there was someone he couldn't block out even if he wanted to: Kadann. The familiarly cold presence of the man made itself present in your mind. You delved deeper into that energy, finding there was more and more energy of the like pouring into your mind. Kadann's presence was there, but someone else was there with him, too. Curiosity overtook you, and so you found yourself actively looking for Kadann, instead of it being the other way around._

_Kadann's short frame appeared before you, but next to him was something perplexing. A tall pale man stood before you. His hair was black, but his beard shone silver in the darkness. However, the thing that caught your eye the most was his face. A long, sharp nose, high cheekbones and three eyes. Two of them were blue, then a third, orange eye was on the middle of his forehead. It was right above the space between his eyebrows. The eye was clearly worn out by the use of the Dark side. You couldn't help but look at him in awe._

_—"Myra Ren." He called in a deep voice. —"You are the last of my lineage to be the chosen Supreme Prophet." You nodded. —"Good, then it is time you knew something about the Prophets."_

_You turned to look at Kadann. —"Listen to him closely, Myra."_

_You nodded, then looked back at the three-eyed man. —"My name is Darth Millennial. I am the founder of the Prophets of the Dark side. I was the first to denounce the crimes of Darth Bane's 'Rule of Two'. I rejected my Master because she followed this principle fanatically. I personally found this rule restricting. All Sith still work with this rule, however, your Master was willing to lightly overlook it and take over the mind training of all seven of you Knights. For this, the man has won my trust."_

_—"What would have happened had he not gained your trust?" You asked shyly._

_—"The Prophets of the Dark side worked against Emperor Palpatine because it was convenient to them. That got them banished from the galaxy. You are all that is left from my Order. I learned by looking that it is best not to bother an eminence as is your Master." You nodded in understanding. —"However..." He began once more. —"There is nothing that man can teach you from your fate as a Prophet... but I can."_

_Kadann stepped forward. —"Do you remember when I told you you'd have to control your fear and your anger to open your third eye?" You nodded once more. —"It is time to open it."_

_—"Focus, Myra." Darth Millennial instructed. —"I will show you all you fear and all that angers you. Until you control it I will allow you to awake."_

_He uncomfortably pushed into your mind. You saw tiny flashes of many events in your life, as if he was quickly carding through them to pick the most important ones. The intrusion was uncomfortable, but you allowed it to happen. You needed to finish this fast, for Supreme Leader would want you up early tomorrow._

_The first image came. You were frozen with fear as the image of yourself with fully golden eyes appeared before you. She was rabid, much like you had been when you broke out of your imprisonment. She lunged at you with a red lightsaber. You evaded her, but only barely. You tried fighting her off, but the more you parred with her the stronger she became. It was terrifying, but you quickly understood what you had to do. You took a deep breath and calmly accepted that this was nothing more than a version of yourself. As much as you disliked it, she was part of you. She disappeared into thin smoke._

_Then came something you could not quite handle. Kylo Ren's dead body was displayed before you. A desire to look away from it took over you, but you resisted. Instead, you took to morbidly looking at it. You decided to believe his spirit would finally rest at peace were he to die. His soul and mind were constantly torn between right and wrong, light and dark. Perhaps that would be the only way to put an end to Kylo's inner conflict._

_Next up was the vision of Ben Solo killing the rabid, Dark side version of yourself. A girl stood beside him, but you couldn't see her face. This was a vision of the future, not a memory or a made-up scenario you had in your head. Why had they shown you this? Was this something that would happen, and you would just have to accept? Instead of dwelling on those thoughts, you decided to come up with a prevention plan. Should a girl like that come close Kylo, you would simply leave him and hide from them both. It made you both afraid and angry that it would come to that, but you knew there were ways to prevent such a thing from happening._

_Memories of your mother's death came flooding in and you wanted to throw up bile from how intensely you felt your anger. You thought of the consolation you would have when you killed your father. "Soon" Supreme Leader had told you. Only when you killed your father would you feel like that situation was atoned for. For now, you would have to calm your rage with the promise of killing the man soon._

_The next image that appeared were Kadann and Millennial’s hooded figures. They nodded at you at the same time, but Kadann spoke first. —"You have grown powerful, strong and wise. You are deeply connected to your own mind, something that will serve as a leverage to ground you in particularly vivid visions."_

_—"Focus." Millennial said. —"Delve into your mind, look through your memories, notice the path." Slowly it became apparent to you. —"The path of your mind will open as soon as you leave this facility. We have informed your Master of this. We hope he will move forward the scheduled day of your departure."_

_Kadann set his hand on your shoulder. —"I am proud of you, Myra." He smiled softly. —"Now, rest."_

 

 

 

You awoke to the sound of knocking at your door. You called for whoever was on the other side to come in. A servant girl came in, announcing that Supreme Leader had, in fact, moved forward the time of your departure for a couple hours. You quickly rose out of bed, showered, changed and packed up before putting your helmet on and instructing the nearest servant to take your luggage and direct you towards the hangar. Just as you had done that, a pressure at the back of your neck became apparent. You followed Snoke's beacon with purpose, leaving the servants carrying your luggage behind within seconds.

As you arrived at the hangar, Snoke stood with his full entourage of Praetorian guards. There were two cruisers, you presumed one was for Supreme Leader and yourself, and the other one was meant for your father. You greeted Supreme Leader by kneeling, he was quick to instruct you to stand. He gave a firm nod and then pointed behind you. Your father was being dragged by two Praetorian guards. He was put into one of the ships along with five more Praetorian guards. The ramp to that cruiser lifted and sealed.

Supreme Leader and you walked side by side as you boarded the other cruiser. —"Your two Masters came to me in a dream." He began. —"They guided me through what I need to do for you to unblock your full foresight." You sat down with him. —"Did they speak to you about the path?" You nodded. —"Good. I presume they told you to follow the path." You nodded once more. —"This path is your way to becoming a Prophet, a Supreme Prophet. You need to cautiously follow until you are in uncharted territory. Then, give me the sign and I will guide you through the rest of it."

As the engine started, you used the hum of it to anchor you to reality as you went deep inside your mind. It was like swimming down the deep, blue seas of Chandrila. If you stayed at the shallows, little rays of light would pierce through the salt water, giving the underwater ambiance an ethereal glow. However, where you to sink deeper, you'd find the light could only go so low. The waters would turn a darker shade of blue, until all around you was pure darkness. Your mind mirrored this in a way, you sank deeper until you were in a space completely devoid of any Light side energy. The path was no longer recognizable.

A tiny beacon of light appeared from the darkness, an orb of white light, floating freely in the vast ocean of your mind. You focused on it, following its small scintillating form. The path became apparent once more, you felt relief wash over you. The light was cold, and it got colder the closer you got. That cold that was familiar to only Supreme Leader Snoke enveloped the small shining contraption. He made you follow the light deeper and deeper down. The path was getting foggy, but you blindly trusted your Master.

Soon enough, you could make out a silhouette at the distance. Tall, broad shoulders, disheveled hair. A dark presence. You knew it was Kylo, but it didn't feel like him. Your struggle to see him in the dark ceased when his crackling lightsaber was ignited. You took a step back, suddenly feeling afraid again. He turned to face you, face devoid of emotion, eyes glowing of a raw angry golden. A chill ran up your spine, freezing you in place momentarily. Your mind drifted back to that night in his room, your neck stung with ghost pain.

The small light beacon gave you a small nudge just as Kylo began menacingly walking towards you. In a matter of seconds, you cleared your mind and took your lightsaber in your hand. You cautiously circled his towering approaching form, keeping your footwork as light and precise as possible. He attacked first, and the moment your lightsabers clashed, you panicked. It felt all too real, you could feel this Dark Kylo pushing his weight into you and the burning temperature of his unstable blade.

You parred along the darkness, breaking into a dance of pure aggression. You effectively blocked his blows, but only barely. There was no window of opportunity for you to get on the offensive, and you were quickly growing tired. This was nothing like fighting with the actual Kylo. This version was ruthless and determined to end the duel and come out victorious. You could feel cold sweat clinging to your forehead and the back of your neck. He pushed his blade onto yours, putting all of his weight into it. You tumbled back and fell, your lightsaber flying out of your hand. 

Just as he was about to strike you down, he faded into thin smoke. Snoke's voice came to you, then.  _—"You can never defeat him, not even at your darkest."_ It stung, but you knew he was right. You had been too weak to end him that night. You couldn't beat him at this point, nearly finishing your training. You couldn't imagine the feats Kylo would be capable of when he did finish it. The thought of it instilled both fear and pride in you. It was a weird mix, but ultimately the two most predominant feelings during your training.

Slowly, Supreme Leader guided you back out of your head. As you opened your eyes, he sat in front of you. His expression gave nothing away, but for once, he wasn't horribly glaring at you. And yet, you felt as though you'd failed. —"You are strong, Myra Ren." He called your attention back to him. —"The other Knights would have broken under that mental attack, but you upheld yourself with dignity."

Your head ached lightly, and your ears rang softly. —"Thank you, Supreme Leader."

He simply nodded. —"You are ready." And that is all he said as the ship landed.

Silently, you followed the man's actions as he stood from his seat. Upon descending the ramp, and seeing the other Knights, you noticed that your connection to them wasn't back on. Instead of going inside the palace as he usually did when he returned, Supreme Leader stayed outside on the hangar. The Praetorian guards on the second ship joined you at the hangar with your father. Even when the communication cut off, you could feel Kylo's surprise at seeing the man again. The red-clad guards simply left the man on his knees at the hangar before they boarded the two cruisers once more and flew away. It was only three Knights, Snoke, your father and yourself on that platform.

—"Take your helmets off, children." Supreme Leader instructed immediately. All of you obeyed. 

You stood next to Supreme Leader, the three Knights stood in front of you two. Your father was in shackles and on his knees between the two groups. Upon uncovering their faces, you discovered Vaatu had a black eye. You noticed Supreme Leader's disapproving look towards Kylo. Still, Kylo didn't notice, as he was too busy looking at your father with scorn.

—"Little Ben Solo..." He said in a mocking tone. —"You're no longer skinny and small."

Kylo sneered and took a small step forward before Supreme Leader lifted his hand and froze him in place. —"You're not thinking of stealing another kill from Myra, are you Ren?" Snoke chastised sarcastically.

Your father turned to look at the two of you with panic in his eyes. —"Your name is not Myra, baby." He said sadly, trepidation clearly laced to his words. —"Please..." He pleaded quietly. 

Completely disregarding his pleas, Supreme Leader began. —"Children, we are all here to witness the culmination of your fellow Knight's training. Myra Ren successfully passed all the tests with excellence. However, one final trial awaits." He handed your lightsaber over to you.

You walked forward, igniting your lightsaber before the man. You stood tall, face impassive and a steady pulse. Your father's lip trembled. —"Are you really going to kill me with a lightsaber I gifted to you, daughter?"

An incredulous scoff left your mouth. —"You dare call the Kyber from MY mother's crystal caves a gift from you?" He shamefully looked away. 

—"I will still love you after this." He said quietly.

Rage burned within you. How could he say such a thing? If he truly loved you, he would have treated your mother like an actual human being. He wouldn't have killed your mother. You decided to keep these thoughts to yourself as you readied yourself to end his life. He looked up at you again, face tear-stricken and eyes pleading. You thought nothing of it, though. It elicited no feelings from you. That was until his face shifted into Kylo's pleading one from the night you almost drained him. You clenched your jaw tightly, then swung your lightsaber up and down in a swift motion.

The thud of his body falling to the hangar was deafening on your ears. Even with the raging river of lava surrounding the hangar, all you could hear was the dry thud of his body unceremoniously falling lifeless on the floor. Something inside you had been shut off for good. You felt stronger, overwhelmed by the adrenaline and the pain of the action. You were so lost in all this, that you hadn't noticed your ragged breathing. An angry bantha waiting to eat its recent hard-to-kill lunch. You looked up at the other Knights, Daeva and Vaatu couldn't take their eyes off the body of your father. Yet, Kylo couldn't take his eyes off you. Something in them glinted curiously.

Snoke's hand rested on your shoulder, your eyes never left Kylo's. —"You have done well, darling. I will have the servants dispose of the body. Ready yourself, take all the time you need. I will see you in the main hall whenever you're ready."

You nodded stiffly. Then, you walked towards Kylo. The severity of what you'd done hitting just then. You directed a pleading, yet empty look his way. He seemed to understand, even with the connection shut off. You walked inside, and he quietly followed you along the halls of the palace. The second you were inside your room, Snoke's hold on your connection fell. You were hit with the full force of Daeva's surprise, Vaatu's disgust at Snoke for making you do that and Kylo's raw anguish. It was overwhelming to deal with all that turmoil along with yours. 

Your head swan and you fell to your hands and knees. Kylo was quick to kneel down next to you and steady you by your upper arms. —"Everything is going to be okay. You'll be fine." He said as he looked at you with a panicked look in his eyes.

All you could do was shake your head. —"That's the thing." You began softly. —"I feel fine." You blinked rapidly. —"I'm just... confused."

He remained silent, but the expression in his eyes visibly softened. Kylo simply hugged you against his chest, but you were unable to feel anything. Surely, it was comforting, but you were in such a state of shock that you couldn't process much of what was happening. —"You should sleep for a bit." He advised.

You looked up at him. —"You looked at me weirdly back there. Why?"

Kylo drew his lips into a thin line and frowned softly. —"You're not going to like it." You shook your head, telling him you didn't care. He sighed heavily. —"Your eyes were golden, but this time there was a blood rim surrounding your pupils. The blood is still there, but your eyes are their natural color again." Lovingly, he brushed your eyes with feather-light touch. 

Weakly, you pressed a small kiss to his shoulder. —"Thank you." You said before you stood and left for the bathroom.

After taking a long shower, brushing your hair out neat and changing into sleeping robes, you could say you felt a bit less out of it. You went to bed, hoping sleep would reach you soon, and that your mind would be kind enough to give you a dreamless sleep cycle.

 

 

 

You were plagued by nightmares that night. First, it had been you and your mother in the lovely prairie surrounding your home in Dantooine. The dream turned dark when she looked over at you and asked you why you'd done it. Her skin burnt to a crisp, then Kylo woke you up. After that, you were in a dark, silent room. Then, the thudding sound of your father's body falling on the ground played on an eternal loop. Kylo woke you up as well. In the third dream, every single one of the Knights looked down on you with either pity or disgust. You'd woken in cold sweat after that one.

That last dream made you push yourself out of bed. You walked out your room and down the hall to the training room. Once in there, you shut the door behind yourself. You ignited your lightsaber, going over the stances for Form Two over and over again. A light knock on the door made you whip your head over to see who dared interrupt you. Seeing Kylo by the door brought a small sense of comfort into your body.

—"I got cold and noticed you weren't there anymore." He said shyly before walking into the room. Kylo simply stared down at you, but you were glad to find it was not pity in his eyes. —"I missed you."

A small smile crept into your lips. —"I missed you, too."

A moment of silence passed between the two of you, Kylo chuckled lightly. —"Remember when we were back on Ossus and I nearly took your virginity in the training room at night?"

You heartily smiled, a blush suddenly creeping into your cheeks. —"I do remember." You laughed softly.

—"Hey..." He said softly as he took your hand in his. —"I know it took a lot to make you... do that."

You shook your head and looked down. You sighed, suddenly feeling embarrassed. —"It took little effort. I think I..." You paused and looked up at Kylo. —"I enjoyed it."

His eyes bore into yours with intensity. —"What could Snoke have done to you, that you're so afraid of being in pain?" That statement took you off guard. —"I saw your dreams, you're grieving."

A part of you didn't want to hear those words out loud, simply because you felt like saying it made it true. You didn't want to grieve the death of a man that had caused you and your mother such great pain. Still, up until the point where Kylo dragged that memory out of you, all you had were good memories of the man. Your small brain was probably not able to process the abuse back then, but it could now and it stung. You had been to young when you were sent away to train with SKywalker. In the few calls you'd been allowed in that time, your mother was always the one to pick up and speak to you. Your father simply took to standing at the back and asking for demonstrations.

You refused to accept it, but you were, in fact, grieving. Even after all the shitty stuff that had happened, he was still your father. You knew Kylo was trying to help by driving you out of denial, but it was honestly making you depressed. Still, it seemed as he was completely expecting something like that to happen when you broke down crying in front of him. He hugged you tightly against his chest. These weren't sad tears, you were raging inside. Your anger was nearly consuming, but you couldn't understand what you were angry about. You were so confused.

—"I wish I could help." Kylo stated simply. 

Your fists were tightly bundling his black sleeping shirt. Your jaw was clenched so tightly that your teeth ground down together. An urge to hit yourself in the head with fists closed overtook you. Seeming to sense this, Kylo simply tightened his hold around you. For a moment you, too, wished Kylo could be of more help. But the thing was, he couldn't. No one could help you, you were completely alone in this. You knew this would take time, that you would fall back into balance soon. That didn't erase the fact you felt so damn lost at that moment.

And as quickly as it came, it was gone. Something within you snapped back into place. From one moment to the next, you stopped crying. Kylo hugged you for quite some more time. You were comfortable enough to stay there with him, hugging in the darkness of the training room. After a while though, you looked up at him. He, in turn, looked down at you. The two of you shared a tender moment in which you used stared at each other. The expression in his eyes was soft and loving, as though he were trying to will all your trouble away.

—"I love you." He whispered softly.

You closed your eyes and smiled softly. You rested your cheek to his chest and sighed. —"Please tell Supreme Leader I'm ready."

Kylo simply nodded and stepped out of the room. Through the bond, you felt him going back to your shared room, surely to change into his armor. You sat in silence for a couple minutes. It was odd, you had gone from feeling the most disgusting kid of anger to feeling nothing at all in mere seconds. And when it had happened, it felt as though something clicked in and out of place. You wondered if perhaps your situation had finally pushed you to a place of madness.

You had no time to lose. Kylo would surely let Supreme Leader know any second, and you needed to be ready for whatever he was going to be throwing your way. You went back to the room, changing into your light armor. You held your lightsaber's hilt in your hand, turning and twisting it. You had a newfound distaste for it. It was as though everytime you held it, it only served to bring back that thudding sound to your ears. You'd damaged the soul of your Kyber crystal. It now held patricide in its body count. It felt like the weapon had gone from being elegant and light, much like your fighting style, to being grimy and heavy. 

Still, you clipped it to your belt all the same. You put your helmet on and made your way to the door. Just as you were about to walk out the room, the pressure came to the back of your neck. You followed Snoke's beacon to the main hall. As you went inside, the other three Knights were already there. They were all kneeling before Snoke. You stood next to Kylo and kneeled down as well.

—"Stand, Myra." You did as asked. —"Step forward." You did so, standing between the Knights and Supreme Leader. —"All of you stand." There was ruckus behind you. —"When I took all of you in, I didn't expect much from little, green Jedi. Now, I expect  **everything** from you. Surely, all of you are doing well, but..." He stood. —"Myra, here, has exceled over all of you. A fast learner, an impecable form, a Master of all lightsaber dueling Forms. Most importantly, a cunning and smart woman." He smiled crookedly. —"Kneel, children, all of you."

All of you did as asked. Supreme Leader's footsteps slowly echoed across the room as he made his way down from his throne. He began pacing in front all of you, taking a deep breath before beginning to speak again. —"In times of the Old Republic, a Jedi padawan learner was deemed ready to be Knighted when it was certain they could not be swayed to the Dark side of the Force. It was the same with the Sith apprentices, they were ready when they extinguished the Light within themselves." He paused. —"However, you are not Sith nor Jedi, children. Your training is completed when  **I** say it's completed. I bring the values of the First Order into your training. I deem you ready when you become strong, obedient and ruthless."

Supreme Leader's hand rested at the crown of your head in a nearly loving gesture. —"Myra, you are all those things, my child." His hand left and he began walking back to his throne. He came back down. —"Stand, Myra Ren." You did as asked. Supreme Leader stood before you with a golden hilt in his hands. —"Give me your weapon." That took you off guard but you obeyed all the same, detaching your lightsaber's silver hilt and guiding it to his hands using the Force. He took it and began walking towards you. Snoke offered the golden hilt to you, after taking it off his hands, you could feel the hilt linking to your arms perfectly. —"This is a prize for your loyalty."

You looked up at Supreme Leader, he simply nodded. —"Thank you, Supreme Leader." You silently wondered if perhaps he was aware of your dislike for that silver lightsaber. 

Snoke looked at you expectantly. You realized he wished you to ignite the lightsaber. Before you did, he instructed the other three Knights to stand as well. He then nodded at you again. This hilt had no ignition button, so you would have to will the blade out with the Force. You concentrated, guiding all your energy to the hilt, then to the Kyber crystal. It was dormant, as if this lightsaber had not been ignited in decades. It took you some time, but the blade came out. It was golden, the same colour of the hilt. It glowed with intensity, yet the humming of it was complete serene. 

You waved it around for a bit, it was only slightly heavier than your last lightsaber. This was a noble blade, possessing a deeply powerful and rare Kyber crystal. You could feel it glow hotter than your last crystal. Surely, it was able to do more damage than the one you'd had before it. You could feel wonder radiating off your three fellow Knights. Truly, it was no wonder they felt that way. This lightsaber was a sight to behold, shining like the prettiest of jewels, yet angry like a Sith lord's eyes.

—"Allow me a moment with my fully trained Knight, children." Supreme Leader called suddenly. They all obeyed. You took it as your cue to turn the lightsaber off. Once everyone was outside, he asked you to follow him out to the hangar. Out there, he began speaking once more. —"I have one final test for you." You nodded. —"But, first, I wish you to take care of this." He placed your silver lightsaber hilt on your hand. You knew what you had to do, and with a single twist of your wrist, the hilt went flying and down into the lava. 

Supreme Leader paced around the plataform of the hangar. —"Forgive me for this." After that, something clicked out of place once more. Your deep rage came flooding back in with no holding-back. So, Supreme Leader was helping you keep this in place? You remembered his promise to drag you to the balance if need be, you were just thankful he'd kept his word. —"Do you remember when I tried to teach you to shoot lightning?" You nodded. —"Try."

You tried to still your ragged breathing so you could concentrate. Your rage center laid at the pit of your stomach. You guided that dense energy up your esophagus, then to your shoulder, then down your arm. Suddenly, and without feeling anything click into place, the rage was controlled. At first it was a small crackle, a tiny ray, then a huge cluster of blue lightning emerged from your fingertips. You were left mouth agape. You didn't know you were capable of such power.

 

 

 

A couple of days after that, you and the other were preparing to leave Kalakar Six. Daeva and you had barely spoken in those days, you guessed she was too scared she wouldn't be able to hold back from asking about your father. Truth be told, you liked it better that way. Your rage was controlled, yet not gone. It had fallen into the same category as your thirst for Force draining, it was ever-so-present, but firmly controlled. Vaatu had actively seeked you out to have you show him the armory you'd found. He'd requested to take them back to Starkiller base, Supreme Leader had acceeded.

Your relationship with Kylo was as pleasant as ever. He was back to being his sweet, balanced self. Of course, he was still ocassionally thrown into one of his moods, but at least he no longer took it out on you. Rather, he took comfort in your company whenever he began feeling off. Due to recent events, it needed not be mentioned that you were not in the mood for sex. Kylo was patient about it and respected your boundaries fully. You were thankful for it. 

The entirety of the flight you just wished to get back to Starkiller Base, as though that would help you bring some closure to the events that unfolded in Kalakar Six. You were eager to get back to your other friends. To Claec's brotherly affection for you, to the twins' and their chill energy, to Phasma and her motherly care, to Armitage and the beautiful bond you'd created with him.

The cruiser landed, you were happy to be back. Supreme Leader arrived in a different cruiser, so the other three Knights and you nearly pushed each other to get off the ship first. The second the ramp descended, all of you were hit by Starkiller's biting cold climate. Upon going down, you were met by Hux's stiff frame. It was only him out in the cold, his cheeks and nose turned rosy with the cold. And yet, he didn't shiver or flinch at the cold.

—"Welcome home." He said with the semblance of a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First part down! Two more to go. I promise in the following part I will try to upload at least one chapter per week. No more three month hiatus :) 
> 
> Please enjoy this last chapter and be on the lookout for the second part's first chapter. I will try my best to upload it during the week <3


End file.
